What do you think?

[beebstt]

it seems that both you and your husband need to develop a "social" or "friend circle" outside the home. you mentioned that he has no friends. is there any way you can encourage him to build up his social circle? maybe there is a way that both of you can do this together? i think it would be healthier for the both of you.

 

[Islandgrl98]

He is 5yrs older than I am and he says he doesn't care to have friends. He also says that the friends he tends to chose are usually up to no good.

 

[lux10023]

your husband sounds very controlling..just becasue he doesnt have a social life and friends doesnt mean you cant as a mom and wife--

are you not human?
do you not deserve to have a social life?

sounds like a really sad situation--its not like your going out every night--but you are entitled to a social life--outside of your mom and life duties--wtbleep

he needs to get out of the house too and find a hobby outside of tv and the computer

 

[Islandgrl98]

I am really grateful for everyone's advice and because of it I stuck to what I believed in. My husband actually compromised with me somewhat.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

Yall in NYC and do not go out... Strange... I can understand the babysitting part though... Well kinda, as I do not have any kids...

 

[michelle81]

While I understand where you are coming from, I believe that this is a part of being in a mature and secure marriage. I am a 40+ woman and recently went out for a friend's birthday party and had a ball amongst us "girls". And when it was over I was ready to come home and be with my DH and he was up waiting and asking me if I had a good time!!! And while I hardly ever go out, I do not see a problem with getting out of the house every once in a while with your girlfriends for a night out. And at the same time, I do not mind my DH hanging out with his friends although he doesn't go to clubs.

I have a friend that I have known for 35 years that has been going through this with her husband for the 14 YEARS they have been married and I can see that it is increasingly a control issue for him. You agree to these terms and he locks something else down. However, it it starting to become more of a problem now that the kids are older because she is increasingly wanting more "freedom". She caught He** last year for going out with me for my girl's night out Birthday Dinner. And now he doesn't want her to have ANY contact with the daughter's middle school principal because he is afraid they are having an affair. And trust me, there is NOTHING going on. He is 50, she is 41 and the kids are 12 and 13 and he just told her that he now wants another child now. ...Control.

OP, I cannot make any suggestions because I am not in your Marriage and when I was in that situation with my EX, I did not have any kids to take into consideration. However, I do hope that you have a good (and honest) friend or family member that is familiar with your situation that you can confide in and that can talk you through your situation in whatever you decide to do.

Thanks. This subject has come up recently with coworkers and the majority of them (divorced older women), think that spouses should not go on separate vacations or have a night out with same-sex unmarried friends.

OP, I don't think you should just do it without the blessing of your DH. If it were my marriage, it would be a MAJOR issue and probably one we'd have to work out with counseling.

 

[SistaSista]

I'm 31 and my husband is 33. We have a trusting relationship in that we can go out with our friends and have fun whether it's in a restaurant, bar or club. My husband trusts me when I'm away from him and knows that if any man approaches me that I will handle the situation. I do think it would be a problem if I were going out with friends too often in which I don't. My number one priority is my family.

While I do have single friends I tend to hang out more with married friends because we have more in common. Example, If I'm going out with married friends to a club we are there to have fun enjoy music and drinks. If I'm out with single friends at a club I'm there to have fun enjoy music and drinks, but my single friends are there to meet and socialize with single men. Not a good situation. Because I would feel uncomfortable, I tend to not go out to clubs with my single friends.

I think it's very healthy for everyone to have friends outside of their marraige to talk to and go out with. I think that your husband's issue is trust more so than anything else. He doesn't have a problem with you going out during the day but does have a problem with you going out at night. He needs to trust that if a situation arises that you will handle it in a respectful manner. I think that the best thing to do is to invite him to go out with your new friend and her date so that he can see the atmosphere in which you are socailizing in. Maybe this will ease his mind in knowing that you are not going to a place where guys are getting too aggressive and it's more about just having fun with friends.

I would also suggest that you and your husband spend more time out as well. You don't want him to feel left out. You go out with your friends but not with your husband?