Petty Chronicles: Jealous Of The Dead Wife

IslandMummy said:
And this was all before marriage. It’s not like it was year three into the marriage and he still had pictures up. This was his wife he’d spent YEARS with and the mother of his daughter. He was a single man who had pictures in his home. The Home he shared with his child.

Even if HE was over the grieving process, his daughter may not have been. Her feelings were the only ones he had to consider. Once this miscreant was in the picture, he seemed extremely considerate of her feelings and his daughter by boxing up the pictures and putting them away. Is he supposed to ban his daughter from talking about her mother? .
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This is the way I see it. Of course you'd have the pics up at that time. They weren't married. He had a daughter who loved her mom. He had a wife who died that I presume he also loved. There was nothing odd about having pictures up. Then she came into their life and as their relationship developed, he adjusted. He was extremely considerate of her feelings and even purchased a new home and boxed the pics.

The key is that she says he would probably still be married to her if she were still alive and blah blah blah. Uhm...yeah. So what? This lady has a whole competition with a dead woman in her head which is why she says she felt like she "won" when she threw all of her stuff away (trying to erase her existence). Well now she's lost...possibly everything.
 
ladysaraii said:
No one's putting s timeline one his grief but he shouldn't have been dating if that was the case. And she should have moved on.

They had one pic up which was fair. There was no need to have a bunch up of her. If the daughter wanted her pics in her room, I would have been fine.
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I agree. My ex boyfriend's dad had his mom's pictures up (she had passed like 10 years before we started dating), and they were so many it seemed 'shriney'. I'm sure if he ever brought a woman there she would feel very uncomfortable.

I do believe this woman is the devil incarnate for doing what she did, though. The way she's trying to manipulate people while telling this story confirms it.
 
She's a despicable person. There is a reason why her stepdaughter isn't closer to her. I'm pretty sure if she has so much hatred for the deceased wife she didn't hide her feelings well. I could see her rolling her eyes or having a salty face when the family talks about her. She might be transferring those feelings of anger/jealousy toward the stepdaughter, making it the reason why they never had a close relationship. I could see her being a mean stepmother. This sounds like a lifetime movie. Smh
 
If she wanted her marriage to last she should have taken that to the grave because it is unforgiveable. Even if he were to miraculously forgive her the daughter never would and would hold it against her dad.

She obviously has never lost someone close; definitely not a parent. Anyone who has buried a loved one would never be so cruel. And if she has buried a loved one then she is a royal @&&$$$.
 
Blended families are rough. My friend’s mom was an alcoholic and her dad had an affair and married his mistress. 20 years later one of his kids still doesn’t talk to him. My friend talked to him and even befriended his new wife. But once her mom died my friend just shut down. I think it brings back the pain of losing her dad. And seeing her dad’s mistress alive and happy while her mom died alone hurts her. She no longer visits them.

And that’s just from her mom dying. I cannot imagine if her stepmom threw out pics.
 
bellatiamarie said:
I understand what you ladies are saying but the whole "getting over" it thing is not simple and not easy when the person is dead. Estranged, yes. Dead, no. They aren't just going to carry on like the lady never existed. As the new wife of a widow that's something that she will have to be sensitive to. Like I said I get what y'all are saying but at the same time people aren't just out here forgetting and getting over their dead loved ones as to not make the next person uncomfortable.

I don't see the issue with him still having her pictures up. That's still his daughters mother o_O and they had a whole life together before she came along are they supposed to act like it never happened????
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That’s understandable, so that’s why that person doesn’t need to get involved in a new relationship. The new person shouldn’t be made to feel second, uncomfortable, or walk on eggshells. We all carry memories of the past, and it’s not easy to get over an estranged relationship either when you weren’t the one who wanted out. People don’t need to bring other people in the mix, if they aren’t ready period.
 
shortdub78 said:
That’s understandable, so that’s why that person doesn’t need to get involved in a new relationship. The new person shouldn’t be made to feel second, uncomfortable, or walk on eggshells. We all carry memories of the past, and it’s not easy to get over an estranged relationship either when you weren’t the one who wanted out. People don’t need to bring other people in the mix, if they aren’t ready period.
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All we know is that she was uncomfortable. We don’t know that anyone made her feel this way. For all we know the pictures and conversations about the late wife could’ve been for the daughter’s benefit. She’s proven she’s dangerously insecure and will do things to her own detriment. Is it a stretch to think she’s exaggerating so she doesn’t come across as the vile person she’s revealed herself to be?

I bet the husband is mourning his current marriage. He sees her true colors and is trying to reconcile all this emotionally. Even if he’s completely over his late wife (which I think is the case), he recognizes how cruel her actions are and is probably questioning what kind of person she is and what kind of mother she’ll be. Then you factor in the daughter’s future rage and him having to deal with her pain and anger. What she did was selfish. He sees that she can’t be trusted and isn’t ready yet to make the hard decision that we all know is coming - divorce.
 
Black Ambrosia said:
All we know is that she was uncomfortable. We don’t know that anyone made her feel this way. For all we know the pictures and conversations about the late wife could’ve been for the daughter’s benefit. She’s proven she’s dangerously insecure and will do things to her own detriment. Is it a stretch to think she’s exaggerating so she doesn’t come across as the vile person she’s revealed herself to be?

I bet the husband is mourning his current marriage. He sees her true colors and is trying to reconcile all this emotionally. Even if he’s completely over his late wife (which I think is the case), he recognizes how cruel her actions are and is probably questioning what kind of person she is and what kind of mother she’ll be. Then you factor in the daughter’s future rage and him having to deal with her pain and anger. What she did was selfish. He sees that she can’t be trusted and isn’t ready yet to make the hard decision that we all know is coming - divorce.
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That’s her feelings and shouldn’t be denied, but throughout that story, she mention various things that made her umcomfortable. I’m not discounting what she did, and it was very mean and hurtful of her. But that doesn’t take away what I said about the husband and the rest of the family. They weren’t ready.. if somebody gotta ask you to start making changes from things you held on to from your past relationship, you ain’t ready. Now would it have been wrong of her to say I don’t wanna hear about your deceased first wife anymore? If it is, then that person doesn’t need to get involved. Nobody should have to be a participant of licking old wounds.
 
My thing is, being a widower is an integral part of him now, a characteristic that he can't remove, nor should he have to. Of course if he had a shrine devoted to his wife etc, that would be an indicator that he wasn't ready to be in a relationship, but having photographs/memories in a box in an attic??He is also the sole parent of a bereaved child, that too is now a major part of his identity. All these things he didn't hide from this woman. If SHE wasn't ready to be in a relationship with a man like him, she should have left.

My parents divorced when I was 2 and my father died when I was 6, and there have always been photos of him in my mother's living room, for me, whether she was in a relationship or not.
 
shortdub78 said:
That’s her feelings and shouldn’t be denied, but throughout that story, she mention various things that made her umcomfortable. I’m not discounting what she did, and it was very mean and hurtful of her. But that doesn’t take away what I said about the husband and the rest of the family. They weren’t ready.. if somebody gotta ask you to start making changes from things you held on to from your past relationship, you ain’t ready. Now would it have been wrong of her to say I don’t wanna hear about your deceased first wife anymore? If it is, then that person doesn’t need to get involved. Nobody should have to be a participant of licking old wounds.
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No one is in control of her emotions and insecurities but her. Her husband could have done EVERYTHING to reassure but due to her own illogical and irrational insecurities she still couldn’t accept his reassurance. She’s demonstrated that when operating from states of insecurity and delusion (and yup, I’ll call it delusion) she will make irrational yet calculated decisions designed to hurt others (in this case, her husband and step-daughter). I don’t say this lightly. someone who operates like that is dangerous because they will act off emotion. Emotion are so fickle and may be wrong/off.

Maybe the loss of her marriage (and I don’t wish on the demise of anyone’s relationship) will be the wake up call to get some help. Unfortunately there were no winners in that story.
 
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I am really serious about some history! I don’t even throw away my own pictures of people I’ve learned not to like, exes included. That chick was wrong as can be but I feel badly for everyone involved in this, including her. I’m not sure if I could ever let it go. I wish her luck.
 
I'm all over the place with this one, while I understand not wanting to feel second place, my heart wouldn't allow me to hurt a child... especially one that is no doubt already hurting. She lost her mom :( Her vision of family... and to see her dad with someone new... I know it has to hurt badly. The new wife should've just let him know it's a sore spot for her.... he seems like he was trying to compromise... I think he would've heard her out and likely been even more deliberate to not make her feel unwelcome...

But, i sympathize as well because i totally get the discomfort with hearing the family etc talk about her.

I think I would've just put those pictures in an album and presented them to the daughter and let her know I'm not trying to, nor could I replace her mother, but I'm willing to be there for her.

She went too far. Removing pics from the pc? She's been stewing for awhile....

And for her sake, I hope her child never loses her... and that if the man should remarry again, the new wife wouldn't be so cruel to her child.

I know what it's like to be the stepchild in a house where your "new mom" despises your mother and transfers that to you. It hurts... like hell.

And if you're gonna be with someone with kids, then you have to pull out every ounce of maturity you can muster...and be a positive in that child's life.

This is just tew much. It sounds like the kinda "love" that would eventually try to alienate that child from her father... or worse
 
The thing that stuck out to me was that the wife felt some type of way that her stepdaughter talked about her own mother!? Like the hell!? She threw away that child’s memories of her mom and that’s all she even had was memories! I’m fuming over here.

If I was that stepdaughter, I would beat her ass into a pulp, pregnant or not. Her husband needs to divorce her immediately. For her to come in and have the absolute gall to throw away this family’s pictures like this man didn’t share a child with her is just disgusting. She cannot erase that part of that man’s life! Every time he looks at his daughter, he will be reminded of his wife! She really should just leave but I know he will first because I know it’s hard for them both to even look at her.
 
She should have boxed everything up and put it in storage- you shouldn't throw out someone's past like that, especially if they have children who might want to see those pictures one day.

And we only have her word that the husband and his family kept talking about the dead wife and making her uncomfortable. For all we know it could have been brief statements like 'Remember when Tamika brought that potato salad to the family reunion' or 'Tamika's daughter looks just like her mom at that age.' I wouldn't put it past her to lie to create more sympathy for herself.
 
Ms. Tarabotti said:
She should have boxed everything up and put it in storage- you shouldn't throw out someone's past like that, especially if they have children who might want to see those pictures one day.

And we only have her word that the husband and his family kept talking about the dead wife and making her uncomfortable. For all we know it could have been brief statements like 'Remember when Tamika brought that potato salad to the family reunion' or 'Tamika's daughter looks just like her mom at that age.' I wouldn't put it past her to lie to create more sympathy for herself.
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Yet she failed miserably because not one comment was sympathetic. Stupid stupid.
 
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