Single Until Married: What Does This Mean?

[hunnychile]

I see this touted a lot on this forum and on other platforms. Years ago, I firmly believed it but had never given thought to what that practically meant so now I'm asking the question, what does single until married mean for you?

To me, it means no co-habitating, no mingling of finances, and no anal. I also think it means that I'm liable to up and leave at any given moment but I'm not comfortable hedging my bets on another man until he's proven himself and I'm not sure how I would get to that point with one man while in a "committed relationship" with another. Any tips on that last piece would be especially helpful.

What say you, ladies of LHCF. What does "single until married" mean?

 

[ArrrBeee]

Single until married means unless you are engaged, don't commit to one man. Put them in rotation just like you rotate your bras and panties. Some men won't like the competition. Discard them. You get to call the shots.

Read the dating for marriage thread from start to finish, the Rori Raye thread, and don't commit to anyone until you get a ring. I wasted precious time in a "committed" relationship. I will never do that again.

 

[Lylddlebit]

If I choose to leave you, I will without cause, justification or reason unless you are a husband. I don't owe you anything. I certainly don't owe you more than I owe myself if you are a baby daddy or a boyfriend. A baby daddy or boyfriend does not have the same rights as a spouse who has proven(that's the key factor) full and total commitment to you. You have options until the right one commits to you and you commit to him officially in marriage. Anything else may make you mad or sad if it leaves but wasn't truly yours.



Eta: I have never dated more than one man at a time. I don't have to because every man who has had the pleasure of a second date with me has proposed to me within a two year span and held onto me after receiving my undivided attention. So I'm not talking about that roster stuff I see on here. I'm talking about freedom to leave a relationship and persue better or accept better before a man you are considering has given you his best and his best meets your standards.

 

[awhyley]

When I hear it, it's pretty much the excuse that committed people use in order to date other people. (Generally, people who want to snag others that are in long-term relationships use this an excuse too.)

 

[movingforward13]

To me, it means no co-habitating, no mingling of finances, and no anal. I also think it means that I'm liable to up and leave at any given moment but I'm not comfortable hedging my bets on another man until he's proven himself and I'm not sure how I would get to that point with one man while in a "committed relationship" with another. Any tips on that last piece would be especially helpful.

1. I will be dating other men
2. No keys to my place
3. No living together
4. No joint accounts
5. No kids
6. I am not co-signing for anything (well I wouldn’t do that any way)
7. You get a specific amount of time of pure exclusivity before I recommit to number 1

I am over 30- I don’t have time to waste. If we not on the same page, I refuse to let you c0ck block while you “figure things out”. Men should respect that women have clocks and if they aren’t operating on our time, they need to move out the way.

 

[hunnychile]

I’m interested in how men respond when they are clear with their intentions upfront to be in a relationship with you but you maintain your freedom to date other men. I firmly believe women can have whatever they want and men will either get right or get left but I have a hard time believing a man would go for that, especially if he expects a traditional monogamous relationship as bf/gf. I’m wondering how this plays out practically.

 

[TCatt86]

I’m interested in how men respond when they are clear with their intentions upfront to be in a relationship with you but you maintain your freedom to date other men. I firmly believe women can have whatever they want and men will either get right or get left but I have a hard time believing a man would go for that, especially if he expects a traditional monogamous relationship as bf/gf. I’m wondering how this plays out practically.

I would think that someone with traditional expectations would know that only comes with marriage

I definitely get the sentiment. I'll be back with more later.

 

[movingforward13]

I’m interested in how men respond when they are clear with their intentions upfront to be in a relationship with you but you maintain your freedom to date other men. I firmly believe women can have whatever they want and men will either get right or get left but I have a hard time believing a man would go for that, especially if he expects a traditional monogamous relationship as bf/gf. I’m wondering how this plays out practically.

They don’t believe it, current guy I am seeing now doesn’t believe me but he noticed I am going out more and it has prompted him to take more interest in me. But I was upfront and told him and as long as I am truthful with what I am doing, that is all I owe.

 

[MissNina]

For me, it means until I'm married I'm technically single and can do what I want as long as I'm not lying or being deceitful. It doesn't matter whether we're engaged, living together, etc. or not. Until the day I officially say "I do", I can change the script at any time as long as you're informed on what I'm doing and why.

Most ppl in serious rlshps can't operate like this Bc they mentally equate their relationship to a marital one based on time (A LIE) &/or they feel guilty about allowing anyone else a chance to gain their attention...so they end up being sneaky and lying about everything, which is NOT cool and causes issues.

 

[FemmeFatale]

For me it means not doing the most in my relationship since I’m not his wife yet. These things are:

Having babies
Shacking
Co-mingling assets, accounts
Daily sex, condomless sex, and other activities
Cooking on the regular
And other things (I’m an aqua so I’m naturally kinda aloof and self absorbed)

For me, this is how I make the hard distinction between being married and single in my relationship.

 

[GreenEyedJen]

I’m interested in how men respond when they are clear with their intentions upfront to be in a relationship with you but you maintain your freedom to date other men. I firmly believe women can have whatever they want and men will either get right or get left but I have a hard time believing a man would go for that, especially if he expects a traditional monogamous relationship as bf/gf. I’m wondering how this plays out practically.

I practice this in real life as my Mom has been telling this to me as long as I've been allowed to date (I'll never forget, I wanted to be grown with my high school boyfriend, and she was like "But you're single", and I was like "No, I have a boyfriend", and she was like "Are you married?" and I was like "No" and she was like "Well, then you're single" and she had this genuinely confused look on her face; HU-LAR-IOUS) and in my experience the man for me is the one that steps up their game fast AND ALSO is not intimidated by that at all because he knows he's better.

I'm hella in love with my current one and I jumped into the relationship (sooo not me) and I feel super free in it as well (also never me, hence the reason why I, until now, preferred being single).

He's been trying to move me in since literally our first weekend together (we live about four hours away); before we even slept together. I told him this man asked me out and I wanted to go because it was to one of my favorite restaurants, and he was like "Get your food, babe. Oh, when you have time, check out these houses because I figured we won't be able to move into an apartment because of the kids." The "kids" are our pets.

He was unfazed and continued making plans like that man didn't exist. And we'd just agreed to exclusivity. He firmly believed, and still believes, that I'm a catch, that of course I'll still be asked out, and clearly he needs to get me to Virginia so we can get this show on the road and stop hurting these other ****** feelings.

There are definitely men that "go" for that. Not forever, clearly. But I think in our culture, the people in my generation have been conditioned to see the women running after the men, when in reality these men love a good chase. I mean, IME men are waaay more clingy than I would ever be, or show.

 

[caribeandiva]

I practice this in real life as my Mom has been telling this to me as long as I've been allowed to date (I'll never forget, I wanted to be grown with my high school boyfriend, and she was like "But you're single", and I was like "No, I have a boyfriend", and she was like "Are you married?" and I was like "No" and she was like "Well, then you're single" and she had this genuinely confused look on her face; HU-LAR-IOUS) and in my experience the man for me is the one that steps up their game fast AND ALSO is not intimidated by that at all because he knows he's better.
...

Ita with everything especially the bolded. Your mom is funny. I’m with her. I was talking to my sister one time about how we’re both single. She was like: “I’m not single. I have a boyfriend”. I didn’t have the heart to tell her it was the same thing. I also love how confident your boyfriend is. The right man will welcome the competition because he knows he’s better than all of them.

 

[Ms_Delikate]

For me it also means not calling me your wife to people until I have a ring on my hand... DH did not get that before we were engaged. He would be trying to introduce me to people as his “wife” and couldn’t understand why I did not like that.