Should I Give him a Chance?

[Amari]

I need some advice on this one ladies.I met this guy who has met all of my requirements in a man.He has a lot going for himself,has his ish together.Thing is,I am not attracted to him.(Maybe a lil bit,lol,but only for personality)I am not physically attracted to him.

I have not been with anyone since my divorce last year.People keep telling me I need to get out more and start dating.I really dont care to,if it happens,it'll happen.I'm very picky and turn down dudes all the time.I like this guys personality.

I know I do not want a relationship,but I do miss having a mans company.Not to mention I have been fighting my hormones cuz it's been a while.(Sorry if tmi,lol)(NO I will not sleep with him any time soon if I did give him a chance)

I turn this guy down,and it impresses me he is still sincere and persistent.I have never had a guy I turn down still try to talk to me.

Am I being shallow with how I feel?Should I give him a chance?I know he will want more if I did give him a chance.(Relationship eventually,being exclusive)I definately dont want that now...I guess I hate to miss out on a good thing being "stoopid".Come on in and school me ladies.

 

[Bunny77]

Okay, you are looking waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too far in the future. Men ask women out on a date and women act like he wants to pick out wedding rings.

One date won't kill you, nor does it mean that you have to get with this dude, nor will ole dude necessarily "want more" if you go out with him a few times.

I don't think you need to rush into anything serious if you aren't ready and you should take all the time you need to heal before getting into another relationship. But I do agree with your friends that it would probably be good for you to get out and go on dates... again, dates are just dinner and a movie (or whatever you like to do). Nothing more, nothing less.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

Since you are not looking for a serious relationship from him, I would be upfront and tell him that.

I feel like being upfront and honest and letting a person know upfront how you feel is better than leading them on and not saying anything to them, having them to assume that you are exclusive to him. Not saying that you would do this. Be confident when you do tell him. When you sound unsure of what you want, for some reason, they feed off of that.

But, I would say go out with him, and enjoy yourself. Life is too short. Don't short change yourself of being happy. You come first, and if he treats you with respect, and wants to take you out to dinner, etc. then all is good. However, have options. Mingle, date and have fun until you figure out what it is that you want regarding relationships, etc.

I would take my time and get to know him better as a friend.
I hope this helped.

 

[Bunny77]

Since you are not looking for a serious relationship from him, I would be upfront and tell him that.

I feel like being upfront and honest and letting a person know upfront how you feel is better than leading them on and not saying anything to them, having them to assume that you are exclusive to him. Not saying that you would do this. Be confident when you do tell him. When you sound unsure of what you want, for some reason, they feed off of that.

But, I would say go out with him, and enjoy yourself. Life is too short. Don't short change yourself of being happy. You come first, and if he treats you with respect, and wants to take you out to dinner, etc. then all is good. However, have options. Mingle, date and have fun until you figure out what it is that you want regarding relationships, etc.

I would take my time and get to know him better as a friend.
I hope this helped.

Where's Madea????

 

[ThickHair]

Since you are not looking for a serious relationship from him, I would be upfront and tell him that.

I feel like being upfront and honest and letting a person know upfront how you feel is better than leading them on and not saying anything to them, having them to assume that you are exclusive to him. Not saying that you would do this. Be confident when you do tell him. When you sound unsure of what you want, for some reason, they feed off of that.

But, I would say go out with him, and enjoy yourself. Life is too short. Don't short change yourself of being happy. You come first, and if he treats you with respect, and wants to take you out to dinner, etc. then all is good. However, have options. Mingle, date and have fun until you figure out what it is that you want regarding relationships, etc.

I would take my time and get to know him better as a friend.
I hope this helped.

Your forgot to light your Newport one hundit. LOL

 

[hopeful]

Y'all leave ThatJerseyGirl alone!

OP, I agree with Bunny, you are looking into this too deeply. Go out and see what happens. And I wouldn't go into any long discussions about not being ready for anything serious, etc. Don't box yourself in like that. Take it one date at a time. Have fun. Don't talk about your divorce or your ex either. Focus on having fun and being light, getting to know each other. After a few dates if you are not interested just don't go out with him anymore.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

lolol....cuz it wasn't worth a newport... i need some drama filled shyt to light up yall....dis one hea was easy...bless her heart...lolol

 

[Lenee925]

lolol....cuz it wasn't worth a newport... i need some drama filled shyt to light up yall....dis one hea was easy...bless her heart...lolol

Hahaa...right?

 

[Amari]

This isn't just some random guy who has asked me out and I'm thinking this way.I have been talking to him since December.He is telling me he wants to be exclusive,more than just my friend.I've told him since day 1 all I'm interested in is a friend.He's just kind of pressing the issue more lately,and now I'm thinking why not?

I guess I'm hesitant because it would be just a date to me,but for him it would be hope that we can be together.I'm not trying to get tied down like that.Then I see how he is,and ask myself why not give him a chance.He's a great guy,but I just dont want all of that now.

I would hate to miss out on someone great,because I'm having these hang ups...

 

[Sosoothing]

If after all this time you aren't feeling it, then you are simply aren't feeling it and there is nothing wrong with that.
Just because a guy is a good guy doesn't mean he is a good man for you. There is no rule that says you must be attracted to or want a relationship with a man who has all his ish together. Certain things must fall in to place to have good relational foundation and you are missing one of them at least. Don't get in to this relationship. If it doesn't feel right to you because you aren't attracted to him, you will not be missing out. In fact, you will be blessed for being honest and not wasting the man's time and leading him on.

 

[panamoni]

I would say even if you agree to the date(s) just continue to be honest about not wanting to be exclusive as long as that's the truth. If you don't mention it after a while, he may continue to persist to the point where he thinks you are exclusive and you don't. And, continue to explore other options (and be honest about that too).

 

[Zaynab]

Okay, you are looking waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too far in the future. Men ask women out on a date and women act like he wants to pick out wedding rings.

One date won't kill you, nor does it mean that you have to get with this dude, nor will ole dude necessarily "want more" if you go out with him a few times.

I don't think you need to rush into anything serious if you aren't ready and you should take all the time you need to heal before getting into another relationship. But I do agree with your friends that it would probably be good for you to get out and go on dates... again, dates are just dinner and a movie (or whatever you like to do). Nothing more, nothing less.

Why do we do this?

It bugs me to end-not directed at OP but it's what I see all the time. Women need to learn to date. I can't tell folks this enough. Men want company just like we do and just like he's asking you out, trust he's asking out other women

Take it for it is, a request to have a DATE. I think women should date and just take it for it is....go out, have fun, hone your dating skills, flirt and be girlie, IF it goes into something more, then great! But him asking you out does not mean he wants a relationship. Men are fairly casual when first meeting someone and asking them out, they look at it as being "friends", women don't get that but it's really true. A relationshp will evolve if it's meant but don't count on his pursuing you some relationshp that is gonna pop off in two dates. I honestly think that this line of thinking, men can sense and feel, it almost comes off as desperate (again not directed at OP).

I also think someone that is recently divorced would and should date people to see what's out there and see what you really want. You may think you know what you want due to just getting out a marriage but take time to really sit back and assess men.

 

[Amari]

If after all this time you aren't feeling it, then you are simply aren't feeling it and there is nothing wrong with that.
Just because a guy is a good guy doesn't mean he is a good man for you. There is no rule that says you must be attracted to or want a relationship with a man who has all his ish together. Certain things must fall in to place to have good relational foundation and you are missing one of them at least. Don't get in to this relationship. If it doesn't feel right to you because you aren't attracted to him, you will not be missing out. In fact, you will be blessed for being honest and not wasting the man's time and leading him on.

Thanks!You seem to be the only one who got what I was saying.I'm not feeling him,and I wont date him.I like talking to him though,but that has to stop because he keeps trying to take it elsewhere.I was just feeling bad,trying to almost make myself be attracted to him...cuz he's a good catch.Just not for me!I cant be with anyone I'm not attracted to.

I'm not worried about going out and dating.Like I said,if it happens,it will happen for me.I'm not going out to seek it,and opportunities that approach,I was not feeling it.I'm more interested in working and finishing school now to be honest with you.

 

[Amari]

Why do we do this?

It bugs me to end-not directed at OP but it's what I see all the time. Women need to learn to date. I can't tell folks this enough. Men want company just like we do and just like he's asking you out, trust he's asking out other women

Take it for it is, a request to have a DATE. I think women should date and just take it for it is....go out, have fun, hone your dating skills, flirt and be girlie, IF it goes into something more, then great! But him asking you out does not mean he wants a relationship. Men are fairly casual when first meeting someone and asking them out, they look at it as being "friends", women don't get that but it's really true. A relationshp will evolve if it's meant but don't count on his pursuing you some relationshp that is gonna pop off in two dates. I honestly think that this line of thinking, men can sense and feel, it almost comes off as desperate (again not directed at OP).

I also think someone that is recently divorced would and should date people to see what's out there and see what you really want. You may think you know what you want due to just getting out a marriage but take time to really sit back and assess men.

I dont understand where in my posts I seem desperate to get with this guy.I clearly said I was not attracted to him.I clearly said I do not want a relationship.Clearly said I dont care too much for dating,but people keep pressuring me.Saying its been a while since my divorce to not be dating.

He keeps pursuing me, while I tried to maintain a friendship with him for these few months.He is a cool guy,and like I said, a great catch.I just dont like him that way.Then I have people in my ear telling me to date him,I am tripping.I was just thinking about going out for fun,but he will not take it that way.

I cant dissect what was directed at me in your post or in general,so I felt the need to clarify my points.

I do know what I want after getting out of my marriage.That is not dating,I thought I made that clear.I'm open if something comes along,but so far nothing has interested me.If I was so desperate,with everything this guy has going for him...I wouldnt be on here posting I wouldve been dating him back when I first met him,lol.

I was just thinking maybe I was being shallow about treating him the way I do cuz I'm not attracted to him.(So I posted)

 

[UmSumayyah]

If you know him well enough to know that you're really not interested, then don't date him and don't feel bad about it.

The fact that you already know him pretty well was not totally clear in your first post.

 

[Zaynab]

I turn this guy down,and it impresses me he is still sincere and persistent.I have never had a guy I turn down still try to talk to me.

Am I being shallow with how I feel?Should I give him a chance?I know he will want more if I did give him a chance.(Relationship eventually,being exclusive)I definately dont want that now...I guess I hate to miss out on a good thing being "stoopid".Come on in and school me ladies.

My post was just to explain that just because he was pursuing you doesn't mean that he WANTS and it will lead to an exclusive relationship, perhaps he just wants to date. And that yes you should just go out on a date with him, if nothing else to hone your dating skills. You stated he would want a relationshp. Men will pursue you just to date, be friends...I think you were just reading more into that

I dont understand where in my posts I seem desperate to get with this guy.I clearly said I was not attracted to him.I clearly said I do not want a relationship.Clearly said I dont care too much for dating,but people keep pressuring me.Saying its been a while since my divorce to not be dating.

He keeps pursuing me, while I tried to maintain a friendship with him for these few months.He is a cool guy,and like I said, a great catch.I just dont like him that way.Then I have people in my ear telling me to date him,I am tripping.I was just thinking about going out for fun,but he will not take it that way.

I cant dissect what was directed at me in your post or in general,so I felt the need to clarify my points.

I do know what I want after getting out of my marriage.That is not dating,I thought I made that clear.I'm open if something comes along,but so far nothing has interested me.If I was so desperate,with everything this guy has going for him...I wouldnt be on here posting I wouldve been dating him back when I first met him,lol.

I was just thinking maybe I was being shallow about treating him the way I do cuz I'm not attracted to him.(So I posted)

I wasn't calling YOU desperate, that's why I made a point to say that. Women do tend to go out on a date with a guy or even before a date and assume he wants some deep involved relationship, walk down the aisle, etc. and alot of men do and just want to date casually. I find it seems desperate on the part of women that go out on two dates with a guy and deem him the "one"; most men sense that trust me. That point was just going further into my advice on DATING in general and how to date. Most women just don't know how to date and should focus on being a man's friend. That was my point.

Hope it works out for you. Go out and have fun and if you don't want more, let him no.