Privacy in relationships...

[CoilyFields]

Having been cheated on in the past i am all for transperancy. People have been messing up since the garden of eden and id rather know sooner than later while having solid proof. to me it would be my privilege as an SO and my right as a wife to have as much access as often as i choose.

ETA: I am not saying that I would sit down and demand all passwords on our fifth month of dating but I expect that gradually, as the relationship grows, so will my access to private areas of his life.

I also see it as a little odd that I would give a man access to my body (especially unprotected) but not to my email.

 

[bklynbornNbred]

Having been cheated on in the past i am all for transperancy. People have been messing up since the garden of eden and id rather know sooner than later while having solid proof. to me it would be my privilege as an SO and my right as a wife to have as much access as often as i choose.

ETA: I am not saying that I would sit down and demand all passwords on our fifth month of dating but I expect that gradually, as the relationship grows, so will my access to private areas of his life.

I also see it as a little odd that I would give a man access to my body (especially unprotected) but not to my email.

You having access to his email will only make a determined cheater get a google number that goes to a throwaway phone.

We had a private FB group for our HS reunion. You would not believe (or maybe its some of you) the number of wives demanding access to the group. I gave it to NONE of them. Not one of the men were doing anything inappropriate in the group just friends catching up and sharing old pictures/memories. Why should I add these women who will not relate to anything we are talking about? Whats going on in their real lives or on their personal pages is none of my business but the way these women were acting seems to be reflected by some of the posts on here but I was not going to reward their insecurity.

For the record the couples I know that are the happiest in real life are not even on each others FB pages. People know they are married but you never see them posting to each other. They handle business day to day so there is no need to "just check" what's up. A man that handles himself as unavailable does what he does in front of you and even when no one is looking. If you don't have that kind of security then NO amount of snooping/looking over his shoulder will create that foundation.

 

[CoilyFields]

You having access to his email will only make a determined cheater get a google number that goes to a throwaway phone.

We had a private FB group for our HS reunion. You would not believe (or maybe its some of you) the number of wives demanding access to the group. I gave it to NONE of them. Not one of the men were doing anything inappropriate in the group just friends catching up and sharing old pictures/memories. Why should I add these women who will not relate to anything we are talking about? Whats going on in their real lives or on their personal pages is none of my business but the way these women were acting seems to be reflected by some of the posts on here but I was not going to reward their insecurity.

For the record the couples I know that are the happiest in real life are not even on each others FB pages. People know they are married but you never see them posting to each other. They handle business day to day so there is no need to "just check" what's up. A man that handles himself as unavailable does what he does in front of you and even when no one is looking. If you don't have that kind of security then NO amount of snooping/looking over his shoulder will create that foundation.

My point is that there should be no "off limits" phone/passwords etc in a relationship and if an SO has a problem with me having access then thats a red flag to me. What is it that youre hiding? Ignorance is never bliss.

Most guys are not nearly as neat as a women when it comes to getting away with stuff so for every one who successfully gets rid of all the evidence there are 30 that will get caught.

Theres trust and then theres being smart. Some people dont think it shows you trust your SO if you still get regular STD checks at your yearly. I think its smart. Some people dont know or care where the finances in the marriage are going. I think its smart to know or at least have access to know. I also think its normal to have access to any and all passwords etc. that you choose.

As to your facebook page. Many a relationship has gone awry at the hands of social media. Unless you have married a perfect person then there should be some measure of insecurity (similar to the idea that there is healthy fear-the kind that keeps you from doing dangerous things).

Now, yes, some people will take it to off the wall levels and I am NOT saying to live your life scared that your SO will do something. But the more light shined on something the less room their is for dark corners.

 

[Mortons]

You ain't getting none of my passwords or bond of that. If you want access ask me. I am my own autonomous being and I like privacy. I give the same, mostly.

 

[bklynbornNbred]

My point is that there should be no "off limits" phone/passwords etc in a relationship and if an SO has a problem with me having access then thats a red flag to me. What is it that youre hiding? Ignorance is never bliss.

Most guys are not nearly as neat as a women when it comes to getting away with stuff so for every one who successfully gets rid of all the evidence there are 30 that will get caught.

Theres trust and then theres being smart. Some people dont think it shows you trust your SO if you still get regular STD checks at your yearly. I think its smart. Some people dont know or care where the finances in the marriage are going. I think its smart to know or at least have access to know. I also think its normal to have access to any and all passwords etc. that you choose.

As to your facebook page. Many a relationship has gone awry at the hands of social media. Unless you have married a perfect person then there should be some measure of insecurity (similar to the idea that there is healthy fear-the kind that keeps you from doing dangerous things).

Now, yes, some people will take it to off the wall levels and I am NOT saying to live your life scared that your SO will do something. But the more light shined on something the less room their is for dark corners.

Of course you should be tested yearly its part of your exam has nothing to do with trust - unless you both married as virgins something from long ago could decide to emerge now.

Of course you should know where the money is in a familial setting along witih passwords and name on all joint accounts.

Its the mentality that (not just) you think one should be insecure to protect a relationship that is troubling to me. Surely if a man is doing all that dirt the red flags in your life would already be there. People that go through all this drama usually already know what they don't want to face. How many end up on Maury for him to confirm what Stevie Wonder could see?

On the other hand how many women have had their face cracked after accusing their man of everything under the sun and he was innocent of all charges?

Its your man's business to keep you secure in your relationship. If his actions are not letting you (& everyone around him) know you are his first, second and last priority then its up to you to set your bar higher before jumping into an exclusive relationship. There's a difference between being aware, being smart and being insecure.

 

[Froreal3]

Dh and I have each other's email passwords. Our phones don't have passwords on them, but neither of us are going in one another's phones. We don't have each others facebook passwords. Neither of us are on there much so *shrug*

We've built a good foundation of trust and communication, so although I know his email, I'm not logging in there looking and neither is he.

Sent from my SGH-T959 using LHCF

 

[trinity8mod8]

My DH and I have access to each others passwords and accounts. But even before we were married we shared our passwords with each other. It wasn't really a big deal. I guess it was mainly because in college my DH cosigned on a credit application for me when we were dating, and we have pretty much been open with our finances and accounts since then. It was a sign of trust on his part and so that kind of opened the door for me to be trusting as well.

So to answer the question, no I don't really feel the need to have privacy and if DH wanted to log into one of accounts I would probably just give him the password without even asking why.

 

[YaniraNaturally]

I would be so weirded out/annoyed. Just because we are in a relationship doesn't mean that I lose my right to privacy. If I don't trust you, we have no reason to be together. Not worth my time. I barely want to check my own damn emails let alone someone else's

I would seriously side-eye a man who asked me for my passwords.