Questions or topics you dread when getting to know someone?

Smiley79

Smiley79

Well-Known Member
Not to say that there's anything wrong with the questions, but maybe your answer never seems to come out right...or it's just an uncomfortable topic for you and you can never explain it the way you'd want to. Or, you just get plain out annoyed by that question. You feel me? What's the question or topic that's uneasy for you when getting to know someone? And do chime in with suggestions of how to best address them. :yep: (This thread is mostly geared to the beginning phase, just getting to know one another)

For me it's when they ask:

Why is a girl like you single? (I don't know why that one annoys me :lol:)

What happened in your last relationship? (Honestly, I sometimes struggle with whether I'm giving too much or too little information)
 
Why are you still single?

It irks me and all I want to say is, "Shouldn't you be thankful that I am?"
But the best answer is, I haven't found the right guy yet.
If a dude is really insecure, he will continue to repeat the question.
Then it really becomes awkward.

It's an immediate turn off. But I am learning that during the getting to know you phase you should be open to answering questions that are appropriate to that time period.
 
^^lol @ CurlyMoo

Why are you still single?

It irks me and all I want to say is, "Shouldn't you be thankful that I am?" You're right about this, LOLLL.
 
I've had, 'you must be single by choice. No way you are single because you can't get a man'.

Not a question but I hate this statement. As we all know it's so hard to meet someone normal who you're attracted to. This world is full of crazy, ugly MFers. Lol
 
Smiley79 said:
Not to say that there's anything wrong with the questions, but maybe your answer never seems to come out right...or it's just an uncomfortable topic for you and you can never explain it the way you'd want to. Or, you just get plain out annoyed by that question. You feel me? What's the question or topic that's uneasy for you when getting to know someone? And do chime in with suggestions of how to best address them. :yep: (This thread is mostly geared to the beginning phase, just getting to know one another)

For me it's when they ask:

Why is a girl like you single? (I don't know why that one annoys me :lol:)

What happened in your last relationship? (Honestly, I sometimes struggle with whether I'm giving too much or too little information)
Click to expand...
I don't know why them questions get you rich homie quan Smiley79 :lol:. I just look at them as regular questions to get the conversation flowing or maybe its a dead part of the talking. For the first one I almost always answer like CurlyMoo did because its the truth you haven't found somebody you wanna be committed to. As far as the what happened in the last relationship I don't mind speaking on that because its just a learning lesson that I'm not ashamed of. Things happen and you just ask the other person the same things and go from there. Sometimes I think we make things bigger than they need to be.
 
What do you do for fun?

Ugggh I am a single mother of two children, have a demanding career, own my own home.....da hyal...I go to my bed and sleep for fun!!!!! But I will have the time for you to take me to dinner, the theatre, a bar, the cinema. That will be fun.
 
In the past I was evasive with answering certain questions. I was afraid to look bad if I answered the questions honestly.

If you answer honestly, it's not a wrong answer. I find life is easier if you just speak the truth and be yourself. It can be difficult though when you feel pressure to be something else.

If you just don't feel comfortable answering a question then say so. I don't feel comfortable answering that question right now. You are not saying you WON'T answer the question, only that you will address it at another time.
 
CurlyMoo said:
In the past I was evasive with answering certain questions. I was afraid to look bad if I answered the questions honestly.

If you answer honestly, it's not a wrong answer. I find life is easier if you just speak the truth and be yourself. It can be difficult though when you feel pressure to be something else.

If you just don't feel comfortable answering a question then say so. I don't feel comfortable answering that question right now. You are not saying you WON'T answer the question, only that you will address it at another time.
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Aight the thread is officially shut down perfect answer has been achieved* :lol:

* = IMO
 
I think for me, when someone asks why are you single it seems odd to me, because I am thinking, well why is anyone single? b/c they haven't found someone they want to commit to right? It seems almost Captain Obvious-like LOL!
 
CurlyMoo said:
Why are you still single?

It irks me and all I want to say is, "Shouldn't you be thankful that I am?"
But the best answer is, I haven't found the right guy yet.
If a dude is really insecure, he will continue to repeat the question.
Then it really becomes awkward.

It's an immediate turn off. But I am learning that during the getting to know you phase you should be open to answering questions that are appropriate to that time period.
Click to expand...

CurlyMoo

OMG YESSS!!! You took my answer out of my mouth LOL! :lol:

I absolutely DETEST this question...NOT because I have something to hide (I just haven't found the right guy yet), but because the question sort of IMPLIES that there MUST be something WRONG with you because you aren't "taken" right now.

I HATE when guys who are trying to "get to know you" ask this question. It's so rude imo. :nono: :hand:

That's like me asking a guy: "Sooo...why are you still single??" :nono: I can't even imagine myself asking that.

TRUST me, the more and more you get to know someone and know their history/background/experiences w/exes, and just know them as a PERSON, you WILL find out why they're still "single" at the moment. Whether it's due to happenstance (just broke up with someone), or something deeper (negative personality traits, trust issues, mommy/daddy issues, etc). I don't think this question should be asked on a FIRST date in other words.

That's like a woman coming out on the first date and asking a man... "Sooo...how much money do you make??"

It's just RUDE imo. :nono:
 
CurlyMoo is on point.

It really does show a guys insecurity...especially when they just keep at it, wanting to know every relationship you've ever had....and for some of these dude's they'll find fault with any answer.

What you say: Haven't been in a relationship for awhile - Their next question: "Why not? What's wrong with you?"

What you say: Just got out of a relationship. Their next question: "What went wrong? Are you on the rebound? Is it really over?

What you say: I stay dating and in a relationship. Their next question: "How many relationships have you had (e.g. how many sexual partners have you had?)

Personally the only thing I want to know about a man's relationship history is what he's learned from it...whether it's been 1 or 10 or 20. What did you learn about yourself, what you want in relationship, and what makes for a successful relationship. Not interested in the play by play and he shouldn't be either.
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
CurlyMoo

OMG YESSS!!! You took my answer out of my mouth LOL! :lol:

I absolutely DETEST this question...NOT because I have something to hide (I just haven't found the right guy yet), but because the question sort of IMPLIES that there MUST be something WRONG with you because you aren't "taken" right now.

I HATE when guys who are trying to "get to know you" ask this question. It's so rude imo. :nono: :hand:

That's like me asking a guy: "Sooo...why are you still single??" :nono: I can't even imagine myself asking that.

TRUST me, the more and more you get to know someone and know their history/background/experiences w/exes, and just know them as a PERSON, you WILL find out why they're still "single" at the moment. Whether it's due to happenstance (just broke up with someone), or something deeper (negative personality traits, trust issues, mommy/daddy issues, etc). I don't think this question should be asked on a FIRST date in other words.

That's like a woman coming out on the first date and asking a man... "Sooo...how much money do you make??"

It's just RUDE imo. :nono:
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I want you to have your own views and please just take this as a observation but I really think you're thinking to much about the meaning of the question. How can/would another guy really be signaling all of that which you wrote and like you at the same time? I dont think that would be the case where he thinks something is wrong with you and still want to talk to you unless he bat mess crazy too. I honestly dont know any guys that would care if you asked why they are single. I think thats more of a girls insecurity issue. Now the money thing yeah ive saw guys not like that. I can agree you will find that out by talking to them over time but lets not act like everybody is the greatest conversationalist esp with people they don't know. That's why alot of people like the other person to carry the convo because they know they aren't that good at it. Oh believe me women ask how much money you make all the time its just not that blatant but that's just life out here in the dating world.
 
I don't like the "why did you get a divorce?" question. I completely understand why it is asked, I just don't like answering it.

To tell the truth and say "I divorced my husband b/c he was emotionally and physically abusive"..dunno, I don't like putting that out there for some reason. I feel like it paints an inaccurate picture of me and on a subconscious level is teaching this new person what kinds of experiences I will tolerate.

Saying "we grew apart" sounds trivial like I don't take marriage seriously.
 
I remember a guy asked me that once. I told him point blank that maybe the reason was so that I would be available to meet him when the time was right. I also hinted that since he asked THAT question, he was probably not thinking the same thing; such an answer presumably would be rather obvious if he believed it so much so, that he would not need to ask that very question!

We didn't date much after that. :look:


CurlyMoo said:
Why are you still single?

It irks me and all I want to say is, "Shouldn't you be thankful that I am?"
But the best answer is, I haven't found the right guy yet.
If a dude is really insecure, he will continue to repeat the question.
Then it really becomes awkward.

It's an immediate turn off. But I am learning that during the getting to know you phase you should be open to answering questions that are appropriate to that time period.
Click to expand...
 
Why are you single? I'm defective, fresh out the asylum, five kids but ten baby daddies, and emotionally unavailable *blank stare*

What do you do for fun? Frankly, that question makes me feel boring. I work, or go to school, eat, sleep, talk to friends, internet, tv. Repeat.
 
Dartagnan said:
I want you to have your own views and please just take this as a observation but I really think you're thinking to much about the meaning of the question. How can/would another guy really be signaling all of that which you wrote and like you at the same time? I dont think that would be the case where he thinks something is wrong with you and still want to talk to you unless he bat mess crazy too. I honestly dont know any guys that would care if you asked why they are single. I think thats more of a girls insecurity issue. Now the money thing yeah ive saw guys not like that. I can agree you will find that out by talking to them over time but lets not act like everybody is the greatest conversationalist esp with people they don't know. That's why alot of people like the other person to carry the convo because they know they aren't that good at it. Oh believe me women ask how much money you make all the time its just not that blatant but that's just life out here in the dating world.
Click to expand...


I understand what you're trying to say, but because you're not a woman, you can't possibly relate.... I'm sorry. :ohwell:

And the guy I'm referring to (in the past) Yes...his questioning WAS uncomfortable, and I don't think he meant it in a "just getting to know you" kind of way. It was weird... :perplexed

Idk...imo it's just a rude question...just like the "how much money do you make", or asking a woman "how old are you?" right off the bat. SOME questions like "how many partners have you had?" or "how old are you?" are logical questions to ask in a budding relationship, but not RIGHT from jump.... There are some questions that I think (personally) should just be asked LATER on, or inferred upon later.

Besides, what's the POINT in asking a woman "so, why are you still single?" :look: I have some guesses, but maybe a guy would be able to explain better.

Maybe it's the PHRASING of the question, but it really does imply that there must be a REASON why the woman is "still" single, and since most people don't tend to think positively anyway, most likely they're thinking something negative. #justsaying :look:

Now if a guy said: "you're so beautiful, I'm surprised you're single!" that might be taken in a different way I guess....

Even then, I just wouldn't ask a guy that question. I'm sure it gets asked sometimes, but I think more guys ask women that question than vice versa.

I don't even ask my girl friends that question: "why are you still single??" :look: :perplexed

Idk...that's just my take on it. Different strokes for different folks I guess.
 
I think I remember being asked that by random guys when I was last single. Also when I was on dating sites I had messages from guys just to ask what I was doing on there :lol:

It didn't bother me, but maybe that was because I was single by choice at that time. Although its a clumsy, silly question, I'd rather guys can't believe a woman like me isn't snapped up than they understand exactly why :lol:. Find it funny usually. I wouldn't take kindly to being asked repeatedly after I'd already answered though.:spinning:

I think many guys ask this because most of the attractive girls they like are taken, so they cant believe you tick the boxes and are available. The idea that good looking men and women have the world at their feet is pretty prevalent in society even if annoying. Its like when people react in shock when a beautiful woman gets cheated on, like bad things never happen to attractive people lol. I don't think some people can wrap their mind around an attractive woman being single (especially for a long time) if it isn't totally voluntary. There should be eligible men knocking at your door all day every day. Something else must be going on like a busy workload, not over the ex, being very picky, looking after a relative lol.
 
"Why are you still single?" tops my list as well. On at least 3 occasions within the past year, the men asking the question have followed it up by saying some variation of "you must be crazy" (they always laugh when they say it, implying that it was a joke). One time, I laughed (he was a friend of a friend, so that's why I was nice) and said no I'm not crazy, he smiled again and said, "Naw, you MUST be crazy".....this is why I detest the question, in MY experience it has ALWAYS been presented in a fashion that implies (or they say it out loud), that something must be wrong with me. I tell every single male friend of mine to never ask that question.

Even in the rare case it doesn't involve some implication of being defective, it's a lame question to ask, especially on a date. Clearly, I haven't found anyone that I would want to be with if I'm still dating.
 
I hate the "why are you still single" question also. I used to say " because I haven't met the right one".

But sometimes (depending on my mood and if I like the guy) I answer jokingly with "well, if I knew the answer to that I wouldn't be single"

I'm too sarcastic. :spinning:

Sometimes I just say I don't know. Why are you single? Throw it back on them.
 
OT: I think men prefer taken women cause it makes them feel better to be chosen :look: I guess women are the same but men are competitive by nature.
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
I understand what you're trying to say, but because you're not a woman, you can't possibly relate.... I'm sorry. :ohwell:

And the guy I'm referring to (in the past) Yes...his questioning WAS uncomfortable, and I don't think he meant it in a "just getting to know you" kind of way. It was weird... :perplexed

Idk...imo it's just a rude question...just like the "how much money do you make", or asking a woman "how old are you?" right off the bat. SOME questions like "how many partners have you had?" or "how old are you?" are logical questions to ask in a budding relationship, but not RIGHT from jump.... There are some questions that I think (personally) should just be asked LATER on, or inferred upon later.

Besides, what's the POINT in asking a woman "so, why are you still single?" :look: I have some guesses, but maybe a guy would be able to explain better.

Maybe it's the PHRASING of the question, but it really does imply that there must be a REASON why the woman is "still" single, and since most people don't tend to think positively anyway, most likely they're thinking something negative. #justsaying :look:

Now if a guy said: "you're so beautiful, I'm surprised you're single!" that might be taken in a different way I guess....

Even then, I just wouldn't ask a guy that question. I'm sure it gets asked sometimes, but I think more guys ask women that question than vice versa.

I don't even ask my girl friends that question: "why are you still single??" :look: :perplexed

Idk...that's just my take on it. Different strokes for different folks I guess.
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Regarding bold you're right I'm a guy and I can't relate to being a girl so I concede there could be different feelings about the question. I just looked at how I felt when it happen to me and felt nothing but maybe that is because I'm a guy. Like you said its more likely to happen to y'all because of dynamics so that could be another reason why we see it differently. I still think most of the guys are nervous though because honest to goodness Ive never asked a person why they are single. That's why I think its a convo starter because why would I genuinely care why? Heck great for me and you can usually sense how things are going and go from there so its no need to ask anything about being single. If y'all are or not it will usually come out. Give these nervous guys a chance and don't punish them for being nervous at first. Lets not act like none of us have never felt that way :lol: Thanks for your reply.
 
I don't believe they are nervous...just putting up a guard and figuring out what is wrong with you that caused you and the last guy to break up.
 
Hairsnob said:
I also hate the question, what are you looking for or what type of guys do you like?
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A guy recently asked me what my type was and my answer included being tall which he was not... Don't ask a question you don't want to know the answer to... Lol!
 
Ughhhhhh... questions i'll have to look forward to when I go on a date :lol:. I know the #1 question will be 'why are you single' ..

What are questions that you ask men on dates that make them uncomfy?
 
sunnydaze said:
I don't like the "why did you get a divorce?" question. I completely understand why it is asked, I just don't like answering it.

To tell the truth and say "I divorced my husband b/c he was emotionally and physically abusive"..dunno, I don't like putting that out there for some reason. I feel like it paints an inaccurate picture of me and on a subconscious level is teaching this new person what kinds of experiences I will tolerate.

Saying "we grew apart" sounds trivial like I don't take marriage seriously.
Click to expand...

I can understand your hesitancy about wanting to talk about the abuse. My uncle dated this woman who told him she had been abused early on in her previous relationship. I really felt he judged HER for it, and I did not like that at all. That's such delicate information I would need to really trust a person to share something like that.
 
Yessss Hairsnob, I forgot about that one, "what kind of Guy are you looking for"? Ughh, it makes me feel like I'm shopping for a car or something, smh. On the other hand, I much prefer "What are you looking for in a relationship" because it is important to know from jump what someone's expectations or intentions are; that's a more productive conversation.
 
This guy asked me if it's easy for me to get close to people and he judged me based on my answer. He's the type to "read between the lines" which means he made an inaccurate assumption in that situation. I think you have to be careful with how you answer these questions. Even the serious ones... Keep it light!!!
 
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