Should I trust my gut and run far away? (long)

[isawstars]

[Edit]

Thanks for the advice ladies!

I hope you don't mind me deleting the content of this post. I already received a lot of helpful advice and I'm ready to move on.

 

[Lucie]

Follow your gut. Men do say dumb things but their actions tell everything.

Don't let loneliness guide you. Being with the wrong person is far worse. Good luck!

 

[Mai Tai]

OP..I would follow your gut. He said how he felt and is now trying to backtrack. He now knows what you want to hear and is willing to say anything just to keep the peace. HUGE NO NO.

This is why I tell women in the early stages of a courtship, spend more time observing and less time talking. Stop telling these men what type of relationship you want and what you are looking for in a mate. This gives a man the perfect opportunity to just tell you anything to appease you.

When he said "ask me again" I wouldn't have repeated anything. I would have kindly told him that he heard me loud and clear the first time I asked and that he'd given his answer. The first reaction is a lot of times the most honest reaction.

 

[JudithO]

Too many issues. Run now before your heart gets too involved..

 

[Christa438]

Hey Isawstars, my lhcf sis ... I think he told you the truth,then he saw your reaction and he wants a "do over" so he can tell you what he thinks you want to hear and get "close" or back in good terms with you. A man who goes back and forth with his answers is NOT trustworthy. Listen to your mind and gut. Protect your heart from someone who is not trustworthy with it. Again I think your gut is right 100 % about this.

Also let me add that when he said "Let's be honest here..." I wouldve translated it as "Let's be real. Im not going to be committed to you ever. This isnt going anywhere." He couldnt fix the damage, hurt, and disappointment at that point. I dont care what he said or did before. In the words of Willy Wonka "You lose! Good Day,Sir."

...Just when you dont expect it, someone truly amazing will come along. There will be NO confusion.

 

[qchelle]

Awwwww he sounds adorable! He sounds young and scared and new to the scene. If you're looking for more experience, I'd move on, if I were you. But if you like adorable newness, I would stay! Lol

I cracked up at "terrified of...apartment leases"

 

[Foxglove]

Yeahhhh too many issues for such a new relationship. I would cut him loose

 

[GoldenRule]

Let him "practice" on somebody else. Check him out again in 5 years or so.

 

[Mai Tai]

Awwwww he sounds adorable! He sounds young and scared and new to the scene. If you're looking for more experience, I'd move on, if I were you. But if you like adorable newness, I would stay! Lol

I cracked up at "terrified of...apartment leases"

At 19 maybe, but at 25??? Hayle naw! That ish ain't adorable it's annoying. He's well on his way to 30 years old and his GROWN A$$ scared of apartment leases and ish. What is he going to do when it's time to finance a car, buy a home? Who raised him?

 

[MzLady78]

At 19 maybe, but at 25??? Hayle naw! That ish ain't adorable it's annoying. He's well on his way to 30 years old and his GROWN A$$ scared of apartment leases and ish. What is he going to do when it's time to finance a car, buy a home? Who raised him?

Agreed. He sounds a bit immature, even for 25- lying about little ish like having never had a GF.

And I still belive his first reaction about the future of the relationship were his real feelings.

 

[isawstars]

THANKS LADIES!

Years ago, I posted on here and never took your advice only to later find out I should have listened. This time around I am not making the same mistake.

I need to cut him loose. I'm finally ready to settle into a relationship again so I want someone who knows what they want. I think 9-10 dates is plenty of time to make a solid decision, I'm not going to put up with wishy washy answers no matter how gorgeous he is.

Again, thanks. I feel very confident in this decision now.

 

[MzLady78]

^^^ Good for you. I think this is your best bet and you can do better. You don't have to wait for "perfection" but you should wait for someone who KNOWS (without question) that they want to be with you.

 

[PretteePlease]

Molly....you in danger girl!

 

[lux10023]

very well said..da hell!!!

At 19 maybe, but at 25??? Hayle naw! That ish ain't adorable it's annoying. He's well on his way to 30 years old and his GROWN A$$ scared of apartment leases and ish. What is he going to do when it's time to finance a car, buy a home? Who raised him?

 

[FelaShrine]

you were mad that he's a virgin or mad that he never had a relationship before?

cos you seemed upset before he went into the whole "we aint getting married" spiel and im trying to figure out why.

do you know many men ready to admit to being a 25 yr old virgin?

 

[isawstars]

you were mad that he's a virgin or mad that he never had a relationship before?

cos you seemed upset before he went into the whole "we aint getting married" spiel and im trying to figure out why.

do you know many men ready to admit to being a 25 yr old virgin?

@ FelaShrine Neither. I was mad that he lied to me about the last time he had sex. He told me he had sex a year ago. And I was also disturbed that he was going to let me take his virginity without telling me. That's a big deal and I'd like to know that.

Sent from my LG G2 via LHCF app

 

[luckiestdestiny]

RUN. Mixed signals are never a good sign. And fear of commitment? Why waste your time? RUN.

 

[sunnydaze]

I actually give him a pass for being a virgin and never having a girlfriend..kind of even for lying about it as he likely knows how that looks. I was a very late bloomer and did something similar in my mid 20s...just being honest.

The rest is not passworthy though.

 

[DarkJoy]

Yea dude is a mess of newness.

Your instinct to roll out might be right. I wouldn't sweat the virginity lie as much as his never going to be married statement. Perhaps he said that because he assumed thats where your mind was at instead of using some balls and stating straight up he did see and want a future. That in itself would make him a puss in my eyes and I'd have no respect.

There's less confusing men out there.. you'll find one.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Girrrrrllllll......RUN!!! Run FAAAAR FAAAAAAAAR Away!!!




To be serious though, there are quite a few red flags here. Others have mentioned them already, so I don't think I need to reiterate.

All I know is, if a guy is TRULY truly into you and wants something SUBSTANTIAL with you, he will NOT be saying things like: "Come on...you know this isn't going anywhere...", and he wouldn't be sharing things about how he's so "scared of commitment" that he can't even think about signing the lease on an apartment.

RED flags GALORE!!!

You can be a virgin and never have a gf and STILL not say those things that he said to you. I don't trust him one bit. Usually when guys tell you something....believe them the FIRST time! Even if he WERE a deadbeat, if he was seriously into you, he would be trying to HIDE his bad faults....not putting them all out there like that.

 

[Farida]

Run. Do not Pass Go. Do not collect $200.

 

[FelaShrine]

@ FelaShrine Neither. I was mad that he lied to me about the last time he had sex. He told me he had sex a year ago. And I was also disturbed that he was going to let me take his virginity without telling me. That's a big deal and I'd like to know that.

Sent from my LG G2 via LHCF app

you will be hardpressed to find a man that will tell you but it's over now

so on to the next. good luck.

 

[bklynbornNbred]

I think if you like him as much as you said then you should continue to date him AS you date others. No need to rush to be exclusive with anyone just because 10 dates have passed. A 25 year old virgin is not thinking about marriage. He's thinking about not being a virgin and who's got next. You don't have to dump him just keep interviewing candidates and keep them in rotation until a strong marriage minded candidate earns the right to your exclusivity, time and energy.

 

[Prinncipality]

If your gut is telling you run then I say listen to it. He doesn't seem like a bad guy though, just inexperienced.

 

[rabs77]

So is he a virgin out of choice( personal values, religion), or is it because ze crayon is broken? Is he a virgin because he's tried before and always gets stage fright? Seems like there are some other issues there..I'd listen to my gut if I were you and move on.

 

[Joigirl]

He sounds confused. I don't know any guys whose crayons wouldn't work if they have access to coloring with a willing female that they are in a relationship with. Maybe he is dealing with sexuality issues.

 

[isawstars]

He sounds confused. I don't know any guys whose crayons wouldn't work if they have access to coloring with a willing female that they are in a relationship with. Maybe he is dealing with sexuality issues.

Joigirl I agree, it's weird... one of my friends think he's lying and is just embarrassed that he has crayon problems.

rabs77 he said he was unattractive in high school and had bad acne in college. He's not a virgin for religious reasons.

 

[isawstars]

Mai Tai Lucie Christa438 MzLady78 luckiestdestiny DarkJoy Crystalicequeen123 and others who responded already...

I called him and told him that I can't see him anymore. Straight up. No sugar coating. He asked why, I told him, and then he said "let me call you back." I asked, "why," and he responded, "someone is calling me." He never called me back and sent me a text instead. He said that he was having a bad day, and that he'd talk to me tomorrow...

I instantly felt awful. And it doesn't help that my best friend yelled at me, saying that I'm punishing him for how my ex boyfriend treated me which was very similar minus the lying and virginity issue.

I'm so confused. I'm no longer sure if I did the right thing. Maybe I messed up. Maybe I should have waited to see how the following week turned out.

 

[DarkJoy]

First off, if he cared so much another call would have been unimportant. He would have discussed with you on the spot and tried to convince you to stay.

Second, your BFF needs to be downgraded to acquaintance for her lack of emotional support. If it was me, she would eventually be cut off depending on if this her typical pattern of behavior.

Sorry this mess has turned into a bad experience. But you did the right thing for you. No need to feel bad about that.

 

[isawstars]

First off, if he cared so much another call would have been unimportant. He would have discussed with you on the spot and tried to convince you to stay.

Second, your BFF needs to be downgraded to acquaintance for her lack of emotional support. If it was me, she would eventually be cut off depending on if this her typical pattern of behavior.

Sorry this mess has turned into a bad experience. But you did the right thing for you. No need to feel bad about that.

DarkJoy

Thank you soooo much for that.

In retrospect, it is strange he didn't try to change my mind like he did the other night.

I don't think anyone was calling him tho. I think he freaked out.

Sent from my LG G2 via LHCF app