Questions or topics you dread when getting to know someone?

[ambergirl]

This guy asked me if it's easy for me to get close to people and he judged me based on my answer. He's the type to "read between the lines" which means he made an inaccurate assumption in that situation. I think you have to be careful with how you answer these questions. Even the serious ones... Keep it light!!!

Or just take these men out of the running. If a man is asking you questions so he can read between the lines, or because he's giving you a series of "tests " to discover some moral flaw, why entertain him? Says something about him and the type of partner he would be.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Regarding bold you're right I'm a guy and I can't relate to being a girl so I concede there could be different feelings about the question. I just looked at how I felt when it happen to me and felt nothing but maybe that is because I'm a guy. Like you said its more likely to happen to y'all because of dynamics so that could be another reason why we see it differently. I still think most of the guys are nervous though because honest to goodness Ive never asked a person why they are single. That's why I think its a convo starter because why would I genuinely care why? Heck great for me and you can usually sense how things are going and go from there so its no need to ask anything about being single. If y'all are or not it will usually come out. Give these nervous guys a chance and don't punish them for being nervous at first. Lets not act like none of us have never felt that way Thanks for your reply.

Dartagnan
I appreciate your input...it's always good to get the male perspective.

However in THIS particular instance, I don't think it had to do with nervousness. I had already met the guy, he had established interest, he had asked for my number and I gave it to him.

We were just having a texting conversation (which is another thing that can get under my skin---having long deep/serious conversations over text message when you're FIRST getting to know someone ) and he just out of the blue asked why I was "still single". I just told him that I hadn't met the right person yet. He just KEPT on asking a second time. Then it was almost like he was trying to fish around to see what the "real answer" was. I was telling him the truth!

It just got to be annoying. It left a bad taste in my mouth.

Like I said....I don't even think to ask guys this question. I figure, if this guy is a "catch", and he's interested in ME, then I'm fortunate! I figure, I'll probably eventually figure out why the guy is single (ie. divorce, break-up, haven't met the right woman yet, been heartbroken...etc, ) it will EVENTUALLY come out. I don't need to "fish around" unless he just seems really shady or something.

But that's just my opinion!

There's nothing wrong w/guys being nervous either...I actually think it's endearing! But asking rude/intrusive questions TOO early on in the game can make a woman a bit uncomfortable.

That's like a woman asking a man on the first date: "So....where do you see this going?? Are you interested in getting married? What do you think of me? Do you see me fitting into your family/future?" Those questions early on in the game would SURELY make a man a bit uncomfortable...even if he LIKES her. erplexed

It's almost like asking a married woman: "Why haven't you had kids yet??"

Sometimes even the way a man (or woman) PHRASES a question can make a HUGE difference.

"Have you ever thought about having kids?" sounds much better than the other question just mentioned above. Do you see/feel the difference?

 

[victorious]

Why are you single? I'm defective, fresh out the asylum, five kids but ten baby daddies, and emotionally unavailable *blank stare*

What do you do for fun? Frankly, that question makes me feel boring. I work, or go to school, eat, sleep, talk to friends, internet, tv. Repeat.

I'm trying to work out the logistics on this one...

Five kids with ten possible daddies?

 

[Dartagnan]

Dartagnan
I appreciate your input...it's always good to get the male perspective.

However in THIS particular instance, I don't think it had to do with nervousness. I had already met the guy, he had established interest, he had asked for my number and I gave it to him.

We were just having a texting conversation (which is another thing that can get under my skin---having long deep/serious conversations over text message when you're FIRST getting to know someone ) and he just out of the blue asked why I was "still single". I just told him that I hadn't met the right person yet. He just KEPT on asking a second time. Then it was almost like he was trying to fish around to see what the "real answer" was. I was telling him the truth!

It just got to be annoying. It left a bad taste in my mouth.

Like I said....I don't even think to ask guys this question. I figure, if this guy is a "catch", and he's interested in ME, then I'm fortunate! I figure, I'll probably eventually figure out why the guy is single (ie. divorce, break-up, haven't met the right woman yet, been heartbroken...etc, ) it will EVENTUALLY come out. I don't need to "fish around" unless he just seems really shady or something.

But that's just my opinion!

There's nothing wrong w/guys being nervous either...I actually think it's endearing! But asking rude/intrusive questions TOO early on in the game can make a woman a bit uncomfortable.

That's like a woman asking a man on the first date: "So....where do you see this going?? Are you interested in getting married? What do you think of me? Do you see me fitting into your family/future?" Those questions early on in the game would SURELY make a man a bit uncomfortable...even if he LIKES her. erplexed

It's almost like asking a married woman: "Why haven't you had kids yet??"

Sometimes even the way a man (or woman) PHRASES a question can make a HUGE difference.

"Have you ever thought about having kids?" sounds much better than the other question just mentioned above. Do you see/feel the difference?

Crystalicequeen123 You know what's funny I think more girls should ask "where this is going" maybe not on the first date but soon after and ill tell ya why. Alot of girls do what I like to call the cell phone plan. They will sleep with you and do all these other things then ask "where this going" and more times than not unfortunately for them its going nowhere. Youve already given out the sex without me having to commit but now you are looking for a commitment? It can work like that but I think to save the garbage that usually happens it would be good to get it out sooner rather than later. Maybe I run with dogs I don't know I'm not dating them but that is something them and a few other guys have mentioned when talking about girls, sex, and relationships.

As far as the case of this guy and asking the questions yes he sounds like he was digging for more cant lie but I was thinking more along the lines of somebody you just met. I can't condone ole boy because if y'all have been talking he should be past the nervousness stage. I usually speak in generalities though since we don't know everybody's case by case happenings. I also don't like long text convos call me when we have to type out constitution style messages to each other. Heck I hate typing these long responses on messageboards but obviously we don't have every person we interact withs number. It could save us alot of time typing. These auto typers better hurry up and get better.

The questions you mentioned a girl asking a guy honestly I don't have a problem with. Now I don't speak for every guy obviously but since I have an answer for them all its not a big deal for me. She ask "where do I see this going" My answer dang near always since I like dealing in truth is "depends on what you do" I say that because I'm going to be me and if the woman likes what I'm about she is going to want to stay and vice versa. I've also said many times on here and IRL I don't do multi dating so if we working on going that route you don't have to worry about no competition even though some of my friends say its a bad thing so just be yourself and if we are compatible the rest take care of itself. She ask "am I interested in getting married" yes and go further if she ask why. When I was younger would say no and explain why. She ask "what do I think of her" She looks good and whatever qualities (funny, giving, sarcastic, warm, etc) Ive noticed that I like from the time Ive been with her. Its usually something unless she is just someone who is just for the moment sex partner but it usually doesn't get that far when both parties know what that is hitting for. She ask "about fitting in the family"I can see it or else I wouldn't try to talk to you in a relationship way but only time can tell lets hope it continues on a positive trend. Answers for every question and that's why they aren't a biggie for me but we are all different. Last thing I don't care much how people say something as long as I don't think the intent is coming from a bad palace like your example about having kids. I do understand though how you and others can take it some type of way though. I just try to give others the benefit of the doubt esp when I know they aren't trying to be rude or anything with the comment or question.

I know this is a super long reply but just wanted to hit all your points as best as I could and hope I did.

 

[Smiley79]

:scratchch...it's kinda interesting having a male perspective in the thread.

 

[Hairsnob]

:scratchch...it's kinda interesting having a male perspective in the thread.

I like having a male perspective also. We need to remember that although we don't always agree or think it's right how males think, at least we know HOW they think.

 

[LovelyRo]

Or just take these men out of the running. If a man is asking you questions so he can read between the lines, or because he's giving you a series of "tests " to discover some moral flaw, why entertain him? Says something about him and the type of partner he would be.

Very true...

 

[ambergirl]

I like having a male perspective also. We need to remember that although we don't always agree or think it's right how males think, at least we know HOW one thinks.

Fixed that for you.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

This guy asked me if it's easy for me to get close to people and he judged me based on my answer. He's the type to "read between the lines" which means he made an inaccurate assumption in that situation. I think you have to be careful with how you answer these questions. Even the serious ones... Keep it light!!!

So.... he was asking if you were a heaux on the down low?

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

@Crystalicequeen123 You know what's funny I think more girls should ask "where this is going" maybe not on the first date but soon after and ill tell ya why. Alot of girls do what I like to call the cell phone plan. They will sleep with you and do all these other things then ask "where this going" and more times than not unfortunately for them its going nowhere. Youve already given out the sex without me having to commit but now you are looking for a commitment? It can work like that but I think to save the garbage that usually happens it would be good to get it out sooner rather than later. Maybe I run with dogs I don't know I'm not dating them but that is something them and a few other guys have mentioned when talking about girls, sex, and relationships.

As far as the case of this guy and asking the questions yes he sounds like he was digging for more cant lie but I was thinking more along the lines of somebody you just met. I can't condone ole boy because if y'all have been talking he should be past the nervousness stage. I usually speak in generalities though since we don't know everybody's case by case happenings. I also don't like long text convos call me when we have to type out constitution style messages to each other. Heck I hate typing these long responses on messageboards but obviously we don't have every person we interact withs number. It could save us alot of time typing. These auto typers better hurry up and get better.

The questions you mentioned a girl asking a guy honestly I don't have a problem with. Now I don't speak for every guy obviously but since I have an answer for them all its not a big deal for me. She ask "where do I see this going" My answer dang near always since I like dealing in truth is "depends on what you do" I say that because I'm going to be me and if the woman likes what I'm about she is going to want to stay and vice versa. I've also said many times on here and IRL I don't do multi dating so if we working on going that route you don't have to worry about no competition even though some of my friends say its a bad thing so just be yourself and if we are compatible the rest take care of itself. She ask "am I interested in getting married" yes and go further if she ask why. When I was younger would say no and explain why. She ask "what do I think of her" She looks good and whatever qualities (funny, giving, sarcastic, warm, etc) Ive noticed that I like from the time Ive been with her. Its usually something unless she is just someone who is just for the moment sex partner but it usually doesn't get that far when both parties know what that is hitting for. She ask "about fitting in the family"I can see it or else I wouldn't try to talk to you in a relationship way but only time can tell lets hope it continues on a positive trend. Answers for every question and that's why they aren't a biggie for me but we are all different. Last thing I don't care much how people say something as long as I don't think the intent is coming from a bad palace like your example about having kids. I do understand though how you and others can take it some type of way though. I just try to give others the benefit of the doubt esp when I know they aren't trying to be rude or anything with the comment or question.

I know this is a super long reply but just wanted to hit all your points as best as I could and hope I did.

@Dartagnan

I appreciate your thoughts. I agree, that it is good to sometimes get the perspective of some men on certain topics. We just think differently that's all.

Also, I definitely believe that women should ask guys those probing questions as well! I think it's VERY important to ask! But....NOT on the FIRST date. I just wouldn't at least. Idk...for me I like the first few dates to be about FUN and just casually getting to know someone. I can definitely get into deeper and heavier topics for sure, so I like to keep that to maybe date #3 or #4 depending on what "vibe" the guy is giving me.

Also, I'm saving myself for marriage lol (so rare...I know ) so I don't usually have to worry about that "sex too soon" thing lol!

 

[LovelyRo]

So.... he was asking if you were a heaux on the down low?

Lol... Nope but, he assumed I had emotional baggage from a previous relationship and that's why it's difficult for me to get close to anyone. After I attempted to explain to him that it was discernment (I should have said I was a good judge of character... Ninja clearly didn't know what discernment was) he asked had I ever gotten my heart broken before. I nonchalantly said, "yeah, who hasn't." That's how he came to his conclusion. Sorry sir, my heart is not still broken over some dude from 4/5 yrs ago!!!

 

[LovelyRo]

Just got the dreaded "why are you single?" Thought about this thread!