Shopping alone.

VelvetRain said:
Seriously I don't think the situation has anything to do with bm/ww. It has more to do with respect and courtesy. Who bumps into someone and doesn't say excuse me? He was rude and had no manners. OP don't internalize it into something else. Thinking that type of way is really not positive thinking for your psyche.
Click to expand...

^^THIS. That man was just rude, period.

As far as coping with feelings of BM/WW IR relationships.... those things don't bother me as much as they used to. I just can't take them seriously, for whatever reason. Now that I've exposed to more of them in real life, almost every BM/WW pairing that I know of has some element of ridiculousness to it. Either the man is a kang or the woman is a complete doormat, or both.... and they tend not to last very long. Also, I think the stats fall in line with my observations. BM/WW couples have the highest divorce rate of all couples... while on the other hand, BW/WM have among the lowest rates. I read that black women-White male pairings were nearly 50% LESS likely than White-White pairings to end in divorce.

I think most stereotypes have some element of truth in them.... I think the motives behind BM-WW pairings are different than BW-WM pairings in general. I think a lot black men who chase after non-black women exclusively have self-esteem issues that they bring into these relationships and they contribute to relationship breakdown. I don't think the same applies to black women in interracial relationships.

I also think black men project a lot of their personal issues onto black women and many of us accept it. This phenomenon of rappers seeking "exoticals", validating your success with a white women on your arm, etc. They speak to personal issues that those black men have with their own race, that black isn't good enough. Its externalization of a deeper issue IMO. We can't let them externalize those issues onto us though, don't let their problem become your problem.
 
mischka said:
As for the younger guys, Dude E (who was also from Texas) was just plain stupid. He could not write on a grad school level just judging from his facebook updates about "I stay focus" and "stay bless." At first I thought that was just how he typed on fb but once he sent out an email on the list serv and it was full of the same type of errors. Then, he was always talking about being a thug and thug life and a bunch of stupid siht like that. I told him once, there are no thugs in grad school. Particularly in this program! And every time I saw him out and about town he was with a different woman, usually not black.
Click to expand...

:lachen: at the bolded. How did he even get into grad school?
 
Lol, I so know about this type of situation... Dont take it to heart like they would like to you have you doing is my advice... :grin:
 
Last edited:
freelove said:
^^THIS. That man was just rude, period.

As far as coping with feelings of BM/WW IR relationships.... those things don't bother me as much as they used to. I just can't take them seriously, for whatever reason. Now that I've exposed to more of them in real life, almost every BM/WW pairing that I know of has some element of ridiculousness to it. Either the man is a kang or the woman is a complete doormat, or both.... and they tend not to last very long. Also, I think the stats fall in line with my observations. BM/WW couples have the highest divorce rate of all couples... while on the other hand, BW/WM have among the lowest rates. I read that black women-White male pairings were nearly 50% LESS likely than White-White pairings to end in divorce.

I think most stereotypes have some element of truth in them.... I think the motives behind BM-WW pairings are different than BW-WM pairings in general. I think a lot black men who chase after non-black women exclusively have self-esteem issues that they bring into these relationships and they contribute to relationship breakdown. I don't think the same applies to black women in interracial relationships.

I also think black men project a lot of their personal issues onto black women and many of us accept it. This phenomenon of rappers seeking "exoticals", validating your success with a white women on your arm, etc. They speak to personal issues that those black men have with their own race, that black isn't good enough. Its externalization of a deeper issue IMO. We can't let them externalize those issues onto us though, don't let their problem become your problem.
Click to expand...

:clap: :clap: :clap:
Also, stay away from all those types of threads on LHCF about the negative aspects of black men.
We all know the issues, but being immersed in reading, watching and thinking about the subject all the time will invariably bring you down.

It's not worth it nor is it your story. Don't let that negativity own you - don't accept the woe-with-me mentality.
 
VelvetRain said:
Seriously I don't think the situation has anything to do with bm/ww. It has more to do with respect and courtesy. Who bumps into someone and doesn't say excuse me? He was rude and had no manners. OP don't internalize it into something else. Thinking that type of way is really not positive thinking for your psyche.
Click to expand...

Thank you! This isn't an attack on anyone, but sometimes I really do have to stop and raise an eyebrow at some of the stuff I see here.....like how it seems over half the threads on black men evolve into some kind of tirade against them. Not every black man is a "kang" and not all of them want to be with a White Woman (capitalization intentional). Furthermore, if you date five Black men and they all treat you wrong....maybe the problem is your picker and not necessarily their race. :look: I have only had three serious relationships in my life, but the common denominator was that all three men made it absolutely clear they had NO interest in dating a non-Black woman. I have never seen these kang-ish educated Black men, and I have been exposed to a great deal of educated Black men. Where are y'all finding these guys, seriously?

Maybe I'm jaded....but I can't imagine being bumped by a man with no manners at Best Buy and all of a sudden thinking his lack of manners was indicative of some kind of white woman praise. He was rude, point blank period, and the fact that his GF is white was totally coincidental IMO. Not to mention all the stuff about jealousy because you were alone....PLEASE!!! You're jealous of a woman (race is a non-mfin-factor) who is dating a man with no manners?! You have no idea if he's even a good catch...he could be unemployed, uneducated, stupid, lazy and/or unmotivated. I bet he wasn't even cute. :lol:

PLEASE tell me you didn't get the TV/projector because you wanted to look elsewhere for a better deal and NOT because of the situation between you and the rude man.
 
laCriolla said:
:yep::yep:

I get the "not good enough" vibe from a lot of the educated guys, even with my own advanced degree. Because somehow, when we all graduated together, they earned the right to have 'something more' in a way. That's the attitude. one of my close guy friends from college even said he didn't "want a happy negro family". I almost hit the floor. he claims he's worked too hard and deserves more.
Click to expand...

I am completely shocked by this. I mean seriously, could knock me over with a feather with this. How could he demean the black family unit like that? Doesn't he realize that since he's black, his kids are black as well? Its so silly really.

freelove said:
I think a lot black men who chase after non-black women exclusively have self-esteem issues that they bring into these relationships and they contribute to relationship breakdown. I don't think the same applies to black women in interracial relationships.
Click to expand...

I too am wondering why the bond/union between the bw/wm lasts longer than the bm/wm. As bw, we may have our issues, but I'm finding that these kangs are outta control!
 
lilsparkle825 said:
Thank you! This isn't an attack on anyone, but sometimes I really do have to stop and raise an eyebrow at some of the stuff I see here.....like how it seems over half the threads on black men evolve into some kind of tirade against them. Not every black man is a "kang" and not all of them want to be with a White Woman (capitalization intentional). Furthermore, if you date five Black men and they all treat you wrong....maybe the problem is your picker and not necessarily their race. :look: I have only had three serious relationships in my life, but the common denominator was that all three men made it absolutely clear they had NO interest in dating a non-Black woman. I have never seen these kang-ish educated Black men, and I have been exposed to a great deal of educated Black men. Where are y'all finding these guys, seriously?

Maybe I'm jaded....but I can't imagine being bumped by a man with no manners at Best Buy and all of a sudden thinking his lack of manners was indicative of some kind of white woman praise. He was rude, point blank period, and the fact that his GF is white was totally coincidental IMO. Not to mention all the stuff about jealousy because you were alone....PLEASE!!! You're jealous of a woman (race is a non-mfin-factor) who is dating a man with no manners?! You have no idea if he's even a good catch...he could be unemployed, uneducated, stupid, lazy and/or unmotivated. I bet he wasn't even cute. :lol:

PLEASE tell me you didn't get the TV/projector because you wanted to look elsewhere for a better deal and NOT because of the situation between you and the rude man.
Click to expand...

This is in a nutshell what I was thinking. Well said. These days I am very careful the threads I click on here especially when it's talking about black men. If your not careful alot of the negative viewpoints will start to filter throughout your brain and cause you to feel negatively about black men. That's not where I am at this point in my life anymore and want to keep it that way.
 
I'm sorry about the disrespect that you received. I would have been offended too but remember that rude people come in all colors. There have been several instances in which I have been ignored by white people and other non-black minorities. Ive been ignored and disrespected by black men too. Then there have been moments in which men of all groups have treated me with the utmost respect due too recognizing my femininity. It's them not you. Some men have home training and then they're those that don't.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
...yeah, this isn't a thread for an argument. It's not a 'black men' thread. it's a thread about ONE black man, and me. and how all the negative things Ive been hearing came to a head in one incident. It is not a simple issue, as we can see from the various experiences generously shared by other posters in this thread.

I appreciate every story and insight shared in this thread, and the positivity. Thank you
 
Men like that who are disrespectful and show contempt are like that across the board. Especially to the women closest to them, even though they may put up a front to suggest otherwise. Try not to internalize his negativity, which had nothing to do with you.
 
january noir said:
:clap: :clap: :clap:
Also, stay away from all those types of threads on LHCF about the negative aspects of black men.
We all know the issues, but being immersed in reading, watching and thinking about the subject all the time will invariably bring you down.

It's not worth it nor is it your story. Don't let that negativity own you - don't accept the woe-with-me mentality.
Click to expand...
We would have to stay out of alot of threads if talking negative about black men were the requirement because alot of threads go that way intended or not. Lol There should be a good mb where both groups talk about these issues would like to see that.
 
calmsensual1 said:
What really killed me was when he said "oh"

That just broke my heart right there.
Click to expand...

me too! I despise it when someone is rude and does not excuse himself . It's just intolerable to me. And I really do believe it has something to do with him being with a white woman and OP being black. I just don't believe he'd have done that had he been with a black woman himself or even been by himself. I would have been BURNING with shame and anger if this had happened to me no matter what the race of the man involved but in this case it's like an extra sting.
 
SerenavanderWoodsen said:
me too! I despise it when someone is rude and does not excuse himself . It's just intolerable to me. And I really do believe it has something to do with him being with a white woman and OP being black. I just don't believe he'd have done that had he been with a black woman himself or even been by himself. I would have been BURNING with shame and anger if this had happened to me no matter what the race of the man involved but in this case it's like an extra sting.
Click to expand...

i'm just saying that was my gut feeling. one i've never had before. but it was real. as I said before, it wasn't a THOUGHT it was a feeling I had. my THOUGHTS said otherwise, tried to rationalize, etc. but that was the feeling/vibe *I* got.

discount it as some may.
 
Flawless_JYM said:
We would have to stay out of alot of threads if talking negative about black men were the requirement because alot of threads go that way intended or not. Lol There should be a good mb where both groups talk about these issues would like to see that.
Click to expand...

agreed. and there has to be a safe place for us to discuss our experiences.

if the point of the thread is just to complain then fine. But if the point is to gain understanding and hear differing points of view, and weigh and evaluate, then it will all help on the road to tolerance of differences of every kind. Dialogue is constructive. Don't dismiss other's experience just because You "don't get that kind of thinking" or "wouldn't think that way". On this forum in total I see so many snappy replies to people's threads over differences in perspective. learning how to disagree and advance constructive opinions is almost as important. without that we're spinning our wheels.
 
Raspberry said:
While I feel you shouldn't invest much emotion into the incident - yea he was extra rude but the woman he was with is kind of irrelevant - the bolded is ridiculous :ohwell::nono:.

One thing I'm learning is that my perceptions and emotions are the lens through which I filter life experiences. Negative feelings are normal but we can learn to control and channel emotion to our benefit. For example, in a situation where a stranger is coming at me the wrong way I often say to myself "it's not about me".. because usually it isn't, most people are too self-centered to be despising you in particular... this diffuses my offense meter a bit and helps with emotional separation.

If you internalize the idea that most educated black men are disgusted by you or think you're not good enough, that perception (not absolute truth btw) will color most of your interactions with them and the world in general and will probably prey on your self-esteem.

I haven't been in your environment but I do know that when I'm feeling confident and secure about my place in the world I experience things much differently. I'm talented, pretty, nice figure, have a unique personality, I'm a child of God and a pleasure to know (I'm going to start repeating this every morning.. shoooo..).

A lot of people (ex. menfolk lol) are insecure and are struggling with ego and identity problems, you're not responsible for them not recognizing how thebomb.com you are. The right people will though as long as you believe it. :yep:
Click to expand...

PREACH PREACH PREACH Raspberry

I could not have put this any better. Loving this entire post!
 
Raspberry said:
While I feel you shouldn't invest much emotion into the incident - yea he was extra rude but the woman he was with is kind of irrelevant - the bolded is ridiculous :ohwell::nono:.

One thing I'm learning is that my perceptions and emotions are the lens through which I filter life experiences. Negative feelings are normal but we can learn to control and channel emotion to our benefit. For example, in a situation where a stranger is coming at me the wrong way I often say to myself "it's not about me".. because usually it isn't, most people are too self-centered to be despising you in particular... this diffuses my offense meter a bit and helps with emotional separation.

If you internalize the idea that most educated black men are disgusted by you or think you're not good enough, that perception (not absolute truth btw) will color most of your interactions with them and the world in general and will probably prey on your self-esteem.

I haven't been in your environment but I do know that when I'm feeling confident and secure about my place in the world I experience things much differently. I'm talented, pretty, nice figure, have a unique personality, I'm a child of God and a pleasure to know (I'm going to start repeating this every morning.. shoooo..).

A lot of people (ex. menfolk lol) are insecure and are struggling with ego and identity problems, you're not responsible for them not recognizing how thebomb.com you are. The right people will though as long as you believe it. :yep:
Click to expand...

Raspberry, reading your post has me thinking about things I take in, which are shaping my thoughts... Definitely, DEFINITELY have to start filtering what I am giving my energy too...

Highlights and saves...
 
The guy was rude, race has nothing to do with it. Rudeness comes in all colors. I don't think that he's with a WW makes it worse or has much to do with it other than that's what he likes.:ohwell: I haven't been into BM for a couple years now so I'd be a hypocrite if I made a big fuss about BM dating interracially. The only problem I have is when BM put down BW and treat us like we're the lowest of the low, because that's not how I view nor treat BM.:yep:

I'm finding I have to filter what I read online. Because if I'm not careful I'll internalize everything and my self-esteem will become nonexistent.
 
lilsparkle825 said:
Thank you! This isn't an attack on anyone, but sometimes I really do have to stop and raise an eyebrow at some of the stuff I see here.....like how it seems over half the threads on black men evolve into some kind of tirade against them. Not every black man is a "kang" and not all of them want to be with a White Woman (capitalization intentional). Furthermore, if you date five Black men and they all treat you wrong....maybe the problem is your picker and not necessarily their race. :look: I have only had three serious relationships in my life, but the common denominator was that all three men made it absolutely clear they had NO interest in dating a non-Black woman. I have never seen these kang-ish educated Black men, and I have been exposed to a great deal of educated Black men. Where are y'all finding these guys, seriously?

Maybe I'm jaded....but I can't imagine being bumped by a man with no manners at Best Buy and all of a sudden thinking his lack of manners was indicative of some kind of white woman praise. He was rude, point blank period, and the fact that his GF is white was totally coincidental IMO. Not to mention all the stuff about jealousy because you were alone....PLEASE!!! You're jealous of a woman (race is a non-mfin-factor) who is dating a man with no manners?! You have no idea if he's even a good catch...he could be unemployed, uneducated, stupid, lazy and/or unmotivated. I bet he wasn't even cute. :lol:

PLEASE tell me you didn't get the TV/projector because you wanted to look elsewhere for a better deal and NOT because of the situation between you and the rude man.
Click to expand...



:yay::dance7::clapping::clap:
 
Windsy said:
THIS.....:lol:

It happens to me too and I just look right pass his arse.....the look on the BM face when I do this is ****** priceless.:lol:

ETA: I will say this. I think that the fact that I'm in a relationship makes a difference when it comes to seeing and dealing with BM/WW relationships and the BM trying to make sure it's known. I think if I wasn't in a relationship, I might react differently.

Op, I'm sorry this happened to you. Congrats on the new place!!!
Click to expand...

LOL. My relationship status just doesn't affect the way I view BM/WW unions because as I have said many times before, until the day comes when WW are getting the lion's share of the "good" BM, then BW have nothing to worrry about. I'm sure they get some good BM, but they also get what it seems to be a disproportionally high amount of the bad ones too. It just seems like there is always a lot of drama in those relationships to me.
 
calmsensual1 said:
What really killed me was when he said "oh"

That just broke my heart right there.
Click to expand...

If he is just that rude, just be happy YOU did not end up with him. I can't tell you how to feel, but I really think this is nothing more than a rude (which in many cases equals LOSER) man who does not have good manners. Good riddance. *shrugs*
 
CarLiTa said:
Wow, I'm really sorry this happened to you :( How rude and dismissive of him.

I echo some of your feelings about black men/white-or-other women, and some of mischka's disgust with black men.

I remember I was once invited by a black male friend to a BBQ at his boys' house. I show up, and it's nearly 2 handfuls of dark-skinned black men, and every.single.woman. in there is visibly half-white, Latina, or white. Every.single.one, no exaggeration. This is a close group of male friends... which had me wondering whether this was a conscious group effort to seek out and enter relationships with non-black women.

I honestly felt awkward, and I don't know whether my feeling was warranted. Knowing the growing and unfortunate discourse and sentiment toward black women, I started imagining potential disdain from them, or any other kind of negative feeling:ohwell:

OT: It annoys me to see pictures of black men posing with random white women... posing next to some random white girl in the club/anywhere, cheesing extra hard like they've won the lottery. What's that for? Show you're on the up and up?
Click to expand...


The very group of black men I mentioned in the post quoted above is having a discussion about this article on interracial dating:

An Interracial Fix for Black Marriage
Black women could find more partners across the race line—and it might just spur more black couples to wed

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424053111903454504576486492588283556.html

Their comments are interesting to read. Just as the OP felt, it's the unspoken stuff that makes you feel weird.
The string of dudes with Latina, half-white, white girlfriends are commenting on black women, ONLY ONCE referring to them as "black women." And I am not exaggerating.

#1 says: he's tired of hearing about how hard it is for these "perfect" black women to find men of color.
#2 says: "this group of women" should consider the men they've been dating, whether they are in shape, and whether their behavior makes them come off as b*tches to the people around them.
#3 says: "People with this problem" would be surprised about the kinds of friendships you can build with people of different backgrounds (i.e, men who date interracially do so because they are able to deeply connect with those women of other races)
#1 and #2: Oh come on, did you get your PR firm to write that for you? how many drafts did you write before you felt this was ok to post? It's ok, the NAACP won't come after you:nono:

Then, they reiterate the "behavior patterns," the "health factor," and the "types of men" that "this group of people" have dated... because, and I quote, all of these play a part in the type of women [they] decide to date."


:ohwell:I am turned off by the systematic non-mention of "this group of people"... especially knowing their apparent dating preferences.

On another note, I have been meaning to delete that group from my friend list... for another reason: a daily string of self-centered comments/statuses about fame, money (they are well educated and have good jobs, but they act like annoying nouveau-riche), posting $1k + receipts from nights out (why?!), posting about fancy cars:perplexed... I just can't take it:nono:
 
Wow, that dude is a douche....big time!

I don't care what color the man or his GF were, it is rude period. PERIOD. I would have been PISSED regardless of the race of either person. To me, it is basically like he didn't think you were worthy of his expression of manners. JUST RUDE. The 'oh' part is the nail in the coffin too. I personally HATE when someone (always a female for me, in my experiences) walks into you and doesn't say 'excuse me', just rudely looks at you, but I couldn't imagine if someone just said "OH" like you were some smushed fly on a window. Just WOWWWW.

Also, OP, *hugs* I'm sorry that happened! Ugh, seriously, he was a douche....plain and simple!
 
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