Saying "I Love You" Before he does....??
- Thread starter -PYT
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gabulldawg
Well-Known Member
I've only been in two relationships and I've never had to say "I love you" first. I agree with your mom. 
Tiffalicious
New Member
I don't think it matters. When I feel it I say it.
-PYT
New Member
In the past two serious relationships I had, I waited and they said it first. I think she suggested that because you know how they feel and it's easier to reciprocate it rather than get shot down if they don't feel the same.
Lately, my heart been aching to just let this guy know how I feel. I'm sick of being scared
Lately, my heart been aching to just let this guy know how I feel. I'm sick of being scared
Finewine
New Member
In the past two serious relationships I had, I waited and they said it first. I think she suggested that because you know how they feel and it's easier to reciprocate it rather than get shot down if they don't feel the same.
Lately, my heart been aching to just let this guy know how I feel. I'm sick of being scared
Why do you think he hasn't said it? has his actions shown that he loves you or that he is in love with you? I wouldn't let fear deter me from expressing myself. Just be aware that there is a chance that he doesn't feel the same and he may say he does to spare your feelings or he may not say anything. Are you comfortable with either of those scenarios?
-PYT
New Member
I'm sure not...he probably hasn't said it because we've only been seeing each other for like 3 months and we've been inseparable most of this time, but I know you can't put a time-table on feelings either. I'm definitely more comfortable not saying anything, but it's that nagging feeling, ya know.
panama_princess6
New Member
I don't think it matters... I've said it first before and I've had a guy tell me first before... to me it doesn't matter. As long as its coming from the heart and not fake.
rafikichick92
Well-Known Member
I didn't say it first with my BF. He told me 3 times before I ever said it back.
-PYT
New Member
That's what I'm afraid of the most. And it's also what's making me wanna just tell him and if he doesn't feel the same, so be it.
I'm thankful for all the different responses, ladies
moonglowdiva
New Member
If I do love a man he would neva know because it is the man's job to do everything first.
Iluvsmuhgrass
Well-Known Member
I said it first to my SO...... 2 years later we're planning our future together.
I don't believe in playing games. Say what you feel and if they don't feel the same, feel the sting, get over it, and keep it moving. Life and love is honestly so simple. Why over complicate it? These days people act like saying I love you when you genuinely feel it (I'm not talking about infatuation/obsession) is a curse but sexing when you have no idea who the person truly is or on the first date is totally acceptable. That baffles me.
I don't believe in playing games. Say what you feel and if they don't feel the same, feel the sting, get over it, and keep it moving. Life and love is honestly so simple. Why over complicate it? These days people act like saying I love you when you genuinely feel it (I'm not talking about infatuation/obsession) is a curse but sexing when you have no idea who the person truly is or on the first date is totally acceptable. That baffles me.
tiara76
New Member
That's what I'm afraid of the most. And it's also what's making me wanna just tell him and if he doesn't feel the same, so be it.
I'm thankful for all the different responses, ladies
that is the attitude to have...we are expressive beings and we tend to repress way more than we express even the good stuff....always scared about something
fear causes repression
expectations and constant search for validation or love from others is fear that you won't receive it from the person you claim to love, which is most likely if you claim you feel it and are scared to express it then you don't really feel it (because you wont be worried about if it gets returned, love is to be shared so you aren't looking for it to be returned but will definitely appreciate it if it is)
alot of people claim to feel love when they are just doing and saying things that they think are actions of love and hoping those will garner somebody to tell them they love you and then maybe they will feel it if they can get somebody to "love them"....
also when you are in tune with your own feelings and in your own source of love you will pick up on others...our intuition not only tunes us into ourselves, but to other people....everything we feel within that lets us know what is are the same feelings others feel that we can pick up on, they wont have to ever say it for you to know how they feel and they can ssay it and not mean it and you will know...the words are meaningless without meaning behind it
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Lucia
Well-Known Member
good advice, but I think most people women esp. are afraid of saying that to a man and then having him bolt, since so many men have commitment phobia. Women don't want men to think were just desperate and needy. JMO
MrsAriannaAmbers
New Member
I can't say it enough...away with the rules...an "extraordinary" woman will write her own....its alot of folks not following their own instincts and "losing out". If you love him and just feel the need/compelled to tell him...gurl do it and get it over with but make sure you aren't taking it lightly and your really feeling it!
I remember FH said it first and that was around our 3 months...I had just cussed him out about something and he was laughing at me
so my feelings were hurt and I told him as much...and then he sat me down in his lap made me laugh and he said this 10-thing on why I love you list (like he had it wrote it down and prepared it) and then he said the "L" word...so every so often we rattle off the list and its funny listening to it change...anywho, do you write your own rules...
I remember FH said it first and that was around our 3 months...I had just cussed him out about something and he was laughing at me
so my feelings were hurt and I told him as much...and then he sat me down in his lap made me laugh and he said this 10-thing on why I love you list (like he had it wrote it down and prepared it) and then he said the "L" word...so every so often we rattle off the list and its funny listening to it change...anywho, do you write your own rules...
tiara76
New Member
here is a surefire way to know as a woman if you are needy and desperate
when you think a man(or anybody else) will think you are because of something you do or don't do...anybody who isn't wouldn't think anybody else would think that and the assumption of what somebody else may think isn't what dictates what they do...
to have those thoughts and say you think somebody else will think it is because its a projection of thoughts that come from the person thinking it, which means there is a very good chance they probably feel it...needy..which is why they act to get love feeling as if they don't have it vs give love
tinkat
Well-Known Member
ITA with all of the above. I do think its all about being the extraordinary women. Its about not being afraid to express your emotions especially when you feel the love on both ends. I said I love you first to my ex and he said it right back, you can actually tell that he was happy that I said it. He told me after the fact that he wanted to but was afraid that I would be freaked out. Although we are not together the love between us will always be there, we taught eachother so much. I know he feels the same way and we are still friends. If you feel that love and its on the tip of your tounge and you know that love its just there, what is there to fear?
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-PYT
New Member
That's a great point. In my case, I walk on eggshells a lot in relationships or early dating situations because I'm terrified of getting hurt. But like I said in a previous post, I'm sick of being scared! No past situations should have this much influence on my current/future endeavors in life and love!
MrsAriannaAmbers
New Member
@Bolded...if your always looking backwards how can you see where you going forward!?!
Someone told me the above advice when I was about 15yrs old and I haven't looked back since...the only time my past is useful is when I have to reference back to a lesson learned but I don't dwell in it..life is constant and ongoing and so are you! Enjoy what you have presently and have a wonderful holidays!
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-PYT
New Member
You're absolutely right! I'm taking heed to both you and tinkat. I'm listening to my own feelings as well because no one is holding me back but myself. Happy Holidays to you all as well and i'll be keeping you posted!
P.S. Fear has now turned into excitement!
melissa-bee
Well-Known Member
I've wanted to say it first but, i didn't. I ended up asking him to be mine, instead of telling him, and he said no. Good thing i didn't say it. We still talk but i'm so grumpy that i'm not with him, that we barely speak, cos it hurts to be around him when i know he doesn't feel the same. But he still doesn't know how i feel. The only reason i would confess is if i couldn't hold it in any longer
Triniwegian
New Member
He said it first and it was only after 6 weeks but he knew I felt the same way.
I was waiting for him to say it first though.
I was waiting for him to say it first though.
I have thought that a man should say "I love you" first but this definitely gave me something to think about
Livingmylifetothefullest
Well-Known Member
No because 1) I don't think I as a woman should have to say it first and 2) it would just feel weird saying it.
tiara76
New Member
alot of women feel that way
why is it a woman feels it is important a man says it first?
Livingmylifetothefullest
Well-Known Member
I don't know why but that's just how I've always felt. I mean, if I truly love this person then I'll say it but the chances of me saying it first, no go.
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