Should you marry for money?

[Ladybelle]

This is a spinoff from the Tyra show today..... but considering that finances are the #1 reason for divorce next to adultery, should one marry for money?

I won't say one should or not, but if I had to do it all over again, his current/potential $$$ would be much, much higher on the "must" list... **shrugs**

 

[JustKiya]

The same way you should marry for respect, and marry for honesty, and marry for compatibility - you should marry for money.

If all he has that attracts you is his money, no, you shouldn't marry him. But if his money is part of what attracts you to him - don't be ashamed about it - it's a benefit, just like a long tongue is.

 

[Rastafarai]

A woman is entitled to marry whomever she sees fit for whatever the reason(s) she deems necessary.

Personally, I won't marry solely for money but its definitely one of my top requirements.

 

[fletches]

If it's important to you, yep.

But if that's all your marrying for, you probably won't be happy.

 

[MizAvalon]

I started a similar thread a while ago. I wouldn't marry a man *just* for his money but him having it will be one of the reasons that I am with him, yes.

That's just common sense, IMO. To lead a household and support a family, you must have money.

 

[Triniwegian]

No, because when the money is gone you have nothing left. I don't look for SES or money in a potential spouse, he needs to have a job and be responsible but I would never trade love for designer bags. Never.

 

[MizAvalon]

Here is the thread that I started. There are some good responses in it.

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=426906&highlight=

 

[mrselle]

I didn't marry my husband because he had money, but I did marry him because he knows how to manage the money he has. There's a difference. A man can have money all day long, but if all he does is waste it and spend it on things that don't matter instead of saving for a rainy day then it doesn't really matter.

 

[Ladybelle]

The same way you should marry for respect, and marry for honesty, and marry for compatibility - you should marry for money.

If all he has that attracts you is his money, no, you shouldn't marry him. But if his money is part of what attracts you to him - don't be ashamed about it - it's a benefit, just like a long tongue is.

You are very insightful!! lol, I won't bold the particular part that is truly astounding.

I started a similar thread a while ago. I wouldn't marry a man *just* for his money but him having it will be one of the reasons that I am with him, yes.

That's just common sense, IMO. To lead a household and support a family, you must have money.

Here is the thread that I started. There are some good responses in it.

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=426906&highlight=

Thanks, I'll check it out.

 

[Spiffy]

I would marry someone who had my same ideas about money management, not so much for wealth. It's the same as values, if we don't hold the same values it won't work, if we don't have the same outlook on how we manage our money as a family and how it affects our household, not gonna work.

 

[Bunny77]

I didn't marry my husband because he had money, but I did marry him because he knows how to manage the money he has. There's a difference. A man can have money all day long, but if all he does is waste it and spend it on things that don't matter instead of saving for a rainy day then it doesn't really matter.

Money is among the reasons I will be marrying FH.

That being said, like mrselle said, the amount of money was not necessarily what I was considering. I wanted to know what type of work he did and if the amount he was making was commensurate to the type of job he had.

So, if he's an elementary school teacher -- which is a perfectly fine job -- and making teacher money, that's okay with me. As long as he manages the money well and continues to perform well in his job, it's all good.

BUT... if he's essentially always trying to "hustle" and makes the same amount as the teacher with little to no job security or ability to manage money, then I would quickly pass.

 

[spelmanlocks]

Yes, marry for money along with over things like love, personality, etc. Money issues can kill a marriage.

 

[DayStar]

If things work out with the Mr. I will be marrying him for money (amongst other qualities) ...

He has the ability to provide which is very sesssy ...and that is something I need in a husband.

ETA he doesnt have to be mega rich, BUT he has to afford me a foundation....degree, earning potential...etc..

 

[ArrrBeee]

The same way you should marry for respect, and marry for honesty, and marry for compatibility - you should marry for money.

If all he has that attracts you is his money, no, you shouldn't marry him. But if his money is part of what attracts you to him - don't be ashamed about it - it's a benefit, just like a long tongue is.

Let's reverse it. Do we exclude partners because they don't have money? I sure do. You need to at least make as much as I do and I teach school so that isn't much.

 

[Bunny77]

Let's reverse it. Do we exclude partners because they don't have money? I sure do. You need to at least make as much as I do and I teach school so that isn't much.

Now this right here? ABSOLUTELY.

When I was dating, I set a VERY reasonable minimum for what a man had to make. Considering that I'm in the Midwest and over 30 (and thus, dating men over 30), if they made less than the very reasonable amount I had in my head, then it was a no go.

 

[chocolat79]

Well, I definitely think money is one of the reasons to marry....not JUST money, but to be included in the list for sure.

My current SO actually makes less than I do.... BUT, he is a heck of a budgeter and he has a great skill set. He manages his money really well, from what I can tell. I, on the other hand, LOL...let's just say, he's an asset to me in that department. So, I agree, it's not how much you make but how much you keep.

AND might I add and I tell my girlfriends this all the time, make sure he's generous. If dude has money, but stingy as heck, then marrying for money is futile. <----This is based on the assumption that not only are you expecting some financial security but also nice things to be included in this comfortable lifestyle.

 

[Ladybelle]

If things work out with the Mr. I will be marrying him for money (amongst other qualities) ...

He has the ability to provide which is very sesssy ...and that is something I need in a husband.

ETA he doesnt have to be mega rich, BUT he has to afford me a foundation....degree, earning potential...etc..

ITA.. a man who can provide is very sessy, the alpha man at his finest.

Well, I definitely think money is one of the reasons to marry....not JUST money, but to be included in the list for sure.

My current SO actually makes less than I do.... BUT, he is a heck of a budgeter and he has a great skill set. He manages his money really well, from what I can tell. I, on the other hand, LOL...let's just say, he's an asset to me in that department. So, I agree, it's not how much you make but how much you keep.

AND might I add and I tell my girlfriends this all the time, make sure he's generous. If dude has money, but stingy as heck, then marrying for money is futile. <----This is based on the assumption that not only are you expecting some financial security but also nice things to be included in this comfortable lifestyle.

i dont know, even if he (not your man but man in general) is excellent at budgeting but doesnt make say middle class income, isnt he still broke? i mean the man is excellent at budgeting & saving, what good is it if it will take him five years just to save a decent amount of money? Do we settle, knowing the man will never be able to afford the life we really want because of love?? I'm just asking....

 

[YankeeCandle]

There are two questions I perceive here. One is the title of the OP--"Should you marry for money?" It's an affirmative, pro-active course of action. There's a second question, though, too, hinted at by your final sentence: "Should you NOT marry without money?"

Theoretically, the first question has an easy answer: sure, if you were to meet a person who was amiable AND wealthy...why not at least try to make it work with them? Why turn your nose up at potential wealth?

And similarly, if you feel inspired to avoid spending time in spots that attract lower-income folk, and if you purposely mingle with the financially blessed, seek out hotspots where well-heeled folk gather, flirt with such folk, and accept dates from them...more power to you! You know what you want and you go for it.

But out of the realm of the theoretical...

What would happen if one of those dates from that well-heeled hotspot--someone with whom you gratifyingly "click"---turns out to have just been there accompanying a friend? And he himself is of much lower SES?

You might change your tune (or might not) if you met an exceptional person like him, who understood and was attuned to you more than anyone you've ever known, who supported you, comforted you, stuck with you through thick and thin.

Now financial hardship, though frighteningly possible, has a face: the face of someone you love and who loves you. Now the question becomes: Would you consciously set aside mutual love, loyalty, and the sterling character of a specific person with a name and face...in order to seek out your dream of wealth with an as-yet-unnamed, un-met person?

Then you've reached a different question entirely, I'd say...a much harder one.

I've observed that many people often change their principles and ideals when faced with specific problems or issues they never thought they'd find themselves in (e.g. abortion, having a close friend go on public assistance, having a son or daughter come out as gay, etc). I think it's hard for most humans to come to fully informed opinions about things that are beyond our personal ken/realm of experience.

 

[fletches]

The most important factor really isn't how much money he has or even if he has a degree. The value of those things are given by society, and society can change what value those things have at any time. We can see the value of the dollar fluctuating & degreed ppl having a hard time in a down economy.

How does he manage his money, like somebody else said and what is his attitude regarding wealth. Not just money, but wealth. B/c money will keep you focused on green ink and paper.

 

[Nyssa28]

It depends....I wouldn't marry a man that didn't have good work ethics.

 

[Syrah]

Yea...just like he WILL marry for physical attraction. Why not?

It shouldn't be the only thing - but damn, I'm not broke. So a man content in his brokeassness will not be tolerated.

 

[kismettt]

of course it shouldn't be your only reason. i know i wouldn't be happy marrying a millionaire for no other reason than his millions. but finances of course should/will be considered.

 

[Whimsy]

I wouldn't marry SOLELY for money, but it's definitely a viable criterion. I don't want a man who is broke and will likely stay broke for life. If you don't have money now, you better be in grad school, law school, med school, pursuing your MBA or ownin your own biz or SOMETHING....that would make me secure in knowing we will never be poor.

 

[KurlyNinja]

How much money? Because there is a difference between Bill Gates Money and Flava Flav Money...

 

[Seraphina]

I've had the chance twice to marry for money and could not go through with it. The money was just not enough to look past all the other dealbreakers involved. I have to be attracted and he has to treat me well. Those are not things that can be overlooked for me. That said, money is a factor.

 

[metro_qt]

Yea...just like he WILL marry for physical attraction. Why not?

It shouldn't be the only thing - but damn, I'm not broke. So a man content in his brokeassness will not be tolerated.

PREACH!
then say it again.

 

[anon123]

Now financial hardship, though frighteningly possible, has a face: the face of someone you love and who loves you. Now the question becomes: Would you consciously set aside mutual love, loyalty, and the sterling character of a specific person with a name and face...in order to seek out your dream of wealth with an as-yet-unnamed, un-met person?

Then you've reached a different question entirely, I'd say...a much harder one.

I've observed that many people often change their principles and ideals when faced with specific problems or issues they never thought they'd find themselves in (e.g. abortion, having a close friend go on public assistance, having a son or daughter come out as gay, etc). I think it's hard for most humans to come to fully informed opinions about things that are beyond our personal ken/realm of experience.

It is definitely true that practical life will put your theoretical values to the test. For me, though, I think it is unlikely that I would, by chance as it were, fall for a broke guy. I dated a broke guy once. The very fact that someone is broke is a turn off for me. I can't see myself getting deeply emotionally attached because I am almost instantly turned off by empty pockets on men. You don't have to be wealthy, but you can't be broke. I'm going to need you to have at least an average/slightly above average income and know how to manage it (not one or the other). So I would not have to set aside mutual love and attraction and communion and what not because those things would (likely) never have developed due to his poverty.

The one broke guy I dated borrowed $5 from me. $5! Any loin-al cravings I might have had were extinguished with a quickness.

 

[ambergirl]

I've observed that many people often change their principles and ideals when faced with specific problems or issues they never thought they'd find themselves in (e.g. abortion, having a close friend go on public assistance, having a son or daughter come out as gay, etc). I think it's hard for most humans to come to fully informed opinions about things that are beyond our personal ken/realm of experience.

So true! There's often a big difference between what we say we'll do in a certain situation and what we actually do when faced with it.

As for the question of the thread, women only marrying a man for money is like men only marryng a woman for looks. Both can be gone in a jiffy and then where are you? But if money is just one among many reasons you're marrying someone then why not?

 

[Ladybelle]

How much money? Because there is a difference between Bill Gates Money and Flava Flav Money...

MONEY! I guess that varies from person to person, to me 50k a year is nothing to brag about esp if you have kids. So I guess to answer your question, enough money to live an extremely comfortable life on his income alone.

 

[DrC]

Should you marry for money.....

...well would YOU let someone marry YOU for your money??