Some of these men are Cancer...Just Cancer

[SimpleKomplexity]

I've been cooking since 2. Ole dude has been blowin up my phone. I don't have my phone on me, it's in my room in the back. Well I'm chillin now cuz all the food is done so I call him back. He's pissed off.

I'm all giddy cuz I feel like a have accomplished something haha (I'm lame). I'm like "Whatcha doin?!" in a happy-go-lucky way. This boy says, "WALKIN!" I'm like walkin where? He says:

WALKING HOME FROM WORK 5 MILES AWAY FROM MY APARTMENT CUZ SOME PEOPLE CAN'T ANSWER THEY PHONE AND GOT BRAND NEW SYNDROME. I say, "Excuse me?" He proceeds to tell me he got off of work a 2pm and has been walking every since (It's 5:30 now) trying to get home and he lives about 5 miles away. (Quietly, I'm like this ---> )

He goes off on me because he's been callin me so I could pick him up from work. I've met this guy once. He doesn't know me like that. What makes him think I'm finna use my gas drive half way round the world to pick him 25 year old self up from work. loool Negro puhlease. And you don't have gas money? Boo please. And I don't have to give him a reason on why I didn't answer my phone. I chose too.

Why do I keep attractin lame a$$ men!! Some man tried to talk to me at the grocery store...in a baby phat car. WTF! A homeless man hit on me yesterday. lol

Lord, some people need to lose my number. These dudes are like cancer. Quick to multiply and taking down everything else in its path.

 

[GeorginaSparks]

I've been cooking since 2. Ole dude has been blowin up my phone. I don't have my phone on me, it's in my room in the back. Well I'm chillin now cuz all the food is done so I call him back. He's pissed off.

I'm all giddy cuz I feel like a have accomplished something haha (I'm lame). I'm like "Whatcha doin?!" in a happy-go-lucky way. This boy says, "WALKIN!" I'm like walkin where? He says:

WALKING HOME FROM WORK 5 MILES AWAY FROM MY APARTMENT CUZ SOME PEOPLE CAN'T ANSWER THEY PHONE AND GOT BRAND NEW SYNDROME. I say, "Excuse me?" He proceeds to tell me he got off of work a 2pm and has been walking every since (It's 5:30 now) trying to get home and he lives about 5 miles away. (Quietly, I'm like this ---> )

He goes off on me because he's been callin me so I could pick him up from work. I've met this guy once. He doesn't know me like that. What makes him think I'm finna use my gas drive half way round the world to pick him 25 year old self up from work. loool Negro puhlease. And you don't have gas money? Boo please. And I don't have to give him a reason on why I didn't answer my phone. I chose too.

Why do I keep attractin lame a$$ men!! Some man tried to talk to me at the grocery store...in a baby phat car. WTF! A homeless man hit on me yesterday. lol

Lord, some people need to lose my number. These dudes are like cancer. Quick to multiply and taking down everything else in its path.

wow....the nerve.,,,,,

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

Boy! You've been having a lot of "lame guy" issues lately.

You might have to put yourself on a "Do not give out my phone number to anymore dudes for the rest of the year" diet.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Boy! You've been having a lot of "lame guy" issues lately.

You might have to put yourself on a "Do not give out my phone number to anymore dudes for the rest of the year" diet.

I kno right!! Lol they dwindled down dramatically when I told yall i got off that collegeluv site. I'm lonely now haha, but not enough for this lol. The "I know Kris is back home for the summer maybe we can hook up" guys are comin out the woodworks lol. Their chance on a scale from 0 to 100?

FAIL.

LMAO i should go drive down the interstate just to see this fool walk home. *smh* Nah, too much gas. I'll pass.

But really. You're 25? And don't have a car? Walkin to work? I guess just do you.....at least he's not sellin drugs or anything but dang.

 

[inthepink]

How does he usually get home from work?

I just love it when other people blame you for their problems.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

How does he usually get home from work?

I just love it when other people blame you for their problems.

It's a new job. He just started I think. He cousin took him to work, but his cuz gets off at 10pm and the boy got off @ 2pm. So basically I'm guessin he knew this morning he didn't have a ride home from work.That's his fault not mine lol

 

[Magnolia85]

25 and no car?! He would have never got my number in the first place.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I stop attracting losers when I truly starting loving myself and setting my standards high. Now, I attract few but they are quality.

 

[inthepink]

I stop attracting losers when I truly starting loving myself and setting my standards high. Now, I attract few but they are quality.

I agree with this - not b/c that's how it's worked for me but just because I believe it's true.

Unfortunately, SK, you may have to go without these cancerous men, period and ONLY give your time to quality men. What that means is that you may not have your phone ringing off the hook and you may not have dates. But you won't be dealing with men who are not worthy of you.

It is not about quantity or feeling good about yourself b/c men are interested in you. It's about the quality of the men interested in you. (Only you can make you feel good about yourself.)

And how you feel about yourself - are you deserving of a good man or a lame one? You know the answer - but you have to enforce it.

Know what I mean?

For me, I don't have dates right now and I don't have men calling me. But you know what? If I wanted a boyfriend, I could have one. He may not be quality and he may not be godly, but boy, if I wanted a boyfriend, I could surely have one.

Gross men hit on me all the time but I don't give them the time of day b/c I deserve better.

Make sense?

 

[Growinpainz]

I'm mad that he's mad at you for not picking him up from work like it was your responsibility. The nerve of these men!

 

[Bunny77]

Okay so um, where are you meeting these men and what is it about them that makes you want to give them your phone number?

I know we all end up with some duds, but it seems like you need a better process to weed out these types before you think of giving out your phone number.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

I agree with this - not b/c that's how it's worked for me but just because I believe it's true.

Unfortunately, SK, you may have to go without these cancerous men, period and ONLY give your time to quality men. What that means is that you may not have your phone ringing off the hook and you may not have dates. But you won't be dealing with men who are not worthy of you.

It is not about quantity or feeling good about yourself b/c men are interested in you. It's about the quality of the men interested in you. (Only you can make you feel good about yourself.)

And how you feel about yourself - are you deserving of a good man or a lame one? You know the answer - but you have to enforce it.

Know what I mean?

For me, I don't have dates right now and I don't have men calling me. But you know what? If I wanted a boyfriend, I could have one. He may not be quality and he may not be godly, but boy, if I wanted a boyfriend, I could surely have one.

Gross men hit on me all the time but I don't give them the time of day b/c I deserve better.

Make sense?

That's why I'm alone now. I could be in a relationship with a lot of men, but like I told my best friend the other day, I am out of their league. I got too much goin on to stoop down and lower my standards for the sake of being in a relationship. It's funny to see them try though, or prove that I am in fact out of their league because yada yada they're a strong black man making it in America yada yada.

I stop attracting losers when I truly starting loving myself and setting my standards high. Now, I attract few but they are quality.

I disagree. My standards are reaaaaaaal high. I'm not boogy. (Or try not to be) But to even be considered a prospect you have to have an education or be in trade school, have 0-1 kids, be taking care of those said kids, have future goals in life that are productive, take care or at least respect your mother, be willing to go to church, and be responsible (such as have a job and able to pay bills such as car not and phone bill) Without the said characteristics, you're exed out anyway. But that doesn't mean that random flu-flus aren't gonna try. I mean they would be a fool not to give it a chance right? Too bad they don't have a chance with this girl

Okay so um, where are you meeting these men and what is it about them that makes you want to give them your phone number?

I know we all end up with some duds, but it seems like you need a better process to weed out these types before you think of giving out your phone number.

Cuz of WMLB, I always give them my number. erplexed In the past 2-3 months, I've learned I really don't know how to date.

 

[inthepink]

SK - Based on your original posting and this last posting - I am confused....

How did this cancerous guy get your phone number? He certainly didn't seem worthy of it. Why are you giving someone like him ANY attention at all?

Just trying to understand...

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

SK - Based on your original posting and this last posting - I am confused....

How did this cancerous guy get your phone number? He certainly didn't seem worthy of it. Why are you giving someone like him ANY attention at all?

Just trying to understand...

I honestly think it's cuz I don't ask enough questions. I noticed one of my friend girls, she asked so many questions before you even get the opportunity to ask for her number. She's nice and cordial, but before you get close she asks you what do you do, what are your future goals in teh next 10 yrs, do you smoke, do you have any kids yada yada. I ask similar questions but not as in-depth. I just make casual conversation,and if you're not stalkerish and easy to talk to I will give you my number so we can talk more on the phone so I can get to know you better.

 

[inthepink]

I honestly think it's cuz I don't ask enough questions. I noticed one of my friend girls, she asked so many questions before you even get the opportunity to ask for her number. She's nice and cordial, but before you get close she asks you what do you do, what are your future goals in teh next 10 yrs, do you smoke, do you have any kids yada yada. I ask similar questions but not as in-depth. I just make casual conversation,and if you're not stalkerish and easy to talk to I will give you my number so we can talk more on the phone so I can get to know you better.

Where are you meeting these guys? Are you getting any first impressions from them? Do they speak well? How are they dressed? There are things that can give you an idea of a guy without asking a lot of questions. Start being stingy with your phone number. Take their number instead - especially if they are questionable men. Maybe exchange an email address. Then you can tell a lot from a first email or a quick email exchange. Hope this helps.

 

[inthepink]

Cuz of WMLB, I always give them my number. erplexed In the past 2-3 months, I've learned I really don't know how to date.

Make a rule. If some guy asks for your number and you know nothing about him, tell him that you don't give out your number but maybe you'll see him again.

What is WMLB? It sounds like the men there think it's a meat market. Don't give out your phone number like a ticket! Make them work for it b/c many won't and then you can weed them out!!!

 

[Bunny77]

I disagree. My standards are reaaaaaaal high. I'm not boogy. (Or try not to be) But to even be considered a prospect you have to have an education or be in trade school, have 0-1 kids, be taking care of those said kids, have future goals in life that are productive, take care or at least respect your mother, be willing to go to church, and be responsible (such as have a job and able to pay bills such as car not and phone bill) Without the said characteristics, you're exed out anyway. But that doesn't mean that random flu-flus aren't gonna try. I mean they would be a fool not to give it a chance right? Too bad they don't have a chance with this girl


Cuz of WMLB, I always give them my number. erplexed In the past 2-3 months, I've learned I really don't know how to date.

WMLB doesn't tell you to give out your phone number to any ole dude though.

Just because you meet someone who wants to talk to you doesn't mean that he should get your number.

I meet dudes everywhere too, but they're not all getting my number just because they had a conversation with me.


As for your standards... what you're saying sounds good, but in theory, those standards aren't all that high. Those are just basic things that normal sane human men should be doing anyway... and you're 19 right? This is my opinion, but at your age, you shouldn't even be dealing with men with ONE kid.

You may think they don't have a chance, but by giving them your phone number without knowing much about them, you ARE giving them a chance.

You're talking a good game here, but your actions are saying something completely different... which is why these "flu-flus" keep getting through.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

WMLB doesn't tell you to give out your phone number to any ole dude though.

Just because you meet someone who wants to talk to you doesn't mean that he should get your number.

I meet dudes everywhere too, but they're not all getting my number just because they had a conversation with me.


As for your standards... what you're saying sounds good, but in theory, those standards aren't all that high. Those are just basic things that normal sane human men should be doing anyway... and you're 19 right? This is my opinion, but at your age, you shouldn't even be dealing with men with ONE kid.

You may think they don't have a chance, but by giving them your phone number without knowing much about them, you ARE giving them a chance.

You're talking a good game here, but your actions are saying something completely different... which is why these "flu-flus" keep getting through.

I consider it high standards because of the things around me. A lot of young women around me don't really care about his investments, schooling, upbringing, or background. Relationship status is based on his apperance and "swagg" as you would say. I'm 21, so my standards wouldn't include "be making at least 35,000 a year", driving in an up to date care, "have at least $5000 in the bank" and such (to me), becase this is the age of independence where a lot of men are just now getting on their feet and living on their own , but I do consider some things before dating a guy.

As far as my actions, I dunno. I think a thread should be made on tips on dating and how to approach the issue with tact, because if I dunno I'm sure there are others on this board making the same mistakes over and over and wondering why we get the "ugh" factor when it comes to men.

I'm not interested or ready for dating right now, but I have noticed over the years, that I just pick up my dating experience on my own. I've made many many many mistakes because I didn't have anyone to mold how a successful relationship looks, nor how to go about thigns or look for certain things in men. I just kinda went with the flow. I'm STILL weeding out my flaws in thedating world lol

 

[cestlachic.]

wow @ the reference/terminology to cancer.

 

[Miamori]

I'm close to your age. I'm 20.

I've had two successful and serious relationships in the past. The second is ongoing. They are the only serious relationships I've had (the first was when I was 18, the summer after my h.s. graduation; I consider it successful because we broke up amicably since we would be going to college in different parts of the country), so I have a good success rate thus far.

My "screening process" is TOUGH, yet I still get a lot of suitors. Over time, I have found that for me (FOR ME) balancing the sugary sweet thing with a strong arm was just too tiring, so I just started being MEAN, which is quicker, less exhausting, and gives me pretty much the same results in a faster time period.

I am also very attractive and share a nice car with my mother, so that just makes a lot of dudes jump right away.

Introductions:
It takes a LOT of effort you to get my name.
It takes a LOT for me to speak to you in a tone kinder than indifference unless I am in a very good mood. If it is a bad time of the month or a bad day, my tone will simply be straight up EVIL.
If you are really irritating me or I am leery, I might not make eye contact, and if I do, I might have a wrinkled face or raised eyebrows.
We might not even GET to the name or exchange info part of the convo, unless I am REALLY feeling dude (rare). I have had dudes say "don't you want to know my name?" There are times I will say no.
If I think the person is nice or sweet, and I am thinking to myself "oh, he's nice, but not for me / I'm still not interested" I may say "no, thank you" or "I appreciate your interest but I am really not interested."

At this point, most of the dudes who want it to be easy, or get intimidated easily (I can be very sensitive, become VERY sweet soon into a relationship, etc., but have a very strong personality, and can kind of turn it on and off), will just go away. I get a lot of "well you're a ***** anyway" - true, depending on my behavior and "you're not that cute anyway" - then why'd you come over here? or "you can't appreciate me, because ________"

Some dudes won't leave me alone after I say no thanks, or try to follow me. I chew them out, and that usually does the trick.

If I like the guy or he gets past that bit, which makes me feel like I'm not wasting my time, I get a lot nicer, and ask him about himself, give him my name and a little info, etc. If he seems very nice (this varies, but I may consider background, clothing, speech, signs of lying/truth, showing respect, perseverance, perceived intelligence), I will give my number. If not, I will take his. When I do give my number, I don't give a fake one. Most dudes are smart to that now anyway, and will call you while you're standing there to see if your phone rings.

(I've only given a fake number once. The guy was a JERK and would not go away, so I gave my mom's. Only our last 4 digits differ. She sounds younger than I do, because her voice is higher, but otherwise we have the SAME voice. She is just an octave higher... The result was great, but that's a different story.)

My very mean approach IS kind of evil and it is not for everyone, but maybe having some tough initial hurdle they must get over will help you only filter in quality guys.

Sometimes I can be disappointed because someone I liked doesn't make it, but I let them go, and it works out.

Other times, someone I DIDN'T LIKE AT ALL will make it through EVERYTHING. With my current SO, I was EVIL AS COULD BE. I wasn't just evil for the first meeting, I was evil for a good MONTH, and he saw me often! I asked him to leave me alone, told him repeatedly I was not interested, so on and so forth. And he would always comply or back off, and normally add that he just really wanted to be platonic friends. In the dining hall, he'd sit with me if I was eating alone, and he strategized with his friends, who helped him hang out in the places I frequented with my BFF, etc. Unfortunately (how I viewed it at the time), he found my meanness attractive and liked that I was strong and had high standards, and obviously was not interested in any old guy. He was also coming out of a relationship, and thought my disinterest suggested that his feelings would not get hurt. We've been together for 15 months now.

Hope this helps. It's begun to save me a lot of time. Also, even before I allow the guy to carry on that first convo where I am mean, i will often just say "I am sorry, but I am not interested." If he asks why, it will be "you are too young/old for me" or "I am at home from college. I go to school in Boston." I am always truthful. It is all itchy to some people, but maybe you can take the concept and work out something that works for you.

Hope this helps.

 

[Bunny77]

I consider it high standards because of the things around me. A lot of young women around me don't really care about his investments, schooling, upbringing, or background. Relationship status is based on his apperance and "swagg" as you would say. I'm 21, so my standards wouldn't include "be making at least 35,000 a year", driving in an up to date care, "have at least $5000 in the bank" and such (to me), becase this is the age of independence where a lot of men are just now getting on their feet and living on their own , but I do consider some things before dating a guy.

As far as my actions, I dunno. I think a thread should be made on tips on dating and how to approach the issue with tact, because if I dunno I'm sure there are others on this board making the same mistakes over and over and wondering why we get the "ugh" factor when it comes to men.

I'm not interested or ready for dating right now, but I have noticed over the years, that I just pick up my dating experience on my own. I've made many many many mistakes because I didn't have anyone to mold how a successful relationship looks, nor how to go about thigns or look for certain things in men. I just kinda went with the flow. I'm STILL weeding out my flaws in thedating world lol

Okay then, I get what you're saying on standards, and I think that you have some good ones. Good work. As for those around you... well, uh, they're young... hopefully they will grow out of that "swag" phase...

I think the issue goes back to how you're meeting these men that you give your number to. I know you may want a man more mature than the college boys you're meeting, which is understandable, but it sounds like you're running into a few too many "townies" (do y'all use that word down in MS?)... You know, the people who live near the college but they certainly didn't take advantage of any educational opportunities. Like those folks in School Daze.

The point is, if men are trying to holla at the grocery store and what have you, the idea of them later calling you so you can get to know them is probably not a good one. Sure, you can meet some good guys in any place, but you're more likely to meet these no-count types through random situations where you give out a phone number to someone that you don't know.

I think it might be best to just deal with guys that you've gotten to know through things you do on a regular basis so that you have an idea of what you're dealing with, instead of the phone number handout thing.

Oh and sorry that I got your age wrong! My statement about the kids stands though... I don't think you really need to deal with a man who has a child at your age... not when you have so many other options!

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Beautifully stated.

I agree with this - not b/c that's how it's worked for me but just because I believe it's true.

Unfortunately, SK, you may have to go without these cancerous men, period and ONLY give your time to quality men. What that means is that you may not have your phone ringing off the hook and you may not have dates. But you won't be dealing with men who are not worthy of you.

It is not about quantity or feeling good about yourself b/c men are interested in you. It's about the quality of the men interested in you. (Only you can make you feel good about yourself.)

And how you feel about yourself - are you deserving of a good man or a lame one? You know the answer - but you have to enforce it.

Know what I mean?

For me, I don't have dates right now and I don't have men calling me. But you know what? If I wanted a boyfriend, I could have one. He may not be quality and he may not be godly, but boy, if I wanted a boyfriend, I could surely have one.

Gross men hit on me all the time but I don't give them the time of day b/c I deserve better.

Make sense?

 

[BeautifulFlower]

This may not be popular but I tell my girls at church avoid (relationships=exclusive) until you are out of school. For real!

Boys 25 and under (majority) are still figuring themselves out and, though they may care about you, you're likely to get hurt when he's not in a rush to wife you.

Boys 26 and up will see that you are young annd because they know the game ALOT better than you will probably manipulate and take advantage of your naivite'.

 

[Bunny77]

This may not be popular but I tell my girls at church avoid relationships until you are out of school. For real!

Boys 25 and under (majority) are still figuring themselves out and, though they may care about you, you're likely to get hurt when he's not in a rush to wife you.

Boys 26 and up will see that you are young annd because they know the game ALOT better than you will probably manipulate and take advantage of your naivite'.

Lol at not being popular...

I think "avoid" is a strong word. I don't necessarily think it's healthy to tell girls to avoid relationships the entire time they're in college (which could include grad school, etc.) There are too many women hitting mid-20s with zero experience in relationships and struggling to figure out ways to have healthy relationships with men because they've spent so long "avoiding" them... we are relational beings and it's best to learn how to handle dealing with the opposite sex as opposed to being told to avoid them.

Perhaps it would be better to tell them to focus on building friendships with young men and then see what develops from there (if further interest develops)... some of these men are eventually going to be husbands and fathers, and they very well could be the husbands of the young women that they meet in college. While I definitely don't advocate some of these types of relationships that college folks are having or feeling that one has to have a relationship, better to help guide them into positive ones instead of telling them to not have relationships at all. That's not realistic, and not practical,

That being said, I do think that college girls (undergrad) need to leave men over 25 alone for the reasons you stated... although I think a college senior could date a grad student/recent graduate and be fine.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I disagree. My standards are reaaaaaaal high. I'm not boogy. (Or try not to be) But to even be considered a prospect you have to have an education or be in trade school, have 0-1 kids, be taking care of those said kids, have future goals in life that are productive, take care or at least respect your mother, be willing to go to church, and be responsible (such as have a job and able to pay bills such as car not and phone bill) Without the said characteristics, you're exed out anyway. But that doesn't mean that random flu-flus aren't gonna try. I mean they would be a fool not to give it a chance right? Too bad they don't have a chance with this girl

I thought mine were too. I was the friend that had what I thought were quality men. I am 23 and make more than most people I know. I work at a prestigous company. In college, I was doing bigs things and cared myself as such. My men werent doing exactly as well as me but they were responsible, educated, loved their momma, no kids, goals, went to church, etc, etc, etc. I thought that was high at 19, 20, 21, 22, and 23. You couldnt get through to me without the listed. But you standards seem to fall short of character traits and focus on appearances. Its easy to appear nice but whats at the core of these men? My men were stand up guys but they all lack a necessary traits that seems all be missing. Then I learned the hard way they it was me and that when I stopped acting like I knew the game, my standards were high enough, and that I needed alot of work and repair, my changed for me in a way that I didnt know it could.

I am not saying your not doing well. You are moving in the right direction but know that it doesnt stop there. I look at you trait list and I see myself not to long ago and I KNOW alot of men that meet it and still fall terribly short.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Relationships = exclusive

Friendships are great. When boys are just your friends, they will let you in on the game opposed to concealing the game because they themselves are manipulating you as their girl. If they see you are a little sister, they will watch out for you as such.

We are on the same page.

My point is being in relationships but me having more experience has yet to translate into me knowing more about or me understanding more on the opposite sex.

Lol at not being popular...

I think "avoid" is a strong word. I don't necessarily think it's healthy to tell girls to avoid relationships the entire time they're in college (which could include grad school, etc.) There are too many women hitting mid-20s with zero experience in relationships and struggling to figure out ways to have healthy relationships with men because they've spent so long "avoiding" them... we are relational beings and it's best to learn how to handle dealing with the opposite sex as opposed to being told to avoid them.

Perhaps it would be better to tell them to focus on building friendships with young men and then see what develops from there (if further interest develops)... some of these men are eventually going to be husbands and fathers, and they very well could be the husbands of the young women that they meet in college. While I definitely don't advocate some of these types of relationships that college folks are having or feeling that one has to have a relationship, better to help guide them into positive ones instead of telling them to not have relationships at all. That's not realistic, and not practical,

That being said, I do think that college girls (undergrad) need to leave men over 25 alone for the reasons you stated... although I think a college senior could date a grad student/recent graduate and be fine.

 

[Bunny77]

^^^Well, I had a boyfriend in college and he probably would have married me, considering that he wanted to marry and have a family. We broke up for other reasons, but he went on to marry someone else he was involved with in college and they married at 25.

This was an exclusive relationship, and it didn't cause me any problems with school, etc., because I had been taught what to look for in a partner. My grades didn't suffer, my self-esteem went up and life was quite good that year that I was in an exclusive relationship... I consider that as much a part of my college experience and growing process as the classes, activities, etc. that happened.

When I mentioned friendships, I said that because friendships first would be the best way for exclusive relationships to develop (if that is meant to be, of course). So some boys can remain friends (and yes, you can learn from them), while you might encounter one who could become a boyfriend... and there isn't necessarily anything wrong with that.

Yes, many boys/men are running game. But telling girls to avoid relationships in college isn't going to help all of them when they get into the world and then meet grown men also running game. Game is gonna be game, regardless of age.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

^^^Well, I had a boyfriend in college and he probably would have married me, considering that he wanted to marry and have a family. We broke up for other reasons, but he went on to marry someone else he was involved with in college and they married at 25.

This is not the majority. It happens but I have to consider my young ladies that are highly impressionable, think they know everything, and especially dont have fathers to teach them the game.

This was an exclusive relationship, and it didn't cause me any problems with school, etc., because I had been taught what to look for in a partner. My grades didn't suffer, my self-esteem went up and life was quite good that year that I was in an exclusive relationship... I consider that as much a part of my college experience and growing process as the classes, activities, etc. that happened.

Thats wonderful for you and they same applied for me but in the end I would never recommend it to my girls because their is a little more heartbreak then success when you start these relationships especially when you bring sex and intimacy into the equation which most of them do.

When I mentioned friendships, I said that because friendships first would be the best way for exclusive relationships to develop (if that is meant to be, of course). So some boys can remain friends (and yes, you can learn from them), while you might encounter one who could become a boyfriend... and there isn't necessarily anything wrong with that.

This is the way that any exclusive relationship should start and if they feel they want to progress they should (because they are young) consult parents or an adult they trust before they hook up with a loser.

Yes, many boys/men are running game. But telling girls to avoid relationships in college isn't going to help all of them when they get into the world and then meet grown men also running game. Game is gonna be game, regardless of age.

This is the very point of building friendship and watching other make mistakes for you. See how your brothers, male friends, cousins, father, uncles, etc. treat women and why they treat one different than the other, and ask them questions. You dont have to be a casualty to understand the war. I see more STD and pregnancy cases then engagement rings.

I have many young girls (14 to 21) that I feel responsible for so our opinions will differ. I am going to protect my girls as best I can from making common mistakes girls make. Though they will still make mistakes of course, at least at the end of the tunnel, they knew truth and hopefully will make a more informed decision next time.

 

[Bunny77]

I have many young girls (14 to 21) that I feel responsible for so our opinions will differ. I am going to protect my girls as best I can from making common mistakes girls make. Though they will still make mistakes of course, at least at the end of the tunnel, they knew truth and hopefully will make a more informed decision next time.

Believe me, I do know where you're coming from and I do understand the population that you're working with. Hey, I grew up with that population as well.

I'm just saying that I think that we somehow have to find a balance. Trust me, I'm not saying that girls should be encouraged to get in relationships in college (not at all), but I'm not a fan of saying that they should be completely avoided either.

Maybe too, I've seen too many adult women who didn't have fathers and who didn't learn about the game get burned at age 25+ after successfully avoiding relationships when they were younger. Some are still getting burned now in their 30s. They can't avoid dealing with men forever, and age doesn't necessarily mean they'll make better choices either if they don't know better.

Of course, the stakes are higher if you get pregnant/get an STD/etc., when you're younger, but still, folks need some real relationship advice, because eventually, they're gonna date, they're gonna have sex (most will, even those in church) and they're gonna be curious about boys/men in general. Plus, if you make something forbidden, they're gonna want it more.

So while I agree that I wouldn't recommend that they (college girls) get in exclusive relationships, I'm not going to tell them to avoid them either. I would tell them to be extremely careful, don't rush into being "exclusive" and try to maintain a friendship for as long as possible, mention the pros and cons of such a choice, tell them the real deal about what boys are looking for and all of that, but at the end of the day, they're going to make their decisions, and I'd rather them make a choice knowing all sides of the story instead of hearing that relationships should be avoided.

(Sorry SK for jacking your thread! )

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Believe me, I do know where you're coming from and I do understand the population that you're working with. Hey, I grew up with that population as well.

I'm just saying that I think that we somehow have to find a balance. Trust me, I'm not saying that girls should be encouraged to get in relationships in college (not at all), but I'm not a fan of saying that they should be completely avoided either.

Maybe too, I've seen too many adult women who didn't have fathers and who didn't learn about the game get burned at age 25+ after successfully avoiding relationships when they were younger. Some are still getting burned now in their 30s. They can't avoid dealing with men forever, and age doesn't necessarily mean they'll make better choices either if they don't know better.

Of course, the stakes are higher if you get pregnant/get an STD/etc., when you're younger, but still, folks need some real relationship advice, because eventually, they're gonna date, they're gonna have sex (most will, even those in church) and they're gonna be curious about boys/men in general. Plus, if you make something forbidden, they're gonna want it more.

So while I agree that I wouldn't recommend that they (college girls) get in exclusive relationships, I'm not going to tell them to avoid them either. I would tell them to be extremely careful, don't rush into being "exclusive" and try to maintain a friendship for as long as possible, mention the pros and cons of such a choice, tell them the real deal about what boys are looking for and all of that, but at the end of the day, they're going to make their decisions, and I'd rather them make a choice knowing all sides of the story instead of hearing that relationships should be avoided.

(Sorry SK for jacking your thread! )

Especially, the bolded. I dont forbid them of course I am not their mother. I know what they're feeling because boys are so cute until they show you an uglier said. But if I can stop one more sleepless night, one more tearful eye, one more heartbreak, I've done my job and well.