Rant- I am NOT to young for marriage!

[tiara76]

congrats mama....all that matters is that you are happy!!!

go for them 70 years and don't let others energy get to you..instead give them some of yours back...if you feeling full of love just keep feeling it and expressing it

 

[10WordzOrLess]

I was 22 when I got married, and it cost me my BFF of 8 years. We'd been through everything together (turning from children into young ladies), but she just couldn't handle that I was about to become a Wife. She didn't say it in so many words, but that is what it ultimately came down to.

It happens all the time. And I can't say anything everyone else hasn't said.

EXCEPT FOR PRE-MARITAL COUNSELING!!!

It is a must in my opinion. No matter how well your relationship is going, talk with someone, get some mentoring...It COULDN'T HURT RIIIGHT?
At least cover the basics. (MONEY, RELIGION, KIDS)

But most important of all:


:Rose::Rose:






I wish you the best!

 

[*5+5]

Go for it, it's a cold world out there marriage is a great place to be.

I betcha most of the people who are telling you that you're too young would marry in a heartbeat if they had the prospects.

Congrats!!!

 

[priceless2608]

I don't think that a person's age should decide when they should get married. If your ready then your ready if your not then your not.

Age is not a guarantee of being completely physically or emotionally matured. Everyone grows differently according to experiences, background, education, etc.

You are never 100% ready to be married (we do not go to school to learn about marriage life), but you're never too young or too old when it comes to love. You'll just know when it's the right time.

Don't set a time based on society, family, friends. Just listen to your heart. If you feel that he is the one, then why not?

 

[Lucie]

Natasha009, congrats!!!! I am very happy for you. DH was 18 almost 19 and I was 20 when we got married.. I know how you feel about people given unwelcomed advice. However, marriage is not a cakewalk. Some of the issues in my marriage, I do believe stem from a lack of life experiences. However, people will ALWAYS have opinions. What matters is what you and your husband think and do. Also, as you mentioned many of the people giving advice are disenchanted by life anyway. Always consider your source.

I wish you both all the best.

 

[newbiemom]

Congrats. I was married at 23. I wanted to be a young bride and young mother. It is a personal decison. Don't let others sway you. People always say people change,that is true. We just plan on growing together. Ask them if you marry at 40 won't you be different at 50. It doesn't matter how old you are once you are committed to giving each other the support and respect to move through different stages of life.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Do you have friends your age who are married? Have you been observing other 'young' married couples? If not, I suggest you do.

If any of my friends were getting married at that age to a guy they've been with for a year, I'd probably tell them they were too young. It's just a natural reaction and it doesn't surprise me that your friends feel this way. I'd still be supportive of their decision and encourage them to do whatever was necessary to prepare for this major life change. I agree with everyone else that marriage counseling is a MUST. Congrats!

 

[SparkleDoll]

Congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[JerriBlank]

Congrats mama!

Dh and I were both 20 when we got married.Married couples grow together,but being so young,you guys have to expect growing up together. I definitely agree to hold off on the babies,and just take that time to get to know the new married you and to get used to the new you plus one,before you bring babies into the relationship. Married life is a whole other world,and it takes a lot to maintain,and being responsible for another one so early may not be the healthiest thing for the family.Just my little two cents

Good luck to you guys!

 

[Natasha009]

Thanks to everyone for the congratulations!

I don't have any friends my age who are married, just a few who have a baby and live with there man (2 are in good relationships and 1 has big problems), but they are not married or planning to marry anytime soon. He has 2 friends who are a little older than us but were married young a few years ago, and they are really happy.

I feel like I've lived my single 20's enough even though I'm only 23. My parents married when they were older so I've grown up with the ideals of living your life to the fullest and doing everything you want to do before settling down, and asides from dating other people, which I don't want to do ever again, there's not anything I can think of that I can't do while married

I'm extra excited, but it makes me sad that people who i've supported no matter what are being so judgemental. A friend has even said they won't come to the wedding b/c they don't agree with my decision, which I think is taking it too far. I'm to the point where I don't even feel comfortable discussing with my girls my wedding b/c of the people with such strong opinions that force us all to divide into the "happy for me camp" and the "making a mistake" camp. Some negativity is also because he's from Europe and I'll be moving there permanently for awhile after the wedding. My friends think i'm giving up my life here for him and that because of my age and the length of time we've been together, I'm not equipped to make such a decision for myself (friends my age and older).

 

[ang3lface816]

Dont let em get to ya.. I'm going thru the same thing. I'm 22, he's 23. We have been together for 3 1/2 years. He has helped me raise a child that is not his.(my son that was created in a previous relationship). We are getting married in 3 mos..

Just remember that those same ppl, wld kill to be in your place. Those same friends, with the drama filled relationships, cheating baby daddies wouldn't hesistate to marry their man if he asked. So don't question your relationship on account of them. (I have a friend who so often tells me to think about it, and anytime we have a fight reminds me this is what I'm going to have to deal with for the rest of my life etc. But yet she dates a drug dealer. And when I say date, I mean they are not in a commited relationship. Yet was considering letting him move in with her, contemplating a marriage when he hasn't even proposed.)

So congratulations and I wish you two many years together. You two be strong. Be careful who you confide in & watch the haters around your man. Some women will go so low to destroy your happiness.

 

[MissYocairis]

Go for it, it's a cold world out there marriage is a great place to be.

I betcha most of the people who are telling you that you're too young would marry in a heartbeat if they had the prospects.

Congrats!!!

Um, no ma'am. I got married at 23 so I was speaking from experience. And, I don't know Caltron's experience, but she is correct. Young couples DO experience more bumps in the road because they are still maturing, still discovering themselves. She should be aware of that.

OP, I am glad that you are open to pre-marital counseling and I am happy that you are planning to wait to have babies. When you stick to your plan, I have no doubt things will work out beautifully!

 

[Makenzie]

Go for it, it's a cold world out there marriage is a great place to be.

I betcha most of the people who are telling you that you're too young would marry in a heartbeat if they had the prospects.

Congrats!!!

nono: Actually I got married at 24. I speak from my experience.

 

[shenitab]

Marriage is challenging regardless of your age. The fact is, a lot of marriages end in divorce.

I second the person who suggesting waiting a few years to have children. I think that is a good idea and I wish I had done it. One one hand, it's nice to have your husband to yourself and get to know each other without the new stress children can bring. On the other hand, it's easier to pick up and go if it's just you - if need be.

Some people may be coming to you out of jealousy or hate. Some people are coming to you out of concern or love. If it is concern or love, take the time to talk to the person about it. What are they concerned about? What is their issue? Laugh at the haters, talk to the people who love you and are concerned.

Case in point. When I told my mother I was pregnant with my first child, she was not happy. She was disappointed even. I couldn't understand it. I was 25, had graduated from college, and was in a committed relationship. She really hurt my feelings and I refused to even talk to her about it after that. I actually cried over that conversation. I eventually talked to her about it after some prodding from my fiancee - now husband of 8 years. She told me that my life was going to change, and that she had such big dreams for me. With that talk, I had a better understanding of what her concerns were.

Now, 8 years later, I really understand. Getting pregnant, getting married, having one child, two children, three children, changed my life. They were all HUGE decisions. Even at 25 I don't think I really understood what I was getting into.

My brother was married at 19 and is still married to the same woman at 39. Regardless of when you get married, it is a big decision. Take everyone's opinions and advice with a grain of salt but listen to those who love you and care about you. However, it is your life and you make the final decisions.

 

[MissYocairis]

Marriage is challenging regardless of your age. The fact is, a lot of marriages end in divorce.

I second the person who suggesting waiting a few years to have children. I think that is a good idea and I wish I had done it. One one hand, it's nice to have your husband to yourself and get to know each other without the new stress children can bring. On the other hand, it's easier to pick up and go if it's just you - if need be.

Some people may be coming to you out of jealousy or hate. Some people are coming to you out of concern or love. If it is concern or love, take the time to talk to the person about it. What are they concerned about? What is their issue? Laugh at the haters, talk to the people who love you and are concerned.

Case in point. When I told my mother I was pregnant with my first child, she was not happy. She was disappointed even. I couldn't understand it. I was 25, had graduated from college, and was in a committed relationship. She really hurt my feelings and I refused to even talk to her about it after that. I actually cried over that conversation. I eventually talked to her about it after some prodding from my fiancee - now husband of 8 years. She told me that my life was going to change, and that she had such big dreams for me. With that talk, I had a better understanding of what her concerns were.

Now, 8 years later, I really understand. Getting pregnant, getting married, having one child, two children, three children, changed my life. They were all HUGE decisions. Even at 25 I don't think I really understood what I was getting into.

My brother was married at 19 and is still married to the same woman at 39. Regardless of when you get married, it is a big decision. Take everyone's opinions and advice with a grain of salt but listen to those who love you and care about you. However, it is your life and you make the final decisions.

Excellent post. I am going to flip the script and say this...those that have been there...are sharing some outstanding advice.

 

[calliope]

I don't think you're too young- just make sure that you've known each other long enough. Every relationship starts off with that, we talk for hours and feel like we've known each other forever business. Then real life sets in. Get good pre-marriage counseling and congrats to you!

 

[ShiShiPooPoo]

I also think the two of you are too young. IMHO there are more reasons to wait than there are to do it right now.

ETA: I am married BTW.

 

[*5+5]

Um, no ma'am. I got married at 23 so I was speaking from experience. And, I don't know Caltron's experience, but she is correct. Young couples DO experience more bumps in the road because they are still maturing, still discovering themselves. She should be aware of that.

nono: Actually I got married at 24. I speak from my experience.

Sorry ladies, I wasn't speaking of people responding in this thread, I was referring to what she stated below.

The problem is that so many people are just so full of negative energy, and some of these are the same people who have either babies but no ring, no man, or drama filled relationships, yet they feel the need to comment on my relationship. I'm happy, so why can't they just be happy for me??

 

[DayStar]

You are NOT too young. Good luck in your marriage!

 

[Almaz]

I don't think that you are too young. But again I am coming from a place where people get married young and usually stay married.

Don't let them get to you because if the shoe was on the other foot they would be married too. I think I see a twinge of jealousy here.

So funny how times have changed. Not so far in the distant past if a girl was not married by the time she was in her early 20's she is considered an "Old Maid" A spinster

Now I guess 30 is the new 20.

May you have a long happy and fruitful marriage

 

[Bunny77]

So funny how times have changed. Not so far in the distant past if a girl was not married by the time she was in her early 20's she is considered an "Old Maid" A spinster

I was thinking that... the OP would be approaching spinsterhood at 23 and unmarried not that long ago!

I think that what might make it harder today for "younger" married folks to stay together is the fact that Western culture encourages a state of extended adolescence or a semi-lengthy period of "me time" before getting married. So if one marries at 23 in this country, external pressures (and a lack of preparation for marriage that existed in the past) might make it more difficult for younger couples to stay together.

I'm co-signing with everyone else on the counseling. 23 can be too young to marry for some people, and perfectly fine for others. I'd never say that it's too young across the board, because again, it wasn't even that long ago where 16-18 was seen as marrying age... so 23 certainly doesn't have to be "too young."

 

[Arian]

This is an excellent thread and quite timely.

 

[Prudent1]

OP,
I haven't read everything here but I must agree with a lot of the ladies you have heard from when I say that you are not too young to get married. That life changing decision depends on your maturity level among other things. Yes, there will be marital challenges along the way. You both will learn things about each other you never knew good and bad but that is life:realitycheck:. You also can finish growing up together. Sometimes that's not so bad. The top three reasons ppl get divorced in the USA are money(what to do with it- spend?, save?, give?), kids( have some or not, when- how to discipline, etc), and religion(what we believe in). I too would recommend waiting a period of time before starting a family but please don't spazz out if a child comes along before your perfect plan has allotted. Sometimes that too happens. Have a mindset that says whatever happens we will deal with this together. Now, please do take the time to find and go through good Godly premarital counseling. You wouldn't drive your car w/o insurance would you? Look at it like insurance for your relationship. Don't stop there. For the rest of your life get marital tune-ups. Surroung yourself w/ other happily married couples in different stages of their marriages. Schedule planning sessions for your relationship some w/ your spouse and some with trusted Godly counsel a few times a year. Make it a priority. Don't wait until the plane is going down in flames to seek help. Don't ever stop dating your spouse. Check out some of the threads here on advice from married ladies who are happily married. Read books like- The five love languages, Help me I'm married, and The Successful Family. Check out Focus on the Family's website or anything by Dr. Voddie Baucham or Andy Stanley. Marriage can work but I think far too often ppl are not equipped with the tools for a successful marriage. Our society IMHO, is rapidly moving in a direction where marriage is despised and seen as a hinderance. Something you do after you've lived your life b/c this marriage will be the end of fun and the beginning of settling for a ho hum existence right before death happens. Educate your self and pray and then pray some more.
BTW- I got married young. My marriage did not last b/c I didn't want it to. We were both very selfish and centered on what we each wanted as individuals. That was not attributed to our age. I continued to be somewhat selfish for a while after that even. My age didn't make me less selfish. My relationship with God did that however, is another thread... You be happy. Make sure you get your advice from ppl who are knowledable in the area they are speaking on. They can't give you advice and their lives are in shambles. Would you take financial advice from someone you knew was broke? Would you ask you dentist to examine your feet as if he were the podiatrist? Why take advice on something as precious as your marriage from the wrong places? Learn to know the differences between ppl who are speaking b/c they love you and those who are secretly hating. Misery loves company.
Here are links to various resources:
Andy Stanley
www.northpoint.org
Voddie Bacham
http://voddiebaucham.org/Resources.html
5 love languages
http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/
Help me I'm married
https://shop.joycemeyer.org/eStore/Products/JMM/PID-BK69.aspx
The Successful family
http://www.booksofthebible.com/p2231.html
Focus on the Family
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage.aspx

 

[dannie]

I was 22 when I got married, and it cost me my BFF of 8 years. We'd been through everything together (turning from children into young ladies), but she just couldn't handle that I was about to become a Wife. She didn't say it in so many words, but that is what it ultimately came down to.

It happens all the time. And I can't say anything everyone else hasn't said.

EXCEPT FOR PRE-MARITAL COUNSELING!!!

It is a must in my opinion. No matter how well your relationship is going, talk with someone, get some mentoring...It COULDN'T HURT RIIIGHT?
At least cover the basics. (MONEY, RELIGION, KIDS)

But most important of all:


:Rose::Rose:






I wish you the best!

I ended a 12yr friendship w/ my ex bff a month or so before she got engaged. It was indirectly related to him, but he was just the catalyst. Now she complains that I stopped being her friend because she got married (even though they were dating when I stopped talking to her ). What she fails to realize is she became a sorry excuse for a friend when she got involoved in her relationship, but this was her pattern no matter who she was with. Friendship takes work just like any other relationship in life, and I got tired of I give, give, give and you take, take, take. You cant be bothered to celebrate my bday because your hanging out with "your man" , but dont have a problem asking me for rides, or whatever else you need? No ma'am!

What bothers me even more is that she uses the "I must be jealous of her marriage" excuse rather than really looking at her part in the demise of the relationship.

Not saying this is your situation to who I quoted, because I dont know you obviously. But it bothers me when I hear a friendship ended over a man. Usually there are underlying problems from jump street.

I have no advice for the OP,but good luck whatever you decide! Your often damned if you do, damned if you dont, so do what you damn well please!!

But dont be so quick to write people off as jealous or not supportive, people are allowed their opinions even if you dont want to hear them. Often times they are just looking out for your best interest, but only you know your friends and their hearts. Wow...reading this thread makes me realize a lot of women still have the mindset that every woman desires a ring to feel special or worthy.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

It's crazy because I got married after 3 years of dating a guy I'd been with since before I turned 21. When the idea of marriage came up, there was opposition that we weren't old enough. My mother wanted me to finish school and wait. My father felt we had a solid foundation. DH's parents felt he wasn't mature... even though he was 25... and they really wanted him to "go to college." Both sets of parents thought it was crazy we met on the Internet at that...

Now, you are young, and this relationship is a year old. While I don't think you need to wait forever, you guys aren't getting married tomorrow. Take the time to continue getting to know each other and establish the ground rules and boundaries of your marriage. Please discuss how you will support each other in your goals - school, business, career, kids, etc... and definitely talk about sex... I mean, other people may be hating or they may be looking at it from a "realistic" standpoint.

I personally think 1 year is too early to make a decision to marry, but my DH told me he knew that I might have been the one VERY soon after he met me. Sometimes you just "know."

Either way, prepare well and get that premarital counseling ALL out the way.

 

[onyxdreams]

Op- My husband and i have been married since we graduated from high school. We were 18,I am acompletely different person and so is he. while I love my husband and the life we built I would now wait til at least 25 to have gotten married. if you are truly in love then a long engagement wouldn't hurt.I think you need to consider where the comments are coming from before dismissing them. I wish you lots luck

 

[Miss AJ]

It's crazy because I got married after 3 years of dating a guy I'd been with since before I turned 21. When the idea of marriage came up, there was opposition that we weren't old enough. My mother wanted me to finish school and wait. My father felt we had a solid foundation. DH's parents felt he wasn't mature... even though he was 25... and they really wanted him to "go to college." Both sets of parents thought it was crazy we met on the Internet at that...

Now, you are young, and this relationship is a year old. While I don't think you need to wait forever, you guys aren't getting married tomorrow. Take the time to continue getting to know each other and establish the ground rules and boundaries of your marriage. Please discuss how you will support each other in your goals - school, business, career, kids, etc... and definitely talk about sex... I mean, other people may be hating or they may be looking at it from a "realistic" standpoint.

I personally think 1 year is too early to make a decision to marry, but my DH told me he knew that I might have been the one VERY soon after he met me. Sometimes you just "know."

Either way, prepare well and get that premarital counseling ALL out the way.

ITA.....................

 

[princessnad]

wait to have children
/thread

 

[MJ]

My parents are actually okay with it, it's more so my friends who are my age or a little bit older. My parents concerns about the marriage are a whole different story that's unrelated to age or length of time dating.

I think marriage counseling is a very good idea! For some reason that never crossed my mind, but I will definitely be looking into it.

As far as children, at this point they are the farthest thing from either of our minds, "IF" we do decide to have them one day, it probably won't be until I'm at least 30!

These are amber flags. They suggest that you are planning to enter this marriage with a blind eye (not enough information). I would suggest reading some books on marriage and relationships, and seeking the counsel/advice of women who are in successful marriages before going further.

ETA: I'm not married myself. My opinion is based on what I've learned through observation and other people's experiences.

 

[lonei]

Congrats

I got married at 23 and my husband was 28, we'd been together for about 6 years at that point but its not necessarily how long you have known someone but rather 'how well' you know them. As long as divorce is never an option for either of you you will pick your battles wisely. I too agree that marriage at a young age is seem as such a big deal but becoming a young mum isnt...just focus on those who are 'for you' God bless always x