SO's uncle offended me...what should I do?

[curlcomplexity]

My SO's uncle is a pretty nasty dude from what I've been told. SO thinks he's funny. I have never personally spoken or met this man. The SO is his favorite nephew, so he speaks to him like he would a friend...I guess. They curse each other out, and the uncle makes sexually explicit comments all of the time. So, the other day SO recieved a b-day card from his uncle (SO's b-day is in Feburary). When the SO opens the card, he bursts into laughter. Shoot, I wanted to laugh to. I wanted to see the joke on the card. When I ask to see it, SO is reluctant, but he gives it to me anyway. Ladies, this is what the card said:

PLEASE USE THIS MONEY TO BUY SOME CLOROX AND WASH THAT AFRICAN P***Y. AND THEN EAT IT!"

Even writing this has caused me to get upset. I almost cried reading this yesterday. What in the world have they been saying about me?!!! And for the SO to laugh when he saw it? His excuse is that he didn't exactly understand his writing. An elementary school kid could clearly see what he wrote!!! I'm pissed! I wasn't trying to be nosy or anything, but I'm sorry that I even asked to see the card.

 

[Keen]

My SO's uncle is a pretty nasty dude from what I've been told. I have never

Do not stoop to his level. Keep on being nice and cordial to him. Maybe he will get bored knowing that he is not upsetting you.

 

[PapillionRouge]

So, i dont get it.. how exactly did he offend u?

 

[curlcomplexity]

Do not stoop to his level. Keep on being nice and cordial to him. Maybe he will get bored knowing that he is not upsetting you.

I was going to until I read the card, I edited the post to write what I saw...

 

[curlcomplexity]

So, i dont get it.. how exactly did he offend u?

Sorry about that, it didn't save. I updated the post and added what he wrote.

 

[CaribbeanQueen]

thats fckery...he is rude and disgusting

 

[Bint Yusef]

GIRRLLLL that is sooooooooo not funny.


Does your SO have plans to defend you? Sorry if he lets that ride I would reconsider...but thats just me. His uncle should not be allowed to talk about you in that manner...I dont care who he is.

 

[Keen]

I was going to until I read the card, I edited the post to write what I saw...

Well, I think your SO should give him his money back. That was very disrespectful. If your SO respect you, he should not let anyone talk about you like that. His uncle may have been joking but that wasn't funny to you. I don't think you should say anything to the uncle. But your SO should.

 

[curlcomplexity]

GIRRLLLL that is sooooooooo not funny.


Does your SO have plans to defend you? Sorry if he lets that ride I would reconsider...but thats just me. His uncle should not be allowed to talk about you in that manner...I dont care who he is.

His excuse is that he has not had a chance to speak to him. I think that fckery! I think that he's going to let that ride unfortunately. He let the uncle call his ex a "b" all of the time, even letting him call HIS MAMA that what he fails to realize is that he is messing w/ the wrong "African"!

 

[DayStar]

Well, I think your SO should give him his money back. That was very disrespectful. If your SO respect you, he should not let anyone talk about you like that. His uncle may have been joking but that wasn't funny to you. I don't think you should say anything to the uncle. But your SO should.

i totally agree. And I would question my relationship with him as well. If he is like this now including his family, there is a chance he will remain this way. I dunno, about this...it doesnt sound too good

 

[MzLady78]

What kind of man lets someone call his mother and his SO a bytch?

IMHO, if he's that bold that he would write something like that in a card AND your SO had the nerve to laugh like it was funny, I'd seriously wonder what they say behind your back.

Forget the uncle, he's obviously trash. But you and SO need to have a convo.

 

[CaribbeanQueen]

just wanted to add that your SO should NEVER have laughed much less let you see that card.

 

[Bint Yusef]

His excuse is that he has not had a chance to speak to him. I think that fckery! I think that he's going to let that ride unfortunately. He let the uncle call his ex a "b" all of the time, even letting him call HIS MAMA that what he fails to realize is that he is messing w/ the wrong "African"!

I have to ask , are you even African?

He needs to rectify that situation or you need to be out, seriously that is so disrespectful. His uncle has no reason to be referencing your lady parts and them in relation to some dumb myth about your ethnicity. And you are right to ask the question "what have they been saying?". Obviously a precedent is set where he feels this is alright which leads me to believe jokes and things have been said.

 

[PaperClip]

His excuse is that he has not had a chance to speak to him. I think that fckery! I think that he's going to let that ride unfortunately. He let the uncle call his ex a "b" all of the time, even letting him call HIS MAMA that what he fails to realize is that he is messing w/ the wrong "African"!

You know that but apparently your man and his uncle have not been so informed....

I mean seriously, what would you say? What would you do? How will you know when enough's enough?

And please know that I tried to find the funny in the card but came up with ....

And I particularly cannot tolerate a man who demonstrates little to no discretion about his business.... I mean does somebody give or receive such a card without any kind of mention of the oral relations like that?

 

[curlcomplexity]

Well, I think your SO should give him his money back. That was very disrespectful. If your SO respect you, he should not let anyone talk about you like that. His uncle may have been joking but that wasn't funny to you. I don't think you should say anything to the uncle. But your SO should.

he actually ended up giving the money to me. he's unemployed @ the time and I've been taking care of everything for the past 4 months. I thought it was a nice gesture, but after seeing the card, I think he did it out of guilt.

 

[curlcomplexity]

I have to ask , are you even African?

He needs to rectify that situation or you need to be out, seriously that is so disrespectful. His uncle has no reason to be referencing your lady parts and them in relation to some dumb myth about your ethnicity. And you are right to ask the question "what have they been saying?". Obviously a precedent is set where he feels this is alright which leads me to believe jokes and things have been said.

I had to laugh..yes, I am Nigerian. I was most offended by that part, it was almost like he was I dunno...saying that all African women were like that, that's how I took it. Plus, I used to get teased alot when I was litlle, so that didn't make it any better. I asked SO how he knew, he said he told him.

 

[curlcomplexity]

just wanted to add that your SO should NEVER have laughed much less let you see that card.

I know right?!! I don't think that he ever intended for me to see the card, but he had it laying in his car and I asked to see it. I think that he figured "damned if i do..damned if I don't" and thought I would get upset if he said "no", I would not have been upset though.

 

[Afrolinda]

This is really offensive, I really don't see the funny part. Maybe you should have a serious talk with your boyfriend because if he laughed it means that this is not the first time his uncle made jokes about you and your ethnicity. I don't think he would even admit it if itwas the other way around.

 

[Bint Yusef]

I had to laugh..yes, I am Nigerian. I was most offended by that part, it was almost like he was I dunno...saying that all African women were like that, that's how I took it. Plus, I used to get teased alot when I was litlle, so that didn't make it any better. I asked SO how he knew, he said he told him.

Girl he did say it, it wasnt no almost about it. There is nothing unclean about you because you are Nigerian so why the hell would he need to clean you with Clorox? Sooooooo damn ridiculous.

I wont even get started on the taking care of things for 4 months, because I dont know you like that. But I will say protect yourself and when you see clear signs and people show you who they are and what they are really about believe them, and protect and take care of yourself.

 

[Softresses]

It was not appropriate of Uncle, and SO would have hurt my feelings by laughing (If it were me).

I think you should let SO know how you feel about it, so that you don't begin to resent him and the uncle. (I would likely bail out- this is a bad sign).


Why do some men behave so badly with relation to women, and still expect to be respected themselves?



Softresses

 

[Valarie1]

I had to laugh..yes, I am Nigerian. I was most offended by that part, it was almost like he was I dunno...saying that all African women were like that, that's how I took it. Plus, I used to get teased alot when I was litlle, so that didn't make it any better. I asked SO how he knew, he said he told him.

Knew what? That you were African? I agree with the other poster who said that obviously a precedent has been established where the uncle thinks he can get away with making such lewd comments.
What has SO said? Does he plan to speak with his uncle? I don't think you should, he is obviously rude enough to go even lower and insult you personally so I wouldn't set myself up for that one.
SO definitely needs to check him on this.

 

[zoya_j]

Your SO should not have let you read that card. And he should not be waiting for a chance to see his uncle, he should've gotten in the car right away and approached him about that foolishness. And it is not in the least funny. I would not have taken the money, and we would not be together. He cannot control his uncle's actions, but his reaction was immature & disrepectful, two traits that I don't find attractive in any man whether they are my family or not.

 

[curlcomplexity]

Knew what? That you were African? I agree with the other poster who said that obviously a precedent has been established where the uncle thinks he can get away with making such lewd comments.
What has SO said? Does he plan to speak with his uncle? I don't think you should, he is obviously rude enough to go even lower and insult you personally so I wouldn't set myself up for that one.
SO definitely needs to check him on this.

To the bolded, yes. That is the only way he could have known.

The SO has said nothing to the uncle, he just said "that's just the way he is". I would never let anyone talk about hime like that, but I guess we see things differently.

 

[FlowerHair]

just wanted to add that your SO should NEVER have laughed much less let you see that card.

ITA. That's unforgivable!
I'm actually more mad at your SO than at his uncle.

 

[curlcomplexity]

Your SO should not have let you read that card. And he should not be waiting for a chance to see his uncle, he should've gotten in the car right away and approached him about that foolishness. And it is not in the least funny. I would not have taken the money, and we would not be together. He cannot control his uncle's actions, but his reaction was immature & disrepectful, two traits that I don't find attractive in any man whether they are my family or not.

His uncle lives in New jersey, the card was sent to him(we're in Florida). The money was given to me before I read the card and I used it to buy food for thanksgiving. Had I known where the money came from, I wouldn't have taken it.

 

[curlcomplexity]

ITA. That's unforgivable!
I'm actually more mad at your SO than at his uncle.

Me too. BTW, I just spoke to him, he still has not talked to his uncle. he said that he tried to call, but got no answer. I just told him not to worry about it, I don't think he would have thought anything of what his uncle said if I hadn't gotten upset...

 

[curlcomplexity]

What kind of man lets someone call his mother and his SO a bytch?

IMHO, if he's that bold that he would write something like that in a card AND your SO had the nerve to laugh like it was funny, I'd seriously wonder what they say behind your back.

Forget the uncle, he's obviously trash. But you and SO need to have a convo.

ITA!! I dunno either...

 

[PaperClip]

Me too. BTW, I just spoke to him, he still has not talked to his uncle. he said that he tried to call, but got no answer. I just told him not to worry about it, I don't think he would have thought anything of what his uncle said if I hadn't gotten upset...

I guess you weren't as offended as you are claiming to be....

 

[zoya_j]

His uncle lives in New jersey, the card was sent to him(we're in Florida). The money was given to me before I read the card and I used it to buy food for thanksgiving. Had I known where the money came from, I wouldn't have taken it.

ok point taken, but when I read your post I was hot so I can't see how SO could've laughed at something like that

 

[curlcomplexity]

I guess you weren't as offended as you are claiming to be....

Actually, yes I am, that actually hurt a little btw...I know that was not your intention though. However, I feel that if he hasn't said anything as of yet, he never plans on doing so. He recieved that card on Monday and it is now the end of the week. If I ever see him myself and something to this extent comes out of his mouth, best believe I will say something. Plus, the uncle is about 50 years of age form what i've been told. I was taught early on in life that you can't change someone, especially if they're older...they're set in their ways. Saying something at this point isn't going to change that man. I am trying to take the higher road in this situation, I feel that this would be the way to do it.