Spin off: So you pursued a guy. Did it work?

[anon123]

So, you went after a guy you were interested in. Did it work? Define "pursue" and "work" as you want, just let us know what it means when you say you "pursued" him. Did you make sure to be where he was? Did you interject yourself into a conversation he was having? Did you ask for his number? Did you ask him out? And let us know what it means for you if it "worked." Did you get a date? A second? Did he treat you well?

 

[lesedi]

Subscribing .........

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

When I knew my longtime friend was interested I lead him on by letting him know I was interested too, but I didnt actively go and say, "I like you. I know you like me too. So.....wanna hook up?" No it was more subtle. Flirting with him, sitting on his lap, things like that that I had NEVER done to him before. That let him know the door was open. After about a year he proposed to me. We been married going on 11 years.

 

[CocoaButter]

dp............

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

As a matter fact, yes I did.

I got in my yellow car and followed him for hours. It didn't end so well but you live and you learn.

Recently he died, and I was arrested under suspicion of manslaughter. Hence why I haven't been on lately. I've even tried to change my look by cutting my hair off but they still found me.

I'm on bail right now.... it's tough but I'm doing fine.

Thank you all for your support.

Ummmm.....I hope you're joking??

 

[CocoaButter]

Ummmm.....I hope you're joking??

damn.....

you people are just too fast for me.

 

[DayStar]

I inquired about FH ...

Family approved, really liked him, said he was a stand up guy.

We both officially met in Canada at a function..

I sent him a FB message , saying hello, and letting him know I enjoyed our conversations, I also told him I had left for a bit (I was in grad school at the time in USA and he was visiting from UK)

Couple months later I gave him my number. We were FBing up to that point. No phone convos.

He asked to court me / then marry shortly after. I never brought up marriage with him EVER, I knew however he liked me and I think he feared he wasnt my type. He needed a slight push . I made it known I liked him without saying it, he is soooo sweet and he moves quickly. I believe the woman picks and chooses who she marry's. And today Im counting down till our wedding day and my big move aross the ocean.

Does that count?

 

[Etherealsmile]

Great thread!

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Not the yellow car business again......

 

[jade3]

You know, I did "pursue" my FH. Didn't really think of it until just now. Not in an overt way but I did position myself to be noticed and would just happen to be where I knew he would be and of course I would be on point, all done up to achieve an "effortlessly sexy" look that I knew would appeal to him. LOL It definitely paid off because I had a ring within 1 year of dating. We're getting married this summer. He's my dream man for sure.

 

[qchelle]

 

[Syrah]

You know, I did "pursue" my FH. Didn't really think of it until just now. Not in an overt way but I did position myself to be noticed and would just happen to be where I knew he would be and of course I would be on point, all done up to achieve an "effortlessly sexy" look that I knew would appeal to him. LOL It definitely paid off because I had a ring within 1 year of dating. We're getting married this summer. He's my dream man for sure.

Yea I did. We met at a conference - he asked for my number. But I was proactive in making sure that I wasn't "forgotten". Called just to say hello (short conversations). Attended events I knew that he would be at (similar to the one we met at) or attended events he wasn't at, but in his city "hey, I'm in town, lets get together". Made a point to make sure I was "cool" with his friends.

We dated for about 6 months before deciding we both didn't want to be in a long distance relationship. 3 years later, I still hear from him once every 2-3 months and receive invites to visit him while he's traveling.

It was fun.

 

[mischka]

I support pursuing a guy, but I can't think of an instance where I've ever done it. I was interested in two guys this year but when they didn't seem to return it, I dropped it.

 

[qchelle]

Does high school count? In 10th grade I told this guy I liked him. Like I actually said those words to him, etc. We ended up dating until we went to college. We didn't want to be tied down+long distance. He was my first everything:awww lol. We're still super cool

 

[Syrah]

I support pursuing a guy, but I can't think of an instance where I've ever done it. I was interested in two guys this year but when they didn't seem to return it, I dropped it.

How did you communicate (verbally or nonverbally) your interest?

 

[mischka]

Well, one guy I met through mutual friends at a party and I talked with him that night. I friended him on facebook and we had an online conversation at a different point in time. After he failed to subsequently seek me out in any way, I let it go. Actually, I would have gave it some more effort because he "was nice" to me at a different party (talked, laughed, nothing major) but when I described it to my best friend, she told me she didn't see anything that indicated interest. So that's when I fell back and when nothing happened after that, I felt his lack of interest was confirmed.

The other guy, hmmmm... again I met him at a get together with mutual friends. Actually, I didn't really do anything on this front other than override my natural instinct to ignore him (because I'm 12) but, he never indicated interest in any way, so, I let it go.

 

[Bmack]

Good Thread!

I have to say, ladies, if you are against it okay, but don't go hard against it. Nobody is saying chase a man down. Still you should act interested...all that ish about I aint calling that ninja first xyz is so silly.


While my husband chased me, I chased his arse to an extent too (well let him know I was down)... and we both got to the alter, on the honeymoon, to a beautiful home

all I am saying is stop trying to be a soldier about it...let your girlfriend be the lonely hard rock and stop taking her advice.

 

[Flourishnikov]

It never works out and I always end up mad that I wasted my time and energy. I feel more comfortable allowing the man to choose me. Harmless flirting like stealing glances and smiling/looking approachable, is about as far as Im willing to go nowadays. Even if I decide to strike up a convo, I'll always wait and let him seal the deal by asking me for my number. If he doesnt, then obviously he doesnt want me as bad as I want him and thats not the man for me.

 

[Britt]

I see nothing wrong with making it known to a guy that you are interested as mentioned above. As far as pursuing... ummmm, naw, I won't do that. There are women tho who are a bit aggressive and it comes across as pursuing but in their minds they take it as being really forward. My friend is like this. I watch some of the advice she gives me about men b/c her nature is to be the aggressor - but at the sametime she thinks the guy should court the woman, etc. It's kinda hard to get that dynamic going if you're too aggressive from jump street.

I have taken some of her advice and starting to become more forward tho. Like the other day, I text a guy and he responded "whats' up".. I told him flat out "i want to see you"... he replied "call me"... we spoke for a few minutes, he actually liked the fact that I got straight to the point . So there def is a balance somewhere in between there. There is a way to make it known you are interested, but it should ultimately be him that's making the moves and picking up on your expressed interest. I think if a dude is lukewarm and you're doing all the pursuing it will def set up a shaky foundation for your relationship.

 

[mischka]

My best friend is a lesbian so there would have to be some special forces at work for her to deliberately send me off lol.

 

[Trini_Chutney]

I asked if he had a girlfriend, and let his friends know that I was interested in him. He asked me out, but I think knowing I was interested gave him an easier in. That was 12 years ago.....we'll celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary in June.

 

[Mai Tai]

Most of the examples in this thread I feel are "showing interest", not pursuing. It appears that in the above examples, the men pretty much took charge once that interest was expressed.

When I think about a woman pursuing a man, I think of someone that...

- Approaches him
- Asks for his number.
- Initiates most of the phone conversations and dates.
- Presses a man to "take it to the next level"

 

[Love Always]

Mai Tai, you're on point with your post.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

Most of the examples in this thread I feel are "showing interest", not pursuing. It appears that in the above examples, the men pretty much took charge once that interest was expressed.

When I think about a woman pursuing a man, I think of someone that...

- Approaches him
- Asks for his number.
- Initiates most of the phone conversations and dates.
- Presses a man to "take it to the next level"

This is exactly what I think of when someone says they "pursue" a love interest.

 

[Skyfall]

The most I would do is if we were already in conversation, flirt, ask him if he has a gf and then ask if he would like to take my number.

I should have done this today with this fine Caribbean guy I met, I half-way flirted with him and then my appointment time was up so I just told him bye and got up and walked away before he could even fully say take care, smh, I need to not be in such a rush all the time.

 

[mischka]

have you ever seen the movie 'the harder they come'?

no
isnt the phrase the harder they fall

that is the second part of the phrase

so we're both right

well, the movie is called the harder they come

right
what about it

i haven't seen it but i have heard it is quite good
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Harder_They_Come

you wanna see this one or the remake

i wanna see this one

pause

would you PURSUE and make a move here?

 

[Okay]

Yes i have

Last year i met an english dude who i thought was really cute. He was working at the café and me and my friends were having lunch there.

Some days later my friend joked and said "call there and ask him out! you clearly thought he was cute.."

The morning after i was like "off course i can do this" and i called. And asked him out

The day before my date with him i was on a date with an italian guy.. reallly gorgeous btw ... and i could tell a very big difference on the two dates.

I was more comfortable with the italian cause he came after me!

With the english dude it was almost like i had to prove something.. Hard to explain.

In my defence im only 21 and i won't do that again

I still cant believe how brave i was tho lol! My heart was beating like crazy when we had the phono convo

 

[LunadeMiel]

I guess you can say I sort of pursued DH. We were at a party and he mentioned that he had a 3 hour drive home and it was late so I offered him a place to stay since I had an extra open bedroom (I also had two other people sleeping over). I wanted to hang out with him some more so I casually mentioned I wanted to go camping (he offered to plan it ). That same week, a friend of ours was having a party in the city, and I mentioned to him that he should come (he wasn't planning to). He proposed 5 months later I just made sure we were in the same places together and he got the hint. Although I was not interested in him for a relationship at the time

 

[aribell]

pause

would you PURSUE and make a move here?

If it was clear that he was flirting, I wouldn't see anything wrong with saying "Well, let's go then" and letting him take it from there. But I'd be irritated with the guy dropping hints like that.

 

[mischka]

I let it pass bc I didn't want to give him an out the way he was dancing around it, but I did ask at the end of the conversation if he wanted to hang out again sometime.