Practice boyfriends?

[chickle]

Well, as long as he knows the deal, I don't see the moral problem with it. But I think one of two things will happen:
1) It won't be much of a practice because it's hard to fake liking someone so lots of elements that you might want to "practice" won't happen because your feelings aren't involved or
2) You'll end up liking him after all and so you won't be pretending

I'm real doubtful that you can seriously date him in a pretend girlfriend way and continue to not like him but at the same time have it be a legitimate analogy to a real relationship. But that doesn't mean I think you shouldn't do it. Just adjust your expectations of what this is. More practice dating than a practice boyfriend.

But oh, if you think he is the type of man that it's not good for you to be emotionally attached to (e.g. "kang" type, or anything else you object to), I don't suggest you try to pretend girlfriend or whatever. You may end up being more invested than you anticipate.

Thank you, this also puts things into perspective. I guess my issue is that I won't date anyone that I couldn't see myself marrying. I am pretty new to the dating life, but I picky. I guess I should not date this guy if I am not attractive to him. He is a borderline kang, but he is funny and can hold an intelligent conversation (although it is mainly me schooling him)...Why can't I find a hot nerd? That would definitely be my type.

 

[C@ssandr@]

True, but then you are clumping all the girls who aren't really feeling a guy, but give him a chance any way into this category. I would have simply been open and gave him a chance.



God I hope not.



Exactly. I think the only difference is that most girls go into it with the mindset of actually liking the guy.

Maybe I should've clarified. I assumed that people going into a relationship and giving each other a genuine chance would automatically be excluded...since we're talking about one party who is "faking" it. Also, I hope that I didn't come off as judgmental. That's not what i'm trying to convey at all.

I'm very curious OP, what are you looking for in a mate? Have you you ever dated someone you were attracted to?

 

[C@ssandr@]

Thank you, this also puts things into perspective. I guess my issue is that I won't date anyone that I couldn't see myself marrying. I am pretty new to the dating life, but I picky. I guess I should not date this guy if I am not attractive to him. He is a borderline kang, but he is funny and can hold an intelligent conversation (although it is mainly me schooling him)...Why can't I find a hot nerd? That would definitely be my type.

I don't think that's going to fare well. My 2 cents, sister to sister:

The problem is that genuine relationships take time to develop...I think most of us can agree on that. If you want a husband, you might be better off going the mail order route. Or just snagging someone with a decent gene pool and good finances. You may meet men who are marriage material upfront, and waste 3 years realizing that long term is a no go. In the meantime you would have overlooked the people you didn't give a god's honest chance.

Think of any of your personal relationships. They are not instant.

 

[Qtee]

As far as I'm concerned, any boyfriend that is not potentially a husband is a practice boyfriend. *shrug*

I agree..but I dont go into a relationship with the intentions of toying with his feelings and practicing for the next one...I think the intention of just going into a relationship with no intention of caring about the person is wrong..but maybe that just me..I just know that I wouldnt want someone to do that to me..

 

[mischka]

For me it would just be something like well I like you but I don't expect this to go anywhere serious. I don't think that's dishonest or deceitful. Just a short term relationship.

 

[Theo]

I don't think its a bad idea. If you like him, date him. Its not like its marriage proposal. The only caveat is that you should know that you may end up falling for him, and also he may end taking up more time, space, and energy in your life that you realize.

 

[chickle]

Maybe I should've clarified. I assumed that people going into a relationship and giving each other a genuine chance would automatically be excluded...since we're talking about one party who is "faking" it. Also, I hope that I didn't come off as judgmental. That's not what i'm trying to convey at all.

I'm very curious OP, what are you looking for in a mate? Have you you ever dated someone you were attracted to?

No, I wanted to be judged which is why I asked for opinions lol. Yeah you are right, I don't think the chance I was giving would be as genuine.

I have dated men I was physically attracted to, but not mentally and the vice-verse. The one guy I dated that had every quality I ever wanted in a mate left me to go to grad school and then decided since I wouldn't sleep with him, he would find somebody who would. I am not bitter though, he is young so why should I stop him from living, especially if sex is something he places high value in.

 

[DaiseeDay]

Not trying to hijack. But would this be acceptable (to those of you that think it isn't) if you really did like and care about this person, but you knew that they weren't the one? Or are you still better off just friends?

I've heard a woman say that she dates for fun (no sex), but def. isn't serious about the guys she dates. I couldn't understand how she could do it, but when OP said "practice boyfriend" I kind of got it.


Sent from my iPad

 

[chickle]

Not trying to hijack. But would this be acceptable (to those of you that think it isn't) if you really did like and care about this person, but you knew that they weren't the one? Or are you still better off just friends?

I've heard a woman say that she dates for fun (no sex), but def. isn't serious about the guys she dates. I couldn't understand how she could do it, but when OP said "practice boyfriend" I kind of got it.


Sent from my iPad

Not one of the ladies that disagreed of course, but if you like someone, how do you know they couldn't be the one. I wonder if you can just look at someone and know...or maybe it's after getting to know them you determine that.

 

[DaiseeDay]

Not one of the ladies that disagreed of course, but if you like someone, how do you know they couldn't be the one. I wonder if you can just look at someone and know...or maybe it's after getting to know them you determine that.

Combo of things I think: like maybe differing values, religion, etc. Some people seem to just know.

What I'm thinking about when I ask is someone who's nice, attractive, and the only thing is that you don't share the same values in areas that are pretty important for marriage, but other than that you like this person. They're nice enough that you wouldn't mind hanging out with, just not what you want in a marriage partner.

But then again that sounds like just friends to me. Why take it to the BF/GF zone if they're not what you're looking for? Hmmm

I'm in a similar boat as you chickle I just started college and haven't dated, so if prince charming did come along I worry I wouldnt know what to do... And I've heard people talk about dating for fun. Then again there's nothing wrong with just sitting still and waiting...

 

[drappedup]

LOL....to be honest, I have considered this a few times....even very recently, in fact (recently as in a week and a half ago).

There's this dude who has been pursuing me since around March, and we've kind of been on/off dating, but he has persistently asked for a relationship with me....I don't particularly like him, more so tolerate, though there is something about him that makes me feel obliged to continue going out with him, but I toyed with the idea of being his girlfriend.

*shrug* He already knows I'm not really all that into him. I think he thinks he might be able to "change" my mind with time.

So, anyway, OP....do what you want! Yes, it's mean to lead someone on emotionally, but I don't see a problem as long as you don't let the relationship go on for too long or get too emotionally serious.

 

[drappedup]

My only problem is you will SUCK at being a girlfriend because you are not PHYSICALLY or EMOTIONALLY attracted to this man. Even if intellectually and personality wise you are, you will be bad because you wont WANT to please him (not physically - just stating general). You won't genuinely care how his day went. You won't want to see him just to see him. You wont want to kiss him when he's having a bad day, and rub his back to ease his mind while he is venting. You won't give him a second thought, because when that man DOES come around that is all the criteria - You will be OUT like Roaches when the light's come on! Please believe me!

I say DO NOT put a title on it - especially not the GF/BF title. Y'all are just friends. And thats what BF/GF is without ANY (kissing included) physically intimacy. If you leave the label off, you can "practice" or whatever without morality issues!

Proceed with caution...this can only end in tears.

This is true......which is what has stopped me from my situation. With the guy I am talking about, while I care about how his day went or if he's upset and all that, I don't care nearly to the extent a girlfriend would (or should). I also find it a chore to spend time with him sometimes, so I can't see myself wanting to be around him just to spent time together (like boyfriend/girlfriends do). I feel like it'd be a lot of work on my part just to play the part, and it's really not worth it at the end of the day.

I think it's the persistence that's even making me consider being his girlfriend in the first place. I mean, if it's that big a deal to him to be exclusive all these months, then it almost seems cruel to just keep casually dating, stringing him along!