Question for the married folk....single ladies opinions are welcomed too

N

nychaelasymone

Well-Known Member
Do you share detailed information about your marriage with your immediate family? I.e marital problems, things you and your husband discuss......

My personal feeling is that 'my marriage is my business' and my family need not know the details of anything that occurs in 'my marriage' unless its life threatening. I pose the question just to see how many people do include their immediate family in their business?
 
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I'm not married. However, I'm very private when it comes to my relationships. I don't see that changing when I marry.

Sent from my iPhone. Excuse the typos!
 
Briabiggles said:
I'm not married. However, I'm very private when it comes to my relationships. I don't see that changing when I marry.

Sent from my iPhone. Excuse the typos!
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Same here. I was in a 5 year relationship. People who were not in close contact with me didn't even know what my SO looked like. Didn't post pictures online. Definitely wasn't changing my "relationship status" & I never spoke or posted about anything personal. If I get married, that won't change. Ok... I might change my relationship status to "married"... But that's about it lol.
 
i'm divorced. no you shouldn't share personal info about your marriage. good or bad, especially with close family and friends. folks will not forget or forgive as easily as you/spouse do. plus their opinion will be biased. but i talk too much about my business. i do have two people that i sort of feel safe with talking to.
 
Nope.. Been with my DH 7.5 years now. I've always been private but I'm a firm believer in keeping your relationship business to yourself.

When bad things happen, you and SO/DH will work through them and get over it but your fam and friends will still harbor ill feelings about the situation which often leads to negative advice and opinions that you don't need.

As far as the good, I keep that to a minimum. I just found out earlier this week that one of my best friends of about ten years compares all of her boyfriends to my husband!!! Ummm no. I don't think MY marriage should be a topic of discussion with anybody if it isn't me or him talking about it. It got to the point that her bf's were feeling inadequate bc they weren't measuring up to MY husband!!! Yeah, I felt some type of way about that...

ETA: Keep your business on a need to know basis... If they don't NEED to know (abuse etc) then don't tell them.
 
No. We keep both of our families out of our day to day business. The things we share with them are the general "how's everything going" type of information.
 
nychaelasymone said:
Do you share detailed information about your marriage with your immediate family? I.e marital problems, things you and your husband discuss......

My personal feeling is that 'my marriage is my business' and my family need not know the details of anything that occurs in 'my marriage' unless its life threatening. I pose the question just to see how many people do include their immediate family in their business?
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No. When we went to premarital counseling our Pastor told us that our personal business should not be shared with family. The problem is that when problems arise, long after you forgive them your family will continue to judge and hold a grudge and so will his family which will just cause more marital discord later in the marriage. The only exception in my view is domestic violence. That needs to be shared but it's pointless if you don't really intend to leave.
 
Ive been married 10 years and have always shared some things with my mom. Now that we're older we dont quarrel as much so there isnt a lot to tell. When I was younger Id run home and tell my folks every little thing and that caused a small rift in dh and my parents' relationship but you live and learn. I still tell my brother everything though but we're best buddies.

Sent from my SCH-I510 using LHCF
 
Oneprettypa said:
Nope.. Been with my DH 7.5 years now. I've always been private but I'm a firm believer in keeping your relationship business to yourself.

When bad things happen, you and SO/DH will work through them and get over it but your fam and friends will still harbor ill feelings about the situation which often leads to negative advice and opinions that you don't need.

As far as the good, I keep that to a minimum. I just found out earlier this week that one of my best friends of about ten years compares all of her boyfriends to my husband!!! Ummm no. I don't think MY marriage should be a topic of discussion with anybody if it isn't me or him talking about it. It got to the point that her bf's were feeling inadequate bc they weren't measuring up to MY husband!!! Yeah, I felt some type of way about that...

ETA: Keep your business on a need to know basis... If they don't NEED to know (abuse etc) then don't tell them.
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I totally agree with this ENTIRE post. I keep information (both good and bad) about my realationship with my FH very general with family and friends. They are not the type of people that will pass judgement but at the same time...I'm their sister/daughter/friend and they will always have a bias if I ran to them telling everything.

I especially agree with the bolded. It's crazy that sometime I have to hide how wonderful my FH is from some of my friends because they will make statements like "See...that's how a man is supposed to make you feel." IN FRONT OF THEIR HUSBANDS!!! It makes me so uncomfortable, especially when the husband is sitting there looking like "Damn."

I also have friends who tell their respective families EVERYTHING about their marriage. I mean the entire family and it is such a mess. Everythime they argue, the entire family gets involved and start taking sides. It's disgusting to watch.
 
Relationship issues need to stay between the two folks involved.

I never shared, that is why folks were blown back when I finally told folks we were divorcing.

Other women I know spew dirt on their relationships and stay with the man. WHY???
 
No. I have one confidant for when I need to vent. He's my gay friend and always helps me put things in perspective. That's it, but things usually get resolved pretty quick.
 
I have two trusted friends I confide in but family members, no. I live at home and my parents can't confirm whether I'm in a relationship or not. My friends are very good at giving perspective without telling me what to do about me within my relationship. I appreciate that they don't focus much on him but more on how I am being affected and support me that way.

Otherwise, I keep it btwn me and him. I can't do all of that chattering and buzzing around about my man and my relationship, thats doing too much. It makes us work out our issues with each other within the confines of our relationship and block everybody else out. Too many opinions clog my mind and I can't focus. Most of the time when I'm blabbing on here, Im talking about what I have discovered its after the fact not while we are going through.
 
ThickHair said:
I never shared, that is why folks were blown back when I finally told folks we were divorcing.
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Same here. Everyone was floored!

Adding to the other posts, I also found that some people got jealous of good information and would use that against you later just as they can use the negative.

Also, people tend to forget the good news when bad stuff happens and hold onto anything negative against the SO a lot longer.
 
I spoke to an older coworker with married children and asked her if she was in her kids business...and she said 'yes'. She said she knows things their wives don't even know and honestly I was not happy to hear this. She also said she asks questions, she's advised them not to have more children, etc.....and these aren't young kids....we're talking mid 30s.....no bueno. Parents are good for giving unsolicited advice and unwarranted comments but some things just aren't a parents business.
 
Not apart from one, or two objective friends. If I know someone is brilliant with advice and able to be objective to see things from all sides, I have no problem with telling them details now and then. They also must have been in a successful relationship/marriage for a long period of time:look:

I only have one person in my life this good at taking in information and giving me something truly useful back. The rest of my friends just get surface information. Not in depth details of anything.
 
Welp, my mother is the OnLY person I feel safe talking to about anything pertaining to my marriage. I don't trust anybody else. I do understand the typical repercussions though.
 
Not anymore. We used to be more open but found out how quickly it can backfire. We each have one friend who knows what is going on that we can talk to. They are married, have been through a similar rough patch and made it out on the other side. Everyone else including family is on a need to know basis and they don't need to know much.

Some people think it's harmless to tell people about their marriage but let me tell you this: no one has a complete picture if how you two interact and that can affect how they view situations. As for telling positive things, keep that to a minimum too because the point is to not give anyone anything specific to decry or covet in your spouse. Sometimes family and friends are capable of terrible betrayal. I'm just saying...that thread sister stole my husband :nono
 
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No. The women in my family don't work that way.

First, we don't gossip in general--which means there is not a habit or pattern of discussing personal business, ours or others.

Second, everyone is secrative, private and self-absorbed. No one is concerned about anyone else but themselves and their own little immediate family/relationship. This is a catch-22 with an up and downside. No one wants to volunatarily get involved in anyone else's mess.

Lastly, I was raised to believe keep your family and other women out of your personal business. I don't consult with anyone about my relationships besides the person I'm with. I don't ask opinions or feeback on *most* things becuae I don't care what anyone else would do or what they have to say. I focus on me and my own and work through whatever it is independently.
 
No. What goes on in our marriage is OUR business. We've been married for 11 years. Sometimes things are rosy. Sometimes they're not. As far as family is concerned, everything is always neutral/status quo. I like it that way.
 
I've been married ten years. I don't discuss my marriage with anyone unless it's to tell a funny story or something really minor that has irritated me like my husband leaving water all over the bathroom sink. I don't discuss my personal business with anyone.
 
SophieDulce said:
No. I have one confidant for when I need to vent. He's my gay friend and always helps me put things in perspective. That's it, but things usually get resolved pretty quick.
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They're the best! My gay bestie has helped me through so many things...i trust him the most and tell him a lot!

I have a handful of people I might confide in, maybe 2 or 3 that I trust. other than that, nope.

Don't do it girl!

When I was married my then husband and I agreed to keep everything in-house but he was talking to other people about our problems on the low, and when I found out he was doing that, all bets were off.

He's a mama's boy, and they are the worst offenders. They run and tell their mamas everything, and always leave out what they did wrong so they look like saints. . Next thing you know she's looking down her nose at you and treating you differently.

I had already played her to the left due to the fact that I felt she treated me differently when she realized she couldn't sway me to the Christian Coalition...
 
"RelationSHIPS sink when there are too many passengers." ~Unknown

I'm not married, however I do believe that info should be kept between you
and your spouse. If there's a situation where you guys can not handle on your
own, then it's time to include someone that is unbiased like a Pastor or a counselor
that will not take sides and give sound advice and assist you two in getting back
on track.

I agree with what some of the ladies mentioned, things that you tell your family and
friends about your spouse will NOT be easily forgotten. You may forgive and forget...
but they will always give him the side-eye.

~Preciouzone~
 
shortycocoa said:
When I was married my then husband and I agreed to keep everything in-house but he was talking to other people about our problems on the low, and when I found out he was doing that, all bets were off.

He's a mama's boy, and they are the worst offenders. They run and tell their mamas everything, and always leave out what they did wrong so they look like saints. . Next thing you know she's looking down her nose at you and treating you differently.
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I agree with this so much. I haven't been married, but this describes my son's father and I so much.. biggest mama's boy in the world, and every issue wanted to cry to his family about every issue and look like a victim. can't deal anymore.

I tell maybe one or two friends, but its more venting, I don't talk about super serious things, and they don't really judge/take sides, and I do give the whole story.

But not within my family, no. I know the way my family is, and even if I'm in the wrong and to my face my mom will tell me I'm wrong, she will still be biased to my side and judge... no need for all that drama.
 
I'm engaged. I don't discuss the details of my relationship with family or friends. General details(we went here, we did this or that, etc), sure, but anything personal or intimate? Absolutely never.

We are both adamant about keeping our relationship private and protected from outsiders.

If we absolutely needed a third party's input we would rather do professional counseling. Running to your girlfriends or your mama is a recipe for disaster.
 
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Should women who are being abuse keep things to themselves?

Dh and I promise each other early on that the going ons of our relationship stays between us.
 
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