Physical Attraction

[Helpmeblongagain]

Hello all...

Are any of you in relationships with or married to some1 you initially were not attracted to?

I met this guy who's nice and successful BUT I'm just not attracted to him...I don't even want to kiss him...my friend makes me feel bad bcuz it has a lot to do with his weight...but I just cant do the man boobs..

I want to give him a chance, but Im not sure if Id make him feel desired...

 

[honeybuni84]

Honestly, how important is attraction to you. I think it is hard to find that " love at first sight" spark, but you need to be attracted to him. So much of a relationship is having that something else that takes it above friendship. You should be attracted to him physically. It is not the only thing to a relationship, but it is important. It sounds like you arent attracted to him and that is ok. I mean you need to admit it to yourself and be OK with it . If you don't do big men, then don't date him. I don't do big men either and honestly it is a personal preference.


I think in the long run you may grow resentful of him in the long run if you don't even want to kiss him,. I have dated guys who have grown on me in the looks department,but i could always see me at least kissing him.


How is the conversation and everything else? If it bothers you as much as it sounds like it does, then i would let him go.

 

[blkbeauty]

Hello all...

Are any of you in relationships with or married to some1 you initially were not attracted to?

I met this guy who's nice and successful BUT I'm just not attracted to him...I don't even want to kiss him...my friend makes me feel bad bcuz it has a lot to do with his weight...but I just cant do the man boobs..

I want to give him a chance, but Im not sure if Id make him feel desired...

Let him go and let him find someone that is right for him. Being physically attracted to your partner is part, not the most, but partially important in a relationship.

 

[Helpmeblongagain]

Honestly, how important is attraction to you. I think it is hard to find that " love at first sight" spark, but you need to be attracted to him. So much of a relationship is having that something else that takes it above friendship. You should be attracted to him physically. It is not the only thing to a relationship, but it is important. It sounds like you arent attracted to him and that is ok. I mean you need to admit it to yourself and be OK with it . If you don't do big men, then don't date him. I don't do big men either and honestly it is a personal preference.


I think in the long run you may grow resentful of him in the long run if you don't even want to kiss him,. I have dated guys who have grown on me in the looks department,but i could always see me at least kissing him.


How is the conversation and everything else? If it bothers you as much as it sounds like it does, then i would let him go.

The conversation is pretty good....

I think I am bcuz I see that hes jealous 2...

 

[Kerryann]

attraction is everything its not going to work cause everytime you see him you are going to think of his boobs

 

[Helpmeblongagain]

^^Lol..I def will...I do feel kind of guilty tho...he seems to really like me

 

[Britt]

attraction is everything its not going to work cause everytime you see him you are going to think of his boobs

Pretty much.. OP, give yourself a time limit, if you don't grow attracted to him, keep it moving. It makes no sense to be w/ him and you aren't attracted to him, let him go and find someone who is, and you find someone you are attracted to.

Sometimes attraction is not def. instantaneous, but there has to be something there to begin with and then you at least build from there.

 

[Helpmeblongagain]

^^ I think Im going to do that...and I just started grad school...and its raining men...lol

Im honestly afraid to hurt his feelings...last night we were talking about levels of attraction and how some people make you instantly want to put "it" on them...and he asked if that's how I felt about him? And because I believe honesty is the best policy...I answered no and heard the disappointment in his voice...:-(

 

[Britt]

^^ I think Im going to do that...and I just started grad school...and its raining men...lol

Im honestly afraid to hurt his feelings...last night we were talking about levels of attraction and how some people make you instantly want to put "it" on them...and he asked if that's how I felt about him? And because I believe honesty is the best policy...I answered no and heard the disappointment in his voice...:-(

at the bolded... yikes, I don't know what i'd say in that type of situation, it's really hard to tell a guy that.

 

[phynestone]

^^ I think Im going to do that...and I just started grad school...and its raining men...lol

Im honestly afraid to hurt his feelings...last night we were talking about levels of attraction and how some people make you instantly want to put "it" on them...and he asked if that's how I felt about him? And because I believe honesty is the best policy...I answered no and heard the disappointment in his voice...:-(

At least you were honest. One shouldn't ask a question if they aren't ready for the answer.

Hold out for what you want. Men seem to have no problem doing so. Looks shouldn't be the most important thing on your list, but it's important that you have some physical attraction to your mate. If he hasn't grown on you by now, then cut him loose. You are doing the both of you a disservice by hanging on. He could meet someone that's totally into him and vice versa.

 

[Helpmeblongagain]

^^ Thats how I feel...and I make a point to be honest with everyone...

Im def gonna keep it movin...ur right...a man wouldnt think twice...

 

[gabulldawg]

Hello all...

Are any of you in relationships with or married to some1 you initially were not attracted to?

I met this guy who's nice and successful BUT I'm just not attracted to him...I don't even want to kiss him...my friend makes me feel bad bcuz it has a lot to do with his weight...but I just cant do the man boobs..

I want to give him a chance, but Im not sure if Id make him feel desired...

I originally wasn't attracted to my new boo. I wouldn't say that I was unattracted to him. He just wasn't my usual "type." I also don't think that I allowed myself to be attracted to him when he first approached me because I wasn't over my ex. One day it was like I looked at him for the first time, and now I think he's so sexy!

In your case, it does sound a bit different, since there is something about him that already turns you off...

 

[Helpmeblongagain]

^^I told him I dont think it would work...and he acted like I ended a yr long relationship...

 

[Renewed1]

My philosphy is if I can't picture myself kissing the guy; then I won't date him. I have met alot of nice men taht would be "ideal" for me, but the attraction wasn't there.

 

[Coffee]

When I first met my hubby I wasn't attracted to him physically, but I was attracted to his personality, his kindness, his treatment of me and his spirit. We dated for 3 years before I said yes to marriage and I'm so blessed he waited around for my trifling behind to make up my mind. He has since lost weight, but it wouldn't have mattered to me if he hadn't. He still has a great personality, is kind, treats me like a queen and I am still attracted to his soul and spirit. We just celebrated our 10th anniversary and we still act like newlyweds. If there is something that you are attracted to, give him a chance. One can always lose weight, but if they don't have the other qualities you want, they probably won't get them as the years go by.

 

[LunadeMiel]

I date someone that i wasn't attracted to for month. When I finally decided to end it, I met someone that I was attracted to 3 day later . Don't waste your time .

 

[Love Always]

A lot of times guys have no apologies for the women they are not attracted to and they don't feel bad about it...I'm just saying .

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Attraction is one thing I will NOT settle on when I get involved with a new guy.

I'm sorry, but there has to be SOME kind of physical attraction there for me to become a guy's girlfriend. He doesn't have to be a GQ model (actually..."pretty boys" aren't usually my type anyway), and he doesn't have to have perfectly ripped abs. But he HAS to be somewhat decent looking, or attractive physically. I don't care what others think about him, but he has to be someone that I could see myself kissing and....you know... in the future.

My future husband is someone that I will be mentally, emotionally, intellectually, and PHYSICALLY attracted to. No if's and's or but's about it. Don't make any excuses for it either. Like someone else mentioned, guys don't "settle".

But yeah, don't go by "love at first sight". That barely happens anyway. But usually, after about once or twice of being with a guy I can pretty much guage whether or not I would ever want to kiss him somewhere down the line.

 

[Helpmeblongagain]

I guess I was thinking of settling on looks because I didnt want to miss out on a nice person...but I just couldn't do it...

And we didn't have the same goal in mind...he was trying to lock me down after two weeks...and I want to casually date...

 

[tiara76]

Im personally not bypassing physical/sexual attraction either...so many men are nice with great personalities who are loving, considerate, generous, kind, evolved and they are great friends in my life love them to death....they however are not my heartmate who I would settle down with if Im not feeling like kissing/touching/caressing and sharing my body with him

 

[honeybuni84]

Attraction is one thing I will NOT settle on when I get involved with a new guy.

I'm sorry, but there has to be SOME kind of physical attraction there for me to become a guy's girlfriend. He doesn't have to be a GQ model (actually..."pretty boys" aren't usually my type anyway), and he doesn't have to have perfectly ripped abs. But he HAS to be somewhat decent looking, or attractive physically. I don't care what others think about him, but he has to be someone that I could see myself kissing and....you know... in the future.

My future husband is someone that I will be mentally, emotionally, intellectually, and PHYSICALLY attracted to. No if's and's or but's about it. Don't make any excuses for it either. Like someone else mentioned, guys don't "settle".

But yeah, don't go by "love at first sight". That barely happens anyway. But usually, after about once or twice of being with a guy I can pretty much guage whether or not I would ever want to kiss him somewhere down the line.

this is soo true.. what is the point of dating someone if you can't imagine kissing them?

 

[FluffyRed]

attraction is not everything...beauty fades, muscles become fat, wrinkles and cellulite sets in...

when i first met my man, he was unattractive to me...but we became friends, after being his friend for awhile, his personality reeled me in...he is the nicest, sweetest man, makes sure im good all the time, even to the detriment of himself....

when we first started dating, i was lil put off my his looks, but that was just me being shallow...today i find him to be the sexiest man, and his voice and a smile will just get me hot

When I first met my hubby I wasn't attracted to him physically, but I was attracted to his personality, his kindness, his treatment of me and his spirit. We dated for 3 years before I said yes to marriage and I'm so blessed he waited around for my trifling behind to make up my mind.

These are beautiful stories! Good information, too. just what I needed right now! I'm thinking about testing this hypothesis!

Thanx

 

[Ms Red]

Speaking from past experience, I believe you did the right thing. If you can't even kiss the guy, why waste his [and your] time?

 

[Filmatic]

I think you are right to leave him alone. There was no need to waste his time. It sounded like it made you nauseous to be intimate with him so why put with of you two through that. Any time I have tried to be with someone who wasn't my type it turned into a disaster.

 

[jennboo]

No can do. I'm sorry. I guess that makes me shallow???

 

[almond eyes]

There are two real bondings that determine chemistry: physical which takes about a few seconds to determine and emotional which can take anywhere from 30 minutes to even a few weeks. If after the first few seconds there are no sparks then you would hope that the emotional chemistry would naturally kick in and if not that's a clear sign from nature that you and this guy would not make a good match for children!!!!!!!! Human beings know these things inherently but many of us do not follow our instincts.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[SvelteVelvet]

I can't compromise on the physical attraction. If I can't see myself kissing him or wanting to melt in his arms it's a no go for romance. Great conversation, great personality, good heart and even common interests...I couldn't and wouldn't force intimacy based on those things alone. I'd rather leave it and keep it as a friendship..if the dude could handle it.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

there is a difference between somebody being physically appealing and attractive.....to me physical attractiveness is the energy that makes me want to be physical with them not how they physically look.....I can be attracted to a guy who is not my physical type or who I may not even think looks good, but im still attracted to him physically to where I want to hug and kiss him...its the energy on that level that has to be present not how they look...I got some FIINNNNNEeEE friends who I have no interest in kissing or being physical with ....nice, polite, all of the above just not attracted on sexual physical levels

Exactly! This is key. It really isn't so much about looks, but a guys' whole presence that can make you want to kiss them. That's what I mean by "physically attractive"...or "I'm attracted to him". It's not always about the looks. The outward looks help somewhat, but it's not everything.

Just like I know some really FINE guys who are built like a physical specimen, and who are hotter than HOT!! But they just don't do it for me. It's really a man's character that makes me "hot under the collar". How he treats me, how he makes me feel, his confidence, his manliness, etc... that's all wrapped up in there.

 

[gabulldawg]

IDK. For ME, the outward physical appearance has a LOT to do with whether I will find a guy to be attractive or not. There are going to be other things that will contribute to and/or increase his attractiveness (sense of humor, confidence, etc.), but I think the physical is a major part. Of course, physical requirements are going to be different for everyone, though. So just because i happen to find a guy attractive doesn't mean the next person would...

 

[Helpmeblongagain]

ITA!! I recently met some1...and Id say hes an average guy...but Im really attracted to him bcuz hes funny as hell...

IDK. For ME, the outward physical appearance has a LOT to do with whether I will find a guy to be attractive or not. There are going to be other things that will contribute to and/or increase his attractiveness (sense of humor, confidence, etc.), but I think the physical is a major part. Of course, physical requirements are going to be different for everyone, though. So just because i happen to find a guy attractive doesn't mean the next person would...