Making Yourself Scarce In Relationships

Not sure why but this thread reminds me of the thread where the woman moved away but came right back once she found out the guy was seeing someone else. She moved into his house and assumed the role of wifey to cock block. I need to find that thread. I wonder if there's an update.
 
My friend and I were just talking about this last night. A guy she was dating professed his love for her a week before she moved out of state. Prior to that, there was nothing in his words or actions that made her think he cared about her that deeply. She didn't plan the move to play games, she had a great job opportunity in a city with better dating prospects, and he never wanted a commitment.
 
BEAUTYU2U said:
Is moving the only way to make one scarce though? I think that was only one aspect of the OP?
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FemmeFatale said:
This just popped into my mind as I watched the Martin episode when Gina took the job offer in NY and Martin came running after her with a ring, flowers and some Brian McKnight, lol.

I know several women who have done this and have gotten engaged quickly soon after, and from what I've seen/know, they've packed their stuff and have either left the state or country on vacation or moved for work, etc and moments later an engagement announcement surfaced.

What are your thoughts on this? And would you categorize the woman as a runner?
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Just to clarify your question.
 
Depending on how much scarcity you have to do, it could be telling about the relationship. If you feel like you have to do something to feel loved or get attention it's probably not good.
I'm weary of that man that needs that jolt to propose. It sounds like he did it out of fear or just because of that chase factor. Do you really need someone to threaten to leave for you to realize you want to marry her? Something feels manipulative in that scenario. What happens when they are married and live together day in and out? Hopeful talked about how even in a marriage you have to put you first so aaa not to be taken for granted.

As was mentioned above, live your life, don't make life/plans around a BF, that's probably best. I had to experience that past relationship to learn this.
 
Fine 4s said:
Your last sentence reminds me what a friend used to say when he was single "don't play hard to get with a man that's hard to get" substitute man for the n word
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That is truth right there. I've seen a lot of beautiful full of themselves type women get their feelings hurt and their self esteem dropped harder and faster than a hot potato pulling stunts like this.

A most wanted man does better than a most wanted woman. In other words, a most wanted man will have women chasing him down to be his wife all day long.
A most wanted woman will have more dudes chasing her to bed her and brag on it....THEN if she shows up with substance, he may consider more. But n*ggas lie all day and most women believe the lies.
 
For some reason, I don't see how making yourself scarce is playing games, though some may do it. I see it more as NOT being available ALL of the time, NOT making him a priority, a woman taking care of her business, etc.

If it involves playing games, I refuse to do that. However, I vow to start making myself a priority over him.

How would making yourself scarce work with a guy that's terrified of love? By terrified, I mean, terrified that everyone he's ever loved, has left him. In this case, it started with his mother dying when he was a teenager; hence, the start of the emotional roller coaster: everyone he's ever cared about has left him &, I'm assuming, he's subconsciously pushed people away.
 
Atthatday said:
For some reason, I don't see how making yourself scarce is playing games, though some may do it. I see it more as NOT being available ALL of the time, NOT making him a priority, a woman taking care of her business, etc.

If it involves playing games, I refuse to do that. However, I vow to start making myself a priority over him.

How would making yourself scarce work with a guy that's terrified of love? By terrified, I mean, terrified that everyone he's ever loved, has left him. In this case, it started with his mother dying when he was a teenager; hence, the start of the emotional roller coaster: everyone he's ever cared about has left him &, I'm assuming, he's subconsciously pushed people away.
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It wouldn't. You tell him to seek therapy.
 
Atthatday said:
For some reason, I don't see how making yourself scarce is playing games, though some may do it. I see it more as NOT being available ALL of the time, NOT making him a priority, a woman taking care of her business, etc.

If it involves playing games, I refuse to do that. However, I vow to start making myself a priority over him.

How would making yourself scarce work with a guy that's terrified of love? By terrified, I mean, terrified that everyone he's ever loved, has left him. In this case, it started with his mother dying when he was a teenager; hence, the start of the emotional roller coaster: everyone he's ever cared about has left him &, I'm assuming, he's subconsciously pushed people away.
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This conversation is one of the reasons I was ok letting go. I did have to explain that I was not the one who hurt him, I'm not trying to do so, and if he continued to treat me like I was, he could kick rocks. There's a difference between "being scarce"/doing you and staying away from someone who does not treat you how you like. You can't allow his past justify his treatment of you and hold him to your standards through your actions. He will step up or he won't, but you will know either way.
 
daydreem2876 said:
This conversation is one of the reasons I was ok letting go. I did have to explain that I was not the one who hurt him, I'm not trying to do so, and if he continued to treat me like I was, he could kick rocks. There's a difference between "being scarce"/doing you and staying away from someone who does not treat you how you like. You can't allow his past justify his treatment of you and hold him to your standards through your actions. He will step up or he won't, but you will know either way.
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Though he's just a very good friend, I'm more sympathetic to someone who's lost a parent at an early age. In this case, I'll go above and beyond to support and help a person. Though I don't have patience, I'll make it a point to be especially patient in this case.

I'm trying to get him to see how losing his mother at an earlier age shapes how he feels today. Of course, those feelings lead to how he treats women, people, situations, etc. I don't know how he treats his past SO's, so I'm only seeing it from a "friend" perspective.
 
BEAUTYU2U said:
Is moving the only way to make one scarce though? I think that was only one aspect of the OP?
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I'm not saying that was my aunt's sole reason but from what I remember she was moving up fairly quickly in her career at that time and in order for her to get that next promotion, it required applying out of state. Yes she was tired of not having a ring but my personal opinion is that she was more focused on herself and moving up so she did what was needed. My uncle on the other hand was a mess when she left and I guess he figured following her and giving her a ring would work.
 
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FemmeFatale said:
When I made myself scarce in the last few relationships because of work and disinterest, both guys came running professing their love for me. I was like oh ok :look:
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This thread sorta reminds me of this..

http://madamenoire.com/617500/travel-trials-my-girl-hasnt-hit-me-up-since-she-landed-in-jamaica/

I’ve been dating Noel for six months. Although we are not exclusive we always have a great time together and our chemistry is out of this world. After we hit the six-month mark, Noel asked about our future plans and to be honest, I wasn’t ready to commit. I enjoyed coming and going as I please and to be honest, I was more interested in saving my money and raising my 4-year-old son. Noel understood and suggested we take a break in order for her to clear her mind.

That didn’t last long.

About three weeks after, Noel called me for a Netflix and Chill session that resulted in me developing more feelings for her. You see, in the time that we spent apart, I began meeting new women but they didn’t fit all my needs like Noel did. As we cuddled, Noel told me about her plans to travel to Jamaica with her cousins. When I asked how long she she’d be staying she told me 10 and then asked if I’d take her to the airport.

I agreed and two weeks later I was dropping Noel off at the airport. When the day came, it felt good to connect with Noel before she departed to Jamaica. I knew her cousins were a bit raucous (no judgement) and although I am not Noel’s boyfriend, I feared she may meet someone new on the sunny beaches and have one of those travel hookups people are known for. Since I wanted to keep the vibe light, I decided to not speak about my feelings. Instead, I decided I would wait until she came back from her trip. Once we got to the airport, we passionately kissed goodbye and I wished her a safe trip.

That was six days ago. Since then, I haven’t heard from Noel at all and I’m in my feelings about it.

Why is she ignoring me and do I have the right to be annoyed?
 
Always~Wear~Joy said:
This thread sorta reminds me of this..

http://madamenoire.com/617500/travel-trials-my-girl-hasnt-hit-me-up-since-she-landed-in-jamaica/

I’ve been dating Noel for six months. Although we are not exclusive we always have a great time together and our chemistry is out of this world. After we hit the six-month mark, Noel asked about our future plans and to be honest, I wasn’t ready to commit. I enjoyed coming and going as I please and to be honest, I was more interested in saving my money and raising my 4-year-old son. Noel understood and suggested we take a break in order for her to clear her mind.

That didn’t last long.

About three weeks after, Noel called me for a Netflix and Chill session that resulted in me developing more feelings for her. You see, in the time that we spent apart, I began meeting new women but they didn’t fit all my needs like Noel did. As we cuddled, Noel told me about her plans to travel to Jamaica with her cousins. When I asked how long she she’d be staying she told me 10 and then asked if I’d take her to the airport.

I agreed and two weeks later I was dropping Noel off at the airport. When the day came, it felt good to connect with Noel before she departed to Jamaica. I knew her cousins were a bit raucous (no judgement) and although I am not Noel’s boyfriend, I feared she may meet someone new on the sunny beaches and have one of those travel hookups people are known for. Since I wanted to keep the vibe light, I decided to not speak about my feelings. Instead, I decided I would wait until she came back from her trip. Once we got to the airport, we passionately kissed goodbye and I wished her a safe trip.

That was six days ago. Since then, I haven’t heard from Noel at all and I’m in my feelings about it.

Why is she ignoring me and do I have the right to be annoyed?
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Mannnn...boy bye. Annoyed by what? Her enjoying her vacation? And he's only in his feelings because he sees the grass isn't greener. I hope the advice was get tf out of here with that bs lmao
 
Always~Wear~Joy said:
This thread sorta reminds me of this..

http://madamenoire.com/617500/travel-trials-my-girl-hasnt-hit-me-up-since-she-landed-in-jamaica/

I’ve been dating Noel for six months. Although we are not exclusive we always have a great time together and our chemistry is out of this world. After we hit the six-month mark, Noel asked about our future plans and to be honest, I wasn’t ready to commit. I enjoyed coming and going as I please and to be honest, I was more interested in saving my money and raising my 4-year-old son. Noel understood and suggested we take a break in order for her to clear her mind.

That didn’t last long.

About three weeks after, Noel called me for a Netflix and Chill session that resulted in me developing more feelings for her. You see, in the time that we spent apart, I began meeting new women but they didn’t fit all my needs like Noel did. As we cuddled, Noel told me about her plans to travel to Jamaica with her cousins. When I asked how long she she’d be staying she told me 10 and then asked if I’d take her to the airport.

I agreed and two weeks later I was dropping Noel off at the airport. When the day came, it felt good to connect with Noel before she departed to Jamaica. I knew her cousins were a bit raucous (no judgement) and although I am not Noel’s boyfriend, I feared she may meet someone new on the sunny beaches and have one of those travel hookups people are known for. Since I wanted to keep the vibe light, I decided to not speak about my feelings. Instead, I decided I would wait until she came back from her trip. Once we got to the airport, we passionately kissed goodbye and I wished her a safe trip.

That was six days ago. Since then, I haven’t heard from Noel at all and I’m in my feelings about it.

Why is she ignoring me and do I have the right to be annoyed?
Click to expand...
I don't really understand this. Why would a woman want to be with a guy who needed to lose her to see what he had? Doesn't that mean he wasn't valuing her? And that he's only with her because he realized he can't do better? That wouldn't make me feel good.
 
aviddiva77 said:
I know he is lol. But I'm talking about the women. Why do the women accept the proposals of men who have realize their well has run dry and their water is moving on?
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Maybe I posted a bad example to match the OP? It just popped in my head that I read an article about a man wanting to be with a woman after she made herself scarce. I agree with your point. :)
 
Always~Wear~Joy said:
Maybe I posted a bad example to match the OP? It just popped in my head that I read an article about a man wanting to be with a woman after she made herself scarce. I agree with your point. :)
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No you're example is fine lol and I'm glad you understand what I'm trying to say as well lol. It just made me think about why the women said yes. I'm in a relationship. I get a good job offer or I just want to move/leave. So I leave. Then he runs after me and proposes. And I say yes. That doesn't compute with me. Can you ladies say WHY you said yes when he proposed?
 
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