1BalancedBeauty
Well-Known Member
The relationship I'm in now is the best relationship I've been in... at least in a very long time. I met him this summer. He always makes sure I'm taken care of and supports me in any way he can, from day-to-day life to career.
He's always been complimentary of my (natural) hair, skin tone, physique, eyes, lips, you name it. I'm naturally slim/muscular but do work out on a semi-regular basis. Since he does physical labour, he looks very muscular as well and only works out on a semi-regular basis like me.
I got off work one day and gave him a quick call to say hi. The salon I work at is close to the gym I go to. He asked me if I was going to go to the gym. I was like, "No. Why?" He was like, "It's winter now. You can't be snacking and snacking and staying indoors." I was was silent for a moment. Then he goes, "Hey, I'm just looking out for you." I'm going to label this ordeal incident #1. It wasn't too big a deal because whenever I've been super-stressed, he's encouraged me to go to the gym to feel better.
Incident #2. He had gotten me a dress as an early xmas gift, I guess to wear to a xmas function or two. He called me one morning when I was heading out the door to my Body Pump class. He was REALLY happy to hear I was going to the gym. I remember him saying something like, "For real? That's great! Get your squat on. You're going to look so awesome in that dress." I didn't feel any type of way about his statement.
Flash forward to incident #3. I was showing him some pics on my iPod. I have a few fitness images with quotes that I keep for inspiration. There's a pic of a woman squatting with a heavy barbell and wearing booty shorts. He was like, "Do you think you can look like this?" I said, "I guess so" and changed the subject. That night, I couldn't get to bed because I knew I should have confronted him about how insensitive and superficial he came off. Not only that, but it was a blow to my ego because I thought that I already looked like the image. It had become clear to me that he wasn't even trying to get me to maintain the shape I have, he was trying to get me to change -- as in 'improve' -- it.
I know that if/when I bring it up him, he'll probably apologize and say that he didn't mean to hurt my feelings or make me feel insecure and that I look good the way I am. But, I won't be able to shake the feeling that he probably wishes I looked better.
I don't know if this should be bothering me so much. Today's a gym day for me and I'm worried about stupid ish like not working out enough by xmas to look the way he imagines me in that dress. In fact, not working out enough to show any change at all.
I know the word chauvinistic may be thrown out there. But... does anyone think I"m being oversensitive? Has anyone ever been in a situation like this?
He's always been complimentary of my (natural) hair, skin tone, physique, eyes, lips, you name it. I'm naturally slim/muscular but do work out on a semi-regular basis. Since he does physical labour, he looks very muscular as well and only works out on a semi-regular basis like me.
I got off work one day and gave him a quick call to say hi. The salon I work at is close to the gym I go to. He asked me if I was going to go to the gym. I was like, "No. Why?" He was like, "It's winter now. You can't be snacking and snacking and staying indoors." I was was silent for a moment. Then he goes, "Hey, I'm just looking out for you." I'm going to label this ordeal incident #1. It wasn't too big a deal because whenever I've been super-stressed, he's encouraged me to go to the gym to feel better.
Incident #2. He had gotten me a dress as an early xmas gift, I guess to wear to a xmas function or two. He called me one morning when I was heading out the door to my Body Pump class. He was REALLY happy to hear I was going to the gym. I remember him saying something like, "For real? That's great! Get your squat on. You're going to look so awesome in that dress." I didn't feel any type of way about his statement.
Flash forward to incident #3. I was showing him some pics on my iPod. I have a few fitness images with quotes that I keep for inspiration. There's a pic of a woman squatting with a heavy barbell and wearing booty shorts. He was like, "Do you think you can look like this?" I said, "I guess so" and changed the subject. That night, I couldn't get to bed because I knew I should have confronted him about how insensitive and superficial he came off. Not only that, but it was a blow to my ego because I thought that I already looked like the image. It had become clear to me that he wasn't even trying to get me to maintain the shape I have, he was trying to get me to change -- as in 'improve' -- it.
I know that if/when I bring it up him, he'll probably apologize and say that he didn't mean to hurt my feelings or make me feel insecure and that I look good the way I am. But, I won't be able to shake the feeling that he probably wishes I looked better.
I don't know if this should be bothering me so much. Today's a gym day for me and I'm worried about stupid ish like not working out enough by xmas to look the way he imagines me in that dress. In fact, not working out enough to show any change at all.
I know the word chauvinistic may be thrown out there. But... does anyone think I"m being oversensitive? Has anyone ever been in a situation like this?
but yes I've been in a situation like this and I guess it was worse. I had to have my hair done and my body on point at all times. But what got to me is the pressure to dress trendy and to look trendy. I do wear trendy pieces but they are far and few between, my style is more classic. He had a standard set by his mother and sisters that he expected me to uphold. I confronted him about it and asked him how would he have felt if I pressured him about his weight or his clothing choices. Anyway, it didn't change anything. But I did feel extremely pressured and it stressed me out. I was 18/19 and the relationship lasted about 5 years.
Every woman deserves to feel that way!
