Saying "I Love You" Before he does....??

[MzLady78]

alot of women feel that way

why is it a woman feels it is important a man says it first?

I don't get it either.

If that's how you feel, that's how you feel. Yeah, it might suck if he doesn't say it back, but if your feelings are dependent on how the other party feels, how real can they honestly be?

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I don't believe in playing games. Say what you feel and if they don't feel the same, feel the sting, get over it, and keep it moving. Life and love is honestly so simple. Why over complicate it? These days people act like saying I love you when you genuinely feel it (I'm not talking about infatuation/obsession) is a curse but sexing when you have no idea who the person truly is or on the first date is totally acceptable. That baffles me.

I am so feeling this whole post.

I do think that the knowing if what you feel is love vs infatuation/obsession is a whole nother ball of wax though.

 

[Lucia]

alot of women feel that way

why is it a woman feels it is important a man says it first?

b/c it kills the chase on the mans part, he already knows he's "got you" and them you'll be chasing him. I think that's where it comes form.

 

[tiara76]

b/c it kills the chase on the mans part, he already knows he's "got you" and them you'll be chasing him. I think that's where it comes form.

people chasing each other somebody has to be chasing somebody I realize in alot of people's minds of dating and mating

heres a different question...this is a response from a male on my message board on the subject...there are alot of men who will walk the walk and talk the talk and their intentions behind their actions and words are not motivated by love....

For me saying I love you is a means to end, which is to get in the woman's p***y. I throw it out there easily and frequently since I do not mean it. I say it because I know that a woman wants to hear it in order to avoid the guilt of opening her legs to a man who does not love her. I do not care if a woman says it back to me or not; as long as I can see progress towards giving up her p***y to me, I am satified.

how do you tell the difference?

 

[Lucia]

people chasing each other somebody has to be chasing somebody I realize in alot of people's minds of dating and mating

heres a different question...this is a response from a male on my message board on the subject...there are alot of men who will walk the walk and talk the talk and their intentions behind their actions and words are not motivated by love....

For me saying I love you is a means to end, which is to get in the woman's p***y. I throw it out there easily and frequently since I do not mean it. I say it because I know that a woman wants to hear it in order to avoid the guilt of opening her legs to a man who does not love her. I do not care if a woman says it back to me or not; as long as I can see progress towards giving up her p***y to me, I am satified.

how do you tell the difference?

WOW, that was brutal. I know some men operated this way but he admits it. There's no way of truly knowing for sure, you always take that leap of faith, and take a chance on someone, I guess the woman should be true to herself and her feelings and hope that he's sincere.
But men who play this kind of game don't stick around very long (usually 1 month or about 3 months max) once they've thrown that line out there, they're expecting the P that night or within the same week, so I guess if they say it, and you don't give it up on their time schedule and they bounce then you know what they were really about.

 

[intergalacticartist]

So how do you develop your intuition to pick up on people trying to mislead/lie to you? I know you say "when you are in tune with your own feelings and in your own source of love" but I'm not sure what you mean.

 

[-PYT]

People these days really are snakes in the grass, so it's hard to tell who's real or fake. If you see by his other actions, or behavior in social situations that he's devoted to you, the misleading fears may fade. But come on, how hard up are you for sex that you just fake emotional connection? That dude needs some help.

On my end, I still feel pretty strongly, but am really holding off right now. I know I'm sick of being scared, but it might take a little soul-searching to just come out and say something like that (being that I don't take it lightly).

Is there any way to just be like "So, I don't need this reciprocated, but over time, I've grown closer to you and I realize I love you and everything about you."

-sigh-

 

[tinkat]

People these days really are snakes in the grass, so it's hard to tell who's real or fake. If you see by his other actions, or behavior in social situations that he's devoted to you, the misleading fears may fade. But come on, how hard up are you for sex that you just fake emotional connection? That dude needs some help.

On my end, I still feel pretty strongly, but am really holding off right now. I know I'm sick of being scared, but it might take a little soul-searching to just come out and say something like that (being that I don't take it lightly).

Is there any way to just be like "So, I don't need this reciprocated, but over time, I've grown closer to you and I realize I love you and everything about you."

-sigh-

I know how you feel, I was scared to . Do it when you feel like you are ready to, I waited til like 8 months of dating, I knew that I had fallen at 3 months. A good friend of mine from high school who use to some how give me the courage to step to guys that I like. She was a phone call away and gave me the same push in college. I remember her saying you been together this long and you have not told him you love him, you don't have to wait for him to say it...it was then when I realized how silly it was for me personally.


My story is kind of corny. Weeks prior to me saying it I remember always having to catch myself from saying it so I use to mouth "alligator food" to him and he would play along. We went on spring break from school (we were freshman) and when we both came back it was the end of the easter weekend. He gave me this huge bunny for no reason, I thought it was a sweet gesture and this was right before I got off of the phone with my friend who told me to express how I felt to him. The urge was there and I mouthed I love you and he played along thinking I was saying "alligator food" but I said no I said I love you. He was smiling and said that he loved me too and gave me a big old kiss, I knew he meant it bc I felt it inside. I was in hog heaven then and felt great that I was not afraid to say what I meant. We are not together anymore but the love will always be there.

I guess that is why I am so big on people saying what they mean and not being afraid to express how they feel to a person, whether is something good or bad. When the time is right let it be known. I think the light hearted way worked for me.

 

[-PYT]

I think that approach is for me. We joke around a lot and last night he looked me in the eyes and jus said "I hate you." I was like awww why? Later on, once he drove home, he let me know he made it home safely like "Home safe. Goodnight -PYT. Hate you."

He know he loves this

 

[tinkat]

That is the clear indicator that he loves you..ha ha cute

 

[Bachelorette]

I never said it first and I never will.

Ditto

 

[Bachelorette]

But men who play this kind of game don't stick around very long (usually 1 month or about 3 months max) once they've thrown that line out there, they're expecting the P that night or within the same week, so I guess if they say it, and you don't give it up on their time schedule and they bounce then you know what they were really about.

This is true.

 

[chicacanella]

I voted the wrong answer so it should be no, 39 answers.

I agree with your mom; men already have huge egos anyway and maybe that's the way God created them...I'm leaning towards that because it's a phenomenon that most men just really thinks that if a woman does certain things she really wants them. So, saying, "I love you" is something my boyfriend would have to do first.

Definitely agree with moms.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

So many times, mothers really know best when it comes to understanding men. This is one of those cases. I have NEVER said I love you first, ever. And I don't reciprocate until I really DO feel the same.

Men like to pursue. They like to chase, like a dog likes to chase a ball or a stick. Why take that away from them? Why make it so that you are chasing him? I don't think that works long term.

 

[tinkat]

So many times, mothers really know best when it comes to understanding men. This is one of those cases. I have NEVER said I love you first, ever. And I don't reciprocate until I really DO feel the same.

Men like to pursue. They like to chase, like a dog likes to chase a ball or a stick. Why take that away from them? Why make it so that you are chasing him? I don't think that works long term.

What does saying I love you, expressing how you truly feel about someone when you definitely know they feel the same have to do with chasing? I know for me it was definitely not the case...my SO at the time did ALL the "chasing".

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

I had this conversation with someone else... and my feeling is say it when you mean it.

Just because you love someone and you say it first does not mean they have power over you because you said it. I've said it first before and was "fearful" of revealing how I felt, but at the end of the day, I now realize that there's more to loving someone than telling them and then saying "Here's my heart on a platter... step on it."

Just because I love you, it doesn't mean that I have to put up with your craziness. The rules still apply and I'm not to be manipulated, poked, abused or tested because of my love. I can still remove myself from our situation, and love you from afar.

I'm rambling but I guess what I mean to say is that the whole "wait for a man to say it first" is a sign that you're insecure about wanting to reveal your true feelings to that person.

 

[yora88]

I've said it first before and it was taken out of context. I Love LOVE and I love PEOPLE. If I love you, I will say it. It does not necessarily mean that I am in love with you nor that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. It just means that I love you as a person, I think you're great. And that is where my "friend" was confused.

 

[aribell]

Just don't say it to get something in return. If him not saying it back is going to ruin the experience, then it's not being said for the right reasons or with an open heart.

Sometimes it seems like we want our words to change how someone responds to us. But are we loving someone more because it's said? Not really...imo, the verbalizing of it should just be a manifestation of what actions have already shown.

 

[yaya24]

I wish I would have known this rule before I said it first ....

Next time.

 

[-PYT]

I'm enjoying all the varying responses here, and I'd have to say I'm still on the fence about it. In my current situation, I know in my heart that I'm crazy about this guy...and it shows (at least to me ) but no, still has not been said. It's going on 4 months and I only feel closer to him with the passing days.

@metamorphose88: How did that person react when they took it out of context?

 

[tiara76]

I've said it first before and it was taken out of context. I Love LOVE and I love PEOPLE. If I love you, I will say it. It does not necessarily mean that I am in love with you nor that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. It just means that I love you as a person, I think you're great. And that is where my "friend" was confused.

I tend to tell people I love them as well, and though I don't mean it in a "im in love with you" way I do love them....my close male friends/ex's and I always exchange I love you's with each other and I have never had a problem telling somebody i love them since i was a teen...its natural to express it to me...sometimes its hard for a man to understand I love them but don't want to spend the rest of my life with him or be "his", but they tend to understand I really do love them after awhile for the most part, and I love people the same way...situations, circumstances, physical togetherness may change, but the love doesn't

 

[yora88]

I'm enjoying all the varying responses here, and I'd have to say I'm still on the fence about it. In my current situation, I know in my heart that I'm crazy about this guy...and it shows (at least to me ) but no, still has not been said. It's going on 4 months and I only feel closer to him with the passing days.

@metamorphose88: How did that person react when they took it out of context?

He assumed that I was IN LOVE with him, that I wanted to jump into a serious relationship, and that I wanted to get married, and that was not the case at all. I was just stating that I loved him as a person, that I thought he was great, and that I enjoyed spending time with him and getting to know him better. I tell EVERBODY that I love them, coworkers, friends, family, people that come in my job on a regular basis. I really do love them and I really do genuinely care and am genuinely concerned about them, but that does not mean that I want to marry them.