ohhh! the agony and the ecstasy..multiple dating..any tips?

[kayte]

Clarifying..*dating ONLY*
not.. what's the current slang?
not coloring

A lot of the posts I read ...especially from those who online date
speak of going on dates with different men on different days...
within the same time period...say like a month fortnight or even a week's time

Any suggestions? Tips? I'd been somewhat reticent during winter/spring
and putting the guys off..dating only here and there....and somewhat
detached.. well,I'm still a bit detached....except for a couple of them..lol

but now I'm saying okay and
men are jumping out of the water like salmon rising...
it's weird...like a revolving door..of guys
everytime the phone rings I have to guess sometimes....who ..is this?
I had a date Monday with the writer {sigh}
and then tonight winebar with a musician....
Friday dinner with another man
and the next Wednesday double date concert with another man
and then Saturday night dinner with another...

all different men...

Sometimes it's a little dizzying

How are you handling it?

 

[hopeful]

I couldn't do it Kayte, that would make me . I get tired of being with people though, so many would stress me out. I could go out with the same person several times in one week but not several different men, that would wear me out. But as long as you are having fun...If not, maybe set a limit on number of men/number of dates per week, at this rate by July you could have a date every day of the week with a different man.

 

[kayte]

lol...I am already dizzy...I'm jokin but it is stressful..I mentioned
at the meetup that I am making myself get out there because I really do want one person ultimately..but it was starting to feel more trouble
than it's worth...

If not, maybe set a limit on number of men/number of dates per week, at this rate by July you could have a date every day of the week with a different man

I might do that.... a rotation...of sorts
one date...one man per week..that's it!...or maybe two...
those who are not on that week's rotation complain about it tho...
the writer was like TWO WEEKS?! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WAIT TWO WEEKS!
For him.... I will make THE exception.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Dang girl. Dont hurt them. Of course its fun but you'll get tired of it VERY SOON of course.

I guess the only tip I have is look for the things you can not stand sooner than later. It helps you weed out majority very quickly. Try to keep your stories straight. That takes some time to master. Avoid mixing names. Let them all know that they're not the only one. The one that wants you most will 'steal' you away.

Rescheduling helps too. Especially helps to let you get some time to think apart from some man in your face.

 

[kayte]

Dang girl. Dont hurt them. Of course its fun but you'll get tired of it VERY SOON of course.

I guess the only tip I have is look for the things you can not stand sooner than later. It helps you weed out majority very quickly. Try to keep your stories straight. That takes some time to master. Avoid mixing names. Let them all know that they're not the only one. The one that wants you most will 'steal' you away.

Rescheduling helps too. Especially helps to let you get some time to think apart from some man in your face

You should write a book on those tips

OT
that new siggy..what a pretty girl you are
and the hair is bangin

 

[MissNina]

If you don't have one, get a Blackberry ASAP. Without it, I would've beeeeen messed myself up

ETA: I just thought about this, but make sure the guys you're casually dating are actual DIFFERENT from each other. I think you're doing that from your OP, so keep it up. I'm casual dating right now but they are all so different in personality/life experiences, it's damn near impossible to get them confused.

And don't worry about getting stressed or anything. After a couple dates/phone sessions, a couple of them will start to stand out more than the others. And then some of the others will be like one date or two and then you'll just kinda stop talking or be just cool. I started out dating ummm way too many ppl earlier this yr lol, but now I have a top 3. That's who I really focus on and put energy towards. Everyone else is just kinda around...like a 2 dates tops kinda thing or if they call/text and I feel like going or talking. . . You'll find your flow.

 

[Ediese]

I'm dating multiple people right now. My count is up to six guys. I'm having tons of fun, and I made sure to tell that I'm not in a committed relationship, but I'm dating others. One of my tricky parts is making sure I remember which stories I tell which, so I try to tell them all the same thing. lol It's kinda funny because these guys are acting like women..calling/texting me all the time, and mentioned that they don't like to think about me going out with other people. lol whatever!

 

[CHECKMATE!]

I sent you a PM...too much info for the world to know

 

[Lucie]

When I was dating multiple men at once I kept index cards of information. There were no BB's back then to store the information, nor would I want to. Some men are nosey.

It prevented me from asking the same questions over and over again.

 

[gn1g]

Clarifying..*dating ONLY*
not.. what's the current slang?
not coloring

A lot of the posts I read ...especially from those who online date
speak of going on dates with different men on different days...
within the same time period...say like a month fortnight or even a week's time

Any suggestions? Tips? I'd been somewhat reticent during winter/spring
and putting the guys off..dating only here and there....and somewhat
detached.. well,I'm still a bit detached....except for a couple of them..lol

but now I'm saying okay and
men are jumping out of the water like salmon rising...
it's weird...like a revolving door..of guys
everytime the phone rings I have to guess sometimes....who ..is this?
I had a date Monday with the writer {sigh}
and then tonight winebar with a musician....
Friday dinner with another man
and the next Wednesday double date concert with another man
and then Saturday night dinner with another...

all different men...

Sometimes it's a little dizzying

How are you handling it?

I was going thru the same thing. You would think I was lying if I told you how many men I met in the past 18 mos. it blows my mind. I could go out for breakfast lunch and dinner, if I desired. I am extremely picky and I dislike this about me.

The whole ordeal is exhausting, so what I do is have a very good telephone conversation to determine if we have the important stuff in common. Most of the men I met are good men. Sometimes the only deal breaker for me is if he smokes. Then I think well Obama smokes but he is HOTTT! I hope I am not passing up an Obama. ::sigh::

 

[kayte]

thank you all~ for the invaluables
gotta keep this thread as notes
keep em comin!..we can all share~~~

I sent you a PM...too much info for the world to know

got it ..loved it..merci!


lol....last night...I go on this date at the wine bar..
niiiiiiiiice
live music...very cool and,al fresco too
NYC ladies....it's a great date place!! ...here's the link
www.ayzanyc.com

so ... I am on this date at the Wine bar sitting outside..having a great time
and it's a jazz trio playing and it's a woman on stand up electric bass
and she's peering at me over and around the bass as she's playing and in the quick sec before changing tunes along with the guitarist..and vocalist.

.she says.excuse me..but did you write..... .Flashdance????
I'm like.....

I said..well no...but my date leans over and whispers....tell her.. YES YOU DID
and I shook my head she goes back to playing..
then at the break I ask ..why do think I wrote Flashdance?

she said were'nt you in that movie ..Fame? Didn't you sing a song
that you wrote in the movie
I was like. huh. who?

and my date said Irene Cara......she thinks you're Irene Cara.
..no no ..OH no

we move on to a restuarant for dinner..it's a great date.. he's already asked me out three times before dinner is over for the next one

Back home ....an hour later
the phone rings...hello..what ya doin
me ..ummmmmmmmm.........who is this?
silence..embarrassed laugh.....we just had dinner together
it's TONGHT'S DATE calling
oh oh yeah of course sorry bout' that... so whatcha up to
oh...had a great time ...go out with me again ..yes! me too
blah-blah-blah ..hangs up

30 seconds later phone rings
Kaaaaaaaaayte...
it's the FRIDAY NIGHT DATE calling
chat chat blah blah
hang up

10 seconds later phone rings... rinnnnnng
hello?
ahhhhhhhhhhh he-lloo
it's the WRITER calling
after that
I was like

 

[ThickHair]

I had it going on like that last Nov-Dec. Oh the fun I had.

 

[kayte]

Oh the fun I had.

you know it IS fun.......It's what Dating SHOULD be..imho
When I was out last night with the musician ...I was sure I'd be obsessing
over the Writer..I'm really starting to fall for him....or that I'd feel guilty
being out with someone else

and I was not!!

I was like oh my..this is much so....fun
and I do not have to commit

to.................. ANYBODEEEEEEEEE..........

the phone calls 1=2=3!
were a little unsettling

 

[Avyn]

...so jealous right now!!! Do you meet these guys online?

 

[kayte]

Do you meet these guys online?

Of the three I mentioned,..one..the musician/WINE BAR was an online date
the Writer and my Friday night Date...are not online dates..
{have to get ready for that date,btw}
He just emailed me a choice of 3 restuarants

so jealous right now!!!

don't be jealous ..jump in....the water's fine

I am also more active and out and about more in the summer
and meet more men...than when I tend to be more reclusive in the winter
but that's just..me
online can offer an instant bunch of men all at once
but there are so many venues...
Go to social events..you like..or career networks....
political events...read the weekend fun section
poetry readings..etc
I go alone..sometimes to events ..shrug
just being out in my life..

or get together with a gf and hang out or club together
divide and conquer when you get approached

Get on out there!~~~~

 

[SerenavanderWoodsen]

Sounds like a good way to meet a guy for a relationship but I could never do it because I am just so so picky and specific, theres so little that I like, that I just could never bring myself to even have lunch with a guy Im not madly attracted to. I know what I like when I see which is rare in itself, then the right might still be wrong because the guy could look great but be a jerk. My best friend dates guys she doesnt like much and I just dont get it all lol. Sorry for the totally non helpful,self absorbed post lolol, Im just confused as to how women do this mutiple dating.

 

[kurlybella]

i did this before i got boo'd up.

it was so fun. i agree with all the other tips in here. just be sure to let them know you are dating other folks. i also only dated guys who were looking for serious relationships, BUT, like me, where not forcing anything and having fun in the process.

i never mixed names or have any scary stories. it was easy to eliminate folks based off of this kind of dating.

i'd do it again in a heart beat.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Hehehehe....just saw this...thank you

You should write a book on those tips

OT
that new siggy..what a pretty girl you are
and the hair is bangin

 

[kayte]

Sounds like a good way to meet a guy for a relationship but I could never do it because I am just so so picky and specific, theres so little that I like, that I just could never bring myself to even have lunch with a guy Im not madly attracted to. I know what I like when I see which is rare in itself, then the right might still be wrong because the guy could look great but be a jerk. My best friend dates guys she doesnt like much and I just dont get it all lol. Sorry for the totally non helpful,self absorbed post lolol, Im just confused as to how women do this mutiple dating.

Nope!....that's not me...
nine times out of ten I say NO and screen out much much more men
than I say Yes to so...it's kind of a wonder I date at all...

Lol...if I said yes to everyone who asked me out..I'd never be on this forum
I'd be OUT~~~

The men I date I am attracted to..and like...otherwise..where's the fun?
Dating them is what enables me to see if the attraction sticks
sometimes it does not last even during the date...and I find out
oooh I don't like you ...after all

or sometimes
it disappears and comes back!

I once dated a german hippie..I met him in Guatemala
while on vacation {and it later got so serious I was preparing to move
to germany to live with him }
he was so gorgeous...but initially at the bar where we were at
he was being silly..slight tipsy and I lost my attraction immediately
I like super smart guys and I thought ....what an airhead
he kept chasing me..respectfully by always asking me out and finally I shrugged and had tea with him .....

sober.... he was different ..cerebral...esoteric...poetic
he had like 3 degrees and was an enginner on holiday ..and long story
short I fell head over heels

he was so beautiful..like model beautiful that when he visited me in the states and I took him to work where I taught music in Jewish schools
all the teachers kept making up excuses just come to the music room to peek at him and mommies too!

years later someone will STILL ask about him....