She Make$ More

[CurleeDST]

My husband was down in Orlando, Fl visiting with one of his frat brothers who informed him his wife wrote a book. She titled it “She Make$ More”. My husband was a little taken aback by the title. His boy’s wife is a radiologist and he used to be a school book salesman until he lost his job due to downsizing. His boy met his wife at a graduate chapter fraternity party event and constantly reminds my husband how he took her money but his boy ended up marrying her (my husband was dating me at the time). His boy has and always was impressed with the fact she was in medical school and was planning to be a doctor.

Prior to that unfortunate event of being downsized they bought this gorgeous home on a beautiful ½ acre of property with a pool and everything. They relocated to Florida because for no other reason – she wanted to. She felt that since she makes more he should follow her and she has a on-up to make the decisions for the family.

Here is a link to her blog on the subject and there is also a Facebook Page: http://www.shemakesmoreblog.com/. You can find the link to the page if you search on She Makes More on FB.
What do you think about the subject? Do the dynamics change when the woman earns more money in her career than her husband? Is it fair the roles change simply because she makes more money?

 

[ElegantPearl17]

This is very, very interesting.

 

[CurleeDST]

This IS interesting. My hubby was ticked by the content and thinks this is ridiculous.

 

[aribell]

Clearly her book and blog are rubbing the situation in her husband's face. Without hearing any backstory I wouldn't think this woman had a lot of respect for her husband.

 

[CurleeDST]

My opinion only - he likes flashy! He is flashy and always bragged about how much money she makes. I always thought if she knew he was doing that she would be upset.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

If you can't respect a man who makes less than you, you shouldn't marry one.

ETA: After seeing the above comment, he sounds like a piece of work too.

 

[aribell]

My opinion only - he likes flashy! He is flashy and always bragged about how much money she makes. I always thought if she knew he was doing that she would be upset.

There are men who will ride a woman's coattails, definitely. They're best matched with women who like to call the shots. It seems, from the blog that "Sharon" is perfectly comfortable being the breadwinner, she just wants her husband to contribute more.

Maybe this was in the back of his mind all along. "I don't have to worry much because, whatever happens, she'll have us covered."

 

[SexySin985]

Clearly her book and blog are rubbing the situation in her husband's face. Without hearing any backstory I wouldn't think this woman had a lot of respect for her husband.

I agree!

 

[LaBelleLL]

I'm confused. I saw this under "Sharon's story":
My marriage got to the point where my husband said I’m only going to have a certain type of job [as an attorney]. “ If I can’t be the head honcho then I will be nothing”.* *I said there is no place for that in this marriage.* That’s what caused the demise of my marriage

did they break up or is Sharon someone else?

 

[firecracker]

Money cannot buy you happiness but it damn show can buy a certain type of man. jmo...... She married a gigolo. LOL

 

[allmundjoi]

So if she strokes and can't see (and she doesn't have any specialty/disability insurance) I wonder if the hubby will stay if she can't work and the money dwindles to nothing.

 

[greight]

Interesting. I had seen a book in the library recently talking about this subject of women making more than their husbands and how that influences relationships/dynamics. It's more of a historical/sociological piece. I think She Makes More is anecdotal from what I see.

If I go back to the library soon, I'll try to give ya'll the title. In the meantime, I think the rules are changing since more women are in college and may potentially make more cash than their husbands. Not sure if it's good or bad, but I can see it in some of the conversations my friends have now about dating.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

My mom always taught me that your lifestyle is based on what he can afford, so don't marry a man who makes less than you if you don't want to live below your means. If he makes $60k and you make $100k, then you match his 60 and put the other 40 in the bank. May not work for everyone, but it always stuck with me.

 

[CurleeDST]

Sharon on the blog sounds like she wanted to live a certain life and felt when they started out they would be able to afford it but perhaps her hubby lost his job and now they can't afford the things she thought they would.

But you have to adjust and I do not see how her making more means she solely call the shots or is in some way playing a different role than he is. If a man is working but not earning as much is he not still a provider?

There are men who will ride a woman's coattails, definitely. They're best matched with women who like to call the shots. It seems, from the blog that "Sharon" is perfectly comfortable being the breadwinner, she just wants her husband to contribute more.

Maybe this was in the back of his mind all along. "I don't have to worry much because, whatever happens, she'll have us covered."

 

[CurleeDST]

Right! Seems like he saw $$$ signs when he met her. That sort of weirds me out and he always struck me as flashy yet CHEAP! Invited us over for a fight party and passed a hat to help pay for PIZZA and they live in this huge home! I mean really? Are you hosting and setting it out or what?

Goes out w/ his boys at the Havana Club to smoke cigars..runs up a tab and cc gets declined! Are you really ballin'? I mean really!

I do not care about a man making less. I just hate someone who FRONTS!

So if she strokes and can't see (and she doesn't have any specialty/disability insurance) I wonder if the hubby will stay if she can't work and the money dwindles to nothing.

 

[CurleeDST]

Sharon must be someone else. It doesn't sound like the author eventhough let her husband tell is she makes WAY more than he does!

My husband was embarrassed for his boy. His boy played it like "well man gotta support her as this is another way to make money". Umm, yeah.

I'm confused. I saw this under "Sharon's story":
My marriage got to the point where my husband said I’m only going to have a certain type of job [as an attorney]. “ If I can’t be the head honcho then I will be nothing”.* *I said there is no place for that in this marriage.* That’s what caused the demise of my marriage

did they break up or is Sharon someone else?

 

[LiftedUp]

Who are we? We are Women Breadwinners just like you! We are successful female physicians who have several years of experience as the higher earners in our marriages. Since this dynamic is a relatively new phenomenon in the culture of American relationships, there are few if any role models for us to mimic. As a result, we sometimes feel like trailblazers navigating our way through this unique twist in our relationships.

We have decided to use our own experiences as motivation to unite, advise, and educate other women who share this particular circumstance. To accomplish this, we are actively gathering data and testimony from Women Breadwinners like yourselves. Our goal is to initiate lines of communication about a new dynamic that is changing the face of American relationships.

She seems to be enjoying the role of being a breadwinner, she calls herself a "trailblazer" and he seems to be enjoying that he could buy flashier things than his income can afford.

Maybe he thinks that this books & blog would contribute to her revenue and he's ok with that.

 

[StarScream35]

I will always believe that women REALLY DO NOT want men who make less. They may find the idea interesting and all but when put in motion it will present a problem. We often hear how men have issues with women making more money but I really think people need to look at how women REALLY feel about it and I'm not talking about how they SAY they feel but actually how they REALLY feel. There needs to be some research and some situations that can capture women's true feelings about this. Put women to the test. I will tell you straight up it would be a problem with me. I used to say it wasn't and then I started dating men who made a lot less than I did and I was like naw.......this ain't for me. If he's making something like 15,000 or 20,000 less then I can handle that but if it's like I'm making 90,000 and he's making 20,000 then NO WAY! You can't live off of love alone!

 

[Ronnieaj]

^^^I think a blanket statement like that can't be made at all . I grew up in this situation. My parents made the same amount until I was 13, then my dad lost his job and mom has been the primary breadwinner ever since, and I'll be 33 this year. My mother has always been of the opinion that regardless of income, he is the man of the house, she is his helpmeet, and if they have competing, legitimate points on whatever issue, she'll defer to him.

When my SO and I first moved in together, I made $100k and he made $35k, $50k if he worked two jobs. I never made a major monetary decision without consulting him, even if based on my income I knew we could afford it. If we're in it together, we're in it together. Our income went into a pot and where it came from didn't matter at all. Now that he makes $61k and I started my own firm and only brought home $29k last year, I'm glad that this understanding was already in place. Our goals are joint goals, our income is joint income, and that prevents a LOT of the "who makes more decides more" arguments that are, IMO, so detrimental to relationships.

 

[StarScream35]

^^^I think a blanket statement like that can't be made at all . I grew up in this situation. My parents made the same amount until I was 13, then my dad lost his job and mom has been the primary breadwinner ever since, and I'll be 33 this year. My mother has always been of the opinion that regardless of income, he is the man of the house, she is his helpmeet, and if they have competing, legitimate points on whatever issue, she'll defer to him.

When my SO and I first moved in together, I made $100k and he made $35k, $50k if he worked two jobs. I never made a major monetary decision without consulting him, even if based on my income I knew we could afford it. If we're in it together, we're in it together. Our income went into a pot and where it came from didn't matter at all. Now that he makes $61k and I started my own firm and only brought home $29k last year, I'm glad that this understanding was already in place. Our goals are joint goals, our income is joint income, and that prevents a LOT of the "who makes more decides more" arguments that are, IMO, so detrimental to relationships.

I understand what you are saying and it's great you guys had that understanding in your relationship but I really do think many many many women, whether they want to admit it or not, have problems with being the breadwinner, no doubt.

 

[Ronnieaj]

I understand what you are saying and it's great you guys had that understanding in your relationship but I really do think many many many women, whether they want to admit it or not, have problems with being the breadwinner, no doubt.

I would hazard a guess that you're right, and that's one of the major problems I see in my profession (divorce attorney). Women are resentful of their increased earning but never bothered to say anything about it until there's doo-doo on the fan--and my ceiling, for that matter. And then I'll ask the very simple question, well did you ever discuss this with him, and the answer is always no.

I dunno, I sometimes feel like women want equal everything except the responsibility that comes along with it .

 

[mscocopuff]

I don't think the dynamics should change. I make more than my husband but would not dare wave it in his face! I allow him to be a man and me his wife. If I wanted to be the man and the woman, then I wouldn't need him right? She shouldn't view money as making her more than anyone. It's just stuff, not the end all be all.

Sent from Mrs. Coleman's iPhone using LHCF

 

[mscocopuff]

Also on a side note, I have had men that made two to 100 times more than me. Doesn't mean that My opinion should. OT be valued because of it. When you both have an understanding of the direction that you both are going, then it isn't really a big deal.

Sent from Mrs. Coleman's iPhone using LHCF

 

[CurleeDST]

I totally agree with you Mscocopuff.

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

I don't think the dynamics should change. I make more than my husband but would not dare wave it in his face! I allow him to be a man and me his wife. If I wanted to be the man and the woman, then I wouldn't need him right? She shouldn't view money as making her more than anyone. It's just stuff, not the end all be all.

Sent from Mrs. Coleman's iPhone using LHCF

I make more than my husband...not by a lot, but he still makes more financial decisions because we put all our $$ together...AND he is BETTER at saving money and investing. (IRL I'd spend it all) But I never rub it in his face and we value each other's opinion. We make big spending decisions TOGETHER. And unlike, her, I don't feel like I'm carrying my man"....

Its not so much of a couple having problems specifically because the wife makes more money...its always deeper than that: such as pre-conceived notions that a MAN MUST make more $$ than the woman. While that is very practical-especially if she needs to go on maternity leave--its not always realistic and all love matches don't fall in that way....."marrying up" was always drilled in my head growing up and my mom was not happy to know I had more degrees than the man I fell in love with...I just asked her: Shall I wait then for "Mr. Makes More $$ than me?"

Anyhoo it sounds as if while she's proud of making more $$, she needs to think how she'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot....I know plenty of men who make more money and rub it in their wives face (while yes she enjoys the benefits) and that isn't right either....On the other hand, there are plenty of men who make more money than their wives, but they'll tell you in a heartbeat, SHE MAKES THE FINANCIAL DECISIONS....so its give and take, and the benefit of playing each other's strengths...as it SHOULD be with any relationship issue....

 

[LuvlyLife]

^^^I think a blanket statement like that can't be made at all . I grew up in this situation. My parents made the same amount until I was 13, then my dad lost his job and mom has been the primary breadwinner ever since, and I'll be 33 this year. My mother has always been of the opinion that regardless of income, he is the man of the house, she is his helpmeet, and if they have competing, legitimate points on whatever issue, she'll defer to him.

When my SO and I first moved in together, I made $100k and he made $35k, $50k if he worked two jobs. I never made a major monetary decision without consulting him, even if based on my income I knew we could afford it. If we're in it together, we're in it together. Our income went into a pot and where it came from didn't matter at all. Now that he makes $61k and I started my own firm and only brought home $29k last year, I'm glad that this understanding was already in place. Our goals are joint goals, our income is joint income, and that prevents a LOT of the "who makes more decides more" arguments that are, IMO, so detrimental to relationships.

What industry you be in

 

[CurleeDST]

My family member was stay-at-home and her husband brought home the "bacon" but she made the financial decisions and paid the bill. She was better at it than he was.

 

[niqu92]

my mom makes more than three times as much as my dad
my moms around $250k and my dad makes $90k. If it wasnt for me having to submit my parents taxes for school then i wouldve never guessed my mom made more money because shes not flashy and she doesnt talk down to my dad and they always plan and discuss financial stuff together all the time.
the other day she told me that because she makes much more money than my dad, it makes my dad scared because he knows if he fcks up or she randomly decides to leave she'll be able to maintain her lifestyle while he wont be able to lol.
she also told me that at the same time it makes him respect her even more because in their situation theres no way possible my dad can ever talk down to my mom because shes the one bringing the bread home


in your friends case i dont like her attitude-just because shes bringing the bread home doesnt mean she should have a "what i say goes" attitude

 

[allmundjoi]

My best friend girl is highly paid surgeon and her husband...is unemployed. She pays for everything...everything. She tries to discuss every financial move with her husband. Her belief is her money is their money. He wasn't there during med school or residency. He didn't share any of her struggles. This often comes up (she tells me, not him) when he wants to buy a new car, when he just purchased one a year ago or he wants to become even more frivolous with the money e.g. Friday night gambling with the boys. I see this eventually becoming a huge wedge. He doesn't know how to play the role like a woman would do in his position.

 

[StarScream35]

I would hazard a guess that you're right, and that's one of the major problems I see in my profession (divorce attorney). Women are resentful of their increased earning but never bothered to say anything about it until there's doo-doo on the fan--and my ceiling, for that matter. And then I'll ask the very simple question, well did you ever discuss this with him, and the answer is always no.

I dunno, I sometimes feel like women want equal everything except the responsibility that comes along with it .

Ronnieaj

Wow at the first bolded!!

And @ the second bolded~~this is what the problem is and many women are in denial about it. So sad!!