Should Women Play Hard to Get??---Here's a GUY's Take....(Very Interesting!!)

[Crystalicequeen123]

Idk about you ladies, but I've often wondered about this question myself.... I've often oscillated between doing "The Rules" and "WMLB", vs. doing things "my way" lol , but this article I just read was really INTERESTING and SPOT on imo.

There's this guy who has an online blog, and he gives ONE MAN's opinion (notice I emphasized ONE MAN's opinion lol ) on this topic, as well as many other various topics filled w/"secrets" about how men think about women/relationships/etc. He can be brutally honest at times.......but for the most part his posts are a pretty good read.

I found this article of his in particular very very interesting, and definitely SPOT ON based on my own previous experience.

The parts in bold were especially eye-opening and definitely true in my own personal experiences. It was like I had an "a-ha!!!" moment!

How "Hard to Get" Should You Play?


Every woman has been advised at one time or another that she can increase her attractiveness to a man by showing him less interest, that is, by playing "hard to get." Most people don't disagree with this advice, at least not completely; they understand that there is a psychological mechanism by which people tend to want what they can't have. But there is plenty of disagreement about the degree to which this tactic should be applied. A lot of girls obsess over how to strike a balance between "too easy" and "too hard to get." They analyze text messages, scrutinize their response times, stress out about when is the right time to sleep with a guy, or wonder if they will lose their chance with a guy off by not making a move themselves.

The reality is that there isn't any strict rule about how "hard to get" you need to play. Or rather, it varies for each girl and in each situation.


The good news, and the main point I want to make here, is that you really shouldn't over-think this. If a guy is interested in you, there is a wide margin between the behaviors that will make him think of you as "needy" and "uninterested." It will be incredibly difficult to change his interest in you by small things like agreeing too readily to a date, or being too enthusiastic in your texts. As long as you are agreeing to go out with him and not acting bored when you spend time together, you are showing more than enough interest to avoid discouraging the average guy. And as long as you aren't asking him out all the time, or initiating contact with him regularly, you aren't going to appear needy enough to turn him off.

Now, if a guy isn't that interested in you, the thresholds for "needy" and "uninterested" will be closer together, and smaller "mistakes" might cause him to change his mind about you. The girls that obsess over their behavior or the content of their text messages are usually dealing with a guy like this. In fact, his nonchalance about the relationship is usually what drives this hyper-awareness in the first place. The mistake these girls make is to think that their behavior that is responsible for the guy's decision to stop seeing them. While this is true in the limited sense that their behavior triggers the guy's decision, the reality is that his lack of interest was making it next to impossible not to trigger that decision.

Think about it this way: if a guy can be turned off just because you use the wrong adjective in a text, or sleep with him a couple dates too late or soon, or do some other small thing "wrong," then there isn't enough attraction there to sustain a relationship anyway. It was a losing battle from the outset. If the guy doesn't like you enough that you can behave naturally, then he doesn't like you enough for a relationship to last. There is no way you can perpetually guard every word and action around him, or control every emotional impulse forever; at some point you need to be able to relax and be yourself, and he needs to like what he sees when you do so. If you are in a situation where you are stressing out about what to do or say around a guy, your problem isn't your inability to know how to act, or your inability to calibrate your behavior, it is your inability to be comfortable with rejection.

**SOURCE---To Read the Entire article and more of his blog posts go to: The Rules Revisited

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I found this information to give me a sense of awareness and relief! It's like it's ALL making sense now!

Have you found this to be true as well in your OWN personal experience?

 

[LivingInPeace]

I've always found this to be true. If a guy liked me, me calling him didn't turn him off. If a guy wasn't that interested, me pretending not to care about him didn't change a thing. If a guy wants to be with you, he's happy that you answered the phone. He's happy that you called him. He's happy that you said yes to an invitation. I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought, Man! It's Wednesday and I asked her to go to dinner on Friday and she said yes. What kind of woman would admit she was available on such short notice. I no longer find her attractive."

It's been my experience that when two people are in the right situation at the right time, no one has to analyze phone calls, messages, phrasing etc.

 

[Rocky91]

It's not hard to get, it's just chilling and living my life and letting them do the work.
When I was single I was going out with like 5 different guys, no way in hell was I tryna reach out to them, nuh-uh, you wanna hear from me, call me.
I never once picked up the phone and initiated a phone convo with my now-boyfriend. He said it had him always wondering what I was up to lol.

Imo this method=less stress for you and more fun. Let them do the work. Put it this way, there's no worrying about omg I texted him 15 mins ago and he hasn't answered, does my breath stink or whatever we women stress about.

 

[MD_Lady]

If a guy is interested in you, there is a wide margin between the behaviors that will make him think of you as "needy" and "uninterested." It will be incredibly difficult to change his interest in you by small things like agreeing too readily to a date, or being too enthusiastic in your texts.

Now, if a guy isn't that interested in you, the thresholds for "needy" and "uninterested" will be closer together, and smaller "mistakes" might cause him to change his mind about you.

No matter how many times women in happy, healthy relationships say this, some women INSIST that they have to walk a tightrope (with no net) to keep a man from losing interest. Maybe now that a man is saying this, more women will finally accept it.

 

[MD_Lady]

I've always found this to be true. If a guy liked me, me calling him didn't turn him off. If a guy wasn't that interested, me pretending not to care about him didn't change a thing. If a guy wants to be with you, he's happy that you answered the phone. He's happy that you called him. He's happy that you said yes to an invitation. I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought, Man! It's Wednesday and I asked her to go to dinner on Friday and she said yes. What kind of woman would admit she was available on such short notice. I no longer find her attractive."

It's been my experience that when two people are in the right situation at the right time, no one has to analyze phone calls, messages, phrasing etc.

I wish more women would ask themselves what type of man THEY want BEFORE they start soliciting and taking relationship advice. Why set yourself up to jump through a bunch of hoops to get and keep some dude YOU honestly don't even want to be with?

 

[nlamr2013]

Haven't read yet but I don't think women should play hard to get I think they should make themselves 'hard to get' but easy to 'keep' and love

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I've always found this to be true. If a guy liked me, me calling him didn't turn him off. If a guy wasn't that interested, me pretending not to care about him didn't change a thing. If a guy wants to be with you, he's happy that you answered the phone. He's happy that you called him. He's happy that you said yes to an invitation. I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought, Man! It's Wednesday and I asked her to go to dinner on Friday and she said yes. What kind of woman would admit she was available on such short notice. I no longer find her attractive."

It's been my experience that when two people are in the right situation at the right time, no one has to analyze phone calls, messages, phrasing etc.

No matter how many times women in happy, healthy relationships say this, some women INSIST that they have to walk a tightrope (with no net) to keep a man from losing interest. Maybe now that a man is saying this, more women will finally accept it.

YESSSSSS!!!!

THISS!!! This has been my experience too.

It's like, I sort of knew it all along, but this article helped to pull the veil away from my eyes completely. I used to wonder why guys I WASN'T interested in didn't mind me being more "forward" with my interest when they were interested in me. But yet, the guy that wasn't all THAT interested in me would "run away" at the slightest sign of interest from me.

It all makes sense now! I used to twist myself into a little pretzel trying to figure out how I could show SOME interest in a guy without being TOO interested...or how I could play "hard to get" or be a "B***" so that the guy would be more "interested" (I did this w/one guy in particular ), but NOW it's like I see the light!

If you have to change your personality every which way 'till Tuesday, and have to mentally try to "figure him out" so that you're not coming on "too strong", well then that means he's just not that interested. He's not interested in you ENOUGH to sustain a real LONG-lasting relationship. It's all so simple now lol. A guy who's truly interested in you would be ecstatic that you're showing some interest back. That's like how you feel when a guy you're actually interested in calling you and texting you vs. a guy who you're not interested in calling/texting. When it's someone you're interested in, you're excited. When it's someone you're NOT interested in....you're repulsed lol! "He's too needy".... "He's too sensitive".... "Why is he calling me AGAIN?? It's only been 5 hours!" But when it's a guy you like you're all giddy if he texts you once in a blue moon lol.

NOW I understand why guys say that they don't "mind" if a woman makes the first move or comes up to THEM. Ummmm...they're talking about women that they're actually INTERESTED in already, or women who they wouldn't mind just sleeping with a few times, but might get bored with later on. A man thinking about a serious long-term relationship with you will take the chance and make a move eventually. He wouldn't even really want a woman he's REALLY interested in to make the move first (makes him seem like a wimp lol), UNLESS he is really REALLY seriously shy.

Omg...this one article alone made so much sense. He has a lot of other posts on there about how men "think" and a LOT of them have been "a-ha" moments for me too.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I like some other parts of his blog (some of which I've read so far at least) that talk about how men actually GENUINELY like NICE and friendly women. I think in the past I used to believe the whole "treat him mean...keep him keen" mantra, or follow the "Rules" to a T.... erplexed

But now I see that if a guy is interested in you, you being "nice", open, friendly and engaging with him is NOT a turn-off. If anything, it's a turn ON. But if a guy isn't interested, no amount of you being "Nice" and "friendly" is going to MAKE him like you.

That's like a saying I always tell my girl friends.... "You can't do the 'wrong' thing with the RIGHT guy, and you can't do the 'right' thing with the WRONG guy". When a guy is interested, he's interested! You have a much LARGER lee-way and leveling ground to play with. But when a guy is only minimally interested, it seems like you can't do ANYTHING right lol!

Now I know why some guys put up with "hot" women who have attitudes lol... A guy will make an exception for your bad attitude or other faults if he's REALLY into you (or attracted).

 

[Allandra]

I've always found this to be true. If a guy liked me, me calling him didn't turn him off. If a guy wasn't that interested, me pretending not to care about him didn't change a thing. If a guy wants to be with you, he's happy that you answered the phone. He's happy that you called him. He's happy that you said yes to an invitation. I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought, Man! It's Wednesday and I asked her to go to dinner on Friday and she said yes. What kind of woman would admit she was available on such short notice. I no longer find her attractive."

It's been my experience that when two people are in the right situation at the right time, no one has to analyze phone calls, messages, phrasing etc.

LivingInPeace
Yes, exactly what you said.

Geez, whatever happened to people just being themselves and going with the flow. Lawd, these dating 'rules' are probably keeping some people from being with the right one. Crazy.

 

[LivingInPeace]

I think the problem is that we don't want to believe what our common sense tells us. We make dealing with men more complicated than it needs to be. Maybe because we're constantly told that meeting men and having relationships is "work".

But I've never heard of a man being dismayed when an attractive woman he really liked responded positively to him.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I don't like when people "play" hard to get. It's really playing games.

Either you are hard to get or you are not. Disguising one's self as emotionally unavailable will be more than problematic down the road if that's not who you are.

I'm generally hard to get, sometimes I wish I werent. It's so easy for me to get ghost via pushback, pull away and abandon ship. Eventually I get tired of running. Eventually others get tired of chasing. Then the vicious cycle continues. It's exhausting.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

@LivingInPeace
Yes, exactly what you said.

Geez, whatever happened to people just being themselves and going with the flow. Lawd, these dating 'rules' are probably keeping some people from being with the right one. Crazy.

EXACTLY!!^^

I've definitely learned my lesson for the day lol.

Instead of worrying so much about "playing hard to get", I'm just going to be friendly and open with EVERYONE, and the guys who are interested in me will make a move eventually. I don't have to act standoffish or "mean" in order to attract a guy. In fact, he mentioned somewhere on his blog that a man will chase a woman IN SPITE of her playing hard to get if he's interested in her, but a man DOES NOT chase a woman BECAUSE she is hard to get....There is a BIG difference.

Now of course, a guy only interested in "the chase" will probably see you as a challenge and will chase you regardless, but if you want a guy who wants more than just a "challenge" and is really genuinely interested in you, then I'm thinking it's time for me to throw out the "Rules" books and just be myself. Now of course, I'm not going to be all UP in a dude's face or calling 24/7 or anything like that lol (that's probably UNattractive no matter if the guy likes you or not), but I'll just be easy-breezy and friendly to ALL people and the guy who is into me WILL approach.

In fact, when I look back on the guys who actually were interested in me, I realized that the guys that ended up liking me liked me BECAUSE I had been nice, friendly and open with them. They were attracted to me, so they pursued. If I had been mean to them, they may have still been physically attracted to me, but it wasn't my being "nice" OR "mean" that made them interested, it was the fact that they were already attracted to me to BEGIN with that was the difference. My being "nice" and friendly was just a bonus and gave them more courage to actually come pursue me.

It's ALLLL starting to make sense to me now.

NOW I know why this blogger says that women should put MOST of their efforts into their looks (shallow....I know... ), and spend less time on their personality. Like, Looks FIRST, but personality SECOND...because guys (unfortunately) look at LOOKS FIRST.

 

[ladysaraii]

I agree with the article. having said that, I still agree with books like The Rules and WMLB. I don't agree with every single thing as written, but I do think they serve an important purpose.

Having said that, I think I look at them more like trianing wheels. Guidelines to get you going, get you out there without getting too caught up. Then, as you you get more experience, you learn yourself, you get comfortable doing what works for you. Then you don't need the books and rules so much b/c you'll have your own inner 'rules' or feelings guiding you.

I think the important takeaway here is that we need to learn to be more in tune with our inner voices and more honest with ourselves. If something isn't working, if we're uncomfortable, if he isn't showing interest, we need to charge it to the game and kim.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

The parts you bolded have certainly been my experience. I don't look at this playing hard to get but living my life. My life continues when I start dating a man or even when I enter a relationship. I still have my friends, family and career.

 

[tru4reele]

I ain't got time to play no games. If I like a guy he will know and vice versa cause I wouldn't want no man playing games with me.

 

[MsKinkycurl]

I think many of the rules from wmlb are just meant to help you keep your sanity in relationships. Any guy worth a woman's time is fully focused on pleasing her and not the other way around. Be enthusiastic, just don't define yourself by his approval.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I thought some of the other posts on his blog were pretty eye-opening/interesting as well......

Again, I stress that this is just ONE MAN's viewpoint or opinion on matters.... Just keep this in mind lol....

If a Man Talks To You, He Likes You Have you (in general) found this to be true??? Hmmm...maybe I better start taking more notice....:scratchch


You Can Control How Attractive You Are This post on his blog (as well as a few others) might ruffle the feathers a little bit , but in general I see what he's saying and I'm glad he used pictures as examples. There is DEFINITELY a difference. Men are definitely very visual as I'm now seeing.....

 

[MizAvalon]

It's not hard to get, it's just chilling and living my life and letting them do the work.
When I was single I was going out with like 5 different guys, no way in hell was I tryna reach out to them, nuh-uh, you wanna hear from me, call me.
I never once picked up the phone and initiated a phone convo with my now-boyfriend. He said it had him always wondering what I was up to lol.

Imo this method=less stress for you and more fun. Let them do the work. Put it this way, there's no worrying about omg I texted him 15 mins ago and he hasn't answered, does my breath stink or whatever we women stress about.

Agreed. What is that saying, "he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing"? I don't pursue you, you pursue ME.

I don't play those games. If you want me, come and get me. Otherwise, bye.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Agreed. What is that saying, "he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing"? I don't pursue you, you pursue ME.

I don't play those games. If you want me, come and get me. Otherwise, bye.

MizAvalon

I like your moto girl lol!!!


Idk what is up with SOME men these days.....half of them almost expect that you should chase THEM!!!

See...I think that women "chasing" a man only works on men who were already interested in (or attracted to) the woman to BEGIN with. Otherwise, it doesn't work.... erplexed That's just my theory....

 

[caribeandiva]

I thought some of the other posts on his blog were pretty eye-opening/interesting as well......

Again, I stress that this is just ONE MAN's viewpoint or opinion on matters.... Just keep this in mind lol....

If a Man Talks To You, He Likes You Have you (in general) found this to be true??? Hmmm...maybe I better start taking more notice....:scratchch


You Can Control How Attractive You Are This post on his blog (as well as a few others) might ruffle the feathers a little bit , but in general I see what he's saying and I'm glad he used pictures as examples. There is DEFINITELY a difference. Men are definitely very visual as I'm now seeing.....

I love his blog. I started a thread a few months ago about "if he talks to you then he's interested". Interesting.

 

[caribeandiva]

MizAvalon

I like your moto girl lol!!!


Idk what is up with SOME men these days.....half of them almost expect that you should chase THEM!!!

See...I think that women "chasing" a man only works on men who were already interested in (or attracted to) the woman to BEGIN with. Otherwise, it doesn't work.... erplexed That's just my theory....

Your theory makes perfect sense.

 

[Fine 4s]

THIS! Allllll day alllll night....

 

[drappedup]

It's not hard to get, it's just chilling and living my life and letting them do the work.
When I was single I was going out with like 5 different guys, no way in hell was I tryna reach out to them, nuh-uh, you wanna hear from me, call me.
I never once picked up the phone and initiated a phone convo with my now-boyfriend. He said it had him always wondering what I was up to lol.

Imo this method=less stress for you and more fun. Let them do the work. Put it this way, there's no worrying about omg I texted him 15 mins ago and he hasn't answered, does my breath stink or whatever we women stress about.

i agree with this 1000%

i'm not going to worry over that type of crap....if you want to hear from me, you know how to get in touch. i don't think that's being hard to get at all. IMO it's just more stress-free to not give it much thought either way. i always laugh when a guy will tell me why hasn't he heard from me in X amount of time. i always respond with a question asking him when was the last time he hit me up. there's your answer right there.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I love his blog. I started a thread a few months ago about "if he talks to you then he's interested". Interesting.

Me tooooo!!! His blog is definitely an eye-opener for me.... There are some things you kind of already know or suspect, but then there were other things where I was like: "Ohhhhhh...I seee....it's allll making sense now..." :scratchch See, I didn't grow up w/a bunch of brothers, so I never heard "guy talk" lol

i agree with this 1000%

i'm not going to worry over that type of crap....if you want to hear from me, you know how to get in touch. i don't think that's being hard to get at all. IMO it's just more stress-free to not give it much thought either way. i always laugh when a guy will tell me why hasn't he heard from me in X amount of time. i always respond with a question asking him when was the last time he hit me up. there's your answer right there.

You ladies who are cool as cucumbers lol.... were these guys you were GENUINELY interested in though?? I'm just curious.... Because Idk if it's a womanly trait or what, but I notice that when I'm not THAT into a guy, I can be as cooooooool as a cucumber and not wonder/worry about when he will contact me. I go about life as usual. But when I'm actually into a guy?? Omg.... It's like the opposite lol.. Then you start to wonder/worry/second-guess... "does he really like me?" "how MUCH does he like me?" "Why hasn't he called yet??"

Ugh...... Idk, I just feel like it's EASY to be "hard to get" when you're not really into a guy and you're just living life as usual. But you actually have FEELINGS for someone, I think it's MUCH harder. Maybe some women have become great actresses and just fake it 'till they make it...

 

[cheetarah1980]

^^^
This is exactly the reason I prefer to date multiple men at a time. I do not connect with very many men. I don't feel chemistry + compatibility often. In this respect I am extremely hard to get. However, when I do feel it I can get got really easily. In order to keep myself from going into crazy, clingy, insecure mode I have to play it cool until I'm sure of how he feels about me. Dating other guys helps me do this. Even if I don't like them as much they are a good distraction and keep me from dwelling (well they make me dwell a little less) on when this one man will call, text, ask me out, etc. And if things do go south having options definitely helps ease the blow of feeling like I've lost something (even though I never really had it).

 

[drappedup]

You ladies who are cool as cucumbers lol.... were these guys you were GENUINELY interested in though?? I'm just curious.... Because Idk if it's a womanly trait or what, but I notice that when I'm not THAT into a guy, I can be as cooooooool as a cucumber and not wonder/worry about when he will contact me. I go about life as usual. But when I'm actually into a guy?? Omg.... It's like the opposite lol.. Then you start to wonder/worry/second-guess... "does he really like me?" "how MUCH does he like me?" "Why hasn't he called yet??"

Ugh...... Idk, I just feel like it's EASY to be "hard to get" when you're not really into a guy and you're just living life as usual. But you actually have FEELINGS for someone, I think it's MUCH harder. Maybe some women have become great actresses and just fake it 'till they make it...

i am very naturally a detached person emotionally so it takes A LOT for me to really feel a connection or be gaga over a guy. most of the time it's very easy for me to be nonchalant and indifferent about whether so-and-so calls me or whatever, especially since i usually have other guys i am dating as well (kind of how other ladies have already mentioned, dating multiple guys really does help you care less lol).

HOWEVER, in the rare circumstance when i do end up having genuine feelings for someone, i do put my actress hat on. i am very protective of myself and my feelings, and so even when i am feeling a guy....i pretty much carry on the same until i know without a doubt how he feels. it can be tempting sometimes to let yourself wonder why hasn't someone called you, but even in moments of doubt, i just remind myself to relax and not stress about it because if he really is into me, he WILL contact me. if not, that sucks but oh well....i will survive and life goes on. that's just me, though.

 

[Dellas]

A friend told me this once. He said men are simple. If you are the women he wants then your crazy behavior is accepted,ignored, or explained away. If he is complaining about you then he don't want you. He was right. Me trying to be the perfect same and pleasantly smiling person wasn't working. The guy was an as@ and douche.


This is absolutely true
This is why my friend who was spying outside if the bushes and kept checks on her man is married because he simply wanted her

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

^^^
This is exactly the reason I prefer to date multiple men at a time. I do not connect with very many men. I don't feel chemistry + compatibility often. In this respect I am extremely hard to get. However, when I do feel it I can get got really easily. In order to keep myself from going into crazy, clingy, insecure mode I have to play it cool until I'm sure of how he feels about me. Dating other guys helps me do this. Even if I don't like them as much they are a good distraction and keep me from dwelling (well they make me dwell a little less) on when this one man will call, text, ask me out, etc. And if things do go south having options definitely helps ease the blow of feeling like I've lost something (even though I never really had it).

Okay I need to know how you ladies are getting multiple dates at one time lol. Maybe it's just me, but I don't get approached often. And ever since I went natural....ha...forget about it. erplexed And even if I DO get approached, 9 times out of 10 it's usually some crazy guy calling from across the street.... Guys that I wouldn't even think about dating.... Are my standards too high? I mean, I could see if every Tom Dick and Harry were trying to get at me and I"m turning them down one by one, but that's not the case!

I can't even "multi-date" because I'm not asked out on dates 24/7.

What about women like US?? How do WE keep our "cool" if we're not having multiple suitors knocking down our doors??

i am very naturally a detached person emotionally so it takes A LOT for me to really feel a connection or be gaga over a guy. most of the time it's very easy for me to be nonchalant and indifferent about whether so-and-so calls me or whatever, especially since i usually have other guys i am dating as well (kind of how other ladies have already mentioned, dating multiple guys really does help you care less lol).

HOWEVER, in the rare circumstance when i do end up having genuine feelings for someone, i do put my actress hat on. i am very protective of myself and my feelings, and so even when i am feeling a guy....i pretty much carry on the same until i know without a doubt how he feels. it can be tempting sometimes to let yourself wonder why hasn't someone called you, but even in moments of doubt, i just remind myself to relax and not stress about it because if he really is into me, he WILL contact me. if not, that sucks but oh well....i will survive and life goes on. that's just me, though.

Yea, now that I'm a little older and have a little more experience, I definitely try this method these days. I show signs of flirtation, but I try not to get my heart all "involved" until HE has shown me that he is genuinely interested in me. It's REALLY REALLY hard, and I think it's harder for me because I don't find guys that I REALLY really like in a romantic way too often. There are some friends of mine who have a new crush almost every two weeks it seems lol . I'm just not that way. So if I'm crushing on a guy, it's because he is really special, and I feel like I could actually see myself w/him, and that doesn't come too often, so I almost have to reign in my interest because it doesn't happen too often, so when it DOES happen, I can get pretty excited lol.

Guess I'll have to take acting lessons lol

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I thought this post on his blog was interesting as well....

It's basically confirming what a lot of you ladies have already mentioned, so I guess it's the truth!!

Self-Improvement Takes Time

I've been getting a lot of e-mails from girls asking for urgent advice about how to act around a particular guy, or how to interpret his behavior. Others express concern about the difficulty inherent in striking a balance between extremes (for example, between "hard to get" and needy, or prudish and slutty). And while I do usually have suggestions relevant to the specific situation, more often than not these kinds of questions are an indication that the girl is missing the big picture - that she is splitting hairs, and placing too much importance on one particular thing, when the truth is that no single thing matters completely.

If you find yourself worried about the wording of a particular text, or fretting over which earrings to wear, or generally wondering how you should behave towards a particular guy in a particular situation, take a big step back and realize two things:

1. If he is really into you, you will have to make significant mistakes to make him change his mind. While there are always ways to make him like you more, your baseline should be to simply continue doing what you are doing and making gradual improvements. By "significant mistakes" I mean things like revealing that you are actually addicted to coke or gaining 30 pounds.


2. If he isn't that into you, no single small change you make is really going to attract him. A new set of clothes or "hard to get" attitude will not make the difference. You will need to revolutionize yourself to really hook him, and it is impossible to do this overnight. Instead, admit that he is a lost cause, and spend the energy that you would have spent on him on improving your appearance and personality. Then, by the next time a guy of that caliber comes along, hopefully you will have improved enough to make him stick around.

I am not saying that little things don't matter - they do; collectively, they matter a lot. But no single one will make or break a guy's attraction to you, and improvements to each one take time to implement and become natural to you. You need to be patient. But if you continue to make a steady effort, there is no question that the quality of guys you attract will improve.


Source: The Rules Revisited [Blog]