Paying Bills And Marriage

[SweetNic_JA]

No, especially if they plan on starting a family.

No matter how hard the extreme feminists push, a man and woman will never be the same. There are things we as women experience that men will never experience, and that's fine. I choose someone who understands that it's imperative for me to raise my children at home. Therefore his income/wealth, must be sufficient to maintain the family while I'm bringing up our children.

The opposite works for others, but that's not what I choose for myself.
To be real, a spouse who makes $60K less than me would never work.

 

[SophieDulce]

So if I understand you, you are saying that the solution for women making $100K a year and who are married to men making significantly less, would be for the family to live at the man's income level while putting the woman's income away in other things (savings, investment, retirement etc), just so they can satisfy the rule that the man is paying the majority of the bills? But if the sex were reversed, and the man was the one making $100K, the couple would be expected to live at the $100K income level?

There is no solution cause there is no problem. If a woman decides to marry a man that makes 60k less than her, than obviously she was okay with working with a brother. She was aware prior to marriage what a teachers salary was and choose to marry anyway.

The op is in a dating situation and is not sure if this is the type of set up she would prefer.

 

[DragonPearl]

I can see the inequity, but I think the thought process behind it is that, at some point, she'll have to stop working to have kids and possibly be a SAH. It makes sense to get comfortable with just his income.

In America, most women just take a maternity leave and return back to work as soon as they can. Even and especially the women in high powered jobs. Very few of them are planning to be SAHM. Not saying it doesn't happen. Just saying that this is not happening a whole lot, given the popularity of nannies, nurseries and daycare. So people do not actually plan for that.

 

[natura87]

In America, most women just take a maternity leave and return back to work as soon as they can. Even and especially the women in high powered jobs. Very few of them are planning to be SAHM. Not saying it doesn't happen. Just saying that this is not happening a whole lot, given the popularity of nannies, nurseries and daycare. So people do not actually plan for that.

But daycare is evil!!!!!!!

 

[Mortons]

Well can they come down some to a happy medium? For instance if I make 100k on my own, I probably live a particular lifestyle. If I marry a man making half that, I would not be inclined to downgrade how I live so dramatically. So with his income we'd be able to save more even if we live on a 75k budget and save, invest the other 75k

What if something happens and she cannot work for a while? Or they decide that keeping momma at home for a couple of years is beneficial? Where is the other 25K gonna come from with just his salary?

 

[FemmeCreole]

In America, most women just take a maternity leave and return back to work as soon as they can. Even and especially the women in high powered jobs. Very few of them are planning to be SAHM. Not saying it doesn't happen. Just saying that this is not happening a whole lot, given the popularity of nannies, nurseries and daycare. So people do not actually plan for that.

Dh and I are not trying for kids but in the event it happens, I don't plan on using day care.

When I was a benefits manager it made me so sad seeing these women rushing back to work after 6 weeks. Some even before that.

 

[Honey Bee]

I don't know about anywhere else, but it is an old southern tradition for men to compete with other men over whose wife is better kept. No joke . If the woman earns less no one would ever know because she'd have the best car out of the two and the highest wardrobe budget. Then again, many men down here are very simple, at least where I live. A pickup truck (that he will work on every weekend ), sports memorabilia, and maybe some season tickets are all guys care about around here. Men complain (which is secretly bragging) about how much of "their" money the wife is out spending on the daily. I'm not saying this is a better set up, but maybe the girl in the OP is used to this.

My family has never been wealthy, but my mother, my grandmothers, and my g'grand-mothers all worked but only for brief periods before they married or once the kids were in school for their own spending money. My grandfathers, both born and raised in the South, were adamant about this. My father was the same way. Even though he wasn't in the house, he made sure we were taken care of.

I don't understand this unnatural, forced equality. Yes, we can be as well educated as men. Yes, we can be whatever we want to be. But at some point, the biological reality has to set in... right? At some point, we literally have to sit down, ignore modernity, and do what we were built for... right?

 

[FemmeCreole]

What if something happens and she cannot work for a while? Or they decide that keeping momma at home for a couple of years is beneficial? Where is the other 25K gonna come from with just his salary?

Well they would have been stashing 75k plus whatever else is alotted for savings in the other 75k living budget. I'm pretty certain they'd survive just fine.

 

[Ganjababy]

But what happens if she does not want a 50,000 lifestyle and likes the finer things in life?

They could live a 50k lifestyle and he foots the good majority of the bills. Her income could go into extras, savings, investment and retirement. When they are ready to retire (and that could be early due to not living on her income) they will have plenty to send their children to school on, vacation with, and live off of from IRA savings and investments.

It also makes sense to do that if she decides to take time off of work to have kids or something happens to her. Lifestyle is shifted so that there are no extras but he can still manage just fine without needing her to work.

 

[DragonPearl]

I thought your question was how a man could take care of his family if he was making $50k and she was making $100k. Now if that was your question, then yes, that was my solution.

If the couple is not interested in "satisfying the traditional rules" then the question itself is moot.

Yes that was my question, and your answer was along the line of satisfying the traditional rules. The traditional rule is just one way of doing things. There are other ways that can work for different people. The idea that a man has to do things one way or he is not a real man, or he is a loser, I find that extreme.

In a lesbian relationship, does the partner taking on the male role feels like she is "real man" because she is paying for most of the stuff?

 

[DragonPearl]

Dh and I are not trying for kids but in the event it happens, I don't plan on using day care.

When I was a benefits manager it made me so sad seeing these women rushing back to work after 6 weeks. Some even before that.

I have seen many women bemoaning having to return to work so early, body still healing, baby still so young. I couldn't do it

But I have also seen women that couldn't wait to get back to work because they were going crazy being at home with a needy infant.

 

[Honey Bee]

In America, most women just take a maternity leave and return back to work as soon as they can. Even and especially the women in high powered jobs. Very few of them are planning to be SAHM. Not saying it doesn't happen. Just saying that this is not happening a whole lot, given the popularity of nannies, nurseries and daycare. So people do not actually plan for that.

Not the women I know. The few who are married at this point are most definitely planning to stay at home for some period of time, at minimum for the kids. Many are translating their professional skill set into home businesses. This is only anecdotal, of course, but between the extremely well-educated women I know and the herds of mothers pushing strollers during the day, I'd say it's a trend.

 

[Ogoma]

Well can they come down some to a happy medium? For instance if I make 100k on my own, I probably live a particular lifestyle. If I marry a man making half that, I would not be inclined to downgrade how I live so dramatically. So with his income we'd be able to save more even if we live on a 75k budget and save, invest the other 75k

If I may be frank, I don't know if it would work for me. I never had to consider any of those things.

 

[Honey01]

There is no way I am about to read this long thread. I just wanted to say this must be some time of record in LHCH history...700 plus replies?

 

[barbiesocialite]

Yes that was my question, and your answer was along the line of satisfying the traditional rules. The traditional rule is just one way of doing things. There are other ways that can work for different people. The idea that a man has to do things one way or he is not a real man, or he is a loser, I find that extreme.

In a lesbian relationship, does the partner taking on the male role feels like she is "real man"?

IME, yes.

that's why there is such the femme-masculine dichotomy. very few mutually ambiguous couples. Femmes really do reign supreme amongst lesbians. Just look at all the famous lesbian couples.

 

[Mortons]

Yes that was my question, and your answer was along the line of satisfying the traditional rules. The traditional rule is just one way of doing things. There are other ways that can work for different people. The idea that a man has to do things one way or he is not a real man, or he is a loser, I find that extreme.

In a lesbian relationship, does the partner taking on the male role feels like she is "real man"?

I'd assume a woman doesn't know what being a real man feels like, so idk if I would take their word for it

But the more dominant partner may indeed take on the role that is similar to that of a mans. When I date masculine individuals they express interest in taking care of the home monetarily.

I dont think that if a man doesnt do things one way that he is a loser or anything of the such. I do think that all husbands should want the best for their wives and should treat them like gold. To me, that would at least entail allowing her to have an equal share of money for outside activities and not thinking that his are "worth more" than hers because he makes more money than she does.

 

[Ogoma]

Well they would have been stashing 75k plus whatever else is alotted for savings in the other 75k living budget. I'm pretty certain they'd survive just fine.

So you want them to start draining savings for everyday living expenses? That is terribly unwise.

 

[DragonPearl]

A lot of things are being said about feminism. Feminism is not just about gender equality, that's a reductionist view of the movement.

Feminism is about women having choices and exercising choice. Choice implies there are many different ways of doing things.

 

[IslandMummy]

In America, most women just take a maternity leave and return back to work as soon as they can. Even and especially the women in high powered jobs. Very few of them are planning to be SAHM. Not saying it doesn't happen. Just saying that this is not happening a whole lot, given the popularity of nannies, nurseries and daycare. So people do not actually plan for that.

But almost 40% of women with children under school age don't return to the work force what if she wants to be apart of that 40%?

He's a miser and would probably still want her %

 

[DragonPearl]

I'd assume a woman doesn't know what being a real man feels like, so idk if I would take their word for it

But the more dominant partner may indeed take on the role that is similar to that of a mans. When I date masculine individuals they express interest in taking care of the home monetarily.

I dont think that if a man doesnt do things one way that he is a loser or anything of the such. I do think that all husbands should want the best for their wives and should treat them like gold. To me, that would at least entail allowing her to have an equal share of money for outside activities and not thinking that his are "worth more" than hers because he makes more money than she does.

I can agree with you 100%

 

[IslandMummy]

In a lesbian relationship, does the partner taking on the male role feels like she is "real man" because she is paying for most of the stuff?

I can't speak for all lesbians but my cousins girlfriend has been a SAHG for 4 years now. She likes that set up

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

How many times y'all gonna call him a miser? So extra.

 

[DragonPearl]

Not the women I know. The few who are married at this point are most definitely planning to stay at home for some period of time, at minimum for the kids. Many are translating their professional skill set into home businesses. This is only anecdotal, of course, but between the extremely well-educated women I know and the herds of mothers pushing strollers during the day, I'd say it's a trend.

I used to live in Manhattan and I saw a lot of West Indian (or women of color) women pushing other people's baby strollers during the day. There was even an article about it in the papers which ruffled many feathers. That was in the 80s and 90s though. Maybe things have changed...

 

[DragonPearl]

But almost 40% of women with children under school age don't return to the work force what if she wants to be apart of that 40%?

He's a miser and would probably still want her %

In the OP, they didn't say what the arrangement would be if they had children, so we can only speculate.

 

[DragonPearl]

Well can they come down some to a happy medium? For instance if I make 100k on my own, I probably live a particular lifestyle. If I marry a man making half that, I would not be inclined to downgrade how I live so dramatically. So with his income we'd be able to save more even if we live on a 75k budget and save, invest the other 75k

I would probably do the same as you. Find a happy medium. I am not sure I would want us to live on his income, just so he can pull up his pants and say Im a real man!

 

[Honey Bee]

I used to live in Manhattan and I saw a lot of West Indian (or women of color) women pushing other people's baby strollers during the day. There was even an article about it in the papers which ruffled many feathers. That was in the 80s and 90s though. Maybe things have changed...

Yes, girl. When I'm out in the late mornings/ early afternoons walking the dog, there are literally flocks of women, mostly white, but a lot of blacks and asians, pushing their carriages, shopping, going to lunch, etc. Marshall's is a mess around here early in the day. And they all be right in the hair section, sliding up on my discounted Joico and Oscar Blandi.

 

[Honey Bee]

I would probably do the same as you. Find a happy medium. I am not sure I would want us to live on his income, just so he can pull up his pants and say Im a real man!

I'd like a thread about this. Is it worth is to live below your means 'just so he can pull up his pants and say I'm a real man'? I'd like to hear people's opinions, arguments for/against.

 

[IslandMummy]

How many times y'all gonna call him a miser? So extra.

Lmao IDK I'll start calling him Scrooge McDuck

 

[SophieDulce]

But what happens if she does not want a 50,000 lifestyle and likes the finer things in life?

Then you don't marry a man who only makes 40k.

That's why it's extremely important to know who you are and what you want prior to marriage. OP realized that maybe this splitting everything isn't for her. Also a man with a breadwinner( take care of my woman) mentality wouldn't marry a woman who made 60k more than him.

 

[DragonPearl]

Yes, girl. When I'm out in the late mornings/ early afternoons walking the dog, there are literally flocks of women, mostly white, but a lot of blacks and asians, pushing their carriages, shopping, going to lunch, etc. Marshall's is a mess around here early in the day. And they all be right in the hair section, sliding up on my discounted Joico and Oscar Blandi.

Wow. That's cool, though.

If there are so many women being SAHM in this current generation, then I think when it will be time for them to go back to work, the time away will not be as much of an issue as it has been in the past because most women and men (husbands) would have gone through it and will understand and will be willing to hire them. At least, that's my hope.