Should I be worried about his ex asking questions about our relationship??? HELP!

StarScream35

StarScream35

Well-Known Member
So my boyfriend is still friends with his ex. Actually they work together but in a different dept. I'm bothered by the fact that she is always asking him questions about our relationship. He and I pretty much hung out at my place yesterday. We just watched a movie, cooked dinner and really had fun talking. So I'm talking to him tonight and he tells me she asked about what we did yesterday and he told her. Then this thang had the nerve to criticize our date, calling it whacked and that it was stupid that we hung out at my place and didn't have sex. I was pissed and checked him on it but get this.............he said he thought the what she said was funny and that I shouldn't be worried because they go back way back when. Of course I don't see it the way he is and I tried to convey this. I told him if she really cared about him why is she being critical of how he spends his time with me. Should I be concerned or should I not worry about it?
 
I'd be concerned. But keep your focus on him, not her. His boundaries seem a little sketchy to me. Discussing whether you guys had sex or not with his ex, with whom he works is a bit odd to me. Keep your eyes open. And I say focus on him because it's easy to get sidetracked talking about her and how inappropriate she is when he is the one that should be guarding your relationship and keeping proper boundaries.
 
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Thanks. This one really botheres me. I told him it's odd that an ex is so concerned about his new relationship. He thinks its harmless but I told him he feels that way because he is looking at it from a guys perspective and not seeing the big picture.
 
It's more odd that he is entertaining her questions and that he sees nothing wrong with discussing your relationship with her. That's what's bothersome. She shouldn't even know if you guys are having sex or not. It's none of her business.
 
I'm really bothered by it too. In fact I'm so bothered I can't sleep. This chic knows everything about us and me, including when I'm on my period........yeah no kidding, he told her that last month. I'm like wtf!!7!
 
What is wrong with him? He discussed your period with her? I am so through with him. It's almost funny but it's not. Good luck with this situation.
 
Yes you should be worried but not about ole girl/ex. Actually I'd be looking at my dude all kinds of sideways for even telling me that bs. Whatever they talk about he shouldn't be running back telling you anyways. Sorry but Diddy has a word for that kinda behavior. Good luck with a dude that kiss and tells, gossip yada yada yada.
 
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My concern would be why he felt compelled to tell this girl about your relationship. I would tell him not to mention, discuss, or answer any questions about your relationship. Your relationship is private. Sounds like the ex is trying to create some mischief between you two.
 
He shouldn't be discussing you at all with her. He is taking to her about things he shouldn't tell a male friend.

I would be upset. Like someone said, he should guard your relationship.

She is asking to be messy. And he is answering because he likes the attention.

Follow your gut.
 
What would I do without my LHCF ladies! As you guys can see I've lost sleep over this issue as I'm up in the middle of the night pacing and worrying because this really bothers me. I feel so betrayed, I mean really betrayed. The problem is even though I've addressed the issue, he probably won't stop telling our business, he'll just resort to not telling me. The situation is lot more messy than I let on. We all actually work in the same building but for different companies. You'd think a grown arse man would know better than to do some trifling crap like that. I told him I would never go prying into an ex's relationship unless I had a hidden motive but like I said he brushed it off and said it's normal to wonder what your ex is doing but I personally don't feel it's normal and certainly not normal for him to be sharing so much information. Now I'm gonna have fears about being intimate with him cause he might go run back and tell her. I personally think he is a good guy but this is for the dogs.......................
 
And let me clarify something before I get jumped on.............I didn't know about the ex until recently. I didn't know she worked in the building.
 
It is a big deal, she crossed the damn line and he allowed it, I would blame him more because it's yal relationship , not all three. I wouldn't even like the fact they worked together in the first place but hey who's stopping his money?
 
Lilmama1011 said:
It is a big deal, she crossed the damn line and he allowed it, I would blame him more because it's yal relationship , not all three. I wouldn't even like the fact they worked together in the first place but hey who's stopping his money?
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And this is what puzzles me, the fact that he allowed it and felt so bloody nonchalant about. I have both guy friends and gal friends and not one has asked me, why aren't you guys doing it or why the heck would you choose to spend all day and not get intimate and the simply fact that he told her I was on my period, I mean wtf! For that matter I haven't even discussed my relationship with him to my best friend. Sure I told her I was in a relationship but she don't need to know all my business.
 
At the end of the day some people are just oversharers. I've met people like this recently who tell you absolutely everything :perplexed I don't think I could have a relationship with someone like that. Maybe if they changed their boundaries, but I'd still be worried since I'm quite private.

In terms of his ex I had this situation without knowing at the end of my first relationship.:nono: They had started talking again (I hated this woman and she hated me). Anyhow, although there was no attraction on her part, she tried to drive a wedge between us by getting him to overshare, then criticizing me. He shouldn't have done it and I'm still pissed off about that. Also straight after we had broken up she actually asked him "who gives better head, me or her". I don't know what kind of heux asks that question, but moving on. Even though she didn't want him its like some kind of competition.

I don't trust it. There's certain people a partner doesn't need to share at all with because that persons biased and doesn't need to know anyhow. Ex's are usually in this category. I like a man that keeps his mouth shut.
 
Vanthie said:
At the end of the day some people are just oversharers. I've met people like this recently who tell you absolutely everything :perplexed I don't think I could have a relationship with someone like that. Maybe if they changed their boundaries, but I'd still be worried since I'm quite private.

In terms of his ex I had this situation without knowing at the end of my first relationship.:nono: They had started talking again (I hated this woman and she hated me). Anyhow, although there was no attraction on her part, she tried to drive a wedge between us by getting him to overshare, then criticizing me. He shouldn't have done it and I'm still pissed off about that. Also straight after we had broken up she actually asked him "who gives better head, me or her". I don't know what kind of heux asks that question, but moving on. Even though she didn't want him its like some kind of competition.

I don't trust it. There's certain people a partner doesn't need to share at all with because that persons biased and doesn't need to know anyhow. Ex's are usually in this category. I like a man that keeps his mouth shut.
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To the first bolded statement, that is some real trifling ish! To the second bolded, that is so true. I still occasionally see a few ex's here and there but you best believe I keep it at "hi" "hope things are going well" and I KIM. Staying friends with an ex is asking for serious trouble and certainly not fair to a new SO.
 
I think he's just an oversharer and the fact that he tells you what he tells her could mean that there really isn't anything sinister on his part. He sounds really naive and she sounds like she could be trouble.
If he feels there's nothing wrong with talking to her then anything you say will be dismissed as you being too sensitive and that will drive a wedge between the two of you and HE STILL WONT GET IT.

Just think about how her soul must be burning! don't give her the satisfaction of knowing this bugs you, cos you know he'll tell her. Just do you. If you cant handle their r/ship you might want to think about chuckin deuces.

Nagging him to stop talking about you just makes you seem silly (to him). Either you accept it or move on. If you think you can nag a man into stopping behaviour he sees no need to change you'll just make yourself miserable.
 
miss cosmic said:
I think he's just an oversharer and the fact that he tells you what he tells her could mean that there really isn't anything sinister on his part. He sounds really naive and she sounds like she could be trouble.
If he feels there's nothing wrong with talking to her then anything you say will be dismissed as you being too sensitive and that will drive a wedge between the two of you and HE STILL WONT GET IT.

Just think about how her soul must be burning! don't give her the satisfaction of knowing this bugs you, cos you know he'll tell her. Just do you. If you cant handle their r/ship you might want to think about chuckin deuces.

Nagging him to stop talking about you just makes you seem silly (to him). Either you accept it or move on. If you think you can nag a man into stopping behaviour he sees no need to change you'll just make yourself miserable.
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God I hate to let a good man go over some jealous broad but then I have that nagging thought that he will be sharing our initimate details as he seems to think it's okay to tell her personal stuff like when I'm on my period. This is something quite personal that should stay between us. If I wanted a dayum threesome I'd tell him but that ain't my thang. I just couldn't believe when she basically said "like wow, yall ain't had sex yet, that's so stupid". What kinda crap is that? Which means when and if we do it her next question would be "So give me all the details" and he's so naive he'd fall right into the trap. I'm sorry but correct me if I'm wrong these things should stay between you and your man not his ex, his momma, his daddy and whoever else.
 
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I was thinking this was a young guy, like 20. At 33 he should know better. Personally I'd leave him alone because this situation shows his immaturity and that is a deal breaker for me. Who knows how his "oversharing" will affect you in a long term relationship. You have to decide what you can live with.
 
It's not about you being "worried", it's about him not brushing off his ex's disrespectful remarks as "funny".
 
Brighteyes35 said:
God I hate to let a good man go over some jealous broad but then I have that nagging thought that he will be sharing our initimate details as he seems to think it's okay to tell her personal stuff like when I'm on my period. This is something quite personal that should stay between us. If I wanted a dayum threesome I'd tell him but that ain't my thang. I just couldn't believe when she basically said "like wow, yall ain't had sex yet, that's so stupid". What kinda crap is that? Which means when and if we do it her next question would be "So give me all the details" and he's so naive he'd fall right into the trap. I'm sorry but correct me if I'm wrong these things should stay between you and your man not his ex, his momma, his daddy and whoever else.
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It's obvious that you really like him, but it seems like your kind of giving him a pass. Your assuming the ex is "jealous" and your SO is "naive" enough to accommodate her behavior. You should not be worried about her. It's his big mouth butt that's the issue.

If this is something that really bothers you, you should have a serious chat with him and let know why it's not cool. It doesn't matter how far they go back, if he respects you and the relationship, it shouldn't be a problem. Check out the "To be insecure or not to be insecure" thread.
 
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FoxxyLocs said:
I was thinking this was a young guy, like 20. At 33 he should know better. Personally I'd leave him alone because this situation shows his immaturity and that is a deal breaker for me. Who knows how his "oversharing" will affect you in a long term relationship. You have to decide what you can live with.
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The bolded especially.
 
Brighteyes35 said:
God I hate to let a good man go over some jealous broad but then I have that nagging thought that he will be sharing our initimate details as he seems to think it's okay to tell her personal stuff like when I'm on my period. This is something quite personal that should stay between us. If I wanted a dayum threesome I'd tell him but that ain't my thang. I just couldn't believe when she basically said "like wow, yall ain't had sex yet, that's so stupid". What kinda crap is that? Which means when and if we do it her next question would be "So give me all the details" and he's so naive he'd fall right into the trap. I'm sorry but correct me if I'm wrong these things should stay between you and your man not his ex, his momma, his daddy and whoever else.
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But if you let him go it won't be because of her, it will be because of him, his immaturity, his big mouth, his poor boundaries. If you think he's really great then accept how he is and know all your business will be out there. Or have a really serious talk with him and let him know you will leave if he keeps telling your business to her (and likely others). I could see sharing some things with a best male friend, but an ex? And as some have said, perhaps he is just an oversharer and it's all innocent. But it sounds like he is very immature and he and she are playing games, and that neither he or her can be trusted. I tell you one thing, I would definitely not be intimate with him until this issue is fully resolved.
 
I'm an over sharer but he is acting girlish not naive in the least. LOL He needs to choose a better audience but sorry his telling you all this and engaging in that bs speaks volume.

I'm glad you didn't find out where his ex worked til after the fact. I wonder why he left that out because that would seem kinda important. Alot of folks don't like to sh!t where they eat. LOL
 
how old are you guys op? since they allegedly go so far back

eta: should read whole thread first
 
I wouldn't like the fact that you and his ex both work with him either. If ya'll break up you might find yourself having to look at him, his ex, and his new girl.
 
Even if you have a chat with him ,chances are he will keep doing it but behind your back .
You can't change him .
 
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