Pre-Nup -- What do you think?

[Charlotte]

Just a little background -- I have recently purchased my first home on 6 January, I have been blessed and fortunate enough to have been able to completely purchase, furnish, have upgrades done throughout the home and anything related to the home "all by myself". In addition, I have retirement plans, mutual funds, students loans in which I have had for several years ---- on my own! I am very proud of my accomplishments.

With that being said, my SO of 4 yrs -- has commented that we should start looking for rings......

However, with that same token I sincerely believe that marriage is forever and I have no intention in divorcing nor want to appear to demonstrate any mistrust and unintentially create resentment.

Nevertheless, I feel very strongly about protecting the items I have acheived on my own (home, retirement plans/mutual, student loans etc. etc.)

Any ideas of how I can make this pre-nup proposal less intimidating and phrase it in some a way that would benefit both of us. I truely love this man but have heard of entirely too many horror stories..........

 

[Nina_deF]

I'm all for prenup.
It was easier for me though, i just said because of my children I need to keep things mine mine and he is welcome to keep his stuff his.

There was a problem for a minute (why, I don't want to divorce you, don't you trust me, etc) but it's all signed and stamped now.

Mind you, this man has more money than me yet I need to know that if anything happens my hard work will not have been in vain.

I think you phrased it pretty good yourself, "Nevertheless, I feel very strongly about protecting the items I have acheived on my own (home, retirement plans/mutual, student loans etc. etc.)" and if he loves you he should know the kind of woman you are and understand you....

Good luck!

 

[awhyley]

Any ideas of how I can make this pre-nup proposal less intimidating and phrase it in some a way that would benefit both of us. I truely love this man but have heard of entirely too many horror stories..........

Well, if he has assets to bring to the table, he shouldn't mind as a pre-nup protects his interests coming into the marriage as well. Pre-nups are the un-romantic portion of the relationship, but it should be comforting to know that once it's out of the way that if anything should happen, everything's been sorted already. Think of it like marriage/wedding insurance. Hope you don't have to use it, but there when you need it.

 

[ThickHair]

Just make the house not part of martial property. I was married when I purchased my home but my spouse had to sign his rights away. We divorced and his itch arse mammy told him to take the house. When he brought that noise I reminded him that he signed his rights away and to tell his mammy that. Not another peep about the house. I purchased the home with money from an inheritance that I received before we were married.

 

[lux10023]

i struggle with this as well..tryna to find a common ground--on both ends there is alotta stuff to divide up if anything happens--lotta real estate, investments and etc etc
i dont wanna taint the utopia of marriage and my marriage specifically--i know there are clauses and etc that can be written up and etc--but even sittin down and goin over everything we both have is insane---

 

[bermudabeauty]

Pre-nup too many brothas don't have ish anyway. LOL just kidding. Um I would sign one because I have worked hard for the little I got. Like my home I wouldn't want my husband to be able to get that, also......I have an inheritance I wouldn't want him to touch that is my familys money given to me you know? So I am down with one.

 

[Charlotte]

Is this something that definetly requires a lawyer or can I simply list all of my assets/ stipulations and we get the document notorized??

How can I phrase this entire idea without him feeling I dont trust him or that I'm setting our marriage up for divorce.

-- What other things should I list in the pre-nup agreement?

 

[MizzBrown]

Team Pre-nup!

Especially if you have kids, a trust, an inheritance...

 

[Syrah]

I actually like the discussions that pre-nups lead to. A discussion of goals, assets, liabilities, goals, goals, goals, etc...and I think EVERY COUPLE needs to have this explicit conversation before getting married (regardless of whether a pre-nup is drafted or not)...

I'm less concerned about what I've got NOW (like, right now) and more concerned about the things that I plan to have, that I've been working towards and striving for. And I think that's the stuff that actually causes issues during divorces - is that which folks managed to acquire and obtain throughout the course of the marriage, especially when certain sacrifices are made by one individual for the sake of another's career or aspirations.

 

[Farida]

If you want to do it, get an attorney to do it. Don't try and do one yourself. Many attorneys can work their way around and find loopholes in pre-nups done by other attorneys, so if you do it yourself you will get hammered by an attorney if things go south.