So I'm good enough to stare at but not to approach..

[halocj]

I'm a bit frustrated because it seems now that I'm single it seems men dont approach me. I mean i'll get crazy eye contact but nothing after that. It was this really cute guy at the casino today and he was eying me down and i gave him brief eye contact with a smile. I got nothing after that but of course he kept looking.


I have absolutely no promblem with showing interest in a man but i can not be the first to approach. I've never approached first but i have seen done plenty of times and it never ends well.

idk what do you ladies think about guys not approaching?

 

[meesch]

hmmmmm.... the way you phrased this issue in the post title is, like, really worrisome and probably says a lot about why you're having this problem?

if a guy stares at me and doesnt approach i think "ah well. i wonder what im eating for lunch today."

 

[sky_blu]

I've gotten to the point that I approach if I'm that interested. I was tired of playing eye games then wondering. You only live once.

 

[mallysmommy]

i hear you girl. get stared at all the time but it never goes anywhere beyond that. well except for once but i was on a date with another guy (who i wasn't interested in) =( A cute guy comes up to me and gives some convo while my date was away asking if he was my boyfriend and whatnot. i couldve slipped him my number but im not that mean lol

 

[Theo]

I wouldnt think on it too hard. Let them come to you in their own time. Don't rush them. Maybe this dude just thought you were cute and that was that. He might have a wife and screaming newborn at home.

Appreciate the attention and KIM

ETA: you look cute in your profile pic btw

 

[halocj]

hmmmmm.... the way you phrased this issue in the post title is, like, really worrisome and probably says a lot about why you're having this problem?




Ok before i reply to this i need to know if this is a serious response or are you joking?

 

[Etherealsmile]

Had I been in your shoes OP, say I was attracted to the guy i'd work my over casually and strike up a light conversation but do nothing more beyond that point. If he's interested as well he'll take it from there i.e. ask for your number, ask if he can see you again and make it happen

I think we sometimes do ourselves a disservice by always waiting for the man to approach us. Nothing wrong with striking up a conversation,light flirting and letting him handle the rest IMO .

 

[meesch]

nah i mean, you seem to be taking it more negatively/seriously than the situation warrants. a dude making eye contact with you does not obligate him to approach you or say anything to you. and there could be a million reasons why he doesnt that have nothing to do with you, or you being good enough. hell it could be because he knows is breath stinks. it puts me in the frame of mind of idiot dudes thinking chicks OWE them sex because they paid for dinner. if your attitude about the whole situation is negative/entitled, its very possible that men are picking up on that already.

 

[halocj]

I see what you are saying but im just here venting to the ladies. This has been going on for a while so hey i got a little frustrated today, im not about to hang myself Ms. Meesch . Yes i know just cause a man makes eye contact that doesn't mean he has to approach, but this wasnt just eye contact it was STARING. There was no picking up on negative vibes from me i wont change my whole happy mood because a man aint approaching me they see nothing but a happy person.
I get what some of the other ladies are saying that he may have a whole wife and kid at home who knows. but im not walking around feeling entitled for a man to approach cuz he stared at me/made eye contact and i sure aint worrisome in any form or fashion.

Im just simply saying what's up with all the staring and no approaching, that's it and that's all.

 

[Kdiamond19]

Maybe you don't necessarily have to approach them but maybe you can smile or say hi with a nod of acknowledgement. Some times guys can find pretty girls intimidating. I also think the best guys are the ones that happen either by chance or on its own.

 

[gn1g]

haven't read your post but I learned that when men stare and don't approach they are usually in a committed relationship.

 

[barbiesocialite]

IME, most men are afraid of rejection. I think women can sometimes overestimate the confidence men actually have. As a rule, men have fragile egos. Combined with the fact that I have a theory that men in general tend to be afraid of women as a whole, I can see how/why there are instances when men are scared to approach women. Especially when they are in intimidating circumstances. i.e. women are with their friends, they feel a lot of people are watching, they don't want to publicly embarrassed by being rejected--particularly when they are around their boys, etc. Usually the only truly bold men are the supremely arrogant super-Alpha or loser-types with those nothing to lose

Also, women tend to be better at paying attention to little nuances like body language in other people. That's why they are considered the more detail-oriented sex. Men are simple and sometimes cannot take a hint unless it's literally spelled-out out for them in big letters & bright lights. They usually can't tell if a woman likes them unless a she literally says it or shows it beyond a shadow of doubt (even when women know )-- subsequently approaching a new woman can be a big risk. That said, IMO, most women are really bad at flirting. The only women that are good at it are the types of women other women consider the types that "throw" themselves at men.

I agree, that there are some instances where men stare bc they are taken. I personally don't give men that much credit. IME men are grimey. If you are giving good vibes & body language they will approach you. It's just if they are taken, they might not call.....

 

[tocktick]

I don't buy a guy thinking a woman is intimidating if she has smiled back and hasn't given the blank stare/stank face. What more should she do to give a guy a cue to approach? I don't think one would need to do more. So I think one can comfortably assume not approaching has more to do with him than you.

I know it can be frustrating but neither analysing this nor getting annoyed achieves anything. I tend to assume these guys are in relationships but there could be a whole host of other reasons. Regardless, the end result is the same though, they didn't approach.

 

[lushcoils]

IME, most men are afraid of rejection. I think women can sometimes overestimate the confidence men actually have. As a rule, men have fragile egos. Combined with the fact that I have a theory that men in general tend to be afraid of women as a whole, I can see how/why there are instances when men are scared to approach women. Especially when they are in intimidating circumstances. i.e. women are with their friends, they feel a lot of people are watching, they don't want to publicly embarrassed by being rejected--particularly when they are around their boys, etc. Usually the only truly bold men are the supremely arrogant super-Alpha or loser-types with those nothing to lose

Also, women tend to be better at paying attention to little nuances like body language in other people. That's why they are considered the more detail-oriented sex. Men are simple and sometimes cannot take a hint unless it's literally spelled-out out for them in big letters & bright lights. They usually can't tell if a woman likes them unless a she literally says it or shows it beyond a shadow of doubt (even when women know )-- subsequently approaching a new woman can be a big risk. That said, IMO, most women are really bad at flirting. The only women that are good at it are the types of women other women consider the types that "throw" themselves at men.

I agree, that there are some instances where men stare bc they are taken. I personally don't give men that much credit. IME men are grimey. If you are giving good vibes & body language they will approach you. It's just if they are taken, they might not call.....

Now how going to say all of the above, and then end with guys will approach if you look nice? Which one is it?

 

[barbiesocialite]

I don't buy a guy thinking a woman is intimidating if she has smiled back and hasn't given the blank stare/stank face. What more should she do to give a guy a cue to approach? I don't think one would need to do more. So I think one can comfortably assume not approaching has more to do with him than you.

I know it can be frustrating but neither analysing this nor getting annoyed achieves anything. I tend to assume these guys are in relationships but there could be a whole host of other reasons. Regardless, the end result is the same though, they didn't approach.

That's just it, IMO a lot of women aren't good at flirting IRL. They think they give good hints, but they really don't. IRL I've seen heard women say they were smiling or giving good body language but, I was standing right there watching them, they didn't They were giving a brief cock-eyed smile, barely glanced (didn't hold eye contact), didn't reposition their bodies and on top of that were surrounded my their female friends. Like if that was flirting or inviting a guy to come over, I sure couldn't tell so I'm sure a man couldnt

Not saying this is the case with OP, but I've seen it A LOT IRL...It's also a fact that men are less likely to approach women when they are with other people, especially other females, so if you are bad at flirting and with girlfriends you are less likely to be approached....

 

[barbiesocialite]

Now how going to say all of the above, and then end with guys will approach if you look nice? Which one is it?

It's not about how you look. It's flirting and body language. Again, IMO, most women are frigid b*tches in that dept

And also, many women put themselves in a lot of unapproachable circumstances, like being with girlfriends, being preoccupied and being in wrong environment n whatnot...combine all of that together, I can see why a lot of women don't get approached. My friend that complains about this a lot does all of the above, but she knows this (and isn't interested in being in a relationship or dating) so she understands why dudes don't approach her very often....

 

[Xavier]

OP I would say that often when a guy stares or makes eye contact and doesn't make a move that usually means that he is already taken.

You can always try the "Oh sorry, I bumped into you routine", or get close enough to him to start some type of interaction with him.

Have you tried those tactics before halocj ?

 

[snillohsss]

It's not about how you look. It's flirting and body language. Again, IMO, most women are frigid b*tches in that dept

And also, many women put themselves in a lot of unapproachable circumstances, like being with girlfriends, being preoccupied and being in wrong environment n whatnot...combine all of that together, I can see why a lot of women don't get approached. My friend that complains about this a lot does all of the above, but she knows this (and isn't interested in being in a relationship or dating) so she understands why dudes don't approach her very often....

 

[lushcoils]

It's not about how you look. It's flirting and body language. Again, IMO, most women are frigid b*tches in that dept

And also, many women put themselves in a lot of unapproachable circumstances, like being with girlfriends, being preoccupied and being in wrong environment n whatnot...combine all of that together, I can see why a lot of women don't get approached. My friend that complains about this a lot does all of the above, but she knows this (and isn't interested in being in a relationship or dating) so she understands why dudes don't approach her very often....

Oh yea, I was referring to all you have to do is look nice as in look friendly not in attractive looking.

What are some examples of wrong environments vs good environments to get approached?

 

[Theo]

Yea its true guys aren't good at picking up body language. I think its so cute when they try though. I've been in several situations where a guy has tried to read me.

Like I have hand in hair syndrome, especially when my fro is out. So I play in my hair a lot. And I was talking to this guy.... and he goes "Hey... you keep playing with your hair. Are you grooming yourself? Wait.... are you attracted to me?" erplexed

I wasn't, actually. So that was awkward.

The other guy, I kept touching his arm while were talking, and he was like "Hey. You keep touching me. Are you flirting with me?"

And... I was actually.

 

[qchelle]

Hmmm...maybe you should try making funny faces at them? That's what I do but that's just my personality lol. If I'm somewhere and I see some guy staring me down, but not doing anything, I'll smile, then immediately start making crazy faces at him. And I mean really crazy. Not like sticking my tongue out and googly eyes and ****.... but the real good stuff lol. This gets them laughing (and me too lol), and I feel like it puts them at ease......like I'm not some uptight crazy b**** cuz I'm not. ALSO I think it weeds out the really serious guys...the ones who don't like the silly faces because they may be thinking 'this chick is tooo weird erplexed ' lol. And I don't want them anyway, because if they think THAT is weird, that's just the tip of the iceberg

This past week I was out with some friends for a little while (we were literally there for like 10 mins lol) at this bar/happy hour and I did it:

guy: *stare stare stare stare stare stare*
me: *smile, multitude of crazy faces* *laugh* *crazy face*
guy:
me:
guy: *leaves seat* *comes over to me* Are you ok? I just wanted to make sure you weren't having a seizure
me and guy: *talk, laugh, exchange numbers*

He's a Hopkins boy too bad I'm not in Bmore anymore lol oh well.

 

[DayStar]

This is exactly what I did with my now DH.

Had I been in your shoes OP, say I was attracted to the guy i'd work my over casually and strike up a light conversation but do nothing more beyond that point. If he's interested as well he'll take it from there i.e. ask for your number, ask if he can see you again and make it happen

I think we sometimes do ourselves a disservice by always waiting for the man to approach us. Nothing wrong with striking up a conversation,light flirting and letting him handle the rest IMO .

 

[strenght81]

I agree with the sentiment most men who don't approach is because they are taken! The others are just too shy.

 

[imaccami]

I think he was taken... It's annoying when men stare even after they get the smile...but better that than be approached by a cheater right?! I understand the OP's need to vent because it can be kinda annoying, but I just try to not dwell on it.

 

[Windsy]

Op, next time give him a signal that you are available - smile, flirt a bit.

 

[halocj]

Had I been in your shoes OP, say I was attracted to the guy i'd work my over casually and strike up a light conversation but do nothing more beyond that point. If he's interested as well he'll take it from there i.e. ask for your number, ask if he can see you again and make it happen

I think we sometimes do ourselves a disservice by always waiting for the man to approach us. Nothing wrong with striking up a conversation,light flirting and letting him handle the rest IMO .

I will try this if im put in this situation again in the near future thanks!



To be clear i know the title says "So I'm good enough to stare at but not to approach" It was just a figure of speech because i know without a doubt that i am good enough.

Thank you all for your responses it has helped and hopefully my situation will change sooner than later.

 

[Urban]

It's not about how you look. It's flirting and body language. Again, IMO, most women are frigid b*tches in that dept

And also, many women put themselves in a lot of unapproachable circumstances, like being with girlfriends, being preoccupied and being in wrong environment n whatnot...combine all of that together, I can see why a lot of women don't get approached. My friend that complains about this a lot does all of the above, but she knows this (and isn't interested in being in a relationship or dating) so she understands why dudes don't approach her very often....

Flirting101 thread please!!!

 

[MaryJane3000]

I see what you are saying but im just here venting to the ladies. This has been going on for a while so hey i got a little frustrated today, im not about to hang myself Ms. Meesch . Yes i know just cause a man makes eye contact that doesn't mean he has to approach, but this wasnt just eye contact it was STARING. There was no picking up on negative vibes from me i wont change my whole happy mood because a man aint approaching me they see nothing but a happy person.
I get what some of the other ladies are saying that he may have a whole wife and kid at home who knows. but im not walking around feeling entitled for a man to approach cuz he stared at me/made eye contact and i sure aint worrisome in any form or fashion.

Im just simply saying what's up with all the staring and no approaching, that's it and that's all.

I didn't read the whole thread so I'm not sure if someone already commented on this but I used to wonder the same thing sometimes. There are days when I KNOW I'm looking great. Like dress is fitting right, hair and makeup on point...sh!tting on the girls to my left and my right...and dudes will stare at me and not say anything!

Then there's other nights when I'm just feeling okay but not extra special and I'm getting hit on left and right. Guys are insecure and don't like rejection...especially in front of their friends and in the club. So odds are if no guy hits on you or you aren't seen talking to any guy...no one is going to take their chance and try and approach. You have to seem extra approachable and carefree when you're looking extra nice. I've even had guy friends tell me about this.

Other times, it depends on your wingman. I have one friend who is VERY attractive but she makes faces at dudes she finds unattractive and can seem a little reserved and in her own bubble when we're out together. When I'm with her...NO ONE is approaching either of us unless we know them but they will stare like nobody's business. All of the girls in my group have that problem when they go out with her. Then I have a few other girlfriends where I know it's the dynamic duo/trio. I'm not paying for ish that night, drinks, coat check nothing! I'll get hit on left and right. This may be because I'm more relaxed with them so it shows, or a combination of their attitude and mine.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

It happens to me too. But I'm not abt to do the man's job for him, ie approaching him. Dudes are too soft these days.

ETA: We needa Flirting for Dummies thread, pronto!

Sent from my VM670 using VM670

 

[Flawless_JYM]

Had I been in your shoes OP, say I was attracted to the guy i'd work my over casually and strike up a light conversation but do nothing more beyond that point. If he's interested as well he'll take it from there i.e. ask for your number, ask if he can see you again and make it happen

I think we sometimes do ourselves a disservice by always waiting for the man to approach us. Nothing wrong with striking up a conversation,light flirting and letting him handle the rest IMO .

I agree. I think because as much as women want to say men are scared both sexes imo are equally nervous about the initial approach of people they don't know. Of course this isn't everybody though.