sad realization that my hair will never be where i want it to be

pringe

pringe

New Member
in Jan i will have been natural for 8 years. i have protected styled i feel like my entire journey. I wash, deep condition. I barely straighten or put heat on my hair. I twist, braid, pin curl, bantu knot, you name it. However, i look at ppl's albums on here who have been natural for 2 years or even a year and my hair is no where near their lengths. My hair is past shoulder length barely in the back and in the front past chin. With all my protective styling my hair still has split ends on top of split ends on top of split ends.

I'm tired. And i've come to the conclusion that no amount of protective styling, vitamin using and moisturizing is going to make my hair grow and be like some other members on here.

Im tired of trying to force my hair and myself to do all of this for nothing. Im tired of feeling like my hair really and truly doesn't grow. Im so disappointed and i guess heart broken. I know hair isn't everything but it would be nice to have a full head of shoulder length hair that i can do lots of different styles with. I'm not even asking for a lot.

sorry for my rant, i just didn't know who else to share my feelings with. I was thinking that by my 30th if my hair isnt where i want it, i want to relax and just cut my hair in a fly short style and call it a day. can't do this no more and at least i know i will look fly with that cut.
 
I don't have any suggestions but I just want to say, I am sorry you are frustrated and I hope you feel better.
 
Don't give up! I am texlaxed and I feel the same way sometimes. I am currently at neck length trying to get where you are! Don't give up sister! Sounds like you have healthy hair practices so patience is key. Celebrate the fact that you have embraced and retained length by expressing your natural beauty. Don't give up!:sunshine:
 
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I truly understand. I was natural for 3 years and my hair journey sounds just like urs. (I relaxed)

But my DD is 5 (natural) and going through the SAME thing I did and u are....I don't have advice, but just wanted to say ur not alone.
 
Firstly I'm sorry this is happening to you :bighug:

What exactly is your regimen? What type of products and tools do you use? Do you think that coloring your hair affects your hair's health?
 
pringe said:
in Jan i will have been natural for 8 years. i have protected styled i feel like my entire journey. I wash, deep condition. I barely straighten or put heat on my hair. I twist, braid, pin curl, bantu knot, you name it. However, i look at ppl's albums on here who have been natural for 2 years or even a year and my hair is no where near their lengths. My hair is past shoulder length barely in the back and in the front past chin. With all my protective styling my hair still has split ends on top of split ends on top of split ends.

I'm tired. And i've come to the conclusion that no amount of protective styling, vitamin using and moisturizing is going to make my hair grow and be like some other members on here.

Im tired of trying to force my hair and myself to do all of this for nothing. Im tired of feeling like my hair really and truly doesn't grow. Im so disappointed and i guess heart broken. I know hair isn't everything but it would be nice to have a full head of shoulder length hair that i can do lots of different styles with. I'm not even asking for a lot.

sorry for my rant, i just didn't know who else to share my feelings with. I was thinking that by my 30th if my hair isnt where i want it, i want to relax and just cut my hair in a fly short style and call it a day. can't do this no more and at least i know i will look fly with that cut.
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I notice that you have color... Some hair cant take color or perms. This could definately be the culprit!

Also, what products do you use?
 
I could understand how you feel...

Here are some questions?
Do you think your hair will look better relaxed?
How long do you think you'll be stretching if at all?
If your haid doesn't really grow much, you'd only need a perm about 1 or 2 a year or so?
Do you have pics from childhood showing your hair?
Can you post a pic in 2009 so we can see what you're talking about?
Do you do WnGs?
How do you straighten your hair? I was natural for years before my hair started to show length. The culprit for me was heat....

Now...I'd love to know more about what you've been doing with your hair. For one, in your siggy your hair color dyed. How was your hair behave when you did this? Are your strands fine or more coarse?

If you will feel better having a style whether short or long than I say do whatever makes you feel good...like a million bucks! But, I wouldn't give up...
 
I TOTALLY feel you. Ready to give up as well.
my hair is just too fine and fragile.

But your hair looks nice in your siggy.
 
Your hair is a cute length. I'd love to have mine grow that long! I hope your hair wakes up and starts growing soon.
 
Are you putting your ends up? I know you stated that you are protective styling, but if the hair is still down when you wear braids and twists, it's not truly a protective style :yep: Never underestimate the power of bunning! I'm not a natural but I'm 6 months post and i have a very slow growth rate. It took me two years of constant bunning to get my hair to almost APL! I know it's a frustrating process...I have my moments as well where I feel that it'll never get to WSL, but patience is a virtue. I have NEVER...I MEAN NEVER had hair this length in my life and none of my family has long hair either, so it's possible to grow your hair to it's greatest length possible.

You also didn't mention if you use a silk / satin pillowcase or bonnet to bed. Not wearing one was the number one culprit in being able to retain length for me. What's your regimen? What type of products do you use? Sorry I have so much questions, but I wouldn't want you to give up on obtaining long hair.
 
thanks guys for all your questions and comments.
i started coloring my hair when i was 18. since going natural i've done real color, and that color in my signature was the lightest i've ever gone and NEVER doing that again. I guess ur right, maybe since going natural i started coloring my hair and maybe there lies the culprit. i guess i shouldnt say its not growing, it def is growing, the color is a great way to keep track of growth. im not retaining length at all. my hair is at the same length .

My hair was never long even when i was a child. i always had what my mom and fam would call "picky hair that doesn't grow". My mom was always trying to coax it into growing with different greases and products. When i relaxed, it was much shorter like beg of neck or a little longer. Granted, my hair is the longest it has ever been in my LIFE! However, i guess i just want more. However, when i was relaxed i didn't have split ends. now im doing all this work with more split ends.

My regimen has changed since the summer months. i used to wash and style every week. i've had to cut that out because my wrists had begun to hurt. so since the summer I started washing every 2 weeks and styling. My styles do not usually have my ends hidden, there usually free flowing twists and braids. My current style is little individual braids with my own hair. I do a conditioner wash or wash with baking soda, dc with Nexxus humectress & do protein 1 a month (haven't been that religious on this). Will try to find recent pics that i can post.
 
I just want to say, your hair is growing, so until your hair doesnt grow anymore, stay steadfast on your journey. Also, reevaluate EVERY LITTLE thing you do to your hair. You mention you have a lot of split ends...something is causing this. Yes our hair hair is more dry, but we can control the splits. Are you cutting too much, or are you not trimming enough?...both of these things can cause stunted growth. Color is VERY drying, so you may need extra moisture...daily...a few times a day. Maybe you need braids to give your hair a rest for a few months...I dont know, but I do know there is something happening that only you know what it might be (really think about what you do that might actually be damaging)...we can only give suggestions because we dont see what you actually do with your hair. Good luck and know that we all go thru these moments of "I'm sick of this shhhhhhh" when it comes to our hair.
 
pringe said:
thanks guys for all your questions and comments.
i started coloring my hair when i was 18. since going natural i've done real color, and that color in my signature was the lightest i've ever gone and NEVER doing that again. I guess ur right, maybe since going natural i started coloring my hair and maybe there lies the culprit. i guess i shouldnt say its not growing, it def is growing, the color is a great way to keep track of growth. im not retaining length at all. my hair is at the same length .

My hair was never long even when i was a child. i always had what my mom and fam would call "picky hair that doesn't grow". My mom was always trying to coax it into growing with different greases and products. When i relaxed, it was much shorter like beg of neck or a little longer. Granted, my hair is the longest it has ever been in my LIFE! However, i guess i just want more. However, when i was relaxed i didn't have split ends. now im doing all this work with more split ends.

My regimen has changed since the summer months. i used to wash and style every week. i've had to cut that out because my wrists had begun to hurt. so since the summer I started washing every 2 weeks and styling. My styles do not usually have my ends hidden, there usually free flowing twists and braids. My current style is little individual braids with my own hair. I do a conditioner wash or wash with baking soda, dc with Nexxus humectress & do protein 1 a month (haven't been that religious on this). Will try to find recent pics that i can post.
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Your wash regime sounds good.

Honestly i can almost guarentee that your hair just cant take the chemicals!

Sounds like when u were younger you had a perm, then when you where older, although natural, you used color.

I can testify to this- No matter how much quality products, Dc'ing and babying my hair i do...when i would get my color or perm, within 1 year my ends would break.

If your goal is to have hair growth, i would suggest not using any type of chemical products in your hair.
 
Oh yeah, that color will do a number on your hair! When I color treated my hair a couple of years ago, ALL of the color treated hair fell out in a matter of months! :nono: I was livid!! I suggest if you want to color treat your hair, use Henna instead - it's a much healthier alternative. If you can go without color for a while, that would be even better. What do you use to moisturize your hair on a daily basis? Doing a protein treatment once a month without following up with moisture, moisture, and more moisture might lead to protein overload and will have your hair snapping and pop locking right off your head!
 
im uploading a length check from October and a pic of a updo i did back then also
 

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This really is'nt a suggestion but, more of advice. When you mentioned earlier that you've noticed how some ladies here hair grows within 2 yrs and some in a yr's time, but your's dosent seem to grow.

It's not necessarily true, everyone hair grows, but you have to understand the rate.

Some ladies here are lucky with patience and genes as well as far as their growth rate opposed to others. There are plenty here on this site that share yr frustration with growth rate, but you must practice patience and dillegence. But only in my opinion which by no means am I claiming to be an expert but I do believe that it is the color that you have in yr hair that's affecting yr hair. I myself use permanent color and will be switching to rinses. Permanent colors are more harsher to the hair overall than rinses. But looking at yr length now there is no doubt in my mind that you can acheive the length you seek.

But you will have the hair you want for sure! But you must keep up yr spirits about this. Although it may seem yr hair is not growing, it is, trust me. Remember we all have a growth phase and a resting phase regarding growth.

Don't be too hasty about relaxing because you may regret it later. Meaning you may like it at first, but once yr hair starts to grow the way you expect it to you may decide later to transition to natural again and have to start over again from scratch! Trust me I know what I am talking about. Just give it some time, think it through and think about the color you are adding to yr hair. Is this the actual culprit?

I do hope you will give it time before you make such a drastic decision about relaxing again. Take time to think how long it took you to become completely natural. Then once you've made up yr mind then do what you feel is best for you overall.
 
Hello Pringe, I have been natural for more than 13 years, yet my hair is about the same length as yours. I learned how to care for my hair from LHFC about 1 year ago and it has been a journey. In the beginning I was a pj, but nothing seemed to work for my hair. One day I was looking at the children's forum and saw pictures of a little girl whose hair looked like mine. I tried the Jane Carter products that her mother recommended and my hair absolutely loved it. Every now and then I will try something else, but Jane Carter products are my staples. Maybe you will have to experiment with different products until you find some that your hair responds to positively. I also realized that my hair does not like protein treatments--it makes my hair very hard for many days and multiple DC's afterward, so I have stopped doing them. The only cure for split ends is to cut them off. Perhaps you should get trims until you get to your healthy hair. Have you considered the baggying method or maybe sleeping in a plastic show cap to keep your hair moisturized at night? You will be amazed at the results in only a few days. I have also been on a no heat challenge for this whole year. I used heat twice this year--once in March to measure my progress and once in April to apply a henna treatment. I have noticed a considerable change in the health of my hair since going without heat. (I used to straighten my hair every day before joining LHCF.) I will post final results at the end of the 2009 Bootcamp. Hopefully,this helps to encourage you to keep growing your hair.
 
pringe said:
in Jan i will have been natural for 8 years. i have protected styled i feel like my entire journey. I wash, deep condition. I barely straighten or put heat on my hair. I twist, braid, pin curl, bantu knot, you name it. However, i look at ppl's albums on here who have been natural for 2 years or even a year and my hair is no where near their lengths. My hair is past shoulder length barely in the back and in the front past chin. With all my protective styling my hair still has split ends on top of split ends on top of split ends.

I'm tired. And i've come to the conclusion that no amount of protective styling, vitamin using and moisturizing is going to make my hair grow and be like some other members on here.

Im tired of trying to force my hair and myself to do all of this for nothing. Im tired of feeling like my hair really and truly doesn't grow. Im so disappointed and i guess heart broken. I know hair isn't everything but it would be nice to have a full head of shoulder length hair that i can do lots of different styles with. I'm not even asking for a lot.

sorry for my rant, i just didn't know who else to share my feelings with. I was thinking that by my 30th if my hair isnt where i want it, i want to relax and just cut my hair in a fly short style and call it a day. can't do this no more and at least i know i will look fly with that cut.
Click to expand...


Have you considered checking to see if you may have an underlying medical condition that could affect hair growth and retention?
 
lovenharmony lol ur making me laugh like a maniac!

u guys r right. I decided no more color because i can see lasting damage on my head so i have 2 tone hair right now lol. I kind of want to rinse or henna it black but i also like it this way because it helps me measure the growth.

i started using UBH moisturizer and i like it. Also trying to seal with castor or coconut oil religiously. now that i look and i just stretched it it has grown some. I guess i was just venting and ranting. Sorry guys i feel stupid now
 
I tried to pull up more info about what you do with your hair...
My comments are in a different color...

Re: Do you have a "long hair mentality" or a "short hair mentality"?

i'm in between. I used to be an all short hair mentality person. I like the flyness of coloring, didn't start coloring until I was 19. I like the variety of hair styling, i get bored easily. Is it possible that you over manipulate your hair in an attempt to find the flyest styles and to avoid boredom? Boring got me results. But what im learning and what I'm teaching myself is a happy medium. Set a regimen for urself. Do different protective styles that are intricate and take time and leave them in for 2 weeks. That way i get the versatility but its also protected. Its working and I must say my hair feels, looks healthier and i'm very pleased with it


On 10/18- Perm thread


And to answer AMAKA,

I really didnt deal with my hair much when i was younger and it was natural. I remember it being short, hard to grow or so it appeared but i do remember that it had a little wave to it when u put it into 2 canerows.

Honestly right now my regimen is just moisturizing and protein How many times do you use protein. I find that my natural hair doesn't need protein as much as a relaxed head does. and for styling just doing the flyest styles i can for 2 weeks so I feel like my hair looks great! Talked about this before. I've been on missions to find fly braided and twisted styles and so far I've been getting lots of compliments See, get encouragement from the fact that it looks good! from men and women, the men can't keep their dam hands out of my hair and my hair is thriving under its new regimen! HTH What happened from August to now? What did you change?
__________________
8/28
Re: Infusium

i use infusium. mostly when im part of the crown and glory method but i do use it. My hair hates infusium!

Havent' had any issues with it.

im natural


8/19

ok have been thinkin about a new regimen (im in braids now). My regimen once I get out of braids will be:

1ce a week

Shampoo (havent decided if im shampooing every time or maybe 2ce a month)
alternate between DC for moisture and Protein each week Again, protein questions? Need for it?
when doing protein, do DC after
Infusium on scalp - Already commented on this product.
leave in
protective style and seal ends

moisturize with moisturizer every day or as needed.
__________________

8/17

well i had the BKT done back in Dec 2008. I tell ya, the more you experiment, the more CHANCES of a setback. Stick to what works until you reach your goals. I did not do it at the advice of LHcf, i actually hav a dominican friend who gets the formaldehyde one done and i decided to do the chocolate one-formaldehyde free one.

I liked the results it gave. my hair still looked the same but was sooo much easier to detangle. i could detangle for the first time in like 2 min like when i had a relaxer.

now its Aug 2009 and i figure the bkt is pretty much gone from my head. personally, i dont think im gonna do it again. it did soften my curls but i had gotten used to how full and nice my twists started looking and i havent worn my hair in twists since i got the bkt because it just doesnt shrink up the same (ha missing shrinkage).

doesnt mean my hair didnt look great, i just think for now i want to get away from coloring and any chemical process to really grow my hair out. And then if my hair doesnt flourish from all of that then idk lol. Yes, please stay away.


so im one who is fullly growing my hair out after bkt. Actually the process is pretty much gone, it kinda was by feb/march.

i think i wanna just use nat'l alternatives like baking soda, salt to minimize frizz and help with manageablility

Re: Never been this length before???

My hair has never been the length that it is now. I know that the Crown & Glory Method with extensions worked wonders for me! If this worked why not revisit? I did that for 6 months straight and it really grew my hair. I'm doing a modified Crown & Glory again with extensions.

Re: 4 Month Ayurveda Challenge!

wow i totally fell off. i feel like i havent used any ayurvedic products since about 3 weeks ago. life has been extremely hectic and stressful

Re: Does Relaxed Hair Grow Faster than Natural Hair?

ok here's my experience with this. Of course all hair grows out of the head. Like everyone says, its about retention.

With me, my hair has never been down to my behind. But when i had a perm, it seemed like my hair only grew to a certain point and that was it. I had no split ends back then but my hair didn't really grow past a point. To be honest, i really didn't take care of my hair and put the amount of time into it like i do now. I was younger & didn't really understand my hair.

Now that i'm natural, my hair is the longest its ever been in its life! :spinning: But i have split ends and my hairline is receeding. (just noticed that this morning lol). My hair as it gets longer is becoming more of a chore for me to detangle & i feel like im pulling and tugging all of the time. Learn to manage it or else this process can be counterproductive to your progress.

In my opinion, everyone's hair is different. I think im beginning to see that sometimes natural may not always be better if ur creating so much tension on ur scalp that its pulling your hair out. lol I hope you don't pull your hair? (doesn't sound like it) I never understood some people's obsession with silky super duper straight slick back hair. If it ain't for you, work with what you got and STILL look FLY. Somewhere in here you mentioned receding hairline....
 
Color aside you NEED to hide your ends! It's not truly protective styling if you're not protecting your ends, since that's the most important part of retention. I say you should:

1) Stop with the color
2) Continue with your reggie
3) Heat some light oil in the microwave for 10 seconds and apply to ends after moisturizing 2x day
4) HIDE YOUR ENDS

Putting your hair in buns while it's still moist with some oiled ends helped me retain length tremendously. I don't know if individual braids are your thing, but my hair has never grown more or retained so much length than with them. I'm currently in the 2010 braid challenge and you can still sign up! Also, if you're styling with heat every 2 weeks that's still a lot of heat on your ends, especially if they're not being oiled and hidden. Give these a try to see what happens. HTH and good luck!
 
Re: 4 Month Ayurveda Challenge!

Ur right it is growing. I took a comparison pic and compared it to Dec and realized that its not that my hair didnt grow. the dam hair stylist mustve chopped off 2 inches of hair! See, how we forget the good we do? My pic in Dec was...


Re: WHATS UR PROBLEM RETENTION or GROWTH???

retention. i know my hair is growing because its colored and i see my color growing out after 2 weeks. And again. Maybe you're just tired I get like that. That means it's time to put the hair away. Until you get your second wind. i think that detangling hurts my growth cause u dont' see it . also idk what else im not doing....


Re: 4 Month Ayurveda Challenge!

ok so yesterday i did a pre poo with coconut oil for a few hours, then did a alma/shikakai mix. co washed with Hairveda's Moist 24/7. Then did a protein treatment with Aphoghee for 2 minutes. I followed up with the balancing conditioner and Aveda condtioner mixed. Left that on for 30 minutes and rinsed. Beautiful.

I gotta tell y'all I"m LOVING this Ayurveda lifestyle. It's really not so time consuming and it really seems to agree with my hair and my scalp.

Re: Naturals: Did joining LHCF make you consider relaxing again in the future?

Yes actually. i've been natural since 2002 and i must say it makes me see ur hair can be healthy relaxed as well. I've been going back and forth with it. Commit i did the Brazilian chocolate for detangling and managability purposes. I like it. it made my hair hang more and detangling was a snap! im crediting that with me retaining a lot of hair from Dec til now because i would get so frustrated with detangling that i would just rip that comb thru my hair and that's not good either. it was taking too long to comb.

Right now i've decided to keep going as a natural, i don't know for how long. i'm doing the Ayurvedic challenge. Im sorry but i need some more length and to retain my hair so the brazilian helped me with that.

HTH

OK- Please let me know if anything has been taken out of context but I tried to do as much analysis as time would allow given that I am at work :grin: But taking care of your is IS my job lol

Anyway, overall I think you need to KISS, be consistent and get used to being bored, stop experimenting for a while...
 
You sound like me with coloring. I couldn't use color relaxed or natural. It tore my hair up.

Put yourself on a mini challenge not to color your hair for the next 2 years. You need some serious moisture and deep conditioning until you get to your real color. This is going to be difficult since it is a habit for you, BUT it will be worth it in the long run.

I am one of those people who cannot put any type of chemical in my hair it just does not work. No chemical coloring and no relaxer not even a texlax.

I believe you will see a huge difference especially the ends when you get to your natural color.

So ask yourself can you STOP the coloring in order to see if you get growth?
 
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Hang on and keep your spirits up. I want to add that if your hair is damaged i.e. split ends, etc. relaxing your hair will not change that. You will have relaxed split ends. Like the other ladies have advisied, try to figure out what's causing the problem 1ST before you make a decision about any additional chemical services. Take it from me, I made this mistake.

I had SEVERE damage the 1st time I was natural (over 4 years) I believe it was from color mostly and unhealthy hair practices (pre LHCF). I had about four inches of crappy, split ends just dead hair. My hair wouldn't grow. I relaxed and guess what, I still had the same issues. It isn't until I started taking care of my hair - moisturizing, cut out the color, etc. that I realized my issues were my practices.

Once I realized this I transitioned again and my hair as or just a bit longer now (16 months post) than it was with 4+ yrs of natural hair.

Summary - don't be hasty in your decision, listen to some of the advice you'll get here.
 
pringe said:
lovenharmony lol ur making me laugh like a maniac!

u guys r right. I decided no more color because i can see lasting damage on my head so i have 2 tone hair right now lol. I kind of want to rinse or henna it black but i also like it this way because it helps me measure the growth.

i started using UBH moisturizer and i like it. Also trying to seal with castor or coconut oil religiously. now that i look and i just stretched it it has grown some. I guess i was just venting and ranting. Sorry guys i feel stupid now
Click to expand...


Don't feel sorry. I'm happy that you are seeing some results. Trust me, I've been natural for two years and I am just now realizing how miraculous oils are in my hair (in terms of keeping it moisturized, sealing, hot oil treatments, reducing tangles, etc.). I'm just happy you found something that was working.


For a second, I though your hair was like Najahface's, a former youtuber and pretty much the matriarch of the youtube natural hair evolution. People used to scorn her because of her severe breakage issues. I watched her videos for the entire time she youtubed-roughly 2 years I think-and her hair stayed the same length. Her problem was only alleviated by locing.
 
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