*sigh*...I USED to love weddings.......

[Crystalicequeen123]

Now I'm starting to despise going to them.

Can any other single ladies relate?

I've had 5 friends get married this year and I've been to 4 of them already, and it seems like no matter how good I look or how HAPPY I am when I'm there, those *dreaded questions* and comments always seems to pop up sometime, somewhere, by somebody either after the wedding or during the reception:

"So...when are YOU getting married??"
"You're STILL single?"
"So you're the sister that's NOT married right?"
"Oh don't worry, it will be your turn next!"
"I'm surprised someone as pretty/smart/nice/(insert whatever adjective you want here) as you isn't married yet!"
"Oh, so your sister's married...but YOU'RE not? Ohhhhh....." (usually followed up with a look of pity and concern for me)

*sigh* This happened just this past weekend at my friends wedding. Usually these comments are by older well-meaning women, but still...the comments can STING at times! Here I am trying to enjoy myself and forget about my "single status" and have fun, and then here comes someone with an insensitive comment or question like that.

I'm not even "looking" or "desperate" for a relationship right now, but comments like those can just make you feel this small sometimes. Like you're some type of anomaly or something.


Can any other single ladies here relate?

What do you all do? Anyone have any quickie comebacks I can use??

I know I shouldn't let it get me down, and typically stuff like this doesn't even bother me. I usually just shrug it off. But after being to like 4 different weddings this year and hearing different variations of the same question, I'm starting to get a little discouraged and frankly tired of the questions.

 

[Imani]

I like weddings, well, I like the receptions, lol. Free food, alchohol, and dancing, hey, sounds like a winner to me!

No, the comments don't bother me at all, as I am no where near ready to be married at all.

eta: My normal response is big eyes, a smile and a dramatic head shake like "Noooooope, still single, not ready for all of that yet!" or "No, I'm loving being single!" And people normally leave it at that,bc I think they can tell I really do mean it.

I think its when people sense women that are bothered by their single status is when they like to mess w/them. If you're like, whatever, it takes the fun out of it for them, and they move on to try to find someone else to bother.

 

[awhyley]

I'd just respond that I enjoy my single status, thank you very much.

 

[phynestone]

Those comments are kind of patronizing. Ask if they have any single eligible men to set you up with and if not, to be quiet and keep those statements to themselves.

I don't deal with that from folks. I guess I should say I'm lucky.

 

[Kalani]

I think there was a thread a while back that had a bunch of different comebacks for this kind of situation. My favorite was:
-"So how is it you aren't married yet?"
-"Just lucky I guess!" (said with an upbeat jubilance as if you've escaped some dreaded fate, lol! They won't know what to do with that)

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Thanks ladies...

Maybe I was just PMSing or something. Maybe it's just me and maybe these comments don't bother anyone else. I guess, when you would actually LIKE to be married but just haven't found the right person yet, people saying things like this just feel like someone is picking at a scab or an old wound or something.

But I'm not letting it get me down! I'm keeping my head held high.

Thanks everyone!

 

[chocolat79]

Those comments are kind of patronizing. Ask if they have any single eligible men to set you up with and if not, to be quiet and keep those statements to themselves.

I don't deal with that from folks. I guess I should say I'm lucky.

ITA with the bolded...

 

[Makenzie]

Those comments are kind of patronizing. Ask if they have any single eligible men to set you up with and if not, to be quiet and keep those statements to themselves.

I don't deal with that from folks. I guess I should say I'm lucky.

They are very patronizing. I've asked people who made those comments to me if they knew some single men I might be interested in and they said no.rolleyes: My response 'well there you go, neither do I'.

 

[Kalani]

Thanks ladies...

Maybe I was just PMSing or something. Maybe it's just me and maybe these comments don't bother anyone else. I guess, when you would actually LIKE to be married but just haven't found the right person yet, people saying things like this just feel like someone is picking at a scab or an old wound or something.

But I'm not letting it get me down! I'm keeping my head held high.

Thanks everyone!

Oh, it's not just you. I've avoided going to certain social gatherings because I just wasn't in the mood for all that. Who wants to constantly explain their current situation in life...especially one you often have little control over. If someone was jobless in this economy people wouldn't think it okay to ask "why haven't you found a job yet? You're so smart..you have a degree...I don't understand why you don't have a job?".

 

[kryolnapps]

yep, that was me this summer. I went to 4 weddings...brutal!

 

[chebaby]

op i feel the same way about baby showers.

 

[VelvetRain]

Sounds just like my detailer who asked me last week so when are you going to settle down. I was like hmmm do I have control over that? Afterall it's just plain annoying. No sense worrying over stuff I have no control over. Hang in there.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Oh, it's not just you. I've avoided going to certain social gatherings because I just wasn't in the mood for all that. Who wants to constantly explain their current situation in life...especially one you often have little control over. If someone was jobless in this economy people wouldn't think it okay to ask "why haven't you found a job yet? You're so smart..you have a degree...I don't understand why you don't have a job?".

Thanks...I'm glad to know it's not just me!

Some days I'm perfectly fine with whatever people decide to throw at me. I may even make a joke about it myself. But CERTAIN days (esp. times of the month) I'm just not feeling up to it!

And you're right. You bring up a REALLY good point. Nobody asks people who have unfortunately lost their job due to this economy: "So...have you found a job yet? I can't believe you're still JOBLESS! Someone as smart as you with a degree should be able to find a job by now." I mean, don't get me wrong, some people probably DO say thoughtless remarks like that towards people who are unemployed, but it's usually rare.

But to ask a single person why they aren't married yet, it's like....they are fair game! Oh, and DON'T be attractive AND single! Omg...you would think you committed some type of crime!

I think I'm going to "dress down" and "bum up" sometimes so that people won't be surprised if I'm still single.

op i feel the same way about baby showers.

Aww.... I can only imagine! I know that once people get married, the next question that comes out of people's mouths are: "So...when are you having a baby?" "What?? You and ____ have been married for x number of years and you two STILL haven't had any babies??" Or..."I want some grandkids!!"

yep, that was me this summer. I went to 4 weddings...brutal!

LOL! Yeah, so you know how it feels right?

Sounds just like my detailer who asked me last week so when are you going to settle down. I was like hmmm do I have control over that? Afterall it's just plain annoying. No sense worrying over stuff I have no control over. Hang in there.

Thanks. You're right. NO sense in worrying about things you can't control. Sure, if I wanted to be married to any Tom Dick or Harry, I could have been married at 21 if I wanted to. But I DON'T. So I'm taking my time and choosing wisely. So sue me!

I don't think people realize just difficult marriage can be. It's hard work! Yea sure the wedding is nice, the honeymoon is wonderful, and having a companion is a blessing in and of itself. But let's not kid ourselves that it's a walk in the park 24/7. It's not. But I think people tend to forget that and think that you've got some type of "disease" if you're not married by the time you're 25.

 

[hopeful]

(((hugs))) Crystalicequeen. Sorry some people have been so insensitive. I hope you get to use one of these snappy comebacks at the 5th wedding--do come back and tell us how it goes. Keep your head up .

 

[Kiadodie]

[QUOTE=dtachi;12006722]Oh, it's not just you. I've avoided going to certain social gatherings because I just wasn't in the mood for all that. Who wants to constantly explain their current situation in life...especially one you often have little control over. If someone was jobless in this economy people wouldn't think it okay to ask "why haven't you found a job yet? You're so smart..you have a degree...I don't understand why you don't have a job?".[/QUOTE][/

I would thank you a million times ..if we had a thank you button. Anyway...OP I usually avoid gatherings such as these or people that I know that will say comments like this. Actually, I come from an ethnic background/group that if you're not married or AT LEAST engaged by 30 something is wrong with you and girl, I am 38 & single. So I used to intentionally avoid gatherings and social events with those people because I couldn't take those comments and questions about why was I still single.
So now, I found a remedy...I lie to them. LOL I tell them I have a man, now they are off my back. But as stated above, this is a situation that you have little control over, so you feel more helpless especially when someone is rubbing it in your face, so I totally understand.

 

[Casarela]

Ive had the same comments from relatives when four of my cousins got married one after the other.

Because they are relatives I try my best not to upset/offend them with a dry answer such as why dont you mind your own business?

Usually I gently reply... to every thing there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven and smile and end with ''there's no rush!''