Rant- I am NOT to young for marriage!

Natasha009

Natasha009

New Member
I am getting married in the summer and it seems everyone (mainly my friends) has there 2 cents about it because of my age and our length of time dating, and it's driving me crazy! I'm 23 and he is 22, and we've been together for 1 yr. We both feel that we've known since the first night we met that it was meant to be, and I truly feel that we'll be married 70 yrs from now.

The problem is that so many people are just so full of negative energy, and some of these are the same people who have either babies but no ring, no man, or drama filled relationships, yet they feel the need to comment on my relationship. I'm happy, so why can't they just be happy for me??
 
Congrats on your nuptials.

People can't be happy for you because they are not happy with/for themselves.
 
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First off, Congrats!

Folks are always going to have something to say. You and df could be together for 5 yrs and folks will be saying "yall aint married yet!"

You cant please everyone.
 
Congrats on the upcoming wedding!

It's your life, you are entitled to do whatever you like. I bet most of the people who are judging you, secretly wants to be where you are at. And if they were in your shoes, feeling the same lovey dovey feelings you're having, more likely than not, they would make the same decision.:rolleyes: I learned long ago (although I do slip sometimes) "be careful who you share your happiness with because everyone isn't happy to see you happy"!!!!

I wish you everlasting happiness, with your soulmate!
 
Congratulations!! I would recommend to anyone getting married to seek premarital counseling from someone you trust. Listen to your instincts and be blessed!!
 
Sometimes people see something we don't and sometimes its hate. Either way its your life to live. I'd remind my friends of that and keep it moving.
 
like the song says, age aint nothing but a number. But maturity is priceless. My husband & I were married when I was 23 he was 24. We just celebrated our 17th Wedding anniversary this past saturday.

My advice to you, is COMMUNICATION is so key in a lasting marriage. Has it been easy the past 17 years NO! Talk about everything with your fiance, make certain you both have an understanding on all issues. from children, goals, finances, careers, etc. When the first sign of trouble arises, dont be so ready to give up on your marriage.

YOu also have to consider the source of where these "your too young" comments are coming from. If these are people who are supposes to be your friend, you may have to do some soul searching and figure out if you want these same folks to continue to be apart of your lives. Nothing will bring a relationship down quicker than quick is having outsider interferences.

I say to you, put GOD first, communicate and live your life!
 
Natasha009 said:
I am getting married in the summer and it seems everyone (mainly my friends) has there 2 cents about it because of my age and our length of time dating, and it's driving me crazy! I'm 23 and he is 22, and we've been together for 1 yr. We both feel that we've known since the first night we met that it was meant to be, and I truly feel that we'll be married 70 yrs from now.

The problem is that so many people are just so full of negative energy, and some of these are the same people who have either babies but no ring, no man, or drama filled relationships, yet they feel the need to comment on my relationship. I'm happy, so why can't they just be happy for me??
Click to expand...

I think you are too young. But, I wish you success and longevity in your marriage because it sounds like you are determined to do this regardless. Just remember, marriage and children are two things that will change the path of your life and it could take years for you to rechart your course if you decide to go in another direction. If you would, don't have any babies until you are at least 27. Give the marriage some years to get stable and work out before you saddle yourself with children. PLEASE. (I'm begging you)

ETA: Age may be just a number, but it is still a valid indicator of experience and emotional maturity. Yes, there are exceptions to every rule and you cannot assume using age as a factor is going to be 100% foolproof. You and your fiance may be truly ready and perfect for each other and your family cannot see it.

However, please, just in case, take your time with having children and just have fun in your marriage building a foundation and getting to know what married life is like. Have your babies later after you and your husband to be have built an identity as husband and wife.
 
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I too think you are to young. What you want and believe at 23 changes frequently as you grow. Pre marital counseling is an excellent idea.
 
Congratulations. You're not too young to get married. My mom was 18 and my Dad was 22 when they got married, and they stayed married over 35 years until my mom passed this year.

However, my mom was always adamant that I should wait until I was 30 to get married. This was because being married with a kid, she had to grow up fast and didn't get to have time to really have fun and "find herself." She had to wait until her kids were grown to do what she really wanted to do.

Also, I think young couples have a few more little bumps along the road than couples who are a little more mature when they get married. When I was a kid, my parents fought over little petty stuff, but when as they got older, they hardly ever fought.

If it's a family member I think they are not telling you this advice because they are jealous, but they really do want the best for you. There are certain couples who would have had an easier time in their marriages if they had waited a couple of years before taking the plunge. When you have your whole life ahead of you, you don't have to rush.
 
I really don't have more to add. These ladies have given you excellent advice (Smuckie and Caltron are really on point). Do you know where the comments are coming from your friends/loved ones? They really could be concerned and it could be coming from a place of love and if you know that, try not to get upset but remind them that it is your life and you are the one that will have to live it.

Please stay prayerful and keep God first.
 
Not so long ago you would have been right in line with cultural expectations regarding when one should get married. Don't let those expectations dictate your life. I married my husband at the age of 24, after a year of dating. We celebrated our 25th anniversary this year. As others have suggested, make sure you have some premarital counseling. We did and it confirmed our choice.
 
I was 20 and my husband was 22 when we got married. We were high school sweethearts and he is the love of my life. We felt that we were mature and ready to be married, but at that age we still had a lot of growing to do. So instead of experiencing those growing pains as single people, we experienced them as husband and wife. Thankfully, we waited before having our kids. We've been married nearly 10 years, and now our relationship is a gift and a blessing

You know your heart and your fiance. You have to be ready to take him for who he is, completely, based on his actions. Premarital counseling will help you to see beyond the blush of new love and visualize the daily reality of this kind of comittment.

Congratulations on your Happiness and Best Wishes
 
Well, first of all congratulations on your engagement! :D

I've known of some couples who were married at young ages and are still together. Even my mom was married at 22, and had me at 23 years old...so go figure! Unfortunately, my mom and dad didn't stay together... :ohwell: But that's a totally different topic altogether! :lol:

I think however that I echo the same sentiment as some others on the board. In a way, I do feel like you are a bit too young, but I don't know you or your maturity level, so I can't really say for sure. I just know that 22 is usually around the age that some young people are either still in college getting an education, or... they are JUST graduating college and are about to start their adult lives.

I look back to when I was 22 and now that I'm a few years older, I can't even imagine being married at 22! :eek: But....I'm not everybody, and sometimes you just find that special someone at a different time in your life. :yep: Just please take time to really KNOW yourself and the person you are engaged to. I don't know when your wedding date is, but hopefully it is in the distant future so that you can have some time to go through pre-marital counseling, and even get to know yourself better.

I'm in my late 20's and I'm STILL learning things about myself that I didn't know. :yep: So....I say, it's great that you two are wanting to share a special bond for the rest of your lives together. :D But please, take it slow...and like others mentioned...PLEASE wait until you have kids! My sister got married 2 years ago, and she STILL wants to wait and additional 4 or 5 years before she and her husband have kids.

My only concern however is not really how young YOU are, but really how young your fiance is. You're 23 and your fiance is 22. Now...I'm not knocking 22 year old guys, but men in general tend to mature slower than women, and at 22 I'm not sure how mature this guy is. If he were 28 and you were 23 then I would feel a little differently. At least I would feel like....okay, he's 28 years old, he's probably stable, has lived his life, is past his "player days", and has really grown as a man and is ready to really settle down. But the fact that he's younger than you...(22 yrs old at that!) is just a little cause for concern IMO. :ohwell:

BUT! Sometimes life's challenges can be overcome through love, patience, communication, and understanding. So...maybe your friends and family just want you to be happy and really desire you to see that maybe you two are BOTH a bit too young right now. :ohwell:

Are these "friends" peers of yours around your same age? OR, are they older? Because if your friends and family members are older than you, then most likely they are not "jealous", but they just have a lot more life experience and realize the hard work and sacrifice that goes into marriage. And it may be more so the age factor that they are concerned with. More than likely, they just care about you and don't want to see you go through a hard time.

Like I said for me personally, I have grown just in a few years from where I was at 22 and where I am now. I even have a different car, different job, different friends, different life, etc NOW than I did just at 22. It's crazy! I've traveled more places, seen more things, experienced heartbreak, gone through and learned a LOT about relationships, etc in just a few years. What I want NOW is sooo much different from what I wanted when I was 22. So...imagine if that minor outward stuff (jobs, car, friends, etc.) can change for me in just those several years, think about how DIFFERENT a person you can be even emotionally after a few short years.

So, anyway...I wish you and your fiance well with your future married life, but those are just some things to keep in mind! ;)
 
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The only thing that matters is the two of you being truly compatible and ready for marriage. No one knows your relationship better than the two of you. Everyone else is an outsider and only speak for themselves and their situation. Congratulations and best of luck to the both of you. :yep:
 
Congrats! My parents got married when my mother was 20 and my father was 21 and they just past 30 years, so no I don't think you're too young, but pre-martial counseling sounds like a good idea.
 
Smuckie_Slick said:
I think you are too young. But, I wish you success and longevity in your marriage because it sounds like you are determined to do this regardless. Just remember, marriage and children are two things that will change the path of your life and it could take years for you to rechart your course if you decide to go in another direction. If you would, don't have any babies until you are at least 27. Give the marriage some years to get stable and work out before you saddle yourself with children. PLEASE. (I'm begging you)

ETA: Age may be just a number, but it is still a valid indicator of experience and emotional maturity. Yes, there are exceptions to every rule and you cannot assume using age as a factor is going to be 100% foolproof. You and your fiance may be truly ready and perfect for each other and your family cannot see it.

However, please, just in case, take your time with having children and just have fun in your marriage building a foundation and getting to know what married life is like. Have your babies later after you and your husband to be have built an identity as husband and wife.
Click to expand...

This advice is well said and priceless ! :up:
I wholeheartedly agree ... :yep:
 
CONGRATS. Counseling is a MUST! And as for the people who say "My mum and dad have been married at 18 and have been together 30 plus years..." remember the times changed. People of those times married young and God bless em, STUCK marriage out. It doesn't seem that sentiment carries on as much nowadays so OP, make sure that you are truly sure, as is he.
 
my mom always said to me live out your twentiesssss---marraige and etc will be there--no rush---and i did so the fullest until mr right came along and even then i was still like ok i know your my mr forever but we dotn have to rush--im 27 and was holding on to my single twentieslifestyle just because i enjoyed it so much--anyhoo

i wish you all the best but i can see how someone would say that--just because they would want you to not rush anything
smuckie gave you great advice!
 
congratulations and just have faith everything will be great with your upcoming marriage. Oh yeah you will now realize who your true friends are. Take note of everyones comment about this then cut them off one by one
 
Congrats.

The premarital counselling is really a good idea. Just in case these things have not been discussed between the two of you.

Here are just some of the topics that come up during pre marital counseling.

How is your credit? What is your credit score?
How do you spend your money? Have you both taken a look at each others checking account?
Who will pay the bills?
What bills are your coming into the marriage with?
Will you have one checking account, joint credit cards, etc.

Religion
Are you both the same religion?
Will you share the same religion or have different religions?
All the differences that come with each religion if you are not both the same.

Children
How many?
When?
Stay at home parent?
What religion will the children be raised in?
How will disciplining children be handled?

Family:
During holidays how will you celebrate them with family?
How will you deal with the difficult folks in each family?

Other:
Are you both going to school to get degrees?
Financially how will this happen going forward?
If you are not, will either of you be going to school?

This is just a small amount of the topics that come up during pre marital counselling.

Go into this with your eyes WIDE OPEN! Love is fine but love with realistic views and understanding about each other is PRICELESS.
 
My parents are actually okay with it, it's more so my friends who are my age or a little bit older. My parents concerns about the marriage are a whole different story that's unrelated to age or length of time dating.

I think marriage counseling is a very good idea! For some reason that never crossed my mind, but I will definitely be looking into it.

As far as children, at this point they are the farthest thing from either of our minds, "IF" we do decide to have them one day, it probably won't be until I'm at least 30!
 
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