Pre Marital Counseling

Is Pre Marital Counseling a Good Idea?

  • Yes

    Votes: 86 88.7%

  • No

    Votes: 5 5.2%

  • Undecided

    Votes: 6 6.2%
  • Total voters
    97
Country gal

Country gal

Well-Known Member
What are your thoughts on pre marital counseling? I have heard mixed reviews. On the one hand I think it is good to have a impartial person going over the major issues in a potential marriage. I know some folks think it is not neccessary to have an outside person going over potential issues with you. What are your thoughts and feelings? Have any of you gone through marriage counseling?
 
I've never bee but I've know one couple who called off the wedding because of issues that arised...
 
I didn't go through it, but I think it's an excellent idea. But then, I always think that reviewing things that might become an issue before they actually are an issue and you are in the heat of the moment is an excellent idea, period.

I don't know that everyone needs someone to guide them through that process, but if you don't feel confident on being able to cover all the bases thoroughly on your own - why not?
 
I didn't go through any marriage counseling but it would have been nice to have someone to speak to. It seems like a good idea but it only work if the couples are honest and respectful of one another. Most of the people that I know that went to Pre-Cana or couples counseling said all the "right" things to be given the green light.
 
I think its a great idea no matter how great or stable you think your relationship is.

But its only as good as the involved parties make it out to be. You have to be honest and upfront in counseling, otherwise its pointless.
 
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I recommend it because you get alot of issues out on the table that you may not have gotten out until after marriage and you might know how to handle the situation. Then you have someone to listen who is not going to take sides but is going to tell you what is right.
 
My DH and I received premarital counseling. I think it was a good idea, but make sure you are careful about who you receive counseling from.
 
It is a very good idea and I would recommend anyone going through a second marriage to do this also.

You would be amazed at the things that come up and how you think you are compatible in one area and not in another.

Putting everything out there from Prayer, children, money, sex, disciplining, food, etc.

Go in with your eyes WIDE OPEN.
 
Personally, I don't think I could marry someone who refused to go through pre-marital counseling.

Honestly, I think that's the reason I am still believing that things will work out between my SO and I as we made a pact to separate to get individual counseling but I have not heard from him in almost a year now. He started seeking personal therapy and convinced me to do the same. I mean how many men do you know that are willing to seek help in that manner?
 
We went through Pre-Cana and called off getting married for awhile to resolve some of the issues that came up.
 
we went through pre-engagement counseling.

which makes a lot of since when you think about it. before the invitations are bought, before the caterer is booked, heck before the engagement ring is even purchased, the couple does pre-engagement counseling to work out any potential issues, OR decide to call it quits.

in my opinion, the couple is likely to be more open doing it this way, instead of saying all the right things just to get the green light to get married
 
We didn't exactly go to premarital counseling (it was more of a newlywed group counseling) but it gave us a chance to hear from newlyweds (married within the last 12months for the most part) and hear what their biggest issues were and take them home with us to discuss fortunately both DH and I agree on alot of the same things so we don't have much conflict. I'd say that any its definitely a great thing.
 
foxxymami said:
we went through pre-engagement counseling.

which makes a lot of since when you think about it. before the invitations are bought, before the caterer is booked, heck before the engagement ring is even purchased, the couple does pre-engagement counseling to work out any potential issues, OR decide to call it quits.

in my opinion, the couple is likely to be more open doing it this way, instead of saying all the right things just to get the green light to get married
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I've always thought that's the way it should be. I think it would be a lot more productive to do pre-engagement counseling vs. pre-marital.
 
2buttonsnow3 said:
I recommend it because you get alot of issues out on the table that you may not have gotten out until after marriage and you might know how to handle the situation. Then you have someone to listen who is not going to take sides but is going to tell you what is right.
Click to expand...

I agree with this statement. We plan to continue to tweet our marriage throughout with periodic sessions.
 
In retrospect, and on marriage #2, I'd have to say YES! Love or not.......learn where you will and won't compromise and vice versa.
 
foxxymami said:
we went through pre-engagement counseling. which makes a lot of since when you think about it. before the invitations are bought, before the caterer is booked, heck before the engagement ring is even purchased, the couple does pre-engagement counseling to work out any potential issues, OR decide to call it quits.

in my opinion, the couple is likely to be more open doing it this way, instead of saying all the right things just to get the green light to get married
Click to expand...

Foximami- I haven't heard of pre- engagement counseling. Sounds like a great idea. My cousin spent money and made arrangements to only go through couseling and cancel the wedding. I really love the concept. Get all the issues resolved before you become romanticised on the wedding.
 
FI and I are getting it. He didn't think we needed it but he went anyway to humor me. He LOVES it and so do I. I am glad we are going!
 
I think it's a great idea...marriage is a huge investment...and like most big investments (stocks/buying a home/etc), counseling is very useful when done prior to making the commitment.
 
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I believe in pre-marital counseling, as long as it's with a good therapist who both parties feel comfortable with. My ex-husband and I had pre-marital counseling and I thought it was a good idea. However, the therapist, in my opinion, seemed biased towards by ex-husband. I also don't think we got into the real issues but focued on the obvious ones, like my daughter and by then fiance not getting along. He left me after 3 months but I don't blame that on the therapist. I guess my husband had issues with me that he held in and one night, he just went crazy, telling me he wasn't happy and wanted to leave. He snatched the rings off my fingers and just went crazy. He left me when I was sick. I suffer from migraine headaches and missed a lot of work. I guess he left because his love for me wasn't strong enough. It was a very nasty and painful thing to go through. He came back the next night, backed his things and left. Honestly, I was so shocked and hurt. I kept asking if there was anything I could do, maybe try counseling again, a separation, etc. He just left saying it wasn't working for him. I grieved my marriage so much I ended up in the hospital. My eyes are filling with tears now as I write about what happened. Our divorce was final on June 13th. I'm still hurt.

Anyway, I know the original question was about pre-marital counseling. Please excuse me. I just felt like talking about it.
 
swgirl said:
I believe in pre-marital counseling, as long as it's with a good therapist who both parties feel comfortable with. My ex-husband and I had pre-marital counseling and I thought it was a good idea. However, the therapist, in my opinion, seemed biased towards by ex-husband. I also don't think we got into the real issues but focued on the obvious ones, like my daughter and by then fiance not getting along. He left me after 3 months but I don't blame that on the therapist. I guess my husband had issues with me that he held in and one night, he just went crazy, telling me he wasn't happy and wanted to leave. He snatched the rings off my fingers and just went crazy. He left me when I was sick. I suffer from migraine headaches and missed a lot of work. I guess he left because his love for me wasn't strong enough. It was a very nasty and painful thing to go through. He came back the next night, backed his things and left. Honestly, I was so shocked and hurt. I kept asking if there was anything I could do, maybe try counseling again, a separation, etc. He just left saying it wasn't working for him. I grieved my marriage so much I ended up in the hospital. My eyes are filling with tears now as I write about what happened. Our divorce was final on June 13th. I'm still hurt.

Anyway, I know the original question was about pre-marital counseling. Please excuse me. I just felt like talking about it.
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I'm sorry you are/were hurt...trust me, he only made room for your real blessing to come to you.
 
swgirl said:
I believe in pre-marital counseling, as long as it's with a good therapist who both parties feel comfortable with. My ex-husband and I had pre-marital counseling and I thought it was a good idea. However, the therapist, in my opinion, seemed biased towards by ex-husband. I also don't think we got into the real issues but focued on the obvious ones, like my daughter and by then fiance not getting along. He left me after 3 months but I don't blame that on the therapist. I guess my husband had issues with me that he held in and one night, he just went crazy, telling me he wasn't happy and wanted to leave. He snatched the rings off my fingers and just went crazy. He left me when I was sick. I suffer from migraine headaches and missed a lot of work. I guess he left because his love for me wasn't strong enough. It was a very nasty and painful thing to go through. He came back the next night, backed his things and left. Honestly, I was so shocked and hurt. I kept asking if there was anything I could do, maybe try counseling again, a separation, etc. He just left saying it wasn't working for him. I grieved my marriage so much I ended up in the hospital. My eyes are filling with tears now as I write about what happened. Our divorce was final on June 13th. I'm still hurt.

Anyway, I know the original question was about pre-marital counseling. Please excuse me. I just felt like talking about it.
Click to expand...

I am so sorry. :sad:
 
I don't see how there are any cons. I also think it's a good idea to do PRE-ENGAGEMENT, not after you've already set a date and got your heart all geared up to marry. ;) I think a comprehensive session that deals with the major issues such as finances, parenting, etc. would be beneficial to most if not all couples. Young couples are often not prepared for the realities of marriage, and older ones who have had a lot of relationships, lived independently for a while, and/or been divorced may find it harder to blend their lives together without someone to guide them through it.

Marriage is a life time commitment, probably the most important decision you will make - I don't see why counseling would not be a part of that decision. :eek:
 
Dh and i had to have pre-marital counsling before we got married. It was required by our church.

We have only been married for a year and 6 months so i'm not sure of the long term benefits.

We basically just learned about how to communicate, how to leave past problems in the past, and alot about what the bible and God says about marriage.

They also tell you not to set a date for the wedding until you get the counseling.
 
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