Chasing a Man Until HE Catches You.

[LiftedUp]

I don't like this "chasing until he catches you" or this "positioning" thing. It reminds me of women who "get" a man to propose.

I personally think that it should be a genuine approach or else you run the risk of playing games/tricks the rest of your life with him. Is it really worth it?

 

[LaBelle Africaine29]

I don't like this "chasing until he catches you" or this "positioning" thing. It reminds me of women who "get" a man to propose.

I personally think that it should be a genuine approach or else you run the risk of playing games/tricks the rest of your life with him. Is it really worth it?

"We may teach our children that honesty is the best policy, but natural selection favors the skillful lie."

- Mary Batten, author of Sexual Strategies: How Females Choose Their Mates.

 

[StarScream35]

All this effort for some peen. erplexed

Is this amount of effort normal for women to get the man they want?




How are women attracting/meeting quality men if quality men don't do the chasing? The experts need to share their tips.

I think it's all about timing with quality men. Maybe all of his friends are now married so now he is ready to settle down or maybe the sex was great (yeah, some women do use sex to tie a man down). Maybe she is good at mind games but who knows.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I'd love for you to contribute more. @Katherina

Belle Du Jour

WTH?

Can you ladies share tips and tricks?

I don't want to say too much about this project I'm "working" on, , but here are mine:

1) If you run in the same circle, or if he is a friend of a friend, find out as much as you can about him without making your intentions obvious. His close friends will distrust you and sabotage your plans if your cover gets "blown." Be cunning in finding out about his hobbies, romantic background, dislikes, etc. Drop little questions every now and then and then casually shrug off your curiosity. After some time you'll have some solid data that you can use.

2) If he is an expert at something, find a way to seek his advice about it. (This is working for me)

3) Know his thumbscrews and twirl on that sucka like a merry-go-round.

4) When his eyes start to light up and he starts to see you "in that light," (which will be easy if you're fun and attractive), use wit and humor to playfully tease him about his "intentions."



Of course, all of this will not happen overnight. Conduct due diligence and make sure he's a worthy enough prospect before you invest time and energy.

Great thread! There's a definite art to positioning vs chasing but I think the line is very subtle. Now we need some tips in this thread.

 

[LoveisYou]

The Book of Esther is a very good story of how a woman positioned herself to marry the king.

I think being friendly is key in positioning. Having the gift of gab, smiling, making eye contact, etc. Each and every time I am charming with a guy I get a number (sometimes I am not interested but hey), when I am more reserved, standoffish, not so much.

 

[pearlygurl]

^^^^The story of Ruth too.

 

[silenttullip]

I chased my guy until he caught me...
For me it means being driven but not persistent.
He didn't want to allow himself to get attached to me because I am a lot younger than he is so he assumed I must have been playing games, trying to get money, or something. A few years later after establishing a true friendship he understood and saw on his own that I was the one. I didn't back down when he was fearful but I didn't try to force him. Then he caught me and never wants to let go even when I'm ready to give up lol. Life is funny that way.

 

[beebstt]

i think the ladies who are looking to follow this method should keep a couple of things in mind:
-avoid at all costs looking thirsty. be strategic, but make it appear serendipitous.
-be friendly and open. smile. never hurts.
-when you're in a group together, put out info about yourself that could be used as bait. offer up similar backgrounds, interests, etc, but coyly state them as your own interest. act pleasantly surprised when you find out he shares it too.
-before all of the above even, verify that you're the type of girl he will actually go for. yeah, he might not have noticed you, but if he's an "ideal" catch and you're like 500 lbs and you're not doing anything worthwhile, then no matter what you do, he will likely not notice you! clues as to what kind of girls he might be interested in can be gleaned from who his friends are, what his background is, what his interests are, his goals, etc.
-lastly, this is a given, but make sure he's unattached!

 

[MissMasala5]

Ladies - married and single - what does this phrase mean to you? Have you successfully chased a man until he caught you? Or did so with disastrous consequences?

Yes. I "chased" after him in the sense that I made myself available. Extra available. I gave up, and then he "caught" me. The consequences were disastrous. I was merely infatuated with him, and he was on the rebound of a breakup. Once we got together, it was like I saw him for the first time-- and I didn't like what I was seeing. It was like wanting something you think you can't have, then when you get it, you wondered why you wanted it in the first place.

 

[rafikichick92]

MissMasala5: Do you thing it was because you gave up that he caught you or were the two completely unrelated?

 

[MissMasala5]

MissMasala5: Do you thing it was because you gave up that he caught you or were the two completely unrelated?

rafikichick92 Yes. I think he enjoyed the attention, and once my spotlight was off of him, he missed it and wanted to know what was up. I felt angry with myself for letting myself feel so gung-ho over this dude in the first place. He was good-looking, but terribly boring. I'd had pimples on my back with more personality

 

[Katherina]

^^^^The story of Ruth too.

Ruth did too much IMO

She crawled onto his bed one night. That's thirstiness

 

[rafikichick92]

@rafikichick92 Yes. I think he enjoyed the attention, and once my spotlight was off of him, he missed it and wanted to know what was up. I felt angry with myself for letting myself feel so gung-ho over this dude in the first place. He was good-looking, but terribly boring. I'd had pimples on my back with more personality

@ bolded!

I was just wondering because this is kind of what happened with my ex except once we got together, it became super obvious that we were on different levels and then neither of us wanted to admit it because we were codependent at that point. Ay ay ay.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

The Book of Esther is a very good story of how a woman positioned herself to marry the king.

I think being friendly is key in positioning. Having the gift of gab, smiling, making eye contact, etc. Each and every time I am charming with a guy I get a number (sometimes I am not interested but hey), when I am more reserved, standoffish, not so much.

LoveisYou...Hmmm...interesting.

Can you embellish further on how exactly you were behaving when you were "charming" vs. when you were behaving "standoffish"??

Because the definition of the words "charming" / "standoffish" may mean two completely different things to two completely different people!

 

[MissMasala5]

@ bolded!

I was just wondering because this is kind of what happened with my ex except once we got together, it became super obvious that we were on different levels and then neither of us wanted to admit it because we were codependent at that point. Ay ay ay.

Oh my, rafikichick92. How long did that go on for? And how did you maintain sanity?




Sent from the TARDIS.

 

[rafikichick92]

Oh my, @rafikichick92. How long did that go on for? And how did you maintain sanity?




Sent from the TARDIS.

MissMasala5: Well, we got together in Dec '09 and I broke it off in Oct '10. We knew each other for a total of 2 yrs. Honestly, I don't know how I made it through all of that. I realized after about 3 months of relationship that we couldn't really go on like we were going on and have it be psychologically productive, but I didn't want to let go and neither did he. Finally we got in a disagreement about something and he hurt me very deeply which caused me to break it off. Otherwise, I still might be with him.

He is/will be a great guy once he matures and if he ever comes to his senses, but even then, he and I are clearly not "equally yoked" in terms of intelligence, goals, etc. When thinking of him, I kinda feel like Luke Skywalker insisting that he knows there is good in Darth Vader. However, unlike Luke, I'm not trying to redeem him.

I'm interested in someone else now (my lab partner in my immunology class), and I'm contemplating my strategy for getting his attention, hence my reflection on what went wrong last time and strategies others have used.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Hmm. I was just thinking about this today. I observed that there are many great catches, husband-material wise, who don't know they are great catches. I am thinking of men who are single in their late 20's to early 30's, who have never been married, had few GFs and have no children. Men who have a degree, a stable job, and a pro-marriage mindset. I know several of them.

These men, on paper, are solid 8s I think... because they don't have mega bucks and aren't super fine. But they are men of good character, with good prospects.

The most beautiful thing is, these men think that they rate like a 4 on the scale. They were the nerdy guys in school who got clowned, passed over and rejected in favor of the meathead in the Camaro. Now the meathead has 3 kids, a GED and a pink slip. But the "nerd" has an Engineering or Computer Science degree, a condo and a 401(k). The meathead is the 4 now (and always was, from my view.)

These guys don't know they are 8s... yet. Once they hit about 35 and up, then the market gets real raggedy for women. The few decent single men out there get mighty choosy, and they choose YOUNG women.

 

[Flawless_JYM]

^ I agree with everything except the "nerds" and "meatheads" part. I think most people stay about the same after HS we just seem to focus more on the extremes on both sides of the coin.

 

[LoveisYou]

@LoveisYou...Hmmm...interesting.

Can you embellish further on how exactly you were behaving when you were "charming" vs. when you were behaving "standoffish"??

Because the definition of the words "charming" / "standoffish" may mean two completely different things to two completely different people!

Sure!

So here goes, when I don't want to be bothered I know exactly how to give off the "don't bother me vibe " My body language is closed off and my facial expression is less than friendly. You do have the men who could care less, they see it as a challenge.....I don't do it to be a challenge, but sometimes a sista want to just be, lol.

On the other hand, when I am open and friendly (chatty, smiling, expressive eyes) I am way more approachable. In general, I am good with connecting with ppl in small settings and one-on-one. I am also one to compliment ppl (men and women), which naturally put them at ease. The key to being charming, I believe, is to show real interest in other ppl. A lot of ppl really like that, men eat it up. I don't do it to flirt (though many think it's my way of flirting), I was raised by old school Jamaican women who are great at hosting/making sure ppl are o.k. I picked up some of it from them and some of it through practice.

I am very reserved, but can also be very charming. I didn't really discover the charming side of my personality until much later in life.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

^ I agree with everything except the "nerds" and "meatheads" part. I think most people stay about the same after HS we just seem to focus more on the extremes on both sides of the coin.

I didn't mean to say that the people changed. The guy in the Camaro who I am thinking of was a selfish and unintelligent guy in high school, and the "nerds" were smart, quiet, and really great catches for a girl who wasn't too dizzy to see that. The problem lies in that young girls are often too immature to recognize the "nerd" as a quality guy, and they chase the muscles and flash that don't lead to a lasting relationship down the line. For some girls, they don't mature enough to realize that a flashy car and big biceps aren't worth as much as a big brain and a kind heart until much later. By which time the good guys are settled down, married, and living very comfortably.

 

[lushcoils]

^^
I know this is somewhat off topic, but I don't buy that completely. Many of these "good" guys are ignoring the nice, mature girls for the bad girl/b*tchy type and wondering why they are being looked over.

 

[LoveLongLocks]

Interesting phrase - don't know what that means.
I never - ever, eva', eva', eva' chased a guy. Eva'!!! But, I always got the one that I wanted - the one every one wanted. How????? Eye contact, and make your way to be in his path somehow - SLOWLY... if this is at work/school this can take time. Men like a little mystery, and to feel in control of the situation.
Only "reciprocate" interest, and effort... please let the man work for your attention, affection, company ect. Be confident, and feminine. This is attractive to men.
Last but not least please only get serious with "Husband" Material. I 100% agree with LadyPaniolo in saying don't look at the flashy dude with all the girls on his arm. The big rims and expensive gold chain - this is not usually the kind of guy that is smart with his money and taking care of his business.
My friends laughed me all while dating my Hubby. He was boring, wanted monogamy, and to wife me.... he was one of those guys too busy busting his butt at work instead of clubbing, and was not interested in flashing what he had - my friend would always say I needed a "thug" in my life. To make a long story short, many years have passed us all and I have been happily married while they have shoveled through a bunch of toads. -
OK way off topic, but believe me if you chase a man - they sometimes lose interest or respect.

 

[LoveisYou]

^^
I know this is somewhat off topic, but I don't buy that completely. Many of these "good" guys are ignoring the nice, mature girls for the bad girl/b*tchy type and wondering why they are being looked over.

I've definitely seen this!!!