Paying Bills And Marriage

[NOEChic]

Mods please don't move


Scenerio (Not me I jacked this from somewhere else)

Me and my girlfriend have some disagreements in how to split bills IF we were to get married. The way I think bills should be split is in the ratio of the incomes. She takes home $3100/month and I take home $6200/month. So, if our joint expenses hypothetically would be $3500/month then this is the way I would do it. 50% of each paycheck would go to savings (this %tage would be adjusted later depending future expenses - kids etc.)

Her contribution to bills: $1150 (around 33%), to savings: $1550, remainder: $400
My contribution to bills: $2350 (67%), to savings: $3100, remainder: $750

The remainder is a discretionary expense for each person to spend on their personal interests/hobbies etc. Now, she takes offense to the fact that I get to have $750 in spending money and she gets only $400. She says it should be equal regardless of who makes more or less IF we were to be married.

What do you guys think? I have many more hobbies than she does.

 

[FemmeCreole]

Based on percentages he's paying more than she is. He makes more so obviously his remainder would be more.

But in my relationship, we never even really discussed bills. I pay my personal bills and the big ticket stuff comes from him or somewhere that is not my money. I really only pay cable, electricity and my car insurance.

 

[LiftedUp]

I think that financial issues are a big part of marriage/divorce and I can see resentment in the future IF they do get married.

I understand her pov and if I were here I take this "hypothetical" and "IF" conversation to heart and work on my exit.

 

[ladysaraii]

They are actually contributing about the same percentage of each check. 87.9 for him, 87.1 for her.

I agree with her that their play money should be equal. Number of hobbies doesn't matter.

 

[C@ssandr@]

I think his way his fair however, I don't like this:

The remainder is a discretionary expense for each person to spend on their personal interests/hobbies etc. Now, she takes offense to the fact that I get to have $750 in spending money and she gets only $400. She says it should be equal regardless of who makes more or less IF we were to be married.

What do you guys think? I have many more hobbies than she does.

When I lived with my SO, we spent the remainder of our money on ourselves and eachother. In fact after the bills were paid, we didn't think in terms of his/hers.

 

[LadyChe]

Nope. Maybe they should pay all the bills out of a joint account and split the remainder. We ain't roommates!!!!

 

[MizAvalon]

I think what he is describing is fair if she agreed to paying the bills this way. If her only problem is that she has less play money than he does, not really seeing how this is any different than the way things are now. He earns more so he has more.

Once they get married, as her husband and as the higher earner he will probably pay for most recreational things they do anyway. That entire $300 could be in her pocket every month.

Keep in mind, I am basing this on the fact that going by what he is describing she is fine with everything else except the leftover money after all other expenses are paid.

 

[yardyspice]

This is why pre-marital counseling or a specific discussion what marriage entails is necessary before buying a dress. This guy isn't a real man who expects to take care of his family and I would not suggest entertaining marriage with a man like that.

 

[MD_Lady]

I think calculating the contribution to shared expenses based on each person's income is fair, but I don't see why their shared savings should be handled any differently from their shared bills. IMO, a shared expense is a shared expense (whether it's a bill, retirement fund, savings account, etc.). It would probably helpful to come up with a dollar amount for their monthly contribution to the savings account, treat it as they would any other bill payment, and split it up the same way. That aside, if she doesn't agree with him, he'll have to go back to the drawing board regardless.

 

[RUBY]

I would need to know how they go about splitting everything else to make a final opinion.

For example, who pays when they go out together? How do the chores get split at home?
Also are the savings in their own personal savings account each or in a joint savings account?

Personally, I think saving 50% is nice if you can afford it (which he can) but based on her salary I think saving 50% is too high for her hence why she only has $400 left for miscellaneous spending.

 

[SuchaLady]

The percentages seem fair. Of course she will end up with less spending money if she brought home less to begin with.

 

[brittanynic16]

I would need to know how they go about splitting everything else to make a final opinion.

For example, who pays when they go out together? How do the chores get split at home?
Also are the savings in their own personal savings account each or in a joint savings account?

Personally, I think saving 50% is nice if you can afford it (which he can) but based on her salary I think saving 50% is too high for her hence why she only has $400 left for miscellaneous spending.

I agree with this.

 

[TayMac]

I think they should try paying the bills on one income. The % thing is too complex and like tit for tat.

His income would allow for him to pay the bills and she could simply contribute to savings.

 

[Crystal]

I think his breakdown is fair. I like that they're putting a large portion into savings. I also like that they're discussing this before marrying so there are no big surprises later.

 

[SincerelyJane]

I think their contribution to household expenses is fair, and I agree that she should probably contribute less to savings.

 

[sj10460]

Don't think it's fair. For all we know his expenses could be $3000 a month and hers could be $500 bringing their joint expenses to $3500.

 

[Lurkee]

I do not like his way of thinking at all. Does not seem family oriented to me

He should be saying our family income will be $9300, bills x, savings x the remainder will be spent on each other. What is this "his and her" mentality from a husband and possible father?

Being fair should be not into play here. They are one (or should be) now. Anyway, she needs to check his controlling trait and somewhat selfish nature before agreeing to marry him. He seems like he would not even want her to stop working if she wanted to after children because it won't be "fair".

 

[Jasmataz]

I do not like his way of thinking at all. Does not seem family oriented to me

He should be saying our family income will be $9300, bills x, savings x the remainder will be spent on each other. What is this "his and her" mentality from a husband and possible father?

Being fair should be not into play here. They are one (or should be) now. Anyway, she needs to check his controlling trait and somewhat selfish nature before agreeing to marry him. He seems like he would not even want her to stop working if she wanted to after children because it won't be "fair".

 

[NOEChic]

Don't think it's fair. For all we know his expenses could be $3000 a month and hers could be $500 bringing their joint expenses to $3500.

So rent, food, electricity, cell phone, cable can be less than 500?

 

[intellectualuva]

I think his way is fair. However, he should add a "household savings" column for repairs and emergencies since they live together. He should also add "household discretionary"...for those hobbies/vacations etc..they do together.

Other than that. I see no issue and she is bonkers. He can bring his 6200 with me in my home and we'd work it all out. We'd be ballin out boo...well relatively. LOL.

If she wasn't working or her income was significantly lower than where it is now, I'd think he would use his money for bills, take care of the home and her income would be more discretionary. I've seen that work well. My aunt and uncle have been together 40 years and every penny that comes into the house they know where its destined, even if its going to their little side accounts. I like their set up too. They have accumulated together significantly more this way than some of their peers I've observed who did the mine and hers type approach to marriage finances. And they did this with my aunt being mostly a homemaker who worked side jobs (catering, retail) for "something to do."

 

[HoneyCurlz]

I never really liked "relationship business-minded" men.

When we have to sit down and do careful calculations about what I should be paying--we have a problem. lol

 

[NOEChic]

I do not like his way of thinking at all. Does not seem family oriented to me

He should be saying our family income will be $9300, bills x, savings x the remainder will be spent on each other. What is this "his and her" mentality from a husband and possible father?

Being fair should be not into play here. They are one (or should be) now. Anyway, she needs to check his controlling trait and somewhat selfish nature before agreeing to marry him. He seems like he would not even want her to stop working if she wanted to after children because it won't be "fair".

How is he being selfish when he is contributing more. Selfish to me would be the expenses are 1000, and they both contributes 500.

 

[Lurkee]

How is he being selfish when he is contributing more. Selfish to me would be the expenses are 1000, and they both contributes 500.

Selfish to me is "I have more hobbies so I get to spend more". He is giving her an allowance he thinks is fair based on his assessment of how she should spend their money.

 

[NOEChic]

Selfish to me is "I have more hobbies so I get to spend more". He is giving her an allowance he thinks is fair based on his assessment of how she should spend her money.

They are doing it by %age so of course she will have less money. If she made more and had more money left over she wouldn't be talking bout how unfair it is.

 

[dicapr]

I don't have a problem with his breakdown. I actually knew a couple who did this. When they first got married the play money was in one account for both of them to spend. My friend's husband spent more than his fair share of disposable income on stuff that she didn't want or use. They would often argue about his spending until they split their discretionary income. My friend was able to budget and get what she wanted and her husband was able to do the same. It really cut down on the fighting.

This is all assuming couple activities such as date nights and vacations are taken out of the joint budget.

 

[aribell]

This strikes me as a negative dynamic. Proportional distribution of bills? She earns less so she gets less to spend? That kind of thinking makes no sense to me in the context of marriage.

 

[Mortons]

Men don't take pride in being able to pay for the home or being able to keep up their wives wants?

No thank you to someone like that.

 

[NOEChic]

This strikes me as a negative dynamic. Proportional distribution of bills? She earns less so she gets less to spend? That kind of thinking makes no sense to me in the context of marriage.

But she also contributes less to the household expenses.

 

[Ogoma]

Too much dividing and conquering. I would not be married to such a man.

 

[Lurkee]

This strikes me as a negative dynamic. Proportional distribution of bills according to income? She earns less so she gets less to spend? That kind of thinking makes no sense to me in the context of marriage.

Exactly my thought too.