Potential Date Vent - Ugh! Asking Me Out via Text!!

[Hairsnob]

Dating sucks!! I just need to vent so forgive me if this is long.

Met a guy at the Dunkin Donuts across from my job one morning. He wasn't exactly my type but seemed nice. I was rushing back to work so after he introduced himself and all he asked for my number and just as I was giving it to him he started stuttering... and BAD too . That completely turned me off since I already was on the fence about him. He said he'd call me later that night.

I said oh gosh, I hope he doesn't call. Well, I got my wish and he didn't call. He TEXTS me instead about 10:30pm!! Ugh! It gets worse, he texts: "coffee tomorrow? What time is good for u?

I completely ignored his text figuring he'll come to his senses and PICK UP THE PHONE to properly ask me out over the phone. He didn't. Instead, the next MORNING he decides to call saying this: "Hello Hairsnob, I don't know if you got my message but I was hoping we could meet at Dunkin Donuts for coffee. Let me know.. blah blah blah"

I totally ignored his voice message because he is out of his mind thinking I'm gonna meet for breakfast at a WALK-IN Dunkin Donuts???? I was so insulted!! There are NO tables or chairs anyway, just enough room to order your food and all. What were we going to do, stand outside and talk or even worse, sit in his car?

So he continued to text for a few mornings and ask me to meet him for coffee. I'd ignore him. And first of all, I DON'T EVEN DRINK COFFEE!! So after a few days of this I finally put my big girl panties on and text'd him back saying: "Hi Al, got your msg and sorry for not getting back to you. It's bad timing and I won't be able to see you so I don't want to waste your time. It's complicated... Hairsnob"

He text'd back saying "?????" and called again a few times. I ignored them because I thought my response was good enough to save face for him but I guess guys don't get "hints". For the next two weeks he continued to text me saying "good morning". I have to totally ignore him because if I say it back it feeds into him. I know I'm kinda mean but I just CAN'T!!

Anyway, this goes to say, this SAME guy who has a good job and all is chasing me and probably has some woman who is chasing him that he isn't paying any mind. I basically gave this guy my arse to kiss and he keeps calling/texting me saying good morning and all and I COMPLETELY ignored him. I can't say it enough, treat men like crap and they will run crazy trying to get you.... NOT really like crap but you know what I mean (I'm really a nice person).

He probably lived with another woman and that's why he chose to text at night yet call in the morning?? I'm too freaking smart for this crap and that's why I refuse to settle. I'm old fashioned and this texting me asking me out on a date is for the birds.

Okay, just had to share a stupid dating story. Feel free to share your own. Dating is really getting old. Also, I'm PMSing so I needed to vent really bad LOL.

 

[ackee walk]

woosa, sis.

i feel you on the texting to ask you out on a date. i am old-fashioned and don't like it either. but, i have to say, i feel like you were a little tough on this dude. sometimes people text first out of shyness. plus, you said he stutters. so this could have also been a factor for him. and when you didn't respond, he did pick up the phone to ask you out instead. granted, the next morning... but that could have been because he realized how late it was that he text you to begin with and that he probably shouldn't call at that time.

i think because you weren't interested in him to begin with, he had no chance really, especially with you pms'ing and all lol

 

[God_Favor]

if you ain't feeling him you ain't feeling him. You know if you were feeling his energy, and he should have sense enough to take a hint, lol. i wouldn't reply back either, you changed your mind. mit happens.

i'm ashamed to say this since it's such a "no no" on LHCF. i HATE talking on the phone and it use to tick me off when dudes always called me to talk on the phone. send a quick text, we can talk all you want in person, lol. guys use to get really pissed of because i would never answer the phone , but would text back after a missed call. i know, i suck..

 

[kismettt]

i prefer being asked out via text b/c it makes it easier to say yes/no/i have plans depending on what i feel (weighing it for different options or w/e) + i hate talking on the phone. "why are you calling me? did someone die? no? that does not warrant a call." everyone likes different things. (when i exchange numbers i usually say text me or correct him when he says he'll call. lol please don't).

but saying he'd call & then texting at 1030 is pretty lame. "i'll text you" cool. "i'll call you" but really sends a late night text, nope. i think calling & leaving a vm was fine. the continued texting after you let him know you aren't interested is sad for him tbh at this point i'd just be like "can you please stop texting me?" not like you'll ever see him again and clearly he doesn't understand what ignore means. i do think he may have a mass "good morning" text list. that i can believe.

 

[Hairsnob]

woosa, sis.

i feel you on the texting to ask you out on a date. i am old-fashioned and don't like it either. but, i have to say, i feel like you were a little tough on this dude. sometimes people text first out of shyness. plus, you said he stutters. so this could have also been a factor for him. and when you didn't respond, he did pick up the phone to ask you out instead. granted, the next morning... but that could have been because he realized how late it was that he text you to begin with and that he probably shouldn't call at that time.

i think because you weren't interested in him to begin with, he had no chance really, especially with you pms'ing and all lol

Oh gosh, now I feel guilty because yeah, could have been because of the stuttering. Didn't even think of that. I still don't like him though LOL. But I'm thinking why is it okay for him to pick up the phone the next morning while I'm at work instead of that night? Maybe I'm overly cautious but it makes me think he has something to hide.

Thanks!

if you ain't feeling him you ain't feeling him. You know if you were feeling his energy, and he should have sense enough to take a hint, lol. i wouldn't reply back either, you changed your mind. mit happens.

i'm ashamed to say this since it's such a "no no" on LHCF. i HATE talking on the phone and it use to tick me off when dudes always called me to talk on the phone. send a quick text, we can talk all you want in person, lol. guys use to get really pissed of because i would never answer the phone , but would text back after a missed call. i know, i suck..

Yeah, they really don't get hints I see LOL. And I see what you mean about how texting is ok for some. To me, I'd rather text in certain circumstances over a phone call. You know, a quick yes or no question or something to somebody you talk to often. But a date??? I can't get used to that.

Thanks!

i prefer being asked out via text b/c it makes it easier to say yes/no/i have plans depending on what i feel (weighing it for different options or w/e) + i hate talking on the phone. "why are you calling me? did someone die? no? that does not warrant a call." everyone likes different things. (when i exchange numbers i usually say text me or correct him when he says he'll call. lol please don't).

but saying he'd call & then texting at 1030 is pretty lame. "i'll text you" cool. "i'll call you" but really sends a late night text, nope. i think calling & leaving a vm was fine. the continued texting after you let him know you aren't interested is sad for him tbh at this point i'd just be like "can you please stop texting me?" not like you'll ever see him again and clearly he doesn't understand what ignore means. i do think he may have a mass "good morning" text list. that i can believe.

LOL at the bolded. Yeah, like I said to the other poster, it's okay for me in certain instances but I don't think I could ever prefer a man asking me out over a text. And yup, if I get another good morning text and if he catches me at the wrong time I may just lay it in on him and embarass him. No, that will make him want me more LOL.

Thanks!!

And I just came back from taking a walk so I feel a little better from the PMS. I'm still angry about dating though and I'm so ready to become a nun LOL.

 

[FelaShrine]

Those talking about they hate talking on the phone must be mad young. what were you doing before cell phones?

 

[ThickHair]

You were hoping he wouldn't call you and he didn't and now you are mad. Be careful what you ask for.

 

[Blyss_curls]

Hi Hairsnob,
Old married lady weighing in...one who was dating pre-digital age (we had cell phones, but no texting, then). Been married 14 years.

Digital age, texting or no texting....maybe just my opinion, but certain things don't change. Like your gut. If it bothers you that old boy could text the following day,...there's a reason. Think about why it bothered you.

My dating life improved a great deal when I set limits, that mattered to me.

Any dude that I just met, who had the audacity to call after 10:00 pm got kicked to the curb. Really.

As far as I was concerned, that was booty call hour.

My male friends confirmed, "...yep. If I'm tryin' to get some, that's around the time I'll call askin' if I can come through."

I don't think certain things have changed much, just because people can now text each other. Things like when a brotha has panties on the mind.

 

[Hairsnob]

Those talking about they hate talking on the phone must be mad young. what were you doing before cell phones?

It's definitely a generational thing because I'll admit to being old fashioned and I don't mind being stuck there. I don't think I'll ever get used to a text replacing a conversation. So much can be confused by texts also so I'd rather hear people's voices and tones to make sure everything is as it is.

Thanks!

You were hoping he wouldn't call you and he didn't and now you are mad. Be careful what you ask for.

LOL Good take on that. I sure did get what I wished for. Next time I will say I hope he doesn't call OR TEXT me or SEE me LOL.

Thanks!

 

[Blyss_curls]

Oh...and one last peeve.
Digital (imo) has merely enabled dudes to be even lazier in regard to women and dating.

Ladies, make these brothers put in a little work, please.
The very least he can be bothered to do, is pick up the d***n phone, to ask you out.

Think long term. People generally show us who they are, very early on.
If you make it clear that you're cool w/half-a**ed effort, how do you think he's going to act once you're in an exclusive relationship (if it gets to that point)?

Ok...old fashioned rant over....

 

[Hairsnob]

Hi Hairsnob,
Old married lady weighing in...one who was dating pre-digital age (we had cell phones, but no texting, then). Been married 14 years.

Digital age, texting or no texting....maybe just my opinion, but certain things don't change. Like your gut. If it bothers you that old boy could text the following day,...there's a reason. Think about why it bothered you.

My dating life improved a great deal when I set limits, that mattered to me.

Any dude that I just met, who had the audacity to call after 10:00 pm got kicked to the curb. Really.

As far as I was concerned, that was booty call hour.

My male friends confirmed, "...yep. If I'm tryin' to get some, that's around the time I'll call askin' if I can come through."

I don't think certain things have changed much, just because people can now text each other. Things like when a brotha has panties on the mind.

You hit it on the head!! That's why I mentioned the late time because although I'm grown and all I still think it's not a good look to call (or text) someone that late without getting their permission first. The nerve!! And somehow it's not a problem for you to pick up the phone the next day???

Thanks!!


And how come nobody commented on him wanting to meet at the walk-in Dunkin Donuts instead of a real "date"? I can understand meeting for coffee/breakfast/lunch or whatever but what about a real place where the employees don't wear paper hats that you can actually sit? LOL

 

[Hairsnob]

Oh...and one last peeve.
Digital (imo) has merely enabled dudes to be even lazier in regard to women and dating.

Ladies, make these brothers put in a little work, please.
The very least he can be bothered to do, is pick up the d***n phone, to ask you out.

Think long term. People generally show us who they are, very early on.
If you make it clear that you're cool w/half-a**ed effort, how do you think he's going to act once you're in an exclusive relationship (if it gets to that point)?

Ok...old fashioned rant over....

EXACTLY!! The men are spoiled now and they think it's acceptable. I stick to my guns and I get called old fashioned but I really don't care. My ex said he loved that about me that I was old fashioned and he would talk about how guys do other women who don't demand respect. Hearing it straight from a man's mouth is what makes me stick to my guns about how they know to appreciate you and will only do as much as they NEED to.

Thanks!!

 

[Blyss_curls]

You hit it on the head!! That's why I mentioned the late time because although I'm grown and all I still think it's not a good look to call (or text) someone that late without getting their permission first. The nerve!! And somehow it's not a problem for you to pick up the phone the next day???

Thanks!!


And how come nobody commented on him wanting to meet at the walk-in Dunkin Donuts instead of a real "date"? I can understand meeting for coffee/breakfast/lunch or whatever but what about a real place where the employees don't wear paper hats that you can actually sit? LOL

Good for you!
Yes, you are grown--which means you get to set the stage for how you want to be treated. If a dude isn't in compliance from jump....kick him.

I knew my husband was special when we were dating, because he was uber-polite and knew how to treat a lady. He always asked my permission up front. His behavior showed me, he had respect for women (very important to me).

On the bold--you probably want to check out the "How I knew he was broke..." thread....and follow it up w/the "How I knew he was cheap..." thread. It's funny, hilarious in fact. But there's a lot of good info. on stuff some will pull, early (that you want to avoid).

Brotha just met you, and he can't be bothered to invite you someplace w/out paper hats? ....and he's texting in the booty hour?

Broke, cheap w/panties on the mind. Worse, he thinks you can be had for the price of a donut....ewww.
Next.

 

[Blyss_curls]

EXACTLY!! The men are spoiled now and they think it's acceptable. I stick to my guns and I get called old fashioned but I really don't care. My ex said he loved that about me that I was old fashioned and he would talk about how guys do other women who don't demand respect. Hearing it straight from a man's mouth is what makes me stick to my guns about how they know to appreciate you and will only do as much as they NEED to.

Thanks!!

Aww, you didn't need a thing from me. I told you what I would tell a daughter (if I had one), and she were dating. That your father treated me like this, and don't expect a thing less.

It's refreshing to see a young woman w/such standards, today...again--good on you, girl!

 

[NefertariBlu]

I got asked out on a date by text today. I agreed and still no plans have been made 5 hours later.

This dude cancelled our first date 2 weeks ago (we met online) because he forgot that his cousins birthday clashed with our meeterplexed then texts me today to ask me out.

Anywho, this is not going to work because I hate texting and I think he's a lying time wasting a$$.

 

[God_Favor]

Those talking about they hate talking on the phone must be mad young. what were you doing before cell phones?

uhhhhhhh, i'm old as dirt . i've just grown accustom to the digital age. i don't know what it is but, i just hate answering the phone..

 

[kismettt]

Those talking about they hate talking on the phone must be mad young. what were you doing before cell phones?

i talked on the phone all day in high school & middle school, and not at all in college. now i'd rather talk in person. unless there is a pressing reason as to why i can't see you (my friends/family out of state), send a text. most people who call me can never reach me anyway since my phone is somewhere during non-work hours (which is why a friend sent 20 texts saying CHECK YOUR PHONE once when we were making plans. i was unamused but i guess i deserved it since we were in the middle of a conversation and i got distracted by something). & yeah that's a terrible habit in case of emergency

 

[God_Favor]

i talked on the phone all day in high school & middle school, and not at all in college. now i'd rather talk in person. unless there is a pressing reason as to why i can't see you (my friends/family out of state), send a text. most people who call me can never reach me anyway since my phone is somewhere during non-work hours (which is why a friend sent 20 texts saying CHECK YOUR PHONE once when we were making plans. i was unamused but i guess i deserved it since we were in the middle of a conversation and i got distracted by something). & yeah that's a terrible habit in case of emergency

You sound like me.

 

[msdeevee]

I agree with the poster upthread that said he may have been embarrassed to call after he had a stuttering attack when you first met. I used to date a guy years ago that had a bad stutter and he was very embarrassed about it.

My 2nd thought is put on your "big girl panties" again and tell him the simple truth that you were turned off by him asking you out via text and you would prefer he not call you again. You don't know him you have nothing invested in this non-relationship.

Oh, and text that to him!

 

[CarLiTa]

I'm not sure in what world being silent gives across the exact message you want to give... Oh wait, I do know... In the Rules book. I stopped following those rigidly when I realized that trying to implement a formula that most guys don't know about is getting me nowhere.
I got asked out via text last night... Granted, for a 3rd date, but still. I didn't like it, so I jokingly texted back something about what a weird way to ask someone out on a date... He was like, oh I'm sorry, I'm still at work yada yada, and I was like oh okay, great, yeah call me later to ask I DO wanna go out with him, which I will do, and I want him to know my preference. Now he knows, plainly and clearly, and we are all set. No frustration on my part, etc. He called later in the evening, jokingly apologized, but now he knows the deal.

Most guys interpret silence as disinterest. If that's your deal, then success. If it isn't, try verbally expressing yourself. Nicely. And get what you want and move on.

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

hey op, i know how you feel. I was asked out via text...by a 37 year old man at that. The funny thing is, we were having a great conversation and I was clearly into him and all that. There was no nervousness from his side; he was very confident. I was taken aback when he asked me via text, though.

I ended not going out with him because I was visiting from out of state.

 

[CarLiTa]

Those talking about they hate talking on the phone must be mad young. what were you doing before cell phones?

I was in middle school and generally did not do much phone-talking then I saw whatever boy I wanted to see in public/at school. There were only a few cases where I spent hours on the phone with a couple of boys... It always felt strange and new to me...shrug.

As for the Dunkin Donut date... I call that the "tester" date. He's only met you once, right? He's testing the waters before asking on a more formal date. Dunkin Donut is low-risk, low-key, (he doesn't even know if you're interested, and he's probably shielding himself despite making a move) and you get a chance to chat a little bit more, and then at the end he asks for a proper date: the typical dinner, or something that relates more to your interests. At this point, the guy knows absolutely nothing about you: not your likes, not your preferences, nothing.
What he DOES know is that you like Dunkin Donuts... because that's where he met you. I personally think it's cute. Meet for coffee, he walks you to work, tells you how great of a time he had and how beautiful you look this morning, and that he'd love to take you out to dinner sometime... maybe this weekend?

He's only cheap if he doesn't pay for your coffee...

 

[Hairsnob]

Good for you!
Yes, you are grown--which means you get to set the stage for how you want to be treated. If a dude isn't in compliance from jump....kick him.

I knew my husband was special when we were dating, because he was uber-polite and knew how to treat a lady. He always asked my permission up front. His behavior showed me, he had respect for women (very important to me).

On the bold--you probably want to check out the "How I knew he was broke..." thread....and follow it up w/the "How I knew he was cheap..." thread. It's funny, hilarious in fact. But there's a lot of good info. on stuff some will pull, early (that you want to avoid).

Brotha just met you, and he can't be bothered to invite you someplace w/out paper hats? ....and he's texting in the booty hour?

Broke, cheap w/panties on the mind. Worse, he thinks you can be had for the price of a donut....ewww.
Next.

I couldn't agree more. Once you get treated with respect there is no way you can settle for less.

I'll admit to being spoiled if you want to call it that. But like you said, we set the stage. Either the guy will step up or K.I.M when he knows what you're about.

On my way to check out those threads!

Aww, you didn't need a thing from me. I told you what I would tell a daughter (if I had one), and she were dating. That your father treated me like this, and don't expect a thing less.

It's refreshing to see a young woman w/such standards, today...again--good on you, girl!

And thanks girlie! I know dating is frustrating but sooner or later I'll run into the one guy who will appreciate an old fashioned gal like me LOL. In the meantime I'll beon LHCF venting LOL.

I got asked out on a date by text today. I agreed and still no plans have been made 5 hours later.

This dude cancelled our first date 2 weeks ago (we met online) because he forgot that his cousins birthday clashed with our meeterplexed then texts me today to ask me out.

Anywho, this is not going to work because I hate texting and I think he's a lying time wasting a$$.

Have you talked to the guy on the phone at all before he sent you the text asking you out? I really can't believe that this is what guys are resorting to now. And then to have the nerve to not even come through? If it took him two weeks to ask you out again I'd chuck him. Guys are supposed to be on their best behavior to court you in the beginning so imagine what he will be like after he relaxes.

I agree with the poster upthread that said he may have been embarrassed to call after he had a stuttering attack when you first met. I used to date a guy years ago that had a bad stutter and he was very embarrassed about it.

My 2nd thought is put on your "big girl panties" again and tell him the simple truth that you were turned off by him asking you out via text and you would prefer he not call you again. You don't know him you have nothing invested in this non-relationship.

Oh, and text that to him!

I do feel bad about not considering his stuttering being a reason to text. But it wasn't even just about the text, it was the whole idea of the late text and how did he ask women out before texts? I thought that once he saw that I didn't respond to his text that he would call but he didn't.

And if he still texts me good morning I will have to tell him straight up. I think he's got the picture now (let's hope).

Thanks!

I'm not sure in what world being silent gives across the exact message you want to give... Oh wait, I do know... In the Rules book. I stopped following those rigidly when I realized that trying to implement a formula that most guys don't know about is getting me nowhere.
I got asked out via text last night... Granted, for a 3rd date, but still. I didn't like it, so I jokingly texted back something about what a weird way to ask someone out on a date... He was like, oh I'm sorry, I'm still at work yada yada, and I was like oh okay, great, yeah call me later to ask I DO wanna go out with him, which I will do, and I want him to know my preference. Now he knows, plainly and clearly, and we are all set. No frustration on my part, etc. He called later in the evening, jokingly apologized, but now he knows the deal.

Most guys interpret silence as disinterest. If that's your deal, then success. If it isn't, try verbally expressing yourself. Nicely. And get what you want and move on.

I like the way you told him straight up that you didn't like being asked out by text. If I were REALLY interested in that guy I would have responded with something similar but I copped out with the ignoring thinking he'd get the hint. I forgot that guys operate different from us and they don't get the hints we give.

Thanks!

hey op, i know how you feel. I was asked out via text...by a 37 year old man at that. The funny thing is, we were having a great conversation and I was clearly into him and all that. There was no nervousness from his side; he was very confident. I was taken aback when he asked me via text, though.

I ended not going out with him because I was visiting from out of state.

That's a bummer that he seemed like a good one and did the lazy text. Did you talk to him on the phone before he asked you out? He was old enough to know better, just like my guy so it's no excuse. But I think it's a little different if you actually talked before a few times or something and it may not be as bad. But I still prefer a phone convo or an intro text saying "hey, do you have time to talk?"

As for the Dunkin Donut date... I call that the "tester" date. He's only met you once, right? He's testing the waters before asking on a more formal date. Dunkin Donut is low-risk, low-key, (he doesn't even know if you're interested, and he's probably shielding himself despite making a move) and you get a chance to chat a little bit more, and then at the end he asks for a proper date: the typical dinner, or something that relates more to your interests. At this point, the guy knows absolutely nothing about you: not your likes, not your preferences, nothing.
What he DOES know is that you like Dunkin Donuts... because that's where he met you. I personally think it's cute. Meet for coffee, he walks you to work, tells you how great of a time he had and how beautiful you look this morning, and that he'd love to take you out to dinner sometime... maybe this weekend?

He's only cheap if he doesn't pay for your coffee...

I can agree with you on the tester date but come on now, you can't pick up the phone for 5-10 minutes to ask? And honestly, I don't even know if I was gonna get a donut because he said coffee LOL. You have a good way with words and you really make it sound like a positive, fun and exciting date I could have had with him walking me to work and complimenting me LOL. I guess it all boils down to that I wasn't into him in the first place so the first thing he did wrong that didn't sit right was enough to give him the door. I still think he could have just made a date for another day somewhere I could actually sit and at least be served instead of standing outside the door with the panhandlers and people pumping gas LOL.

 

[NefertariBlu]

Hairsnob Yes we spoke two times before we arranged to meet. I did get red flags before but you know when you seem them you try to rationalize them .

Thing I noticed is that he'd text me to call him then his phone would cut out and I'd call back and he didn't answererplexed.

I just had a funny feeling about him. I'm trusting my intuition on this one.

 

[Hairsnob]

@Hairsnob Yes we spoke two times before we arranged to meet. I did get red flags before but you know when you seem them you try to rationalize them .

Thing I noticed is that he'd text me to call him then his phone would cut out and I'd call back and he didn't answererplexed.

I just had a funny feeling about him. I'm trusting my intuition on this one.

NefertariBlu

Smart move to trust your intuition. That's what it's there for. And don't feel bad about not seeing the red flags because sometimes we just get so caught up in hoping that they're the one and only see what we want to see. I can give a guy the benefit of the doubt once but after that he can forget it. If his phone cut off while talking then he would have to be the one contacting me afterwards.

It took one guy to make me feel like a fool with calling him to make me see that I will NEVER sweat a guy again. Of course you don't think of it as sweating, you're just calling back because you got cut off. But his phone dials out too so he could just as easily call you back. It seems like game playing but that's what they're doing anyway so you might as well be one step ahead. But I got played when I was younger and I remember this guy putting me on hold for minutes at a time and like a silly fool I stayed on the other line. NEVER AGAIN!! Now if a guy puts me on hold for more than 30 seconds I bang on him. Sure enough, they call me right back when they realize I hung up and they will think twice the next time. It was scary doing it the first time because I really wanted to keep talking to him but once I realized how guys work it became easier after I saw that he called back.

 

[NefertariBlu]

Yep still no sign of him still. He works on the weekend too so there really is no excuse is there?

I don't even stay longer than 30 seconds on hold with my friends let alone a man. When I hang up they call me back. If I get call waiting on my line, I usually continue the call with the person who's on the phone unless it's my mum. So unless the other call is more important I don't put people on hold.

 

[Hairsnob]

Yep still no sign of him still. He works on the weekend too so there really is no excuse is there?

I don't even stay longer than 30 seconds on hold with my friends let alone a man. When I hang up they call me back. If I get call waiting on my line, I usually continue the call with the person who's on the phone unless it's my mum. So unless the other call is more important I don't put people on hold.

Right, unless he works 24 hours a day there's never an excuse to not have a quick minute to call or at least text.

And yeah, it's rude to me to keep people on hold so I don't do it at all.

 

[ManeStreet]

I was in middle school and generally did not do much phone-talking then I saw whatever boy I wanted to see in public/at school. There were only a few cases where I spent hours on the phone with a couple of boys... It always felt strange and new to me...shrug.

As for the Dunkin Donut date... I call that the "tester" date. He's only met you once, right? He's testing the waters before asking on a more formal date. Dunkin Donut is low-risk, low-key, (he doesn't even know if you're interested, and he's probably shielding himself despite making a move) and you get a chance to chat a little bit more, and then at the end he asks for a proper date: the typical dinner, or something that relates more to your interests. At this point, the guy knows absolutely nothing about you: not your likes, not your preferences, nothing.
What he DOES know is that you like Dunkin Donuts... because that's where he met you. I personally think it's cute. Meet for coffee, he walks you to work, tells you how great of a time he had and how beautiful you look this morning, and that he'd love to take you out to dinner sometime... maybe this weekend?

He's only cheap if he doesn't pay for your coffee...

I totally agree. I think light & breezy is best for a first date unless youve known the person for a while. Sumthin like starbucks or panera, barnes&noble a place where you can quickly feel someone out before having a serious dinner date. If u dont drink coffee, get tea or lemonade, thats not important. U can tell if theres chemistry or if the guy is a knuckle head quickly without wasting a good Sat nite date slot, getting all dolled up only to sit thru dinner with someone you can barely tolerate.

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

I couldn't agree more. Once you get treated with respect there is no way you can settle for less.

I'll admit to being spoiled if you want to call it that. But like you said, we set the stage. Either the guy will step up or K.I.M when he knows what you're about.

On my way to check out those threads!


And thanks girlie! I know dating is frustrating but sooner or later I'll run into the one guy who will appreciate an old fashioned gal like me LOL. In the meantime I'll beon LHCF venting LOL.



Have you talked to the guy on the phone at all before he sent you the text asking you out? I really can't believe that this is what guys are resorting to now. And then to have the nerve to not even come through? If it took him two weeks to ask you out again I'd chuck him. Guys are supposed to be on their best behavior to court you in the beginning so imagine what he will be like after he relaxes.



I do feel bad about not considering his stuttering being a reason to text. But it wasn't even just about the text, it was the whole idea of the late text and how did he ask women out before texts? I thought that once he saw that I didn't respond to his text that he would call but he didn't.

And if he still texts me good morning I will have to tell him straight up. I think he's got the picture now (let's hope).

Thanks!



I like the way you told him straight up that you didn't like being asked out by text. If I were REALLY interested in that guy I would have responded with something similar but I copped out with the ignoring thinking he'd get the hint. I forgot that guys operate different from us and they don't get the hints we give.

Thanks!



That's a bummer that he seemed like a good one and did the lazy text. Did you talk to him on the phone before he asked you out? He was old enough to know better, just like my guy so it's no excuse. But I think it's a little different if you actually talked before a few times or something and it may not be as bad. But I still prefer a phone convo or an intro text saying "hey, do you have time to talk?"



I can agree with you on the tester date but come on now, you can't pick up the phone for 5-10 minutes to ask? And honestly, I don't even know if I was gonna get a donut because he said coffee LOL. You have a good way with words and you really make it sound like a positive, fun and exciting date I could have had with him walking me to work and complimenting me LOL. I guess it all boils down to that I wasn't into him in the first place so the first thing he did wrong that didn't sit right was enough to give him the door. I still think he could have just made a date for another day somewhere I could actually sit and at least be served instead of standing outside the door with the panhandlers and people pumping gas LOL.

We were at a martini bar and he approached me. He complimented me and we went from there.

 

[ManeStreet]

Im not a fan of texting either but in the end its all about communication. I dont expect people to read my mind. Some women like texting, some women dont. So if I guy is doing too much textin, I reply with "I'd like to hear your voice. Give me a call if u have a chance."

or "I dont like texting, u can give me a call later if u have

Tech (engineers, programmers, computer..) guys tend to text more. Also men who are more introverted, shy & nervous about talkin to the ladies are quicker to text.

Outgoing, extroverted talkative guys tend to call more readily. I've just noticed these trends.