Should i give this man a chance? - advice please

B

Bublin

Well-Known Member
So i met this guy....let me describe him.....

He looks so good i just want to eat him up for breakfast, lunch and dinner. He has model good looks to the point i was wondering why the hell he is interested in me.

He has a University degree and works in the Social Care field with young adults.

He drives a very nice sporty car.

He dresses very nicely.

He owns a house and has money in his pocket.

We have sooo many things in common its too weird.

He is 39 and i am 31 (i don't have a problem with this by the way)

He is very affectionate and has made it clear he really likes me in the right way (ie not playing about)

We met, talked and then arranged a date but inbetween we bumped into each other at a bar and spent the whole night together. We went on the date and it was fantastic - we laughed all the time and its like he is the missing peice in my puzzle.

So whats the problem.

1. He is massively insecure and is grilling me about me, trying to find a
fault. He said he didn't ask me out on 2nd date because he didn't know if i liked him and that i should bring it up.

2. He was adopted - not sure what age and his background has effected him - he will talk to me about it oneday.

3. His last relationship left him heart broken - even though he walked away and he doesn't trust womens intentions towards him.

4. He is the kind of guy that falls in love instantly.

5. In person he is a normal person but over the phone he speaks like a 15 year old and jokes so much i find it very difficult to have a conversation with him. Basically he is irritating me badly - but over the phone only.

Part of me feels i should not persue this one but everything else is so right (that sweet sweet face of his has got me BAD!!). I'm a Taurean so its my nature to keep trying even though i may be flogging a dead horse! Also its only been two weeks since i met him so i don't think i should have these dilemmas so early on. I dunno.

Do you guys think i should talk it all out with him or are these big red flags?
 
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The 15 year old on the phone immaturity would turn me off. No one is perfect. I would try it out and see what happens. Give him the benefit of the doubt and get to know him a little more.
 
Hmmm
I think since you understand his insecurites are based in things that happened in his past if you are willing you can help him over come them.

I have an Opinon that alot of men fall in love twice and if they feel they were dogged out twice by the women, then any good woman that comes along after that is treated badly b/c they will not give their heart a chance to get hurt a 3rd time.

Your guy sounds like he has only been hurt once, that's a good thing you can work with that:grin:.

The telephone thing I think men tend to revert to their teenage years when they meet a female they like. Have you seen that cell phone commercial of that guy who just couldn't leave a decent message for a girl he met at a party. As he gets more comfortable with you that will improve. I think it's kind of sweet I think it means he really likes you.

And for a 39 year old he doesn't seem to have a lot of lady milage on him. that's a good thing as well he is less jaded

I vote give him a chance
BUT........

Don't blame me if I am wrong hee hee hee
 
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Since you have soo much in common i would give him a chance...but only for a few more weeks. IMO a 39 yr old man should not remind you of a 15 yr old ever. Just be prepared to deal with his baggage. it sounds like he got alot of emotional issues. You might get sick of him after a while. sometimes that little voice in the back of our head should be listened to.:perplexed
 
Bublin said:
So i met this guy....let me describe him.....

He looks so good i just want to eat him up for breakfast, lunch and dinner. He has model good looks to the point i was wondering why the hell he is interested in me.

He has a University degree and works in the Social Care field with young adults.

He drives a very nice sporty car.

He dresses very nicely.

He owns a house and has money in his pocket.

We have sooo many things in common its too weird.

He is 39 and i am 31 (i don't have a problem with this by the way)

He is very affectionate and has made it clear he really likes me in the right way (ie not playing about)

We met, talked and then arranged a date but inbetween we bumped into each other at a bar and spent the whole night together. We went on the date and it was fantastic - we laughed all the time and its like he is the missing peice in my puzzle.

So whats the problem.

1. He is massively insecure and is grilling me about me, trying to find a
fault. He said he didn't ask me out on 2nd date because he didn't know if i liked him and that i should bring it up.

2. He was adopted - not sure what age and his background has effected him - he will talk to me about it oneday.

3. His last relationship left him heart broken - even though he walked away and he doesn't trust womens intentions towards him.

4. He is the kind of guy that falls in love instantly.

5. In person he is a normal person but over the phone he speaks like a 15 year old and jokes so much i find it very difficult to have a conversation with him. Basically he is irritating me badly - but over the phone only.

Part of me feels i should not persue this one but everything else is so right (that sweet sweet face of his has got me BAD!!). I'm a Taurean so its my nature to keep trying even though i may be flogging a dead horse! Also its only been two weeks since i met him so i don't think i should have these dilemmas so early on. I dunno.

Do you guys think i should talk it all out with him or are these big red flags?
Click to expand...

Bublin, cut it out..aint nothing wrong your looks to think he is "too good looking" for you. Thank God for a man who isn't all caught up on his exterior. You stated you two share 'commonalities', he works in the social service field so has a heart. Don't you think you are worth a man you feel drawn toward and he to you..? Give it some time..then decide if it's worth it.
 
Give him a chance. I don't think I see any dealbreakers. Everyone will irritate you on some level.
 
I think you should give it a chance because the only truly red flag I see is that his last relationship he got his heart broken which means he could see you as just a rebound.

You should take this one slow because he could be an emotional wreak!

Also about the phone thing just tell him how you feel about that but say it in a flirty/serious way and that should be good for him to change!

See if he has any baggage before going deep with him as well!
 
I would proceed with EXTREME caution.

Sometimes when people have not fully healed from previous relationships, they expect the new person to pay for the last person's transgressions and/or to fill that void by going above and beyond the call of duty. Unless you are prepared to help him work through that and "heal", then proceed slowly. If he doesn't trust women's intentions, why is he going to trust yours? That could create more than a few issues. I don't like having to clean up the mess of the woman before me. :nono:

Personally, I couldn't deal with the 15 y/o talk and the insecurities, but we've all got our own hang ups. I live for good conversation so I prefer that a man be a good, mature conversationalist. I'm sure there are things that I would embrace/put up with that others wouldn't even consider.

I would sit down and have a conversation with him about those things and get a feel for where his head/heart is. I do think you should explore the possibilities since the two of you have so much in common. However, when he shows you who he is, believe him the first time! Don't be blinded by the car/looks because those things can be gone in an instant, but his character/personality/essence will remain.

Good luck!
 
Thanks for the advice guys - it looks like you all pretty much are saying the same thing - i will give him a chance and be open minded as i am usually quick to close the door to someone who doesn't fit my 'ideal' picture of a man.

On the immature talk on the phone i spoke to him last night and told him how i felt, in a jokey kind of way, and for the rest of the conversation he spoke in a mature way!! As someone said conversation is very important to me.

I added that we should cut the phone conversations down (as he is soo different in person) and that dating is how you find out what a person is all about, not asking questions over the phone.

I also told him that i find confidence in a man very attractive and that he has no need to be so unsure of himself around me. He understood but didn't really respond - guess i had dented his male ego enough by then.

@ BrooklynSouth - thanks - yeh i am confident in my looks but DAMN the brother is soooo fine i fear i'm gonna turn into a fool over his looks - ha ha ha - he could be my arm candy!!!!
 
Good luck Bublin, hopefully this guy isn't too messed up! I know he's hot, but try to keep your head on. :lachen: Remember, you are not going to be his psychiatrist. If he is messed up beyond repair then let him be someone else's problem.
 
I will try my best to keep my head on!!!

And yes, i will let him be someone else's case if things aren't going in the right direction.
 
I added that we should cut the phone conversations down (as he is soo different in person) and that dating is how you find out what a person is all about, not asking questions over the phone.

I also told him that i find confidence in a man very attractive and that he has no need to be so unsure of himself around me. He understood but didn't really respond - guess i had dented his male ego enough by then.

Bublin that's what I'm talking about. You just set the stage for what you want and are looking for....a grown up. Let his ego be bruised, he'll get over it. You are an "A" woman so he needs to step it up and bring his "A" game. Period.

Everybody got their something, just listen to that voice that is making you notice the red flags. If you just met him just have fun without all the expectations and "Is he the one" energy.

I hope it works for you! Please keep us posted!
 
Thanks starfish - i agree - everyone does have their something. I shouldn't be so hard on the brother as he has a kind and gentle nature.

The more i talk to him the more he is dropping the 'victim' persona and is manning-up. He did tell me that not everyone is the same and some people just wear their heart on their sleeve - i hear him on that one.

We are going out dancing tomorrow night and i can't wait (i bought him a chocolate Lindt easter bunny - hopefully we'll get to share it!!!)
 
i said give a chance. At least go on a couple more dates with him. spen more time with him try to get in his head and understand him.
 
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