"She didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid..."

[preciouslove0x]

This has more to do with weddings but since more traffic comes through here.....


We all do it... fantasize about our future wedding (whether you currently have a SO or not ). Let's say in your head you planned on asking specific people to be bridesmaids when the time comes. You just find out one of the hypothetical bridesmaids is getting married. But you aren't asked to be apart of the bridal party. Would you still ask them to be a bridesmaid in your wedding? Or is that strange?

Has anyone been in this situation themselves or witnessed this with someone else?


TIA

 

[Kurlee]

nope. she's cancelled.

 

[preciouslove0x]

nope. she's cancelled.

thanks for the bluntness.

 

[Kurlee]

thanks for the bluntness.

i'd be so pissed. She'd be sitting in the very back next to the kitchen.

 

[CandiceC]

I was the first of my friends to marry so I didn't have this situation. I was in two of the three weddings that took place after mine. The other lady and I hadn't really been in touch for a couple years when she got married. That was fine.


In your scenario the lady probably wouldn't be in my wedding. It depends though.

Does she have a very small bridal party or a bunch of sisters or other family members that filled up the bridal party?

If a lot of time has past between weddings and we've become closer, then I'd reconsider it.

If I felt awkward about having her in my bridal party, but still wanted her to participate I would ask her to be a hostess or something.

 

[loolalooh]

Hmm, right now my bridesmaids are people who are uber close to me, and I'd be surprised if I wasn't any of their bridesmaids.

To answer your question: Yes, I'd axe her. The only exception would be one of my girls who I haven't talked to in a while. I'd give her a pass.

 

[hopeful]

nope. she's cancelled.

Agreed. I would understand if she had a really small wedding party with her sisters or something. But in most situations, I'd take her off my list quickly.

i'd be so pissed. She'd be sitting in the very back next to the kitchen.

 

[BrownEyez22]

I think it depends, one of my friends didn't have many of her girlfriends in the wedding since she had 4 sisters and the groom had a sister.

 

[Mai Tai]

I personally wouldn't look too deep into it. My friendships tend to be built on something stronger then who's in who's wedding. Hell I might be kind of relieved that she didn't ask me because being a bridesmaid is very time consuming and expensive but that's just me.

 

[cutiebe2]

eh, I depends on who she chose. If she chose mostly her cousins, sisters etc then I would understand. If she chose people who I thought were lesser friends to her than me, then I would take a hit and not have her in mine.

I don't have any close female family members (no sisters or female cousins) so I know that I may chose people who may not chose me. At least thats the case of my BFF who already has 3 sisters, it depends on the size of the bridal party.

 

[Lucie]

My cousin only chose family to be in her wedding. In a situation like that, I would not mind. But if we're girls and she is my ace boon coon, it would sting. Why not just ask her? None of us are her or know what her thought process is. Don't be so quick to write her off until you KNOW what her thoughts are for sure. Good luck.

 

[Fine 4s]

It depends, if you do tit for that "since you dint ask me, I'm not going to ask you." But if your feelings towards them has little to do with conditions or whether its reciprocated, then enjoy her! But I certainly wouldn't feel much pressure anymore.

However, I think it's sad that something like this puts so much pressure on folks. This is a big worry for me. I have a good amount of close female friends but I don't want a big wedding or bridal party. I already know of three women who would look at me funny if they weren't chosen. I have no idea what I'll do! And I don't like feeling like this. It's to the point where I'd have none just to avoid beef when that isn't what I want. I'd like maybe two women by my side IF that....

I've also turned down being in a wedding which I'm sure was talked about!

My goal is to NOT have my bridesmaids pay for their dresses. I think it's ridiculous to ask and then expect them to pay hundreds on a dress and shoes they may never wear again because they never chose the dress/shoes! IDK my views on these "ceremonies" are unconventional.

 

[VioletWylde]

When I got married, I had only my sister as my maid of honor and my husband had only his brother as his best man. It was that, or have a very large wedding party and we weren't comfortable with that.

I try to consider that everyone has their reasons for picking/not picking certain people. Weddings bring out the worst in people, so I try to be more flexible (especially with my meek friends) about things like this. Even though it's supposed to be people who are especially close to the bride sometimes aunts, future in-laws etc. get ticked off when their special snowflake isn't in the wedding party. Then you have to add in that wayward cousin just to keep the peace.

Also, friends tend to come in sets and sometimes you just don't want part of that set. In high school, I hung out with three girls (M, J and R) pretty much the entire time. We kept up that friendship through college too. When M was the first one of us to get engaged, R acted a plum fool. She told M not to get married, was rude to M's fiance at their engagement party and just made a complete arse of herself. I know M was hurt, but she is also very sweet and didn't want to make it an even bigger deal by only excluding R from the wedding party. So, J and I were excluded too. We were disappointed, but we knew what was up. The bride only had her friends from college and a family member in the wedding party.

One person can mess things up for everyone. I try not to let things like this get me too upset until I know the real deal (and even after). I wasn't hurt over not having to buy that dress though.