RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice??

[GoingNatural]

Whenever I give advice to black (AA, etc) women I get one of two responses:

1. Smile and nod
2. Oh that only works for you because you're mixed (that's a big assumption)

It's so frustrating to see how brainwashed everyone is. I should not have to justify my answer with, "there are hundreds of black women of all skin tones, races and hair textures that use the same process"

I bring this up because I was recently talking to a friend who said how tired she was of her natural hair and that it knots up all of the time. I told her that she needs to cowash every few days and detangle. She continues to tell me that water (exact conversation):

HER: "I was told by 2 people that I shouldn't wash every day because water dries natural hair out and natural hair years for moisture.

ME: "No, it doesn't. I can show you a place where 100 people will agree"

HER: "Well that's what 2 hairdressers told me"

ME: Shampoo is drying not water. If you shampoo your hair every day your hair will dry out. If you use water and/or conditioner every day your hair will be fine"

HER: "Ok. Even the guy that does Michelle Obama's hair said the same thing to a lady on the radio when she called in. You might because our hair is different"

The funny thing is she's a 3c with "soft hair".

I know it's a learning curve and many of us came onto the board with the same assumptions--some may still believe those assumptions. But what I've noticed is that a lot of the white women and black women with long hair have the same routine--check out longhaircommunity.com--they cowash, use light oils, low heat/manipulation routines and then check out some/most of the longer haired women on this board.

It's so frustrating to me because obviously what you are doing isn't working so why not try something different???

 

[chellero]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Yes you do.

 

[GoingNatural]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Yes you do.

LOL I know. I want to change the world!!

 

[sunshinelady]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Yes, you do. Type 4 hair is distinct.

 

[Lucie]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

You sure do. I don't give advice to anyone that is a strict 4b because apparently, I can't identify. Mind you I am 4a/b!

 

[Keshieshimmer]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I understand both sides. There are key rules to thumb for keeping your hair moisturized and keep dryness at bay. But I was in a recent thread about dermatologists and some people don't like going to doctors that don't have thier skin type, because they 'don't understand or get it or knows what it means to have their skin type.'

Eh whatever, but I would take your advice, you have LOVELY hair. Also I am always up for trying new techniques if my old ones aren't working!

 

[sunshinelady]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I don't think anyone who isn't 4b can understand 4b hair. Growth, yes, but moisture et al. naw.

 

[SweetSpirit86]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I understand how you feel. Sometimes, you've just gotta sit back and take what these people say with a grain of salt. You can tell them until you're blue in the face, but in the end it's up to them to decide to change or not. My uncle runs a hair salon, and a lot of my cousins are professional hairdressers, and they used to tell me that going natural wasn't a good idea. My hair was going to fall out, etc, etc. I saw them at a birthday party a few weeks ago, and they were touching my hair, saying how soft it was and asking what I did with it. I told them I co-wash daily..I leave a little of my conditioner in, and I use castor oil.

One looked me in the face and told me that will dry out my hair, and make it fall out.

Really?

But you just said my hair was soft? And it's clearly on my head...Even when someone has their fingers in your hair, they'll still tell you what you're doing is wrong because *insert misinformed professional* says otherwise. I'm not mixed..at least not in the sense we consider it here...but people will think what they want. You could be black as night and have the kinkiest hair on earth and someone would still find reason to not believe.

 

[♦K.O♦]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

People kill me with that mess, but I understand why they may think that. I'm 3c/4a/mystery hair, and that isn't even enough for some people because my hair is sort of soft in a lot of places. So someone with "harder" hair will sometimes look at me like stfu.

 

[♥Lamaravilla♥]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Well I think it makes sense to take advice from someone who has a similar texture to myself. I wouldn't take tips from a relaxed person for natural hair. You might be right in the advice you give and you also can be very well intentioned, but unless someone can relate to you (ie. same hair texture for hair advice, same skin problems for skin advice, same body type for clothing advice...) the advice you give them is pretty much useless, since they pretty much won't believe you.

 

[msa]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Yeah you'd have to be type 4 for me to take your advice, irl, since I have type 4 hair and what works for you probably isn't going to work for me.

You can't win everybody, but you sure can try. Hopefully your friend will come around.

 

[GoingNatural]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I don't think anyone who isn't 4b can understand 4b hair. Growth, yes, but moisture et al. naw.

Isn't moisture key to growth and retention? I won't tell someone that they HAVE to use certain products. But basic techniques?

 

[Cherokee-n-Black]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Yes, you do. Type 4 hair is distinct.

Really? Because I can't seem to get a good read on exactly what type 4 is. Exactly where is the line between types 3 and 4? I think it just has more to do with wanting advice from someone who has the same kind of hair you do who has gotten results. Very often I have tried things that worked for others (like stretching relaxers) that didn't work for me. I never Co-washed and my hair went from chin-length to APL (with lots of trimming in between) in a little over a year.

 

[GoingNatural]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Well I think it makes sense to take advice from someone who has a similar texture to myself. I wouldn't take tips from a relaxed person for natural hair. You might be right in the advice you give and you also can be very well intentioned, but unless someone can relate to you (ie. same hair texture for hair advice, same skin problems for skin advice, same body type for clothing advice...) the advice you give them is pretty much useless, since they pretty much won't believe you.

Yeah you'd have to be type 4 for me to take your advice, irl, since I have type 4 hair and what works for you probably isn't going to work for me.

You can't win everybody, but you sure can try. Hopefully your friend will come around.

Being on this bored haven't you noticed commonalities on basic techniques regardless of hair texture?

 

[GoingNatural]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

It's crazy women of all hair types will run and try cat urine, horse products, ovary juice sold by farming companies, but they won't try basic techniques recommended by another black woman?

 

[GoingNatural]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Really? Because I can't seem to get a good read on exactly what type 4 is. Exactly where is the line between types 3 and 4? I think it just has more to do with wanting advice from someone who has the same kind of hair you do who has gotten results. Very often I have tried things that worked for others (like stretching relaxers) that didn't work for me. I never Co-washed and my hair went from chin-length to APL (with lots of trimming in between) in a little over a year.

Typing bothers me but I go with it. Typing tells you the size of your curls, waves, Z's hatever but not the texture. A close friend of mine is 3b but she has very high textured hair--her curls just happen to be bigger.

 

[Tee]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Sadly the answer is yes. smh. Some things never change it seems!

 

[♥Lamaravilla♥]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Being on this bored haven't you noticed commonalities on basic techniques regardless of hair texture?

Yes, a few. But everyone has to find on their own what works for them. I think it has more to do with not one thing will work for everyone, and it's a matter of discerning what will work best for your hair, not just your type of hair.

Eta: I'm not disagreeing with you, I'm just pointing out why they probably won't take your advice seriously, simply because they can't relate to your hair.

 

[msa]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Being on this bored haven't you noticed commonalities on basic techniques regardless of hair texture?

Yup I sure have. But I still only use information when I see it's worked for people with my hair type/characterics. And even the same techniques have to be used differently on different types of hair.

 

[doll-baby]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Even when you have similar hair types people may still choose not to take your advice. For instance my friend of over 13yrs (who has always said that we have similar hair) thinks that my hair growth is out of the ordinary and that her hair doesn't stand a chance to grow beyond SL. When I give her tips and advice (that I have used) from LHCF she says that she doesn't like to follow other's and wants to grow her hair her way (in so many words).erplexed

You can lead a horse to water....(but you can't make them take your hair advice)

 

[sunshinelady]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Isn't moisture key to growth and retention? I won't tell someone that they HAVE to use certain products. But basic techniques?

Not necessarily for growth. Retention yes. Techniques are probably going to be different. Your flat iron technique won't be the same as it is for mine. We'll need different products too.

 

[BostonMaria]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Yeah I get that alot. I will answer somebody's question and then they follow-up with "are you mixed?" Or I get "You're Latina so your hair type is not the same as mine."

But at the end of the day you can't change the world. People are stubborn but eventually come around. I refused to try Amla 10 years ago because in my mind that's for Indian women, has nothing to do with my afrotextured hair. Well now I go to their stores and buy EVERY Amla off their shelf LOL So just keep giving her advice if she asks. If she doesn't, hey at least your hair is pretty!

 

[sunshinelady]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Really? Because I can't seem to get a good read on exactly what type 4 is. Exactly where is the line between types 3 and 4? I think it just has more to do with wanting advice from someone who has the same kind of hair you do who has gotten results. Very often I have tried things that worked for others (like stretching relaxers) that didn't work for me. I never Co-washed and my hair went from chin-length to APL (with lots of trimming in between) in a little over a year.

Ouidad has a good description.

 

[Tee]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

It's crazy women of all hair types will run and try cat urine, horse products, ovary juice sold by farming companies, but they won't try basic techniques recommended by another black woman?

This is sooo true!! Esp the bold. I don't try to understand it. If the hair on my head (or all the other women who does it and it works for) is not proof that cowashing works and will not leave you bald headed, then it's whatever.

 

[GoingNatural]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Not necessarily for growth. Retention yes. Techniques are probably going to be different. Your flat iron technique won't be the same as it is for mine. We'll need different products too.

sorry, basic growth/retention techniques. not styling.

 

[Tee]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Even when you have similar hair types people may still choose not to take your advice. For instance my friend of over 13yrs (who has always said that we have similar hair) thinks that my hair growth is out of the ordinary and that her hair doesn't stand a chance to grow beyond SL. When I give her tips and advice (that I have used) from LHCF she says that she doesn't like to follow other's and wants to grow her hair her way (in so many words).erplexed

You can lead a horse to water....(but you can't make them take your hair advice)

Pure comedy! I guess she can't see her techniques aren't working that well for her. But you are right, "You can lead a horse..........."

 

[GoingNatural]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Anybody BSL/MBL or below disagree with my OP?

 

[SweetCaramel1]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

i wouldn't be so quick to disregard another woman's advice. imo some of these women have just given up on having long healthy hair. they see your hair in the finished state and believe you have a certain texture that grows automatically. they don't see all the hard work you've put in to maintain your length.

my daughter has 4b hair and i'm learning a lot about it and while all of my hair may not be 4b, i can definitely relate to the dryness/moisture retention problem from doing her hair alone. i'll check back in a few years when she has banging 4b waistlength hair and maybe then i'll be credible

 

[sylver2]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

honestly..had i not been a member of this board and u came to me irl offering advice on my hair..i would of laughed it off too. u just wouldn't of been able to relate to the problems my hair has vs. yours.

 

[msa]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

sorry, basic growth/retention techniques. not styling.

Well hair grows, no technique needed so yes that's the same for everyone. But retention is completely different. Type 3's can do lots of things I can't because I'd never retain any hair.