Should you Change the Texture of Your Hair to Meet Your Husband?

[PretteePlease]

i say stay true to you why should she do something simply to find a husband maybe she should do something like being more assertive and approach the type of men she likes maybe they think shes attractive but only wants a man with locs, she may never know unless she steps up

----side note men are stupid/wierd/caught up when it comes to hair
on a date sunday a man asked me how often i washed my hair so
me being me i said this hair or my hair which led to me outing my
wig wearing self he was shocked and didnt want to believe that
i had a big ass fro under it even though i told him it was in cornrows
LONg story short he told me i was too pretty to have nappy hair
and that i was lying my hair wasnt nappy it probably got curly when i wet it

LOOSER!!!!!

 

[ms_kenesha]

LOSER INDEED!

i say stay true to you why should she do something simply to find a husband maybe she should do something like being more assertive and approach the type of men she likes maybe they think shes attractive but only wants a man with locs, she may never know unless she steps up

----side note men are stupid/wierd/caught up when it comes to hair
on a date sunday a man asked me how often i washed my hair so
me being me i said this hair or my hair which led to me outing my
wig wearing self he was shocked and didnt want to believe that
i had a big ass fro under it even though i told him it was in cornrows
LONg story short he told me i was too pretty to have nappy hair
and that i was lying my hair wasnt nappy it probably got curly when i wet it

LOOSER!!!!!

 

[ThickHair]

Does she want a man who loves her or who loves her hair? I have read mostly all 10 pages and my mouth is hanging open.

Sometimes you have to be careful what you wish for. You can get the corporate type and that is all you get and he can still be an arse.

I think that your friend is gonna straighten and still may never meet her mate. She could also stay natural and not meet her mate.

 

[SouthernGirl]

Hey Everyone

I started a new thread w/an update!!!

 

[Akacentric10]

In all honesty your friends worries are very real. I have a natural that I wear pressed occasionally and I get the same difference in guys that approach me. The cute corporate steady job type guys approach me more when I have the "free and flowing" whereas the bohemian artsy guys love the natural. And in general I get more compliments on my hair from men in general (even my own father) when it's pressed--I don't fault them--its just socialization from the television and media.

Now that my hair (4a shoulder length pressed out) is getting longer and the natural is beginning to hang I get male attention when it's in a natural style that shows the length--i.e. two strand twists, curly ect.... I think men in general like long hair period-regardless of texture. Its a feminine thing that they are naturally attracted to.

If your friend is that worried about getting her "type of man" being affected by her hair and it really bothers her then she should relax it. But hopefully she will be comfortable in that style and not hating her hair in search of a man-b/c in the end, its about who she is and not what's on her head. Hope this helps!

 

[adrienne0914]

people can't help what they prefer. if a man likes a woman with straight hair, that's his choice. it doesn't matter what we think about it. just like i'm sure alot of yall wouldn't date a butt ugly brotha. does that make you wrong? is it "shame on you" for not giving that nice, hard-working, butt ugly brotha a chance? no. it's just your preference to date someone who is attractive.

that may not even be your friend's reality. it could just be her perception. maybe when she comes across the "black corporate type" she makes herself unapproachable because of her belief. could that be possible?

you just never know...

i really think the best way to deal with your friend is to in fact introduce her to the friend(s) of yours that like women with natural hair so that she'll come to that realization for herself...

 

[MonaLisa]

just like i'm sure alot of yall wouldn't date a butt ugly brotha. does that make you wrong? is it "shame on you" for not giving that nice, hard-working, butt ugly brotha a chance? no. it's just your preference to date someone who is attractive.

Okkkaaay...all off the topic...but that struck a chord in my shallow behind. Thanks Adrienne.

Back to thread.

 

[esoterica]

Its sad that your friend feels she needs to change her hair from its natural state to get a man. especially considering that she is AA and she is looking for a AA man. I guess there are lots of AA men out there who dont like typical AA hair. I bet they all have their hair in a natural state though!

 

[BBabe]

Just read this thread for the 1st time, and as a SBF I have to agree (with ur friend's decision). It's easy for the women who are in relationships to say "he should accept her for who she is", but the dating reality is much different/harsher. Men prefer women with long straight hair. I've worn natural styles or ext twists all my life, and since getting a straight weave my desirability has jumped about 50%, sad but true. I'm now into wigs as I'm determined to take care of my hair - but the style remains very long and straight. Bottom line, I'm looking for a hubby, so will do what I feel works as long as it is within my comfort zone. The same rules apply to weight, skinnier girls get more attn. Unfortunately, ur friend has not realized what a pain in the butt relaxed hair is, so hopefully she'll heed ur advice and press her hair or wear wigs/weaves instead.

In all honesty your friends worries are very real. I have a natural that I wear pressed occasionally and I get the same difference in guys that approach me. The cute corporate steady job type guys approach me more when I have the "free and flowing" whereas the bohemian artsy guys love the natural. And in general I get more compliments on my hair from men in general (even my own father) when it's pressed--I don't fault them--its just socialization from the television and media.

Now that my hair (4a shoulder length pressed out) is getting longer and the natural is beginning to hang I get male attention when it's in a natural style that shows the length--i.e. two strand twists, curly ect.... I think men in general like long hair period-regardless of texture. Its a feminine thing that they are naturally attracted to.

If your friend is that worried about getting her "type of man" being affected by her hair and it really bothers her then she should relax it. But hopefully she will be comfortable in that style and not hating her hair in search of a man-b/c in the end, its about who she is and not what's on her head. Hope this helps!

 

[Ayeshia]

Just read this thread for the 1st time, and as a SBF I have to agree (with ur friend's decision). It's easy for the women who are in relationships to say "he should accept her for who she is", but the dating reality is much different/harsher. Men prefer women with long straight hair. I've worn natural styles or ext twists all my life, and since getting a straight weave my desirability has jumped about 50%, sad but true. I'm now into wigs as I'm determined to take care of my hair - but the style remains very long and straight. Bottom line, I'm looking for a hubby, so will do what I feel works as long as it is within my comfort zone. The same rules apply to weight, skinnier girls get more attn. Unfortunately, ur friend has not realized what a pain in the butt relaxed hair is, so hopefully she'll heed ur advice and press her hair or wear wigs/weaves instead.

Wait so after you snag the dude with your wig, you'll take it off and show him your natural hair? to me that is like catching a guys attention with your ass and then when yall finally get to that certain point you take off the butt pad and tell him that wasnt your reall a$$...Im not trying to be a wise guy but thats what it sounds like you are saying.

 

[locabouthair]

i wouldn't change myself for any man i don't care what it is that i need to change. if he can't acept me for who i am then we don't need to be together.

 

[SouthernGirl]

Its sad that your friend feels she needs to change her hair from its natural state to get a man. especially considering that she is AA and she is looking for a AA man. I guess there are lots of AA men out there who dont like typical AA hair. I bet they all have their hair in a natural state though!

WOW, I'd forgotten about this thread

That's funny Asphyxxia - their hair is natural!!!!

SG

 

[SouthernGirl]

Just read this thread for the 1st time, and as a SBF I have to agree (with ur friend's decision). It's easy for the women who are in relationships to say "he should accept her for who she is", but the dating reality is much different/harsher. Men prefer women with long straight hair. I've worn natural styles or ext twists all my life, and since getting a straight weave my desirability has jumped about 50%, sad but true. I'm now into wigs as I'm determined to take care of my hair - but the style remains very long and straight. Bottom line, I'm looking for a hubby, so will do what I feel works as long as it is within my comfort zone. The same rules apply to weight, skinnier girls get more attn. Unfortunately, ur friend has not realized what a pain in the butt relaxed hair is, so hopefully she'll heed ur advice and press her hair or wear wigs/weaves instead.

Great points BBabe. I also can appreciate the post that you quoted, which showed a slightly different perspective. I've never worn my hair natural (well, not since I was 20), so I can't really relate to having different reactions by men based on my hair.

I do know that when it's down, I get a lot more attention then when bunned up, so I agree with a previous comment that men just like to see length. Having said that, I wear my hair up 90% of the time, so I'm not really impressed by the extra attention (at least not at this point). For me, it's looking the way I want to look on any given day, and what makes me feel good. That and the occasional request by the SO to wear it down

My friend decided to relax, and it's been several months now. We stopped talking about this long ago when I realized she wasn't happy with the decision. Ultimately it's a personal choice, so I just gave her lotsa love and support

SG

 

[Stormy]

Wow. This is very interesting. I hate to say it, but I can kind of understand where your friend is coming from. My friends and I have both experienced getting more attention from men when we where long straight, or just long relaxed hair with curls. On the other hand though, I'm wondering how she'll feel if she doesn't like it.

Okay, I'm going to your updated thread to see how your friend's relaxed hair is working for her now.

 

[Brownie]

My friend decided to relax, and it's been several months now. We stopped talking about this long ago when I realized she wasn't happy with the decision. Ultimately it's a personal choice, so I just gave her lotsa love and support

SG

So, she went ahead and relaxed, but she's not happy?

 

[Cxshortie]

How you meet them is how you keep them.

 

[rai]

I'm sure this topic has been debated before, but what do you guys think? If a woman wants to attract a certain type of man (with the hopes of marriage/family), should she change her hair to fit the sterotypical image of beauty that those men may have, or should she simply wear the style she feels best suits her until the right guy comes along?

I don't even know how this can be a debate. The answer to this question is NO! It's not about her hair, it's about her. I have many friends--naturals and perms--that attract guys from all spectrums. It's what you put out. It's her overall style and attiutude, not just her hair.

Sheesh, straight her can also get her a "player, rapper" man... Is that what she wants?

 

[SouthernGirl]

So, she went ahead and relaxed, but she's not happy?

Hi Brownie,

Check out this thread which gives a bit of an update. Kinda long, but I updated this one as well today

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=48804

The first time she relaxed her scalp got burned and she was very upset (not to mention in pain for a few days). She eventually got used to the cut after a few days, but after a while she got sick of having to get touch ups and pay a lot of $$ at the salon she now goes to.

HTH,
SG

 

[BBabe]

Wait so after you snag the dude with your wig, you'll take it off and show him your natural hair? to me that is like catching a guys attention with your ass and then when yall finally get to that certain point you take off the butt pad and tell him that wasnt your reall a$$...Im not trying to be a wise guy but thats what it sounds like you are saying.

It's really no different than a woman who wears a weave - Would your question be the same to a woman with a weave?...Is she gonna take it out after she snags her man lol?!? One of the nice things about being blk is that we have many options for gaining "instant" length. So I guess it would be handled the same way that other women who wear weaves, extensions, falls, tracks etc. will handle it. IMO, men don't care "how" you achieve a look, as long as you have the look they find attractive.
For me personally, I will continue to wear a wig until I can press out my hair to a long length.

I don't even know how this can be a debate. The answer to this question is NO! It's not about her hair, it's about her. I have many friends--naturals and perms--that attract guys from all spectrums. It's what you put out. It's her overall style and attiutude, not just her hair.
Sheesh, straight her can also get her a "player, rapper" man... Is that what she wants?.

Dating is a #'s game. The more men you attract the more of a chance you have in meeting a ltr bf (long term rel boyfriend/hubby)/ ya know ya kiss alot of frogs before u find your prince. Sure I agree with u, that it's about what you put out, your style and having good energy BUT unfortunately, men are shallow and also quite visual. The ones who appreciate natural sisters are greatly out numbered by the ones who don't. I speak strongly about this b/c I'm speaking from current experience (in NYC and Toronto). I wear nat styles well, in fact I think they suit my face more. When I wore twists my dating life was average - yes bohemians, but a few corps also. I got the straight weave and like I said my dating increased greatly - nothing has changed except my hair. And that stat includes the bohemians too lol.
Ok, should someone totally change everything about themselves to attract someone - no, but should someone make changes/tweaks to increase their chances of getting noticed? Absolutely.
Funny thing is, that I'm noticing that after I've dated someone for a while he starts to "encourage" me to go back to nat styles, usually saying he doesn't care how I wear my hair BUT I'm noticing that is also a bit of a ploy - men realize that I receive less attn with a nat style... so I guess it's up to the indv to suss out her partner's motives.

 

[SouthernGirl]

I read the post. My jaw is on the ground right now. Seems like you were more upset than she was. I didn't think she should change her look to catch a man, but if she was going to do it, I wish her hair would've come out looking nice and not jacked up and majorly thinned out. But as I have learned, salons aren't consistent, and you don't always get the best quality because they're in a hurry and you're just another head. I'm really sorry for your friend. You'll have to give us updates, especially if she ends up with Mr. Corporate.

Funny, you could sense all that emotion thru my post! I was very upset, but I know that it happens sometimes and is just a risk you take I guess.

Anyhow, time heals everything and she's OK now. Thanks for your concern!!

SG

 

[facets]

Now, I know how I would respond to this question, but listen to this...

I went to dinner with some girlfriends last night, and I commented my friend on her natural hair. I've always admired her for her look, and she wears her TWA very well

Anyhoo, I told the girls about this site and that there had been a lot of discussion around transitioning. I mentioned that I'm going to stretch out my relaxer as long as possible, in hopes of transitioning down the road. Since I wear my hair back so much, I figured I'd only have to press it to wear it down if I wanted to wear my current style, or just wear it loose and free.

Anyhoo, my girl says, "What??? Don't do that! I'm trying to grow out my TWA so I can get it relaxed so it can look like yours, then I can attract the type of men I want to marry." Right now she says she only attracts the Bohemian, artsy types, which is fine for DATING, but she wants to MARRY a very successful "Corporate type." For this, she believes her hair needs to be long, straight, and flowing :scratchch

I have guy friends that fit her model, that LOVE natural hair (that I am going to introduce her to), and some that don't like the relaxed look. I'm sure this topic has been debated before, but what do you guys think? If a woman wants to attract a certain type of man (with the hopes of marriage/family), should she change her hair to fit the sterotypical image of beauty that those men may have, or should she simply wear the style she feels best suits her until the right guy comes along?

this is an older thread(i'm searching thru natural & loc-relevant topics) but i think this is true.

there was a definite difference in the guys i attracted, depending on hairstyle. just starting reading so BBL.

 

[plove]

Why should she have to change her hair to get a man? Her future husband should fall in love with her for her.. not because her hair is relaxed..

so be for real if a fat man walk up to you in the street
and try to talk to you, you would not see the fact that he is fat
when you first see someone it is how they look that you see first
i like dark skin man
i like man that are taller then me
this is what i would look for
if i was looking for a man