JaneBond007
New Member
There's your answer. Sex is sex. Stop talking to him if that's what you truly want. Change your phone number. Talk to G-d instead. One day at a time...one step at a time.
Single Christian Women's Support - THE REMIX!
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There's your answer. Sex is sex. Stop talking to him if that's what you truly want. Change your phone number. Talk to G-d instead. One day at a time...one step at a time.
Maracujá
November 2020 --> 14 years natural!!!
So sorry to hear this Haddasah, but JaneBond007 has given great advice: it's one day at a time. Unfortunately in our culture we are so detached from reaping and sowing, we expect things to happen automatically and instantly. What struck me in what you said is what I have put in bold: pray. Pray more. Pray a lot. Pour it all out to Him. Just today as I was journaling I wrote down that I am tired of the spa-movies-restaurant-travelling-shopping self-care spiral that the West pushes down our throats, it's consumer based and does nothing for us. We need to purge, and prayer helps you purge. To get back to what I was saying earlier: prayer is like planting. You don't see immediate results but they will surely come in the form of emotional stability, joy, internal peace and much much more.
One final thing: Jesus urged us to pray so that we would not fall into temptation (Matthew 26:41), we often make up this want list when praying when it's not what it's meant for at all. I will also be praying for you. God bless.
Haddasah
Well-Known Member
He is the only man that I've had a relationship with, we broke up in 2009 and I didn't date for years, since moving I have met guys last year and this year. However, no matter how long we stop talking to each other (months, years) he ends up contacting me and stating that he miss me, wants me, loves me etc. So a few weeks ago this happened again and I was at a dark spot the moment he reached out to me very strong, he opened up about how he felt (this is the same man who proposed to me 2x in the past), I believe that I've used him as an emotional support so that I can "feel loved". He was there when I was having suicidal thoughts and he talked me out of it. I don't even feel like I have true feelings for him though, not romantically. He bought me sex toys because apparently Im too tight and should use them to loosen up, I've never fingered myself and don't plan to, and Im throwing away the toys he bought me. I STRUGGLED with pure thoughts and my conversations with my ex were often sexual. This morning, Im still sore from last night and it just reminds me of what happened. This guy isn't really a Christian just "spiritual, he isn't the type of man I see myself with, and he cannot make any commitments, he thinks we can be lovers and confidants. After last night, I realized that what I want is love and commitment in a real relationship. I want to have pure thoughts/speech, and I want to wait to marriage to have sex. This year I struggled with depression and low self esteem a lot, and it's no coincidence that this year I was furthest from God. When I was with Him, I had more surety, I wasn't depressed, and my self esteem was fine. I feel like every area of my life sucks, mental,physical, spiritual. I don't know what to do, where to start, how do I pick up from this? I think changing my number would work somewhat but he'll find another way to contact me. How do I talk to God instead when Im craving human interaction?
Haddasah
Well-Known Member
I feel like I can't talk to God, like I've strayed so far and been upset with Him for too long. But I miss the talks me and Go used to have, I miss so many things about the relationship I had with Him. I wouldn't now where to start, and thanks for the prayers, I really appreciate it
ETA: prayer to purge just hit me, in order to get control of my life I need to pray intensely. Pray for forgiveness, peace, and emotional stability
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Divine.
Well-Known Member
Remember: No one is perfect when they come to God. God wants broken individuals who he can mold. He's just waiting for you to open up to him again.
We have all made mistakes. The biggest trick of the enemy is making you believe God changes. Just because we may have strayed or are upset with him, doesn't mean God is the same way. He is who says he is: a redeemer, healer, keeper, perfect, omnipotent, faithful, love. Isn't that awesome?!
Pray without ceasing, even if you don't feel like it. Also, take time to thank him. The smallest amount of praise will lift your spirit.
Haddasah
Well-Known Member
Thank you, I prayed a few times this morning for forgiveness, cleansing and thankfulness, and I am going to read passages in romans 8 and 1 john 2, I spoke with my accountability partner earlier just now. I am not going to punish myself, God doesn't want to punish me but free me, repent and turn back to Him.
This morning, I looked to the sky and just broke down, I used to always pray and look to the sky in the past. I know God will not let me lose, He has a path for my life, and He wants only good for me. I cannot express it but I know I have a long road ahead, and I'm excited about that, I miss walking hand in hand with my Father as He taught me things. Turning from Him was turning from my best friend.
As the poster said.. One day at a time and One step at a time, praying and praising even when I don't feel like it.
stephluv
Well-Known Member
whosthatgurl
here.... but i'm not here
If y'all can please pray for me and my strength I'd appreciate it.
I was talking (I still say dating), someone for two months. And while it wasn't long, it escalated and ended fast.
I got a text message this morning at 7:30 saying that (he) apologized for everything he has done to me, but he has to chill on me for right now(his words, not mine; basically saying he's wants to stop talking to me), because I'm too emotional.
I literally haven't been myself all day. I've been crying non stop. I even cried at work. And I normally can pull it together.
If anything, I feel terribly used. I always extend myself to others more than I should, and I get nothing in return. The same with this situation. I just told him in return that I would never do him the way that he has done me.
And I have to see him tomorrow when I go into work.
I know it may seem small, but I'm just at my wits end. I just prayed for myself a little while ago, and I know I made the ugly cry face. I honestly feel like there may not be anyone out there for me.
I was talking (I still say dating), someone for two months. And while it wasn't long, it escalated and ended fast.
I got a text message this morning at 7:30 saying that (he) apologized for everything he has done to me, but he has to chill on me for right now(his words, not mine; basically saying he's wants to stop talking to me), because I'm too emotional.
I literally haven't been myself all day. I've been crying non stop. I even cried at work. And I normally can pull it together.
If anything, I feel terribly used. I always extend myself to others more than I should, and I get nothing in return. The same with this situation. I just told him in return that I would never do him the way that he has done me.
And I have to see him tomorrow when I go into work.
I know it may seem small, but I'm just at my wits end. I just prayed for myself a little while ago, and I know I made the ugly cry face. I honestly feel like there may not be anyone out there for me.
bellatiamarie
Well-Known Member
Praying for you sis. ^^^^
whosthatgurl
here.... but i'm not here
It's just literally gotten worse. I sat on my floor last night and cried my eyes out. I don't know why it hurts this bad.
He's literally done with me after I asked if he was done using me ( a whole conversation before happened.) Saying that he didn't want to be physically around me, but he would still call and text me. I asked him what was the point. and he said, well I don't have to call you then, I'll just say hey at work. But then after I asked him about the using me thing, he refuses to talk to me at all.
I haven't felt like this in just about ever. Not even with my ex boyfriend. It just hurts.
He's literally done with me after I asked if he was done using me ( a whole conversation before happened.) Saying that he didn't want to be physically around me, but he would still call and text me. I asked him what was the point. and he said, well I don't have to call you then, I'll just say hey at work. But then after I asked him about the using me thing, he refuses to talk to me at all.
I haven't felt like this in just about ever. Not even with my ex boyfriend. It just hurts.
Lucia
Well-Known Member
Haddasah For human interaction reconnect with friends and family or make new ones also find a hobby and get social around that maybe a bible study but be careful not all bible studies or prayer groups are with Jesus and are cults at best self serving money hungry at worst satanic.
The thing with this guy is you need to put him and yourself to the test. You say he's spiritual which means he's already open to these spiritual ideas. Actually there's hope for even the most jaded person then even where he is now he can understand that you want more. He's proposed 2x and called it off? He's inconsistent and immature I'm not saying he's a bad person he's just not there yet and you need a man who is at least on the right road knows what he wants and is willing to man up and commit. Maybe he's your future husband maybe not but put him to the test.
So you also need to work on yourself here spiritually mentally emotionally physically and financially like I said start studying the word of you don't have time to join a bible study or prayer group do it yourself get study guide and go to it. Get some other hobbies as well volunteering or working out classes for something you like etc. After repenting and confessing to God go in hard with prayer and fasting and study. Don't just fly through the verses give it time to sink in and get some understanding and ask a higher up in the church who is trustworthy if you have any questions.
Also you said you've had some suicidal thoughts that can only be broken through fasting and prayer that's a demonic stronghold in your life mentally and spiritually you need to take care of that ASAP so a weekend fast prayer and praise and knock it out of your life in Jesus name.
To help during this fast prayer say the 7 penitential psalms Psalms 6, 32, 38, 51, 102, 130, and 143 And pick out 7 psalms of praise and adoration to the Lord and say those at the end of each day to thank God for your healing and deliverance. Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!
Let this guy know where you stand on purpose and that this is what it takes to be with you tell him you're not putting all the blame on him cause you both got tempted which is natural God created us we are sexual beings and you cannot get control over it until you acknowledge and accept it. Figure out what you want in a man your husband tell this guy that you've rededicated your life to Jesus and promised to do things in his way especially concerning romantic relationships.
Now you tell him that you can't hang out or be friends with benefits or F buddies (you weren't) Whatever other terms people have for casual dating and casual sex with no purpose or plan
If he meant all those things he said and the proposal and he wants to be with you he should respect your beliefs and step up and please don't contact you if he's not ready for a real committed relationship (if he wants to mess around or make out etc) in this manner tell him to look up biblical courtship of he's got questions where you got all these ideas from. Don't sit around and answer those questions for him also he may also have other work to do on himself in his life before he's ready for real commitment. If you want send him the links to some biblical manhood and courtship vids I will post below.
And look it up yourself before you speak to him so you know what your talking about. Then stop taking his calls for a while make him work for your attention and time if he wants you like he says he will show you that he's getting with the program because he's thought it over and he will move heaven and earth if he doesn't then you've just weeded out a imposter to the king you want as your husband Amen !
Oh check out these books Real Love
If you really loved me
10 things women do to ruin their lives.
And the engagement episode of 19kids and counting. The Duggars Found it http://youtu.be/wgTvA1PiUno
Now about the impure thoughts those are going to come just don't entertain and dwell on those thoughts were supposed to be attracted to each other but we're to keep it within the right context keeping the physical and touching to just holding hands no making out not staying late home alone etc. it's bound to get out of hand if you and he don't set up boundaries and stick to them. God Bless
Look up Psalm 31 Both men and women should read this Psalm it's actually directed to young men on how to choose a wife.
http://www.amazon.com/You-Really-Loved-Questions-Relationships/dp/0867169095
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0898706130/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?qid=1419015831&sr=8-4&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70
Videos Biblical courtship http://youtu.be/AP6cc2aBecE http://youtu.be/cbL5qtRgO84 http://youtu.be/JGx9b5T8SeY
Biblical manhood http://youtu.be/oyVxMAo-Pyg
http://youtu.be/1U-JmgBnFHk
Videos for you alone on biblical womanhood http://youtu.be/9kQ5v_tEAEw
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Lucia
Well-Known Member
whosthatgurl Sorry this is happening to you. He probably can't answer you because he's feeling guilty and he doesn't want to see himself as the bad guy or the user so he's putting that on you flipping the script is a players tried and true response to everything. Now here's some things you should try Get some prayer and bible reading going on And don't punish yourself for this everyone's slips gets tricked etc. ask God to forgive you and forgive yourself we all fall short of the glory. I know you're hurting but this is a MUST at work WOMAN UP! Act like he doesn't matter to you romantically and you've already forgotten about it. If he refers to it go with the what happened? Then do you're best Meryl Streep and dismiss him with was that all. Also if you upped your game style and hair wise for work that would really show that he hasn't affected you like he thinks. don't fall into the Im sad and dressing badly syndrome don't give him that satisfaction of thinking he's got you he hasn't earned you as a friend much less a girlfreind.
Don't be angry mean resentful ask why or any questions about his life where he's going who he's dating nothing just treat him like another coworker kill him with kindness if he tells you stuff out of the blue just react like any other co worker had told you something don't go out of your way to do him any favors don't give him any compliments or if he asks for a favor tell him you can't you're all booked up, busy, going sky diving whatever.
This is to give yourself space and room away from him and to show him that you don't need him. Now work on yourself see my post response to Hadasah above ^^ God Bless
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whosthatgurl
here.... but i'm not here
Thank you. I'm actually feeling a little better. I ended up talking to him again the next day, but it's come down to, if you don't care, then I won't care either. It's not fair to me.
And I have my hair appointment booked next week
But I was talking with another poster here (who I appreciate this greatly this week), and it's time to focus on me.
Thank you again. :hug:
Haddasah
Well-Known Member
Thank you! I appreciate all of the advice. I haven't spoken to him since, I was so full of anxiety everytime my phone rang. I lost my appetite, dizzy, and nauseous, I am better now but want to do more praying before I talk to him whenever he calls.
Both times that he proposed, I rejected him. I want someone who is a spiritual leader, that has always been my issue with him. He sometimes says things that are anti-religion but then he will say things about us going to church as a family, future children learning the word, and other positive things about the scriptures. One time, he was telling me how upset he was that the Noah movie wasn't biblical accurate. I don't understand him, I think he says those things to impress me.
You're right about me needing to take out time to work on myself. The past 3 years have been a rollercoaster which ended with me having deep depression this year, Im trying out different Christian therapist, I don't want medication as I believe my depression is more circumstantial than chemical.
I feel like everything about me (physical,spiritual,mental,financial, educational, hobbies/interest) was slowly eroded over a few years, and with God it will be restored...all and then some. I'm praying for complete healing, I want wholeness in Christ. Nothing is impossible with God!
Satan wanted to kill, steal, and destroy( and he almost did) BUT GOD also has a plan and purpose for me, an abundant life filled with love, hope, and faith.
Thank you!
Lucia
Well-Known Member
Haddasah
You could also do this via hand written letter or email letter has more impact though if you can't speak to him yet. But so it when you're ready for the callback Also it's easy for people to say anti church things especially with the imposters running around in church making the church a mockery cause some churches tolerates that foolishness. He may not know how inconsistent he is regarding this shows he's got some work to do too. Now no man becomes a spiritual leader alone some parent elder in the church has to help also a man who is meant to have a wife and family or wants one will strive towards being a better man and spiritual leader even if he's not there yet. I don't think most men meet the mark alone some are just starting out some are further along some have it all together but they need a woman no righteous Christian woman to help them the rest of the way. IMO God doesn't give us the perfect mate in all things there will be something's he doesn't like about the woman and some things the woman will not like about him and they're together to work on those things together and become better people in Christ. No man or woman is perfect on this earth only Jesus is Glad I could help and glad to hear you being positive God Bless
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mz.rae
Well-Known Member
I'm really trying to be delicate and patient about this. I recently got in a relationship with this guy and there are some things that bother me about him. But I have been thinking about how to bring it up to him. The thing that bothers me about him is that he never drives when he hang out! Even when he wants to go to church with my mom he never drives. And honestly my mother is starting to get annoyed with him. I really feel it's not fair that he can go and pick up people for church, and drive other people around. But then gets in a relationship and decides to be lazy. I really don't care that he is a deacon, my grandfather was a deacon and still took care of his duties as a man. A lot of people from church keep asking us when the wedding is now that we are together and he says in a year, but honestly I don't see it happening anytime soon.
dicapr
Well-Known Member
Does he commute for work or drive long distances on the regular basis? I know when I started commuting to work I started trying to hitch a ride every chance I got. Also find out about the condition of his car. He may have a legitimate reason not to want to drive. And you need to ask yourself why that bothers you so much. Are you just tired of driving everywhere or is it symptomatic of other issues in your relationship? Is he someone who just sits back and waits or expects others to do for him?
mz.rae
Well-Known Member
He is unemployed right now, and I feel it bothers me because I am tired of driving everywhere and I just feel it looks bad for a man to have a woman always driving him places. I just like taking turns in relationships so it is equal. But I will ask about his car to see what the deal is with that.
Eta: I just realized I need to have a better attitude. I seen how hard he has to work and do for his family, and I really don't think he means anymore. I really do need to pray and ask for correction of my attitude.
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Maracujá
November 2020 --> 14 years natural!!!
What have you ladies been up to so far this year? I've decided that I will not date in 2015, pray for me ladies lol. Instead I will continue to school myself on love; I usually attend somekind of seminar about love in february but this year I'm gonna study love all throughout the year
. I'm also taking part in the Singles Academy by blackandmarriedwithkids.com and it's really great, they offer great exercises.
Would anyone be interested in a single Christian women's random thoughts thread?
. I'm also taking part in the Singles Academy by blackandmarriedwithkids.com and it's really great, they offer great exercises. Would anyone be interested in a single Christian women's random thoughts thread?
whosthatgurl
here.... but i'm not here
Currently I'm bawling my eyes out. I just posted in the other thread on the relationship forum, but I'm being left for the "baby mama". It's too much to type out right now. As far as the current conversation is going.What have you ladies been up to so far this year? I've decided that I will not date in 2015, pray for me ladies lol. Instead I will continue to school myself on love; I usually attend somekind of seminar about love in february but this year I'm gonna study love all throughout the year
But I've been crying non stop for an hour and have physically been sick.
I don't know why I keep doing this to myself.
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Divine.
Well-Known Member
What have you ladies been up to so far this year? I've decided that I will not date in 2015, pray for me ladies lol. Instead I will continue to school myself on love; I usually attend somekind of seminar about love in february but this year I'm gonna study love all throughout the year
Would anyone be interested in a single Christian women's random thoughts thread?
I support a Single Christian Women's Random Thoughts! That's how I use this thread most of the time anyways. I haven't been up to much. My dating life has been pretty much non-existent for the past year (in a good way
). However, I'm still learning to let go of one guy I really liked. It's been a long time coming but I think I'm finally in a good place. I grew so tired of always being treated second best that now I don't make exceptions for anyone. I refuse to let another man in unless God says so.
blessedandfavoured
Well-Known Member
Hi mz.rae, this quote is attributed to Charles Spurgeon: “Begin as you mean to go on, and go on as you began, and let the Lord be all in all to you.”
Whilst this is in reference to our relationship with God, it's good advice for all spheres of life. There's no point complaining to us about the man you're seeing - we can't change his behaviour, nor can we tell you his motives or reasons. Only he can do that, so I'd suggest that you have an honest, prayer-preceded conversation with him to work out what's up.
It may be that he's worried about being alone with you, because he doesn't know if he'll be able to keep things pure. It could be that he's selfish and inconsiderate. I don't know - pray about it, then ask him. If you don't want/intend to put up with this stuff in the long run, don't tolerate it now. Is it a deal-breaker? Decide and let him know!
Regarding the bolded, the dude is still your ex, though, proving that some things are more important than others. Maybe this guy has good reason for what he's doing. Until you ask him, you may never know. God bless you as you continue to seek to honour Him in your relationships.
mz.rae
Well-Known Member
Thank you so much for your response. You are so right! Thank you again! I actually feel bad for saying all this stuff about him now. It really is hard to speak up, after being with someone that always made my speaking up or asking questions as an opportunity to turn it into a fight. I pray for strength in over coming this.
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bellatiamarie
Well-Known Member
Just sharing my daily devotional for today with you guys... I hope it's big enough to see.
Nic_Cali
Well-Known Member
bellatiamarie
Well-Known Member
Hey... it's a printed daily devotional that I get from a church. It's called "The Word For You Today"
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