Inspector Chicks...When does it become too much?

[LadieCrn]

Some things on the list is acceptable. I see no issue with having SO's email password, voicemail code, pin #. He has all of my stuff too or he can have access to whatever he wants. If you are in a relationship what is it you have to hide that these things need to be kept secret? I am also an authorized user on his credit cards. I think knowing certain things shows how much you two trust each other.

I am not gonna lie I have done my share of searching and we had that whole suspicous phase but things changed, our relationship matured, and it passed. Occasionally I do a random sanity check (email, myspace, voicemail, text) but like another poster stated, people can be involved in other things other than cheating. If a situation ever came up where I felt I need to become CSI, then hand over my badge and let me get to work.

Trust me pushed to the limit you will be searching something.

I draw the line at following, stalking, creating fake monikers, sending yourself flowers, or using your friends as bait. I don't have that kind of energy or time. The other things I can do in the comfort of my home

 

[darlingdiva]

This post reminds me of my husband's friend's ex-girlfriend.

Before they got into a relationship, she acted normal. However, as soon as she got the "girlfriend" title, normalcy flew out of the window.

She requested the passwords to his e-mail adresses and voicemail, and Facebook account, and he gave it to her. She also had to go EVERYWHERE with him. My husband and I babysit his kids sometimes, and he used to always pick them up late when they were dating because he would pick her up before he picked up the kids.

He's a bank manager & his schedule changed recently. Under the new schedule, he has to come to work one hour earlier. She didn't believe him and she drove him to work at the time under the old schedule. When he got to work, he was one hour late.

Also, my husband's blackberry called his friend by accident, and she made him call my husband in front of her.

I think her behavior was WAY too much. If you distrust your man that much, LEAVE!!!

Their relationship didn't even last four months. They became a couple around Valentine's Day, and he had already dumped her. It's too bad b/c, despite everything, he really liked her.

 

[brownbeauty196]

This post reminds me of my husband's friend's ex-girlfriend.

Before they got into a relationship, she acted normal. However, as soon as she got the "girlfriend" title, normalcy flew out of the window.

She requested the passwords to his e-mail adresses and voicemail, and Facebook account, and he gave it to her. She also had to go EVERYWHERE with him. My husband and I babysit his kids sometimes, and he used to always pick them up late when they were dating because he would pick her up before he picked up the kids.

He's a bank manager & his schedule changed recently. Under the new schedule, he has to come to work one hour earlier. She didn't believe him and she drove him to work at the time under the old schedule. When he got to work, he was one hour late.

Also, my husband's blackberry called his friend by accident, and she made him call my husband in front of her.

I think her behavior was WAY too much. If you distrust your man that much, LEAVE!!!

Their relationship didn't even last four months. They became a couple around Valentine's Day, and he had already dumped her. It's too bad b/c, despite everything, he really liked her.

Damn this sounds like a friend of mine. Shes been single for about 8 years because of this type of behavior. I try to tell her she is scaring every man she meets away. A couple of months ago she met a nice guy, but he broke it off because she came to his job and acted up because he was interacting with female clients yes clients and not in a flirty way, it was a 50 year old women who he was helping fill out a loan application

At some point people have to examine their own behavior, to find out why there so jealous and possesive, its usually a deeper issue.

 

[krikit96]

Examples of "investigatory behavior":

- You know he's out with his boys watching the college football games on a Saturday afternoon. You call him a couple of times "just to say hi".
- You know his email password and you're all up in it.
- You're checking the internet history to see which sites he's visiting.
- You've created fake monikers on social networking sites and instant messager to catch him in lie (or have your 'net creeping theories rejected).
- You're up in his cell phone checking his text messages/voice mail/call history.
- He says he's out with his boys (i.e. bbq). You "roll through" just to see if his car is there.
- He says he's out at night with his boys (i.e. club). You get the girls and "happen to show up".
- You're intercepting mail and checking credit card statements.
- You've sent yourself flowers to see how he reacts.
- You use your friends to try and stage a "coup".
- You're checking his laundry (haha...I saw one chick on Maury who was smelling her dudes' dirty boxers).
- You're counting condoms in the box.
- You've showed up at his house unexpected.
- You've showed up at his job unexpected.
- You've showed up at one of his family member's houses unexpected.

At what point in a relationship to the ideas of personal boundaries and privacy change (i.e. Certain amount of together, certified "boyfriend/girlfriend" status, living together, engagement etc)?

And at what point does it cross the boundaries of just "checking up" to being your own private investigator??

Hmm...I'm married, so does this change things for me? Cuz honestly I do the ones in the bolded...and I don't even care, he knows it...I open any mail that comes, mainly because I check the box, and if it's something with his name on it and I don't recognize the place, I open it...but I'm thinking it could be a bill...
I go in his email all the time, AND he's up in mines... sometimes i send him something from work, and if I haven't heard from him I go in and see if he's opened it or not...
I'm up in his phone and text messages just to be nosey.. I HONESTLY expect to find NOTHING... I betta NOT find nothing!
We've been together for 5 years and we have 3 kids, two of which are still in diapers... I don't think he's cheating, but I do all the things in bold. I'd leave if I found him cheating. At least that way I'd get every other weekend to myself AND hed still be paying the daycare/mortgage without living here...

ALSO: to the ladies saying what you don't know won't hurt you... BS! My girlfriend didn't know her husband was cheating on her because she just TRUSTED him... the other woman's husband called her one day and it was a SHOCK to her, they'd been cheating for about 2 years almost... her husband and a coworker. Afterwards, she looked at his phone records and checked v/m that had been left and it was all there. I always think you should investigate in SOME form, rather than end up with an STD because he's gotten comfortable with her and no condom and transfers a yeast infection, or AIDS...

 

[calmsensual1]

omg you guys...

my best friend just broke up with her boyfriend (they've been breaking up every other week for 4.5 years, so im sure they'll get back together). But she wants to get a device that she can attach to his phone that lets her know:

who he's calling
who's calling him
what times
who's texting him
and who he's texting
and blah blah blah...

Im like b***** y'all aint even together. O, after she told me this I had to get off the phone. I couldn't subject myself to that BS any longer. This was the most ridiculous thing i'd ever heard.

 

[Dragone]

omg you guys...

my best friend just broke up with her boyfriend (they've been breaking up every other week for 4.5 years, so im sure they'll get back together). But she wants to get a device that she can attach to his phone that lets her know:

who he's calling
who's calling him
what times
who's texting him
and who he's texting
and blah blah blah...

Im like b***** y'all aint even together. O, after she told me this I had to get off the phone. I couldn't subject myself to that BS any longer. This was the most ridiculous thing i'd ever heard.

Seriously? People don't even invade their children's privacy that much, why would you do that to your life partner? I have to say, I think some people just like drama and will dig through a mountain of sh$t to find something to carry on about.

 

[music-bnatural-smile]

some of those r ridiculous but otherwise, my so loves me he keeps no secrets... and he loves it when i make surprise visits... he's like yes! come find ur man! exactly what i need cuz everyone has cheated on me... i need the openness so i dont have to b inspector gadget anymore lol

 

[music-bnatural-smile]

Hmm...I'm married, so does this change things for me? Cuz honestly I do the ones in the bolded...and I don't even care, he knows it...I open any mail that comes, mainly because I check the box, and if it's something with his name on it and I don't recognize the place, I open it...but I'm thinking it could be a bill...
I go in his email all the time, AND he's up in mines... sometimes i send him something from work, and if I haven't heard from him I go in and see if he's opened it or not...
I'm up in his phone and text messages just to be nosey.. I HONESTLY expect to find NOTHING... I betta NOT find nothing!
We've been together for 5 years and we have 3 kids, two of which are still in diapers... I don't think he's cheating, but I do all the things in bold. I'd leave if I found him cheating. At least that way I'd get every other weekend to myself AND hed still be paying the daycare/mortgage without living here...

ALSO: to the ladies saying what you don't know won't hurt you... BS! My girlfriend didn't know her husband was cheating on her because she just TRUSTED him... the other woman's husband called her one day and it was a SHOCK to her, they'd been cheating for about 2 years almost... her husband and a coworker. Afterwards, she looked at his phone records and checked v/m that had been left and it was all there. I always think you should investigate in SOME form, rather than end up with an STD because he's gotten comfortable with her and no condom and transfers a yeast infection, or AIDS...

this is crazy...
and also why my husband and i will hopefully b best friends... geez im scared of marriage... better yet... life