Relocating for a Man

[Syrah]

Please read before you vote.

Spinny: Is it desperate to relocate for a man, you're NOT married to, that you may or may not have already met?!

Scenario 1: Sister is living in city A. And is having trouble meeting men. So she decides to move to city B, which has been noted for its abundance of "good" single men.

Scenario 2: Sister is living in city A. On a business trip she meets Mr. Man in city B. They exchange numbers and talk for a while. He's got a great job in city B and tells you after numerous all night phone conversations that he wants to move forward - exclusive dating (this is NOT a marriage proposal or promise over the phone) - but can't with a woman who is not in the same area he is. Sister decides to move to City B to give it a chance (blah blah blah - she finds a job in city b and her own place to live etc).

Is it desperate?

I dunno - I'm on the fence. I'd move in a heartbeat for a good job, IF the circumstances were right. I'd move in a heartbeat for a good piece of property, IF the circumstances were right. Would I move in heartbeat for a man (something that has the potential to be just as long-term, if not moreso than a job), IF the circumstances were right?!?

 

[Mena]

Spinny: Is it desperate to relocate for a man, you're NOT married to?!

Scenario 1: Sister is living in city A. And is having trouble meeting men. So she decides to move to city B, which has been noted for its abundance of "good" single men.

Scenario 2: Sister is living in city A. On a business trip she meets Mr. Man in city B. They exchange numbers and talk for a while. He's got a great job in city B and tells you after numerous all night phone conversations that he wants to move forward - exclusive dating (this is NOT a marriage proposal or promise over the phone) - but can't with a woman who is not in the same area he is. Sister decides to move to City B to give it a chance (blah blah blah - she finds a job in city b and her own place to live etc).

Is it desperate?

I dunno - I'm on the fence. I'd move in a heartbeat for a good job, IF the circumstances were right. I'd move in a heartbeat for a good piece of property, IF the circumstances were right. Would I move in heartbeat for a man (something that has the potential to be just as long-term, if not moreso than a job), IF the circumstances were right?!?

good question...i think it depends on the relationship dynamics

 

[Syrah]

good question...i think it depends on the relationship dynamics

What if there is no relationship, but you're just moving based on the "hope" of one, amongst other things?!

In the other post about "settling for men of other races because you can't meet a good black man" a couple of folks made the recommendation of moving to another city. Not because she's met someone in that other city but to have a new place to "start fresh" and "give it a try".

But I'm wondering - how many of us would take our own advice? How many of us who are shelling out that advice would turn around and look at the same chick who moved to a city to meet a man as "desperate"?? Is moving to a city to meet men any different than moving to New York to pursuit fashion or modeling? The chances of success are NO different.

But then - there's the flip side. How many women move to New York to meet an investment banker or lawyer? How many come to LA to meet men in the entertainment industry? How many women have chosen their colleges based on the prospect of meeting good men?? A friend of a friend openly admits to going to USC because the education was decent but moreso to meet a husband. And here's the thing: she did. 2 years after graduating, she's married. And trying to have children. We might shake our heads and think "sad" but she had a goal, and she met it. Some of us are less successful with career aspirations (ha!).

 

[Mena]

What if there is no relationship, but you're just moving based on the "hope" of one, amongst other things?!

hmm to some it could be considered desperate but i say do you
i have relocated for the best in other things....why not men...your young too if any goes wrong you can move back

 

[janiebaby]

I think #2 would be more off the wall then #1. Although I'm reminded by the quote "wherever you go there you are".

 

[tocktick]

Spinny: Is it desperate to relocate for a man, you're NOT married to?!

Scenario 1: Sister is living in city A. And is having trouble meeting men. So she decides to move to city B, which has been noted for its abundance of "good" single men.

Scenario 2: Sister is living in city A. On a business trip she meets Mr. Man in city B. They exchange numbers and talk for a while. He's got a great job in city B and tells you after numerous all night phone conversations that he wants to move forward - exclusive dating (this is NOT a marriage proposal or promise over the phone) - but can't with a woman who is not in the same area he is. Sister decides to move to City B to give it a chance (blah blah blah - she finds a job in city b and her own place to live etc).

Is it desperate?

I dunno - I'm on the fence. I'd move in a heartbeat for a good job, IF the circumstances were right. I'd move in a heartbeat for a good piece of property, IF the circumstances were right. Would I move in heartbeat for a man (something that has the potential to be just as long-term, if not moreso than a job), IF the circumstances were right?!?

i don't think there is anything truly desperate in being proactive when it comes to finding a serious partner. however, when you sacrifice your own quality of life and put some potential bf before your own needs then something is seriously up. no woman should ever do that, imo.

sister a (scenario 1) should only move if she has a great job lined up and loves the area she's moving to. sister b (scenario 2) shouldn't be uprooting her whole life to be closer to a man who won't claim her as his girlfriend. if she's going to re-locate, it should be for the same reasons as sister a instead of just pinning all of her hopes on one man alone. i think sister b has the potential to come off more hurt than sister a as she has too much to lose from this.

eta: i was one of the ones who suggested re-locating. if i was in the position later in life where i wanted to get settled down soon and i'd been actively dating in my area with no success (and i knew the issue wasn't me), i would start researching other areas. i wouldn't sit back feeling self-conscious and as if i'd be perceived as "desperate" whilst time ticks away. however, there would have to be a bit more than the potential of meeting a larger amount of quality single men to the move. it would just be one of the main reasons for going but not the only one.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

I have questions regarding the second scenario. Did he help pay for expenses, help with anything....was this a joint effort?

 

[ArrrBeee]

I relocated to be with someone. I felt like if it didn't work out, I had a job, a car, and money in the bank.

I also had somewhere to live...not with him.

 

[sky_blu]

I dont know. I've thought about this several times and Im still on the fence on if I would move or just have "him" (whomever he may be if I meet a guy not in my city) move her.

 

[SqrpioQutie]

i see it like this:

with scenario 1, if she's unhappy and seeking a change, then cool she's doing it, not so much desperate as it is actively doing something that may or may not yield the ultimate result - meeting a good man and being happy...

with scenario 2, i'm all for taking a chance... and if she's doing these things but still maintaining her independence, then i say more power to her... i would see it as desperate if she would relocate with no job, depending on the man who hasn't committed...

in both of these situations, it seems as though the women in question aren't happy in their current situation... relocating to maybe obtain that happiness is better than sitting around becoming bitter...

 

[firecracker]

I think that the chick in scenario 1 is a go getter not desperate. Why stay stuck in a city w/no prospects?

 

[Syrah]

I have questions regarding the second scenario. Did he help pay for expenses, help with anything....was this a joint effort?

No. She found her own job. Her own place. Her own independence while taking a chance on a relationship.

If he had paid her expenses, would it make any difference - especially if at the end of it all the relationship DOES NOT work out?! It's like a job asking you to relocate but not offer relocation expenses.

 

[ElizaBlue]

Wow...good question.

I've had two men relocate to Houston for me and I'm not with either. One tried to create that debt about all I gave up for you and now we're not together.

So in her case, I would make sure she remains independent and pays her own way. And if she goes, then do it with the understanding that no one owes the other anything. Regardless of how the relationship works out.

I don't advocate moving to be with a person as the sole reason, because if it doesn't work out what is she going to do, move again? I would try to justify the move with other tangibles. A better job offer, in addition to. A better housing market, in addition to. That way if it doesn't work out it's not like she will have nothing but regrets.

And as I type this, yet another man is getting ready to relo to Houston...lol. But I can say this, he is the first I have considered living my home for. SC could work out for me. It sort of fits me. But...so...well...thank goodness he is willing to give up his home for me. Because when it comes right down to it, I don't think I could do it.

 

[UmSumayyah]

As long as she can get a good job and home in the new city, and has not given up needed support from friend/family by moving, it isn't desperate.

But she has to check out the social scene where she is moving, crime rates, cultural activities, everything before she decides to do it.

 

[tarheelgurl]

I wouldn't move without being married. Sorry, there is too much to give up when you decide to completely relocate for a guy. In my mind, the girl in scenario 1 is less desparate because I look at that as starting a new life somewhere else with the prospects of finding a husband.

The girl in #2 probably should really think about moving for a man that has really made her no promises except for the fact that he wants to move forward withthe relationship. What if it doesn't work out and what if she didn't like the city she moved to? She would most likely be unhappy and would undergo the extra expense of moving again.

 

[MissScarlett]

Please read before you vote.

Spinny: Is it desperate to relocate for a man, you're NOT married to, that you may or may not have already met?!

Scenario 1: Sister is living in city A. And is having trouble meeting men. So she decides to move to city B, which has been noted for its abundance of "good" single men.

Scenario 2: Sister is living in city A. On a business trip she meets Mr. Man in city B. They exchange numbers and talk for a while. He's got a great job in city B and tells you after numerous all night phone conversations that he wants to move forward - exclusive dating (this is NOT a marriage proposal or promise over the phone) - but can't with a woman who is not in the same area he is. Sister decides to move to City B to give it a chance (blah blah blah - she finds a job in city b and her own place to live etc).

Is it desperate?

I dunno - I'm on the fence. I'd move in a heartbeat for a good job, IF the circumstances were right. I'd move in a heartbeat for a good piece of property, IF the circumstances were right. Would I move in heartbeat for a man (something that has the potential to be just as long-term, if not moreso than a job), IF the circumstances were right?!?

Neither are desperate IMO.

In the first scenario, the woman is looking to improve her life situation, find a mate, settle down, etc. I am also an advocate of moving to find a man. If getting married was your objective, as say going to law school, you would move to further your education and career right? So why is looking for a mate any different.

In the second scenario, I still feel like the woman is going after something that will improve her life situation. The difference being she has a target I guess. Years ago, I would say, I would only move to be with a man if I had a firm committment of marriage/engagement, but now...with the plight of being single...nah, I'd go. Dating someone at some point, it would be nice to co-habitate in the same area and see if its a true love thing or just "absence makes the heart grow fonder". BUT-and major but...I would only go as an independent woman, have your ish together, job, finances, make sure the area is one that is up and coming enough that if it doesn't work out, you still made a move that improved you over all. Heck, you could get there and meet a completely different person.

 

[Britt]

Neither are desperate IMO.

In the first scenario, the woman is looking to improve her life situation, find a mate, settle down, etc. I am also an advocate of moving to find a man. If getting married was your objective, as say going to law school, you would move to further your education and career right? So why is looking for a mate any different.

In the second scenario, I still feel like the woman is going after something that will improve her life situation. The difference being she has a target I guess. Years ago, I would say, I would only move to be with a man if I had a firm committment of marriage/engagement, but now...with the plight of being single...nah, I'd go. Dating someone at some point, it would be nice to co-habitate in the same area and see if its a true love thing or just "absence makes the heart grow fonder". BUT-and major but...I would only go as an independent woman, have your ish together, job, finances, make sure the area is one that is up and coming enough that if it doesn't work out, you still made a move that improved you over all. Heck, you could get there and meet a completely different person.

DITTTTO to this entire post!
Big ditto on scenario B, even if she and the guy don't work out, she could meet someone even better!

 

[MissScarlett]

DITTTTO to this entire post!
Big ditto on scenario B, even if she and the guy don't work out, she could meet someone even better!

Right ask me, hey I married my ex-boyfriend's best friend---> dh. See, I tell women, just because you and so and so didnt' work out, did he have any nice friends

The way the stats are today....if you want a man, you're going to have to look for him like you do a frigging job, put all your effort into it.

 

[Shimmie]

Please read before you vote.

Spinny: Is it desperate to relocate for a man, you're NOT married to, that you may or may not have already met?!

Scenario 1: Sister is living in city A. And is having trouble meeting men. So she decides to move to city B, which has been noted for its abundance of "good" single men.

Scenario 2: Sister is living in city A. On a business trip she meets Mr. Man in city B. They exchange numbers and talk for a while. He's got a great job in city B and tells you after numerous all night phone conversations that he wants to move forward - exclusive dating (this is NOT a marriage proposal or promise over the phone) - but can't with a woman who is not in the same area he is. Sister decides to move to City B to give it a chance (blah blah blah - she finds a job in city b and her own place to live etc).

Is it desperate?

I dunno - I'm on the fence. I'd move in a heartbeat for a good job, IF the circumstances were right. I'd move in a heartbeat for a good piece of property, IF the circumstances were right. Would I move in heartbeat for a man (something that has the potential to be just as long-term, if not moreso than a job), IF the circumstances were right?!?

You have to know who 'you' are and also know your Destiny.

In either scenio, no one (male or female) should make a move unless they've considered the 'cost' in total (financial, emotional, motive), and they've 'prayed' for true guidance and direction. For our steps are indeed ordered of the Lord, and no one should ever go astray.

You can't go wrong asking God which is the way... the better way, His way.

 

[Britt]

Right ask me, hey I married my ex-boyfriend's best friend---> dh. See, I tell women, just because you and so and so didnt' work out, did he have any nice friends

The way the stats are today....if you want a man, you're going to have to look for him like you do a frigging job, put all your effort into it.

You are no joke, DH is /was your ex's best friend?
To the bolded, sigggghhhhsssss..... Does that mean I shouldn't relocate to GA?

 

[MissScarlett]

You are no joke, DH is /was your ex's best friend?
To the bolded, sigggghhhhsssss..... Does that mean I shouldn't relocate to GA?

Yeah he was Key word being WAS It's still joked about to this day apparently.

Sigh....I don't know about GA. There ARE men in ATL I think but its getting slimmer and slimmer. I mean the radio advertises events like "men come on out, its going to be 20 women to every man" I mean that's really true though in some spots. You're a young girl right, I think its better for the younger girls, I don't know. I hear the men 30 and up are busted.

 

[Britt]

Yeah he was Key word being WAS It's still joked about to this day apparently.

Sigh....I don't know about GA. There ARE men in ATL I think but its getting slimmer and slimmer. I mean the radio advertises events like "men come on out, its going to be 20 women to every man" I mean that's really true though in some spots. You're a young girl right, I think its better for the younger girls, I don't know. I hear the men 30 and up are busted.

Young? Hummm, not so much...
Ideally, I'm looking at 30 and up! I don't know want anyone younger really, i'm 26.
Whew, that is really discouraging!

 

[MissScarlett]

Young? Hummm, not so much...
Ideally, I'm looking at 30 and up! I don't know want anyone younger really, i'm 26.
Whew, that is really discouraging!

Shoot, I don't know. I haven't been single for 10 years I just hear what folks tell me

I still do believe a woman's ability to get a man, is dependent moreso on you, not the available pool of other women out there, if you can bring it, then you can bring it and men know it and will want to date you.

I wouldn't base moving to ATL on what others say about the men there. That could be some busted **** with no hopes of getting one anyway

Hmmm....start a thread?

 

[Syrah]

Shoot, I don't know. I haven't been single for 10 years I just hear what folks tell me

I still do believe a woman's ability to get a man, is dependent moreso on you, not the available pool of other women out there, if you can bring it, then you can bring it and men know it and will want to date you.

I wouldn't base moving to ATL on what others say about the men there. That could be some busted **** with no hopes of getting one anyway

Hmmm....start a thread?

I'm starting more and more to believe this.

 

[foxxymami]

Neither are desperate IMO.

In the first scenario, the woman is looking to improve her life situation, find a mate, settle down, etc. I am also an advocate of moving to find a man. If getting married was your objective, as say going to law school, you would move to further your education and career right? So why is looking for a mate any different.

In the second scenario, I still feel like the woman is going after something that will improve her life situation. The difference being she has a target I guess. Years ago, I would say, I would only move to be with a man if I had a firm committment of marriage/engagement, but now...with the plight of being single...nah, I'd go. Dating someone at some point, it would be nice to co-habitate in the same area and see if its a true love thing or just "absence makes the heart grow fonder". BUT-and major but...I would only go as an independent woman, have your ish together, job, finances, make sure the area is one that is up and coming enough that if it doesn't work out, you still made a move that improved you over all. Heck, you could get there and meet a completely different person.

DITTO!!........................

 

[Britt]

Shoot, I don't know. I haven't been single for 10 years I just hear what folks tell me

I still do believe a woman's ability to get a man, is dependent moreso on you, not the available pool of other women out there, if you can bring it, then you can bring it and men know it and will want to date you.

I wouldn't base moving to ATL on what others say about the men there. That could be some busted **** with no hopes of getting one anyway

Hmmm....start a thread?

LMAOOOOOO!
I agree, I think it's all about the person, but i've been hearing for the longest that women should stay away from there b/c the dating scene sucks, so I wonder if there really is some truth to it.
My mom said if i'm going there for a man, I need to rethink b/c all the men are gay.
My long time ex who lives there, told me there is a lot of dudes down there who be flossing and come to find out what they are wearing is fake and they are a fraud . He also told me that there's a lot of ballers there and groupie bishes.... and that if i'm looking for someone w/o a kid, that will be hard .

 

[MissScarlett]

I'm starting more and more to believe this.

Girl- I promise its true. I have known women who seemingly just could not get a man, then I have my gf who is about to marry her 3rd husband, yes I said 3rd husband and she's 34 Aside from the fact that she's been married a few times....the point I'm making with her is, she obviously HAS NO problem getting a man. Oh and these are not low quality men either. So I've always thought if you can or can't get a man, no matter if you're in a pool of 1 out of 10,000 women, if you can, you can.

 

[MissScarlett]

LMAOOOOOO!
I agree, I think it's all about the person, but i've been hearing for the longest that women should stay away from there b/c the dating scene sucks, so I wonder if there really is some truth to it.
My mom said if i'm going there for a man, I need to rethink b/c all the men are gay.
My long time ex who lives there, told me there is a lot of dudes down there who be flossing and come to find out what they are wearing is fake and they are a fraud . He nalso told me that there's a lot of ballers there and groupie bishes.... ad that if i'm looking for someone w/o a kid, that will be hard .

LOTS Of wanna be ballers with nothing but bubblegum and dingaling in their pockets, that's all they can give you. They are pushing floss rides but putting in $20 here and there BUT IMO, the women in ATL are pretty bad too Seriously.....there are some together women but alot of them are skanks on the hunt for a baller. I thnk whever you move, if you're about what you need to be out and also be accessible, get out attend events, not single hookups but you know REAL events, you should be OK.

I keep telling single women, look up where different orgs (black acounts, drs., lawyers, etc) are having their conventions and just randomly apppear in the hotel bar or something<-----I actually know this works from experience

 

[foxxymami]

LMAOOOOOO!
I agree, I think it's all about the person, but i've been hearing for the longest that women should stay away from there b/c the dating scene sucks, so I wonder if there really is some truth to it.
My mom said if i'm going there for a man, I need to rethink b/c all the men are gay.
My long time ex who lives there, told me there is a lot of dudes down there who be flossing and come to find out what they are wearing is fake and they are a fraud . He also told me that there's a lot of ballers there and groupie bishes.... and that if i'm looking for someone w/o a kid, that will be hard .

Honestly?
I think people have exaggerated that rumor quite a bit
But that's another thread

 

[foxxymami]

LOTS Of wanna be ballers with nothing but bubblegum and dingaling in their pockets, that's all they can give you. They are pushing floss rides but putting in $20 here and there BUT IMO, the women in ATL are pretty bad too Seriously.....there are some together women but alot of them are skanks on the hunt for a baller. I thnk whever you move, if you're about what you need to be out and also be accessible, get out attend events, not single hookups but you know REAL events, you should be OK.

I keep telling single women, look up where different orgs (black acounts, drs., lawyers, etc) are having their conventions and just randomly apppear in the hotel bar or something<-----I actually know this works from experience

Exactly! When I got here, I was surprised to hear about the women in ATL too. I have a theory for all that people here about (black) Atlanta. I don't want to steer this thread off course, so just PM me if you want to hear it