Petty Chronicles: Jealous Of The Dead Wife

Sosoothing said:
What she did is horrible but I think the mistake she made was choosing to be with a man who hadn't completed grieving.
I can understand the anger and disappointment that the daughter has lost valuable memories and keepsakes of her mother. But from my understanding, her husband and in-laws are still too attached to old wife.

If I'm going to be with a man, he better be ready for me and only me physically mentally and emotionally. Whether his ex is dead or alive.
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The fact that it took two years for him to notice meant that he wasn't using those things as a crutch. She's disgusting.
 
Wow.. that was cruel. The daughter now has no photos of her own mother.

I’m just disgusted with anyone that could be so hateful and insecure that they need to throw out precious photos of a deceased wife. If you honestly can’t deal with marrying a widower, stay single and move on.
 
There steps of grief aren't infinte.
As a mother who had lost 2 babies I assure you there is a way to get through loss and have healthy mentality regarding life in general and relationships. I miss my children and consider my grieving period over. We don't have to agree. It's my reality.

He doesn't have to forget about her but he should get to a point where he is less attached to the past and have a healthy relationship. Like I said, no way I would marry a man whose family talked non stop about the first wife. Or one who had pictures of her all over his house when he chooses to start dating me. Yes, even if he has children. There are ways to keep her memories for the kids without making the new wife uncomfortable.

bellatiamarie said:
How exactly does one complete the grieving process? I've never seen it done. That's his deceased wife and mother of his daughter. That's not something one should be expected to just get over and forget. And I didn't see anything in the post that would allude to the fact that he was wallowing in grief at the time that they got together.

The new wife said that in the beginning he had pictures in his home and he, the daughter, friends and family talked about the deceased wife. If new wife couldn't handle them discussing deceased wife that speaks more to her own insecurities than anything. Are they supposed to act like she never existed o_O how does that work?

She said that there was only one photo up of the wife in their new house so what exactly is the problem with keeping the other photos and other keepsakes stored away? She also said that he hadn't noticed the items were missing for 2 whole years so clearly he wasn't flipping thru old photo albums and reminiscing of old times. She need her ass whooped for throwing that stuff away with her trifling insecure ass. How you tryna compete with a dead person.

Did anyone else notice that she wrote "ex wife" in the Reddit post? Maybe I missed something but she is his late wife not ex wife, correct? There is a difference between the two.
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Sosoothing said:
There steps of grief aren't infinte.
As a mother who had lost 2 babies I assure you there is a way to get through loss and have healthy mentality regarding life in general and relationships. I miss my children and consider my grieving period over. We don't have to agree. It's my reality.

He doesn't have to forget about her but he should get to a point where he is less attached to the past and have a healthy relationship. Like I said, no way I would marry a man whose family talked non stop about the first wife. Or one who had pictures of her all over his house when he chooses to start dating me. Yes, even if he has children. There are ways to keep her memories for the kids without making the new wife uncomfortable.
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Thank you for sharing your experience... that helped me to better understand where you're coming from. And I agree there are ways of getting through a major loss, but it doesn't just go away (at least in my experience). In this case though I just feel like this woman acted very immaturely and it says more about her than it does the husband. The deceased wife was clearly an important part of her husband and step daughters lives so I would expect for there to be pictures and occasional discussions of her. It doesn't necessarily mean that they are out to make new wife uncomfortable. These are some of the things that should be expected by someone dating or marrying a widow.
 
I can't believe that after all that, she's reaching out for help on how to fix an unfixable situation. There's a air of maliciousness in this, as it sounds as if she literally sifted through those items to cherrypick what has going and what was staying. At 35, she's too grown for this level of bullsh*t and should be ashamed. I get the feeling that she's sorry, but not ashamed. Hubby's staying for the baby, but things will never be the same.
 
hopeful said:
I can’t believe she even deleted pics from his computer too. How could she be so thorough in her cruelty?
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This is what is so bothersome about the whole thing. Her actions were very deliberate, thought out and planned. She went through all of those things and not once did she think about how her actions may impact the daughter. She has no care for the daughter's feelings and that is probably what the husband can't get past. Had her husband just shrugged his shoulders and moved on when she told him what happened she would not be remorseful. The only reason she regrets what she did is because she realizes she will probably lose her marriage.
 
The husband's reaction speaks volumes. He's so devastated and disgusted that he can't even look at her or be in her presence, and is often brought to tears. It may sound cruel, but the best course of action at this juncture would be termination and divorce. There's no fixing or moving past what she's done. If she keeps that kid, the father will most likely throw money at it while avoiding spending time with it because he doesn't want to deal with the mother. There's no need to make a tragic situation worse by bringing a kid into it,
 
mrselle said:
This is what is so bothersome about the whole thing. Her actions were very deliberate, thought out and planned. She went through all of those things and not once did she think about how her actions may impact the daughter. She has no care for the daughter's feelings and that is probably what the husband can't get past. Had her husband just shrugged his shoulders and moved on when she told him what happened she would not be remorseful. The only reason she regrets what she did is because she realizes she will probably lose her marriage.
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Precisely. The husband acquiesced to getting a new house, boxing up the pictures and still she persisted in her short sighted cruelty. She’ll be the first up in arms if someone were to be so thoroughly callous towards her child.
 
I would divorce her. That is some evil mess. Did he date her too soon prob. I'm quite sure friends and family pushed him esp with a young daughter. But when she mentioned the photos bothered her he took most of them down. He agreed to buy a new home for a fresh start. There was only the one photo of her up with the daughter.

This wasn't some selfish tool who kept up a shrine to his deceased wife insisted on living in their married home etc. That is evil to erase years of someones history because of your own insecurities.

She should pack her stuff and leave this marriage is kaput
 
My goodness woman! You could have just put it all in a box, wrapped ten rolls of masking tape around the box and shoved it at the back of the closet if you really didn't want to look at it. You should not have thrown away all those lovely memories. They're irreplaceable. I wouldn't be able to look at you either...there's petty and there's beyond petty....
 
hopeful said:
I can’t believe she even deleted pics from his computer too. How could she be so thorough in her cruelty?
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This. She writes like she just flipped one day. Nope. It was methodical. She not only threw away precious pics, but made certain to go in his phone, seek out pictures, and delete them as well.

Put the pictures in a special place of honor (and the rest in storage for safe keeping) and kim.

BUT to go and completely erase pictures that you know can never be replaced, knowing she doesn't have family left who may have pics of her, knowing that your step daughter will have nothing left of mommy...all because of your jealousy. And then to think you can just explain it away to hubby and he should be so understanding because you're pregnant and blah blah blah? What a horrible despicable person.
 
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bellatiamarie said:
How exactly does one complete the grieving process? I've never seen it done. That's his deceased wife and mother of his daughter. That's not something one should be expected to just get over and forget. And I didn't see anything in the post that would allude to the fact that he was wallowing in grief at the time that they got together.

The new wife said that in the beginning he had pictures in his home and he, the daughter, friends and family talked about the deceased wife. If new wife couldn't handle them discussing deceased wife that speaks more to her own insecurities than anything. Are they supposed to act like she never existed o_O how does that work?

She said that there was only one photo up of the wife in their new house so what exactly is the problem with keeping the other photos and other keepsakes stored away? She also said that he hadn't noticed the items were missing for 2 whole years so clearly he wasn't flipping thru old photo albums and reminiscing of old times. She need her ass whooped for throwing that stuff away with her trifling insecure ass. How you tryna compete with a dead person.

Did anyone else notice that she wrote "ex wife" in the Reddit post? Maybe I missed something but she is his late wife not ex wife, correct? There is a difference between the two.
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The whole family wasn’t over the first wife, so he doesn’t need to be dating, marrying anymore. Stay by himself. He still had her pictures up and was dating... he wasn’t ready. I’m just mad she threw the stuff away, but I understand. She allowed her emotions to get the best of her.
 
shortdub78 said:
The whole family wasn’t over the first wife, so he doesn’t need to be dating, marrying anymore. Stay by himself. He still had her pictures up and was dating... he wasn’t ready. I’m just mad she threw the stuff away, but I understand. She allowed her emotions to get the best of her.
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I understand what you ladies are saying but the whole "getting over" it thing is not simple and not easy when the person is dead. Estranged, yes. Dead, no. They aren't just going to carry on like the lady never existed. As the new wife of a widow that's something that she will have to be sensitive to. Like I said I get what y'all are saying but at the same time people aren't just out here forgetting and getting over their dead loved ones as to not make the next person uncomfortable.

I don't see the issue with him still having her pictures up. That's still his daughters mother o_O and they had a whole life together before she came along are they supposed to act like it never happened????
 
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bellatiamarie said:
I understand what you ladies are saying but the whole "getting over" it thing is not simple and not easy when the person is dead. Estranged, yes. Dead, no. They aren't just going to carry on like the lady never existed. As the new wife of a widow that's something that she will have to be sensitive to. Like I said I get what y'all are saying but at the same time people aren't just out here forgetting and getting over their dead loved ones as to not make the next person uncomfortable.

I don't see the issue with him still having her pictures up. That's still his daughters mother o_O and they had a whole life together before she came along are they supposed to act like it never happened????
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No one's putting s timeline one his grief but he shouldn't have been dating if that was the case. And she should have moved on.

They had one pic up which was fair. There was no need to have a bunch up of her. If the daughter wanted her pics in her room, I would have been fine.
 
ladysaraii said:
No one's putting s timeline one his grief but he shouldn't have been dating if that was the case. And she should have moved on.

They had one pic up which was fair. There was no need to have a bunch up of her. If the daughter wanted her pics in her room, I would have been fine.
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Lordt.

Ok.

So the OP said that they have discussions of her and there were pictures of her up in the home. Y'all are really going to say based on those two factors that he was still deep in grief??????????
 
Anyway, the fact of the matter is new wife was wrong either way it goes. She felt threatened by a dead woman and she would've felt that way whether they discussed her or not because she's insecure and probably feels she will never measure up. If she couldn't deal with it... SHE should've left. She stayed and did what she did. She's trash.
 
bellatiamarie said:
Lordt.

Ok.

So the OP said that they have discussions of her and there were pictures of her up in the home. Y'all are really going to say based on those two factors that he was still deep in grief??????????
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And this was all before marriage. It’s not like it was year three into the marriage and he still had pictures up. This was his wife he’d spent YEARS with and the mother of his daughter. He was a single man who had pictures in his home. The Home he shared with his child.

Even if HE was over the grieving process, his daughter may not have been. Her feelings were the only ones he had to consider. Once this miscreant was in the picture, he seemed extremely considerate of her feelings and his daughter by boxing up the pictures and putting them away. Is he supposed to ban his daughter from talking about her mother?

This troll is vile and I hope she’s divorced and lives in misery forever.
 
bellatiamarie said:
Lordt.

Ok.

So the OP said that they have discussions of her and there were pictures of her up in the home. Y'all are really going to say based on those two factors that he was still deep in grief??????????
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I'm talking about when they first met, not when she did it. The op herself said that she probably should have moved on but didn't want to let go. I think she got with him when the wounds were still fresh and she never got out of that mental space. I'm not excusing her. I'm more saying that people need to honest with themselves about what they can and can't handle.
 
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