dachsies_rule!
Well-Known Member
Maybe your doing the opposite of what your hair needs. Some peoples hair grows better when they use heat on it. And protective styling isn't for everyone. My hair does better without it and retains more length.
sad realization that my hair will never be where i want it to be
- Thread starter pringe
- Start date
Blessed2bless
Active Member
I'm sorry about your frustrations... However, there are more factors to HHC than externally taking care of the hair. Your diet and exercise regimen plays as much of a part of your HHC. Stress is also a factor. Exercise is one of the most underestimated and
under utilized factors in hair growth. Nutrients...not only supplements, but a healthy diet rich in lean protein and colorful fruit and vegetables are vital to healty hair growth.
Lastly... Water water and more water....
Don't be discourage we are here help and encourage you...
HTH
under utilized factors in hair growth. Nutrients...not only supplements, but a healthy diet rich in lean protein and colorful fruit and vegetables are vital to healty hair growth.
Lastly... Water water and more water....
Don't be discourage we are here help and encourage you...
HTH
Bluetopia
New Member
My first advice would be to stop coloring your hair 
...years of me "dying" (pun fully intended) my hair never got me past chin length with the back of my hair barely at shoulder length. I used to have plit ends on top of split ends on TOP of other split ends (it was like a folicle Kama Sutra up in there 
)
i ended up shaving my head
...went natural and rock'd locs for 5 years.
in the year since ive cut my locs out (which left me with a 4 inch 'fro) and started texlaxing... I am already approaching APL!
Now I know everyone is different - but I can honestly say that for me the culprit was bone straight perming and coloring.
With both of those things out of my life I'm thriving! You may not want to texlax like I did but the color should be the first thing on your hitlist.
HTH
...years of me "dying" (pun fully intended) my hair never got me past chin length with the back of my hair barely at shoulder length. I used to have plit ends on top of split ends on TOP of other split ends (it was like a folicle Kama Sutra up in there )i ended up shaving my head
...went natural and rock'd locs for 5 years.in the year since ive cut my locs out (which left me with a 4 inch 'fro) and started texlaxing... I am already approaching APL!
Now I know everyone is different - but I can honestly say that for me the culprit was bone straight perming and coloring.
With both of those things out of my life I'm thriving! You may not want to texlax like I did but the color should be the first thing on your hitlist.
HTH
Loveygram
Active Member
I totally understand your frustration. I've been natural for about 16 years. The first 10 or 11 years, it grew to just past shoulder length and then stayed there. I trimmed a lot. Then about 4 years ago, I found out about protecting the ends and being really gentle with detangling. Still I only saw a little gain. Then finally I started to see something after not trimming for a year. Now only as needed because I'm trying for a new goal.
Even now, I get frustrated because it's in layers, it's so fine it only has a little weight if it's in braids or twists so it still looks collar length when it's out in its natural state.
Your hair looks beautiful as is and hopefully you have been enjoying the versatility. Your regimen looks good but if you're like me it changes
As others have said color may the culprit but protecting the ends 80 -90% of the time, baby gentle on detangling and trimming only when necessary were really key for me.
HTH. Blessings
Even now, I get frustrated because it's in layers, it's so fine it only has a little weight if it's in braids or twists so it still looks collar length when it's out in its natural state.
Your hair looks beautiful as is and hopefully you have been enjoying the versatility. Your regimen looks good but if you're like me it changes
As others have said color may the culprit but protecting the ends 80 -90% of the time, baby gentle on detangling and trimming only when necessary were really key for me.
HTH. Blessings
crazydaze911
Active Member
I totally understand your frustration. I've been natural for about 16 years. The first 10 or 11 years, it grew to just past shoulder length and then stayed there. I trimmed a lot. Then about 4 years ago, I found out about protecting the ends and being really gentle with detangling. Still I only saw a little gain. Then finally I started to see something after not trimming for a year. Now only as needed because I'm trying for a new goal.
Even now, I get frustrated because it's in layers, it's so fine it only has a little weight if it's in braids or twists so it still looks collar length when it's out in its natural state.
Your hair looks beautiful as is and hopefully you have been enjoying the versatility. Your regimen looks good but if you're like me it changes
As others have said color may the culprit but protecting the ends 80 -90% of the time, baby gentle on detangling and trimming only when necessary were really key for me.
HTH. Blessings
My hair was stuck at the same length for years as well. I used to think it was too thick to handle when i was little, but now i see it is soooooooo thin and fragile and full of splits - i never should have relaxed in the first place.
I too had to give up trimming to see any growth... also had to give up looking neat and stylish (but thats a different story lol). I would love for my hair to get longer and I try to keep hope but i dont know if its meant to be... its gotten longer but so thin so maybe i cant win - maybe it is length or health and i cant have both...
i understand ur frustrations. i have also thought about giving up lately - like hey - its past BSL maybe i should just be happy with that since i only grow 3 inches a year.... and im sure it would be somewhat of a stress relief to just 'give up' on all that work, but im scared that my hair will get EVEN worse if i dont at least maintain.
if you want a cute short style, that is ok, but u still cant give up on healthy hair care practices.... so unfortunately, i dont think the journey ever ends lol
MekyakaKinkerbelle
New Member
Hugs to you mama!
I was only going to say, perhaps look internally...All the protective styles in the world won't do you any good if you have a diet of carbs and junk.
And maybe go to low/no manipulation vs. changing up protective styles all the time. When I'm stuck at a length, I look at my diet. I focus on protein, complex carbs, and cut out ALL processed foods. And drink 2-3L of water a day. And my hair responds like clock work.
Hair grows. It is a given. If you aren't seeing a change, you have to find the culprit and make changes. Don't resign to the myth that it's not growing. Just focus on finding the change that will put you back on path!
I was only going to say, perhaps look internally...All the protective styles in the world won't do you any good if you have a diet of carbs and junk.
And maybe go to low/no manipulation vs. changing up protective styles all the time. When I'm stuck at a length, I look at my diet. I focus on protein, complex carbs, and cut out ALL processed foods. And drink 2-3L of water a day. And my hair responds like clock work.
Hair grows. It is a given. If you aren't seeing a change, you have to find the culprit and make changes. Don't resign to the myth that it's not growing. Just focus on finding the change that will put you back on path!
MummysGirl
New Member
Just stopping by to 
imaccami
New Member
I would take a look at the protective styles, be sure that whatever clip you're using to hold your hair isn't causing breakage.
Also, IME, it's important to sleep with a scarf tied on your head, bonnets don't work for me. My goal is to keep my hair as "organized" and untangled as it was before I went to sleep. I gave up scarves for about a year and my hair didn't get any longer. I started using the scarf again and I started to see length.
Be careful that you're not excessively trimming trying to keep your ends perfect. Each strand isn't going to grow at the same rate, so if it gets a little uneven...no big deal, let it be uneven. Same thing with the splits. IDK for some reason split ends don't really bother me, I would recommend that you not trim the split ends for awhile to see if you retain more length that way.
And last, we all know that some women do better without a relaxer, but it's taboo to say that some women do better with a relaxer even though it's true. It's up to you to decide if you want to relax or not, but it's not a betrayal or failure if you do.
Also, IME, it's important to sleep with a scarf tied on your head, bonnets don't work for me. My goal is to keep my hair as "organized" and untangled as it was before I went to sleep. I gave up scarves for about a year and my hair didn't get any longer. I started using the scarf again and I started to see length.
Be careful that you're not excessively trimming trying to keep your ends perfect. Each strand isn't going to grow at the same rate, so if it gets a little uneven...no big deal, let it be uneven. Same thing with the splits. IDK for some reason split ends don't really bother me, I would recommend that you not trim the split ends for awhile to see if you retain more length that way.
And last, we all know that some women do better without a relaxer, but it's taboo to say that some women do better with a relaxer even though it's true. It's up to you to decide if you want to relax or not, but it's not a betrayal or failure if you do.
JustKiya
Well-Known Member
Huge yeahthat to all of the ladies who have said - STOP COLORING! You are clearly going a light color, too - girl, that dye will kill your hair, full stop. I know it killed mine. I was basically just marking time until my virgin hair was long enough so that I could cut all of the color out - and that's when my hair REALLY started taking off. So, it might take you another couple of years, to be honest, to see some serious changes in your hair - but I can promise you - uncolored hair is generally healthier hair.
Good luck!
Good luck!
naijamerican
Well-Known Member
Just wanted to say Pringe, I hope that you are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. All of these ladies have offered excellent advice. I really do think that it's the color that's affecting your hair. I agree with the advice to try to to do things that you are too afraid to do, such as using heat. I personally plan to start incorporating more heat more often because it really does help my hair feel more moisturized.
Good luck, chica! 
All of these ladies have offered excellent advice. I really do think that it's the color that's affecting your hair. I agree with the advice to try to to do things that you are too afraid to do, such as using heat. I personally plan to start incorporating more heat more often because it really does help my hair feel more moisturized. Good luck, chica! 
vkb247
Well-Known Member
Hair dye - many of the ladies over at LHC are using coconut oil on their hair before applying the dye. It doesn't stop the color from taking but it DOES prevent damage from peroxide.
Combing - are you using a seamless comb? The seams on combs can split your hair and especially if you have fine hair this could be an issue. Check your BSS for hard rubber, bone, or other seamless combs. You can also try brushes if that is simpler.
Oils - There are lots of great oils but coconut oil is the only one that can protect your hair from protein loss = damage to your cuticle layer. Try using it on damp or dry hair before any other product instead of sealing with it so that it can be fully absorbed into the hair.
Protein - Ladies with fine hair and chemical treated hair (including dye) can benefit from regular protein treatments. Have you tried natural protein treatments like egg or yogurt? I like these because they give strength and moisture and my protein sensitive hair actually likes them.
Sounds like you are doing great with your hair but you might need to tweak a few things. I've been doing the same thing lately so I totally understand. I wish my ends were as great as yours!
Combing - are you using a seamless comb? The seams on combs can split your hair and especially if you have fine hair this could be an issue. Check your BSS for hard rubber, bone, or other seamless combs. You can also try brushes if that is simpler.
Oils - There are lots of great oils but coconut oil is the only one that can protect your hair from protein loss = damage to your cuticle layer. Try using it on damp or dry hair before any other product instead of sealing with it so that it can be fully absorbed into the hair.
Protein - Ladies with fine hair and chemical treated hair (including dye) can benefit from regular protein treatments. Have you tried natural protein treatments like egg or yogurt? I like these because they give strength and moisture and my protein sensitive hair actually likes them.
Sounds like you are doing great with your hair but you might need to tweak a few things. I've been doing the same thing lately so I totally understand. I wish my ends were as great as yours!
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mahogany_horizons
Active Member
Feel better Mama! We all are at different points on our journey. I know I have along way to go as well!
Carrie A
Well-Known Member
I think you should keep a few strands of the original color so you can track exactly how much growth you get per month. Some people are very slow growers and despite the best methods have to change their length goals. Sounds like you are doing many things right. Once you get an accurate measurement of your growth rate then you will know what to expect and can improve your retention (grow out color etc).
I agree with the bolded. Even though I have given up relaxers myself I feel like I was retaining much better than being natural because I have fine, fragile strands and the knots and tangles cause retaining issues for me big time. This is with complete protective styling too.
Have you considered BKT? Most of the ladies getting it have been retaining VERY well. It's not permanent like a relaxer and it can save you from having to BC the color. It reinfoces the hair strands so they don't break as easily. I'm thinking if you just don't let it wear off you can possibly use it to achieve your goal. I just did my first one and I love it!
Lucie
Dancin' on sunshine!
I don't have much advice to provide, since the ladies did such a good job but have you ever thought of watching your words? I am not a religious person but life gives you exactly what you speak. Stop seeing the negative and focus on the good coupled with the advice you received here and you WILL achieve your hair goals. I see you becoming Member of the Month!!!! Good luck!
Well...there's nothing really to say other than take care of what you got and accept it as is. There's nothing wrong w/ your length or anything like that. Your hair is healthy and that's what most people want, at whatever length.
Looking at other people really doesn't have much to do w/ you anyway....everybody's a combo of family genetics, different lifestyles, and simply being diverse human beings.
Yes, some women do far better w/ relaxers than w/o them. For all the gone natural success stories of massive growth, more than not haven't had massive growth, if length is a consideration.
Looking at other people really doesn't have much to do w/ you anyway....everybody's a combo of family genetics, different lifestyles, and simply being diverse human beings.
Yes, some women do far better w/ relaxers than w/o them. For all the gone natural success stories of massive growth, more than not haven't had massive growth, if length is a consideration.
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vainღ♥♡jane
ღ♥♡honey chile♡♥ღ
i think you should give up the color. sometimes even with all the babying and protective styling, hair just can't do well with permanent color.
blessedwoman
New Member
Don't throw in the towel. Your hair will grow, I claim that for you. Keep on washing, deep conditioning, and protective styling. You probably don't want to hear this, but you really need to cut those split ends off ASAP!
That's part of your problem right there. You might lose a little length for a minute....but you'll get it back plus some. I speak from experience. Next try to stop stressing out about it. Last but not least pray and ask God to give you your glory back. A woman's hair is her glory!!
Believe he will do it and receive it in Jesus' name
That's part of your problem right there. You might lose a little length for a minute....but you'll get it back plus some. I speak from experience. Next try to stop stressing out about it. Last but not least pray and ask God to give you your glory back. A woman's hair is her glory!!
Believe he will do it and receive it in Jesus' name
CurliDiva
Well-Known Member
I would only suggest that you keep searching for what works BEST for you.
Its true that some members can wash once week or even once per month but that would never work for ME!
If someone else only has to deep condition once per week, you may need to deep condition twice.
For example, the first time I tried using a Denman brush (it ripped huge amounts of hair out and I thought NO WAY) until I watched a YouTube video demonstrating how to work it thru natural hair.
Search YouTube for hair videos (sometimes it is easier to see versus read what some is doing) and search albums of folks with long hair close to your texture and density.
I've also noticed that many long haired idols are very diligent about how they handle their hair - not ripping a comb thru the strands, schedule and products combos are thought out, and they keep a hair journal.
Writing what you’ve done to your hair, may show you areas where you could up your game.
My point you may think you tried everything but there are always tweaks to be made.
Good luck, CD
Its true that some members can wash once week or even once per month but that would never work for ME!
If someone else only has to deep condition once per week, you may need to deep condition twice.
For example, the first time I tried using a Denman brush (it ripped huge amounts of hair out and I thought NO WAY) until I watched a YouTube video demonstrating how to work it thru natural hair.
Search YouTube for hair videos (sometimes it is easier to see versus read what some is doing) and search albums of folks with long hair close to your texture and density.
I've also noticed that many long haired idols are very diligent about how they handle their hair - not ripping a comb thru the strands, schedule and products combos are thought out, and they keep a hair journal.
Writing what you’ve done to your hair, may show you areas where you could up your game.
My point you may think you tried everything but there are always tweaks to be made.
Good luck, CD
30something
Well-Known Member
Anything you do at this point is going to be a long term investment. Right now I think you really should take time out to really appreciate the beauty of your hair and health of your hair, give your self some credit girl. Look at your hair, it could be dry, chewed on ends with no edges buts its not because of you. You could have not even tried and hide your hair away in a weave for the rest of your life but you didn't either.
Also, I want to say.. one of the most damaging thing we can do, ESP us women is to compare your selves with others. I struggle with that everyday, and I know its not fun, all it bring is feelings of inferiority, self loath, anxiety, depression, etc. Sometimes I wonder why my self and others tie having long hair with being happy, when you can just be happy now.
Also, I want to say.. one of the most damaging thing we can do, ESP us women is to compare your selves with others. I struggle with that everyday, and I know its not fun, all it bring is feelings of inferiority, self loath, anxiety, depression, etc. Sometimes I wonder why my self and others tie having long hair with being happy, when you can just be happy now.
BostonMaria
Well-Known Member
First of all, I'm sorry that you're feeling down
You deserve a big hug
I haven't put a relaxer in my hair for three years so I'm newly natural by some standards. What I've noticed is that our hair isn't a "one size fits all" and shouldn't be treated that way. Although protective styles at night has helped my hair grow, I think its the fact that I mix it up that helps me retain length. Have you tried rollersetting your hair? Try that for a few months and see if you can tell a difference in your hair. I think that if we do the same protective styles every day you might be putting too much stress on your hair. Like for example, I can do buns but if I do two or three months of just bunning I notice that my crown area starts to break. If I do too many wash and go's I will get split ends. If I'm doing ponytails, I'll change the ponytail from high to low or sideways to avoid breakage. I try not to do too much of one thing to my hair.
Good luck and don't give up!
MrsHdrLe
Well-Known Member
This is the smartest thing I've heard in a long time. Thank you 20SomethingAnything you do at this point is going to be a long term investment. Right now I think you really should take time out to really appreciate the beauty of your hair and health of your hair, give your self some credit girl. Look at your hair, it could be dry, chewed on ends with no edges buts its not because of you. You could have not even tried and hide your hair away in a weave for the rest of your life but you didn't either.
Also, I want to say.. one of the most damaging thing we can do, ESP us women is to compare your selves with others. I struggle with that everyday, and I know its not fun, all it bring is feelings of inferiority, self loath, anxiety, depression, etc. Sometimes I wonder why my self and others tie having long hair with being happy, when you can just be happy now.
( I wish I knew that a lot younger in life)I agree with other posters. Leave the haircolor (specifically, lightening your hair) alone. Wait until you reach your goals and THEN maybe get hi-lites or something. If you notice the majority of naturals who are BSL or longer don't have their hair lightened. I think that's worth taking notice of.
almond eyes
Well-Known Member
My cousin has been natural for eight years too and her hair has stayed the same length. I have been natural since 2005 but my hair only started taking off when I stopped wearing extensions last year. It led me to only one conclusion as to why our hair has taken different routes, she is not retaining her inches and I am. My cousin also likes to say that her hair just doesn't grow like mine but she always complaining about hair coming out in bunches in her comb. If you have been natural for eight years and you have not seen significant length you have to evaluate what you have been doing to your hair. You mentioned splits, that's not normal for so many years especially if you are not using that much heat.
Is your hair getting enough moisture? Are you using the right products? Are you using too much heat from the flat iron or blow dryer? Are you getting matted hair from not detangling properly? Are you wearing tight buns or head bands? Are you colouring your hair too far up on the colour chart for your hair? For example I am a colour #2 and I colour up to the number 5, anymore than that and my hair would be in bad shape. Do you dry comb your natural hair?
Running to the relaxer is not going to resolve your issues, if you can't figure out why your hair is split ended as a natural your likely to make the same mistake as a relaxed head too.
Best,
Almond Eyes
Is your hair getting enough moisture? Are you using the right products? Are you using too much heat from the flat iron or blow dryer? Are you getting matted hair from not detangling properly? Are you wearing tight buns or head bands? Are you colouring your hair too far up on the colour chart for your hair? For example I am a colour #2 and I colour up to the number 5, anymore than that and my hair would be in bad shape. Do you dry comb your natural hair?
Running to the relaxer is not going to resolve your issues, if you can't figure out why your hair is split ended as a natural your likely to make the same mistake as a relaxed head too.
Best,
Almond Eyes
I Am So Blessed
I'm easy going.
YOOOOOOOOUUU NEEEEEEED CARE FREE CURL!! CURL ACTIVATOR, ITS GREAT. IM NATURAL TOOO AND I HAVE MBL
chebaby
Well-Known Member
i really think it has a lot to do with the hair color. ive only been natural for 6 or 7 months, cant remember, and my hair is growing and retaining fine but i know what works for my hair. maybe the products you are using isnt doing as good of job as you think. maybe you need to up your moisture and protein.
IDareT'sHair
PJ Rehabilitation Center
Hi Pringe
: I think you may still be able to have your "Signature Color" by using Henna.
I read in your 'OP' that you are known for your Haircolor.
So, Henna may give you both the Strength you need and the Color You want.
You may be able to get the Color with the Appropriate amounts of ACV and/or Lemon Juice, Beer, etc..You should read up on it and try it.
At least it's a Natural Alternative to Bottled Color.
Stay Encouraged.
: I think you may still be able to have your "Signature Color" by using Henna. I read in your 'OP' that you are known for your Haircolor.
So, Henna may give you both the Strength you need and the Color You want.
You may be able to get the Color with the Appropriate amounts of ACV and/or Lemon Juice, Beer, etc..You should read up on it and try it.
At least it's a Natural Alternative to Bottled Color.
Stay Encouraged.
pringe
New Member
Thank you guys for all your positive words of encouragement. When i logged back on and saw that the thread had gotten this big i was amazed and touched. This morning i was in a bbbbaaadddd place but i'm a lot better now.
You guys are ALL right in different ways. I wasn't kidding when i said no more color. NO MORE. Unless its a rinse or nat'l through henna or Bigen. I'm done. My hair looks dry and brittle and im done with it. the only thing that has stopped me from coloring it all black is because i can better measure growth.
sometimes i do fool around with my hair too much, im trying to find cute styles but styles that i can do and leave for like 2 weeks. i want to try and just leave my hair alone. no trimming, no nothing because i'm liable to cut all my hair off at this point.
I will take everyone's advice into consideration. i will review my regimen and styles. I also will try and do what 1 poster said.
I want to employ my "secret" mentality again. Speak positivity into existence with everything that i do. I'm blessed. there are some who don't even have hair on their heads and im complaining.
Just want u all to know how much i appreciate you all taking the time to comment and give me encouraging words. Thank you again and i know that this forum is really filled with ppl who only want to help others. thanks again!!
You guys are ALL right in different ways. I wasn't kidding when i said no more color. NO MORE. Unless its a rinse or nat'l through henna or Bigen. I'm done. My hair looks dry and brittle and im done with it. the only thing that has stopped me from coloring it all black is because i can better measure growth.
sometimes i do fool around with my hair too much, im trying to find cute styles but styles that i can do and leave for like 2 weeks. i want to try and just leave my hair alone. no trimming, no nothing because i'm liable to cut all my hair off at this point.
I will take everyone's advice into consideration. i will review my regimen and styles. I also will try and do what 1 poster said.
I want to employ my "secret" mentality again. Speak positivity into existence with everything that i do. I'm blessed. there are some who don't even have hair on their heads and im complaining.
Just want u all to know how much i appreciate you all taking the time to comment and give me encouraging words. Thank you again and i know that this forum is really filled with ppl who only want to help others. thanks again!!
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