This is a spin-off of the "should you marry for money" thread. Many people said 'yes' or said there is at least a minimum a guy must make. For the purposes of this thread, let's go ahead and assume that the man manages whatever amount he makes well. So no need to say "it's how he manages it that's important." Assuming he has good financial sense, what is the least a suitor should make in your opinion?
Spin-off: How much does a guy need to earn?
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cheetarah1980
Well-Known Member
Hmmm, this is tough. If it's a man I'm simply dating I think 50K per year would be sufficient. While I do make more than that, I think it's enough for him to live comfortably, save, pay bills, and afford to date (i.e. pay for the dates he asks for). However, I just can't see how a man can support a wife and kids on that salary so it would definitely be a starting point. If we were to marry I'd say he should be making $100K at the very least, preferably $150K or more. I say this because I would like to be a stay at home mom when I have children and won't be contributing to the family income for several years.
Ladybelle
New Member
I'm old school and I'm honest enough to say that I want my guy to always make more money than me. So, I can't put a number on it because my income (prayerfully) has & will continue to increase every year.
Its not about the $$ figure per say,but more about the potential or the "hustle" that's in a man. I want him to feel the unrelenting need to be the main provider for our household. When I step up, he steps up and being that his feet are bigger than mine, his steps should land him one step ahead of me at all times financially. I know it sounds old school, but that's how I feel about it.
There's just an element of increased attraction & confidence knowing that no matter what, my man can take care of me & our kiddos without my $$$
Its not about the $$ figure per say,but more about the potential or the "hustle" that's in a man. I want him to feel the unrelenting need to be the main provider for our household. When I step up, he steps up and being that his feet are bigger than mine, his steps should land him one step ahead of me at all times financially. I know it sounds old school, but that's how I feel about it.
There's just an element of increased attraction & confidence knowing that no matter what, my man can take care of me & our kiddos without my $$$
Livingmylifetothefullest
Well-Known Member
No amount limit per se, just enough so that he would be able to provide a roof over his family's head, food on the table, clothes for his family, and an ability to save an amble amount of money. Basically, I don't want us to struggle for the basic necessities.
Flip response: ...that depends on how much YOU make. Evenly yoked.
Serious response: it depends on what you've communicated as your vision for the future and what you are doing to prepare for and contribute to that vision - and contributions do not have to be monetary.
Why are we so worried about how much a man makes? I've always figured the right man isn't going to tell you or show you much he makes - he's simply going to show you the ways he hopes to support and provide for a family.
Serious response: it depends on what you've communicated as your vision for the future and what you are doing to prepare for and contribute to that vision - and contributions do not have to be monetary.
Why are we so worried about how much a man makes? I've always figured the right man isn't going to tell you or show you much he makes - he's simply going to show you the ways he hopes to support and provide for a family.
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BillsBackerz67
Well-Known Member
Equal to or more than what I make 
However if its a few thousand less than what I make too then thats fine. I cant do minimum wage/no benefits. Regardless if I had kids or not I dont plan to work full time, so he needs to make enough where I wont have to.
However if its a few thousand less than what I make too then thats fine. I cant do minimum wage/no benefits. Regardless if I had kids or not I dont plan to work full time, so he needs to make enough where I wont have to.
DayStar
Well-Known Member
ThePerfectScore
Well-Known Member
Ideally... as much as he can make... But I would live comfortably on 75 K a year. But money isn't everything!! But it sho helps... 
Mena
Well-Known Member
So, what are you ladies strategies for marrying rich? I always hear people talk about this. But they aren't do anything to make it happen. I got plans to do well for myself so I tend to socialize with people who are doing well too so it seems natural to marry someone well off.
cheetarah1980
Well-Known Member
What you said right there is exactly what I do. I don't run in circles with men who make minimum wage. The majority of my friends from college are now lawyers, doctors, engineers, assistant professors, etc. All of these are careers with higher earning potential. I firmly believe that we date who we're around so I just make it a habit to hang out with people who make at least what I do, if not more.
I make enough to support myself and my family. If I divorced I don't really see myself getting remarried. If I divorced and my kids are still young, I don't plan on having anyone else in my house.
I like being by myself 98% of the time.
If I'm widowed then my Dh has made sure that I'll be taken care of.
Today speaking, as long as I have my kids, grands, some goats, cows, chickens, a garden and some toys, I should be ok. I've enjoyed married life the last couple of years....to have freedom is a good thing.
Totally agreed. You want to meet successful people (men and women) then start doing the things and attending events that you think other successful people attend. Wine tastings, professional associations and conferences, charity events, the Playboy Jazz Festival (ha!), skiing/snowboarding, golfing, playing/watching tennis, restaurants with renown chefs/sommeliers/managers (no - not the spot where everyone goes to see and be seen but places where some aspect of it is touted for its quality). Just last night I went out to dinner with my roommates at a restaurant in the Bay and saw not one but 3 tables of men kicking back cocktails and food discussing business developments (and before you say it - I'm in Silicon Valley, NOT the city).
And stop going to first Fridays! LOL, everyone I've ever met at a first Friday event (male and female) has always been "working on _____" or "about to be a ______" but never doing much more than handing out business cards.
I'm a first year MBA student and find myself surprised by my black male classmates who are constantly asking where they can meet "the right girl". Dudes who played pro football or pro basketball in Europe before going back to b-school to move into investment banking, private equity or business development. Go figure that I would meet the DID (Dude I'm Dating) 2 months before I started school.
Shoot, for the Philly ladies - go to the Wharton's Whitney M Young conference. It's $125 for the weekend. And it brings out ALL of Philly's business community and no you don't have to be a Wharton student....I wasn't when I went.
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Theo
New Member
Totally agreed. You want to meet succesful people (men and women) then start doing the things and attending events that you think other successful people attend. Wine tastings, professional associations and conferences, charity events, the Playboy Jazz Festival (ha!), skiing/snowboarding, golfing, playing/watching tennis,
I'm a first year MBA student and find myself surprised by my black male classmates who are constantly asking where they can meet "the right girl". Go figure that I would meet the DID (Dude I'm Dating) 2 months before I started school.
yeah same here... most of my black male friends who are in professional school (all across the board as far as med, law, or business) are single and looking.
ETA: to answer the initial question, I haven't really set a minimum. Ideally, I would really like to marry someone who makes as much as I do, if not more.
I just think it would make life easier. I don't want us to have to go through some huge lifestyle change if I choose to stop working or decided to just work part time.
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luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
This seems to be me. I don't make a habit of it, but IT just happens by my environment. In school I'm getting my masters at NYU I run into law students, and (interns) doctors and/or med students as well as other professionals who ask me out. That's not even the bulk of people I meet because of other things that I do that causes me to be in the environment of money.
In addition I love museums, and ballet, and theatre, so I go to events and also some charity stuff cause I was invited, as well as a few other events. Play openings, and invites to other things. I shop at whole foods, and sure some people who are less educated and also lower income shop there but it's mostly mid level to high income people. The fact that I love culture means I go to art exhibits, etc...well of course I run into even more high income people (and men) and I'm asked out a LOT.
I've also been invited to several film festivals during the year and that environment also has high earners who are also college educated not the actors...I stay away from them lol but that's just me. I like educated men and find most actors aren't. Plus I find other artists like me are not meant to be together. I like a balance between an artsy person such as myself, and a business man (whose more analytical to my analytical/artsy self it just balances everything out a little). But there are plenty of other people like entertainment lawyers and others behind the scenes that have money like distributors, etc.
But anyways these environments almost guarantee that I'm running into a variety of types with money. I can't count how many I've received from various places I've gone and phone calls I've gotten from those who looked me up saying I was "adorable" and I'm like...did I crack a smile (I do smile often but try to give off a more serious vibe when I'm at a business event like the film festivals)? How did you find me? Oh they talked to a few people and got my number.
Another example:
On the plane to connecticut (where I would find out my FH would propose) I ran into the VP of an engineering company and he was on me like there's no tommorrow. He's the one who threw around his Title which is why I know what he does. I thought he was just making small talk at first but would soon find out that wasn't the case. He nicely offered to lift my bags up and down, and even during the transfer again. How I got to speak to him, I was in first class... I asked for a complimentary upgrade, cause I always do now that I know most times they'll accommodate you (please keep that here so that there are still seats available in first class lol!
). Well being there just invites people who have wealth. I like being there because you feel taken care of and have more leg room. I had told him I was with someone but some guys still try to make a move. He tried to convince me to go out with him up until my fiance showed up with flowers. When my FH (at the time my boyfriend)showed up he shrugged and said he'd facebook me. And pointed to my pocket. I had put his card in there to be polite and threw it away as I left with my FH. My FH laughed and said I was at it with my libra ways again. He was talking about attracting men in general. I really just think a friendly disposition does that plus I'm just not desperate.As for the VP...got a facebook request because I wouldn't give out my number. I told him my name when I thought we were just making small talk before I realized where it was going. And my name is unique so there's no way that I wouldn't pop up easily. Anyways I also got a private email request for a date, at which I asked him to look at my profile update and I rejected him. It says engaged now.
I agree that environment dictates who you'll meet period. If you are already in an environment that attracts these types, like me, it's inevitable that you will most likely date these types and marry them. If you're not, then you may want to take a proactive step to be in the environment of the type of guy you want to attract. Hopefully you choose an environment which you like and want to be apart of in general.
I met my fiance through friends too, and we established a friendship first (and then went on to date). He is currently a doctor, having recently graduated...before that he worked in finance on wallstreet and made big bucks but hated the environment, and went back to school to get a science background and on to medical school because he yearned to help people. I was dating someone else when I met him, so of course I would not date him, nor did he approach me as if he was interested in anything more. As I was introduced to him through friends, I assumed he would take on the role of another friend. He was so funny and insightful and we became best friends. I would later find out that he was interested after I ended a relationship my with previous boyfriend (he stepped in and told me he's been interested all along). The previous boyfriend was also well off (again environment). So I'd say that it's rather easy and normal for me to attract types with money (just as it is for anyone) by being in the right environment and having friends too. Do I stipulate that a guy must earn a certain amount? No. However, I just happen to attract those types and I happen to be in the environment for them to find me so to speak, so that's who I run into.
As for money amount I've never stipulated, but it's like I magnetically attract those with wealth. And I'm starting to realize now it's because of the environment I'm in most times. I do not roam in these environments hunting for men, I enjoy plays, ballet, etc, as well as attending festivals which helps with my writing career. So the men happen to be a by-product of my environment.
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luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
^^^Please explain lol!
AstroQueen77
Well-Known Member
Money is very important to me if I decide to marry. I picked the highest amount just to participate in the poll, but really I would ideally want someone who is wealthy..who is not depending on a salary to claim upper-middle class status.
Even though money is important to me, I would still have to love the man. For me it is compatibility, love, and wealth in that order.
Even though money is important to me, I would still have to love the man. For me it is compatibility, love, and wealth in that order.
What is Upper Middle Class status?
Food for thought: Is it about income or the lifestyle it affords?
If its about the lifestyle, maybe we should be shifting our focus from the top line to the bottom line (income, vs discretionary income). The ideal scenario is not a man (or woman) who makes $xxx but a man (or woman) who's earned income and discretionary income are as close as possible.
AstroQueen77
Well-Known Member
Well, to me upper middle class...you have money, but you are not wealthy. One can afford some of the better things in life (childrens education at a top school, fine cars, a big house paid for)..but you are still keenly aware of a budget and are limited in what you can do and afford. Now, what income this requires for where each person lives will most likely differ, so I dont think that there is a once-size fits all income.
Anyway, to me, it is the lifestyle that the man can afford me, so discretionary income is really the bottom line as you mentioned. The man must have a lot of it so that is very hard for me to be limited in anyway.
luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
^^^ I also think it's where you live. For instance: My fh and I will live in NYC so it's great that he already has a substantial amount invested from his days in finance on wall street, and as a doctor will go on in his field of medicine to make mid 6 figures (and since he has a background in finance will know how to invest that). That combined with his previous investments already puts us in the "rich" category though at the lower end. Then there's me and my "writing" and going to grad school...I've optioned a script (that just means it's on the shelf lol and people may or may not use it to shoot) and am in talks for another but basically as an artist I may make huge amounts, or nothing depending on the year (some scripts can sell for lower to mid six figures to lower seven, and then depending on the back end you never know). So my income will add to ours (and possibly substantially), but it will vary.
BUt for NYC it's necessary to make more if you want to live well, and invest without worrying about budget and limits to what can be afforded. I'm still a savvy lady...if I can find it cheaper or wholesale I'm on it, but I still look for excellent quality. For instance I can get marc jacobs, seven, or whatever strikes my fanncy but I'll go to Century 21 (those who live in NY know what I'm talking about) and get it at 70 percent off (with no defects just because gasp it's last season!). I love sales and deals. So even though it's good that I won't have to worry about money when I marry...I still am money conscious and will be no matter what because I just don't see the need to pay an arm and a leg if I don't have to. My mother had a small internet business before she went on disability in addition to working for insurance, and I did a lot of research to help her find things wholesale. So now I still utilize those same skills to get things wholesale even now if I can. I am an excellent bargain hunter. So my FH can take heart knowing that I won't shop him crazy. You can be a millionaire and if you have a wife who shops away a million dollars a year you're living at or above your means and that's just unacceptable.
In NYC if you're at $100,000 you're really middle class (because of the cost of living) in my opinion. Some of my dad's side balked at this (I said it in passing in reference to cost of living) but I explained they have to realize they live in smaller towns where the dollar goes farther. Yes you can afford as you mention the better things in life, but you will be aware og your budget and there will be limits if you lived in NYC and made a certain amount. It might even dictate where you stay. Whereas 100,000 in places like louisville (where my mom and dad live) can go super far, and other cities such as this.
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LunadeMiel
Well-Known Member
So what is considered wealthy?
AstroQueen77
Well-Known Member
To me, if someone is wealthy, his money will last for generations to come.
LovelyNaps26
Well-Known Member
The older I get (i'm currently in my mid 20s) the more i do think that while i'm not a gold digga I don't wanna mess with a broke.... well you get my drift.
I had this discussion with a friend of mine who is a chief resident in OB/GYN. Maybe it's because we've both been in school since forever and realize that letters after your name don't really give you the freedom to do what you really want (much of the time you feel like you hustlin') we said we want to marry a very rich man and be "kept" women.
I don't think I could stay home and water plants all day, but I would love to have the freedom to volunteer more often, start up a few non-profits and/or charitable organizations without grindin'. Marrying a very wealthy man would be helpful in that regard.
Now 'cause I live in the real world my real world response would be equal to or more than I make.
I had this discussion with a friend of mine who is a chief resident in OB/GYN. Maybe it's because we've both been in school since forever and realize that letters after your name don't really give you the freedom to do what you really want (much of the time you feel like you hustlin') we said we want to marry a very rich man and be "kept" women.
I don't think I could stay home and water plants all day, but I would love to have the freedom to volunteer more often, start up a few non-profits and/or charitable organizations without grindin'. Marrying a very wealthy man would be helpful in that regard. Now 'cause I live in the real world my real world response would be equal to or more than I make.
aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
I chose 60K. I made half that in my first job out of college and while I could have budgeted better, I didn't have much room even though I was single, no dependents, and had a roomate. 60K minimum because I also do not want to have to work, especially if we have children. And the more children, the higher the minimum would be. I never thought I'd be a "6-figures only" type of woman, but I am definitely drifting in that direction...based on wanting more than a couple of children and knowing how I would want to provide for them.
However, if a man showed that he already had some things taken care of--like already owning a home, good amount of savings, etc.--I would be more flexible. I know many families are successful on modest incomes, I guess I personally feel like I would have negative tolerance for financial struggles caused by cash flow issues.
For me, I think it comes down to how I was raised myself. Both of my parents made good money and I can't see having less to give my own children than I myself was given. That just seems like moving backwards.
Also, my earning potential would be significant, so even if I weren't working, it would also feel backwards to be with someone who provided less for me than I could for myself.
However, if a man showed that he already had some things taken care of--like already owning a home, good amount of savings, etc.--I would be more flexible. I know many families are successful on modest incomes, I guess I personally feel like I would have negative tolerance for financial struggles caused by cash flow issues.
For me, I think it comes down to how I was raised myself. Both of my parents made good money and I can't see having less to give my own children than I myself was given. That just seems like moving backwards.
Also, my earning potential would be significant, so even if I weren't working, it would also feel backwards to be with someone who provided less for me than I could for myself.
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princessnad
New Member
It depends on the cost of living, investments, family wealth etc
aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
The bolded changes a lot as well. I know of a couple in which the husband is a teacher, but his parents pay the full daycare costs of his child. Now, that's a pretty significant expense that he and his wife don't have to worry about. And some people have parents paying the down payments on their homes, etc. Makes a big difference.
simplyFABULOUS
New Member
To me its not so much how much money he makes, but how he budgets the money that he makes. I know plenty of engineers doctors etc who are always broke because they are still paying off years of student loans or do not know how to budget and save. However, I do plan on making at least six figures at some point once grad school is done and I expect for the person I marry to at least do the same. We need to be able to live off of one income comfortably. I expect for my salary to be the savings and fun money.
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