She is married, but doesn't have any money

[thatscuteright]

This isn't even worth a thread , but I am just shocked. A friendd of mine confided in me that she is more broke now as a married woman, then she was as a single woman. They used all her savings to cover her sons medical bills and the husband works and goes to school. They are barely surviving and the husband has put the whole family on a very strict budget.
I am wondering how common her situation is.

 

[Keshieshimmer]

Does it matter that she is married or not? Her son was sick, many Americans have crappy insurance. Medical bills can put people in a financial hardship.

 

[SlimPickinz]

Does it matter that she is married or not? Her son was sick, many Americans have crappy insurance. Medical bills can put people in a financial hardship.

Yes it matters. As a husband and provider he should drop school (after the semester ends to not waste the tuition paid) and get another job. Not saying the wife shouldn't work more hours and such. But the husband needs to work within his health limits until they get back their savings.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Oh... well, nothing to turn up noses at here. Her marriage didn't make her broke, her son's illness did. It sounds like her husband has a plan.

*shrug*

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Yes it matters. As a husband and provider he should drop school (after the semester ends to not waste the tuition paid) and get another job. Not saying the wife shouldn't work more hours and such. But the husband needs to work within his health limits until they get back their savings.

Drop out of school?!

 

[awhyley]

At least her husband is there for her and the family; hopefully his studies are almost finished. I figured that this thread would be much worse.

 

[sunnieb]

Thread title is misleading. I was all riled up to come in here and say something.

Medical bills took their money just like medical bills are squeezing the bejesus out of our budget and a whole lotta other folk's budget.

I wish them the best. A strict budget is in order in this situation.

 

[SincerelyJane]

Well. It sounds like if her husband wasn't there she would still be broke. Or possibly even worse off.

 

[SlimPickinz]

Drop out of school?!

Yup. Why incur more expenses without a guaranteed return? I know education is huge and important but blue collar work pays good money. Working OT is an easy way to make extra cash, if available, but you can't work OT if you have to go home and study.

Sacrifices and compromises must be made to sustain a family. I've been poor, it's not fun. Ain't no way I'm getting married to be poorer than I was and with a sick child? Naw.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

They're on a budget and quitting is a short term solution for a long term issue. I'd rather be poor a few years and be great later, then average with no education (dead end blue collar job).

 

[faithVA]

Without more background I can't suggest that he drop out of school. It sounds like she wants to go shopping and he put them on a budget. If all of their critical expenses are paid, then stick to the budget until you come out the other side. If his completing school will bring in more income, tighten your belt for the short term.

 

[sunnieb]

If he's close to the end (a year or less), he should stick it out. Which is what it sounds like he's doing, hence the budget.

I cannot tell ya'll how many bumps and bruises our finances have taken in the past year. BOTH of us were hospitalized within one month of each other. No way to plan for that!

One thing you can plan is to get educated and secure a well paying career. I can't imagine going through what we've been through if we were scraping by with low-paying jobs.

 

[thatscuteright]

I didn't want to make her sound bad butL

1.) She went to Kenya and married her husband and brought him to the US

2.) She comes from a well to do family

3.) Husband did not have any savings or money and they were living off of her savings, and his school/teaching stipend

4.) Husband is resentful that she comes from money ( her words, not mine) hence the very strict budget.

5.) She thinks he used her to come to the US and is money being controlling.

6.) She is used to having nice things, enjoying life and having discretionary income. Husband is watching her and their money like a hawk. The money used to cover the sons medical bills came from her savings and none of his money were touched.

7.) The medical bills were from the hospital when she gave birth. The son is not sick, those were her hosipital and labor bills.

 

[LivingInPeace]

I didn't want to make her sound bad BUT

1.) She went to Kenya and married her husband

2.) She comes from a well to do family

3.) Husband did not have any savings or money and they were living off of her savings, and his school stipend

4.) Husband is resentful that she comes from money ( her words, not mine) hence the very strict budget.

Oh, so now you come out with the hot tea! Now you've painted a clear picture. Sounds like she was mentally broke before becoming financially broke.

 

[SlimPickinz]

I take it back with the new info. Messed up situation from the start.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Was he supposed to pay for her son's medical bill? It sounds like she's spoiled but chose to marry an immigrant? That makes zero sense. She should of married within her own tax bracket if she wanted to keep shopping.

 

[thatscuteright]

Was he supposed to pay for her son's medical bill? It sounds like she's spoiled but chose to marry an immigrant? That makes zero sense. She should of married within her own tax bracket if she wanted to keep shopping.

Its his son too. She didn't make the baby by herself.

 

[faithVA]

There is probably even more to this story. Did she get married against the advice of her parents?

It just sounds like she is learning more about the real world. She just needs to decide what she wants to do and make it happen. Seems like he married the right one and she married the wrong one.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Its his son too. She didn't make the baby by herself.

Ooo I thought he was the stepdad? My bad.

 

[hopeful]

Ooo I thought he was the stepdad? My bad.

That's because she sad "her" child instead of "their" child in the OP.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Living from check to check with no savings is common, single or married.

Having a family budget is common.

A well off woman marrying an immigrant student with little to no discretionary cash and then complaining about him creating a family budget is not common.

Presuming they stay married, he probably wants her to live within the budget he can provide. A man going to his wife's family for money is emasculating.

This isn't even worth a thread , but I am just shocked. A friendd of mine confided in me that she is more broke now as a married woman, then she was as a single woman. They used all her savings to cover her sons medical bills and the husband works and goes to school. They are barely surviving and the husband has put the whole family on a very strict budget.
I am wondering how common her situation is.

I didn't want to make her sound bad butL

1.) She went to Kenya and married her husband and brought him to the US

2.) She comes from a well to do family

3.) Husband did not have any savings or money and they were living off of her savings, and his school/teaching stipend

4.) Husband is resentful that she comes from money ( her words, not mine) hence the very strict budget.

5.) She thinks he used her to come to the US and is money being controlling.

6.) She is used to having nice things, enjoying life and having discretionary income. Husband is watching her and their money like a hawk. The money used to cover the sons medical bills came from her savings and none of his money were touched.

7.) The medical bills were from the hospital when she gave birth. The son is not sick, those were her hosipital and labor bills.

 

[SincerelyJane]

You could have told us all of that in the OP lol. I dunno, sounds like a tough situation. That's why you don't travel half way across the world to find a partner and then bring them to the US. Lol I remember when I was younger I wanted to travel to East Africa during a break btwn college and grad school and my dad was worried I would fall in love with someone and choose to stay there and forgo my the rest education. He was really concerned about this, brought it up to my mother and I several times. I could not understand why, I was so studious during that part of my life lol.

Anyway, turned out one of my god sisters had done just that though my father begged her to come back. She was pre-med too. She seems happy now though.

Another random SJ anecdote lol

 

[PJaye]

I'm stuck...and cannot get past...the husband controlling the wife's money/savings. Do people really allow this kind of BS to go on in the name of matrimony?

 

[FoxxyLocs]

She made her bed. No need to complain about it now.

 

[nlamr2013]

Op I'm confused. So the wife has run out of money and now the husband is being tight pocketed with his earnings and student stipend? Like what did he trick her in oh inking that he was a prince or something who would pamper her? It seems like she knew what was going to happen and just assumed I guess that her parents would take care of them.
Honestly I don't think he should quit school at all. I don't see him coming all the way from Kenya to do something unstable like getting a writing degree lol I'm sure that's some kind of professional track he's on.

Also perhaps his student funds stipulate what he can spend on? Especially since he is a foreigner. Idk it seems like she may have had unrealistic expectations. I could see if he was doing nothing and sitting in the couch all day and trying to regulate but he works and goes to school. Does she work or stay home with their son?

 

[thatscuteright]

Op I'm confused. So the wife has run out of money and now the husband is being tight pocketed with his earnings and student stipend? Like what did he trick her in oh inking that he was a prince or something who would pamper her? It seems like she knew what was going to happen and just assumed I guess that her parents would take care of them.
Honestly I don't think he should quit school at all. I don't see him coming all the way from Kenya to do something unstable like getting a writing degree lol I'm sure that's some kind of professional track he's on.

Also perhaps his student funds stipulate what he can spend on? Especially since he is a foreigner. Idk it seems like she may have had unrealistic expectations. I could see if he was doing nothing and sitting in the couch all day and trying to regulate but he works and goes to school. Does she work or stay home with their son?

She was working, but for the sake of day care expenses and child rearing they decided that she would quit her job and stay at home for awhile. She got her Masters from a top Ivy league school, and he is now pursuing his PH.D. She put her education on hold so that they could move for his schooling ( she got accepted into a PH.D program too ) Honestly she has never really worked a real job to support herself. She has always been supported by her wealthy father, and I guess her husband picked up on this. I was just shocked to hear her story as she has always been the one that had it together .

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Oh pshhh... they'll be aight.

 

[RocStar]

This isn't even worth a thread , but I am just shocked. A friendd of mine confided in me that she is more broke now as a married woman, then she was as a single woman. They used all her savings to cover her sons medical bills and the husband works and goes to school. They are barely surviving and the husband has put the whole family on a very strict budget.
I am wondering how common her situation is.

It is very common. When she was single she didn't have a baby. That takes all of your money right there.

Many Americans, single and married, live paycheck to paycheck. Lots of folks are broke.

 

[nlamr2013]

She was working, but for the sake of day care expenses and child rearing they decided that she would quit her job and stay at home for awhile. She got her Masters from a top Ivy league school, and he is now pursuing his PH.D. She put her education on hold so that they could move for his schooling ( she got accepted into a PH.D program too ) Honestly she has never really worked a real job to support herself. She has always been supported by her wealthy father, and I guess her husband picked up on this. I was just shocked to hear her story as she has always been the one that had it together .

Exactly lol they'll be okay

 

[LiftedUp]

From the OP alone, I'd be depressed. I do not subscribe with the train of thought regarding supporting a man while he goes to school. A grown man. I know only few situations where this has worked out to the benefit of the black woman. One situation actually.

Secondly, all of her savings went into paying their son's medical bills. I guess his savings went into himself and paying for his education.

Thirdly, a man putting me on a budget, lawd! And on top of it I have to be the breadwinner, lawd!

Different strokes for different folks but my parents would've told me long time ago to get my butt back home. But her husband sounds as though he is the type of man to ask for alimony.