Dating/chilling out/getting to know someone with out going on an actual date?

[C(squared)]

Had to nix a guy for this not 2 weeks ago. Sent me flowers and then never followed up with a date. Wanted to call me and talk for hours but never asked me out properly. I'm big on meeting up or being taken out and he wasn't about it so I moved on.

 

[LoveisYou]

OP I agree with you, a date is expected!

 

[YasashiiSekai]

Some women think things are more than it is whereas most men think it is just what it is.

You have to establish everything. If you want to go on a date and he says, "let's hang out" then in his mind it's just that. If he says, "I want to take you on a date" then it's a date. If he's vague about everything then make it clear. Waiting for him just wastes your time....and you never know, maybe that's his plan.

It's really important to be clear about everything because people get hurt by not realizing that they might not even be on the same level from the beginning.

 

[**SaSSy**]

Even dinner dates aren't that great. That's how most of my first dates happen. The bulk of the time together is spent at a restaurant. I think I prefer non-dinner dates, where the meal is short and quick, and we can spend the bulk of the time talking.
I just hate feeling pressured in the dating process. I'm not talking about physically/sexually. I mean feeling that I have to be "reciprocatory" (I made that up) with someone I feel no excitement for. Like, I have to engage him in conversation bc he's been a gentleman and has taken me out a few times, when in reality most times I don't really feel like talking to them. I feel that I have to play the part in this "we're dating" process, simply because they are initiating... And I don't really feel anything in return. In fact, if they talked to me more (even if that meant cutting back a bit on the frequent dates) I might start WANTING to reciprocate.

This part right here is a big red flag, if a guy takes you out and you don't have any connection whether it's platonic or relationship based, just cut the date short in a polite matter. You doing all this work is both unnesscery on both your part and his. He's not that into you if you have to work hard to initiate conversation.

 

[StarScream35]

RocStar

Girl I feel you. I'm in my 30's and though I have a new boyfriend, I'm still trying to figure things out cause it seems like the rules have changed so rapidly within the past 5 years. I personally don't know what to tell you. I'm the type that feels the old fashioned way worked. If you like me, step up to me, get my phone number, lets talk for about a good week, then take me out on a date. These days everything is so whacked. Guys will get your number and call you two weeks later. And then you have the ones who wanna avoid calling it a date so its "lets hang out". Then there is the lets text back and forth for eons before talking to each other on the phone! I will admit in all of those cases though, it never fails, he always feels like he deserves a little something something regardless of the poor effort put forth. They never wanna hear the "how about we let things progress naturally and let the relationship build"..............hold up, back up, did you say 'relationship' but we are just friends though per the guy.

Girl my list could go on and on. Then once you get past that, then there is the when do you have sex? Lord knows I don't know about this one cause things are all over the place.

Glad you put this question out there. You aren't alone!

 

[Hairsnob]

Any man that I've met that has ever become more than a date has asked me out early on. We might meet on a Sunday or Monday and make plans for that weekend and talk in between but it's never been longer.

But some guys want to feel you out for weeks just to see if you're worthy of a free meal. I hate cheapos like that.

 

[LaBelleLL]

i like going out for drinks.

 

[lushcoils]

But some guys want to feel you out for weeks just to see if you're worthy of a free meal. I hate cheapos like that.

I think this is smart on the guy's part. Guys are expected to pay for dates. If I was guy, I would wait until I know a bit more about girl before to see if it is worth pursuing her to pay for dinner. That's why I like meeting up for a brief "coffee" date for a first date. There's no pressure to pay for a full meal on the guy or for both parties to stay for a long time if you can tell that it's not going to work out from the start.

 

[Flawless_JYM]

I think this is smart on the guy's part. Guys are expected to pay for dates. If I was guy, I would wait until I know a bit more about girl before to see if it is worth pursuing her to pay for dinner. That's why I like meeting up for a brief "coffee" date for a first date. There's no pressure to pay for a full meal on the guy or for both parties to stay for a long time if you can tell that it's not going to work out from the start.

I agree and it's funny hairsnob wrote that because on another mb I'm on the guys were just talking about that yesterday in a thread. Most of them were like women say that but they haven't saw none of them proceed to open up their purses so "*********". I find it fascinating to see how men/women look at dating ESP when they are online not worried about perceptions of them of the opposite sex.

 

[UrbainChic]

I think this is smart on the guy's part. Guys are expected to pay for dates. If I was guy, I would wait until I know a bit more about girl before to see if it is worth pursuing her to pay for dinner. That's why I like meeting up for a brief "coffee" date for a first date. There's no pressure to pay for a full meal on the guy or for both parties to stay for a long time if you can tell that it's not going to work out from the start.

This is why I am not mad if its not some fancy expensive restaurant dinner date followed by some big investment of money activity. I kind of think thats too much at first, and I kind of feel like there is nothing to work up to either,
...I like simple dates better anyhow, ice cream or coffee, no pressure to play the roles, just more being yourself, and you can drag it on for hours, or you can go home early if the chemistry is not there.

 

[CarLiTa]

This part right here is a big red flag, if a guy takes you out and you don't have any connection whether it's platonic or relationship based, just cut the date short in a polite matter. You doing all this work is both unnesscery on both your part and his. He's not that into you if you have to work hard to initiate conversation.

You're right, I need to stop accepting dates with people I'm not really feeling, cause that's the big problem. Usually they are putting in work... I just don't feeeeel anything that makes me want to reciprocate. Think you misinterpreted. It takes me a while to know if I like someone. Seems to take others a lot less time.

 

[MizAvalon]

If a man asks for my phone number then I take that to mean he is romantically interested. If we click after a phone conversation or two then I expect to be asked out on a date.

There will be no "chilling", "hanging out" or any other variation of that. If you are interested then you will court me. If you don't want to court me then you don't get to waste my time.

I don't give other options.

 

[alwaysinchrist]

Im divorce so im new this new age dating thing too lol. But what I have learned is that meeting for drinks/lunch is a good step to see if you like someone. I dont do home visit bc its messy. I dont like to have strangers all up in my house. Men now days need to understand if you want to get to know a woman- put in some effort. A simple meet up at happy hour/walk in the park or ice cream is cool.

 

[itismehmmkay]

24-48 hrs he should be calling.

I remember I got so fed up with dating that I actually told a guy that my number will expire in 24-48 hrs as I gave it to him. Don't say that to him but I was just fed up and took it out on him.

And don't stay on the phone gettin' to know him better any longer than about 15 mins. It's cute to stay on the phone until 2am when you are 20. But he should be asking when can yall meetup within 15 mins of the conversation. Otherwise, get off the phone.

I love it.

But basically. And I don't even like being on the phone like that. I'm much more into the face to face thing. I don't even have time to randomly be on the phone w/ anybody. And even though I'd like to have someone to come to the house and chill w/ me, I'm not about letting just anybody in my territory w/o me knowing what their vibe is. I got a child in the house and I don't want no dynamics messed up. So yea, if you tryna get to know me, you gone have to take me out. And I'm not really asking much. I'd really like my next courting/dating to be like lil lunch dates at work. Then move to a Saturday night thing at the movies or something. Simple ish.

 

[itismehmmkay]

Im divorce so im new this new age dating thing too lol. But what I have learned is that meeting for drinks/lunch is a good step to see if you like someone. I dont do home visit bc its messy. I dont like to have strangers all up in my house. Men now days need to understand if you want to get to know a woman- put in some effort. A simple meet up at happy hour/walk in the park or ice cream is cool.

I didn't even read this before posting, but yes we are so >>>here<<<. I'm newly divorced too. Some of these dudes got me messed up