Not attracted physically but he's REALLY sweet

[luckiestdestiny]

That's not what I was necessarily referring to. Also, for myself, looks don't play the most vital part in my attraction to someone. For example, I find Boris to be very attractive objectively speaking, but I'm not attracted to him. I just think for you to be with someone you must have some type of romantic attraction to them also. I'm sure you grew to look at your hubby in that wayor else he prob wouldn't be your hubby. The romantic attraction is not necessarily instanteous, I'm not even talking about some 'oooh he makes my panties wet at first sight'... nah, not even, but over time as you get to know the person, some form of romantic feelings should begin to blossom.

Had to cosign to this. Intitially...who knows if you dont' give it a try but eventually there has to be an attraction.

However if there is nothing that you find remotely attractive I guess it's just not meant to be for you...and that attractive thing doesn't have to be the whole shebang...it could be a smile, etc, a way he laughs, etc...

 

[kbragg]

I agree. Only by grace did I manage to give Dh a chance. He was just sooooo sweet and polite. I made fun of him. Boy am I so glad his good naturedness won me over. Also i decided to listen to what my bf and Mum advised me. Its the best decision I ever made. Obviously it doesn't mean to say your experience will be the same but at least try to get to know what he is really like. You may surprise you self


However, you say that you have been dating already. You may have given it enough chance. Move on if there's nothing there.

Same here I was all about the "thug" dudes and DH is a "white guy with glasses." Is he perfect? No! But is he a better husband and father than any of those thug dudes would have been? Heck yes. Them dudes are STILL single got a baby momma or two and still running the streets All my girls from back in the day are baby mommas. I'm glad I stopped "Swag" chasing and gave the nerdy dude a chance

Of course if OP is like me she'll prolly suck her teeth and roll her eyes at my advice cuz times is different and what do a 29 year old mom of four know? Dang it sucks remembering how I used to be. All I can do is look at myself like "You dumb arse"

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

.....................................

 

[Renewed1]

I really think it depends on the woman/man. My experienced dictates that I must be physically attracted to the guy. Amongst other things.......

But for some the personality or other attributes are attractive to them. I have a friend a man's crayon is the most important attribute over their facial features.

You just have to know yourself.

 

[lavaflow99]

I totally disagree with what the other ladies have said. I say give him a try. You'd be surprised at how your feelings can change and grow. I wasn't all that interested in DH when we first met, but he was very sweet and inteligent, and he was also persistent. Because of his persistence, I really grew to know and like him a lot, and then I wanted him around more and more. Now I can't imagine life without him.

I know a lot of ladies on this board don't agree with my opinion, but if you're always looking for Boris Kodjoe, "butterflies," and supersized well-experienced crayons, I think you miss what I think is most important. A real relationship. That's just my opinion.

Just a question on how long did it take for your feelings for him to grow??

I ask because I have a friend who is being pursued by a man who obviously in love with her. But she considers him just a friend and says she has no attraction to him at all. But they hang out consistently just like a couple (dinner, movies, bbq, each other's homes, even recently booked a trip to DR(!!)). It will be a year in September since they met. I advised to her to give him a chance back in the day since he seems like the perfect guy in all areas. But she see his age (he's 45 and she's 30) and is completely turned off and will never see him as a BF. And honestly I don't feel sorry for him cuz she has told him time and time again that she's not interested. And she talks about dating other guys in front of him. And he keeps hanging around. It's a lost cause in my eyes and I get tired about hearing about their "relationship" cuz in her eyes it's a road to nowhere.

So I feel if the attraction isn't there (even over time) got to cut your loss and KIM....

 

[lavaflow99]

To everyone (including the ones I'm quoting) thank you so much for your responses!
Ok so I've only been on ONE date with him. It was REALLY nice. I then (dumb move) told my then roommate about the situation and she too thought that I should break it off. We talked for a good hour about it and I decided to take her advice. Now this was last summer. Since then I've seen him around and he asked me what happened? Well not outright but just a casual 'hey i havent talked to you in awhile?' thing. I had no real answer to give him. I didn't want to seem shallow because our first date went pretty well.
Besides the fact that I am not attracted to him physically, I also am not use to dating anyone like him. "Class"-wise. He is on the... very wealthy end of the spectrum EVERY other boy was poor as heck. But their personality CLICKED so well with mine from the VERY beginning. It really didn't matter. (keep in mind I'm talking about teenaged boys, not people who should have established careers). My exes were like the other half of me. Which is why I am really cool with them to this day. He, the boy in question, like I said is on the geeky end, so that on top of me not being attracted to him, is making it worse.

Now I know that seems like a lot of rants but this is the reason why I even care to be thinking about dating him
- We both have the same long term goals (he wants to become a surgeon and i want to also go into the healthcare field)
- We both have similar backgrounds, so I don't have to act like New New from the movie 'ATL'
- He is extremely sweet and kind
- Because he is not the 'hood' type, like the guys I am use to dating, he will have no problem respecting my wishes of staying celibate.

It's too soon to say IMO, so I say give him a chance. Your feelings may grow after a few dates after getting to know him.

 

[Katherina]

I agree with the other ladies - give it a chance. While you're giving it a chance, be very in tune with yourself:

Do I feel comfortable expressing my love (could be physical affection, could be just acknowledging him as your date/ boyfriend) toward him around others?

When I think about "us" do I feel content or do I feel that something is amiss in the relationship?

Do I enjoy physical affection with him or is it more of a chore?

I think if you listen carefully to yourself, you will find an answer. With the unattractive guy I dated, I always felt that something was amiss, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it (I was very inexperienced with dating). Now I know that my subconscious aversion was mostly based on his looks.

So - let your intuition be your guide.

 

[MizAvalon]

I don't date men I'm not physically attracted to. If I'm not attracted to you when I meet you, I never will be.

All of your humor and charm will not make your face look better to me so I won't be wasting either of our time.

 

[Imani]

- Because he is not the 'hood' type, like the guys I am use to dating, he will have no problem respecting my wishes of staying celibate.

Did he tell you this? or are u assuming?

I went to the "hood" high school growing up and dated the thugs. Then went off to college dating the nerdy rich guys. The thugs aren't the only ones trying to get some @ss, they are all men at the end of the day.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

*sighsssssssss*

ok. so he's a chubby guy wif a wide waist and a hearin problem.

and possibly a virgin.

dress wise, you can help him out, but ova do it. someone else may want him lololol.... as long as you don't hafta squint when lookin at him, meaning, if you can look him directly in his face without dayum near goin blind, i think you'll be OK.

on da flip side, u can mold him into whatchu u want.....just be his BFF. but if u give dat nerd some puddi, it's a wrap!

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

Has anyone ever been stuck between a rock and a hard place while dating? I am right now. I don't know what to do I met this guy who is totally sweet but I'm not physically attracted to him in the slightest bit. Anyone been in this situation? What did you do? How did it turn out?

TIA

Why are you not attracted to him, does he have a face only a mother can love?

When I first met my ex I was not attracted to him for a number of superficially reasons, he had dumbo ears, funny shape head and sweaty palms but as time went on he grew on me and I fell in love with him. He ended up breaking my heart but my point is that sometimes you are not attracted to someone and you become attracted to them because you look beyond the surface. Now if he is butt ugly or something and there is no hope in that happening then yes just leave it alone so you don't end up hurting him.

 

[cherryhair123]

To everyone (including the ones I'm quoting) thank you so much for your responses!
Ok so I've only been on ONE date with him. It was REALLY nice. I then (dumb move) told my then roommate about the situation and she too thought that I should break it off. We talked for a good hour about it and I decided to take her advice. Now this was last summer. Since then I've seen him around and he asked me what happened? Well not outright but just a casual 'hey i havent talked to you in awhile?' thing. I had no real answer to give him. I didn't want to seem shallow because our first date went pretty well.
Besides the fact that I am not attracted to him physically, I also am not use to dating anyone like him. "Class"-wise. He is on the... very wealthy end of the spectrum EVERY other boy was poor as heck. But their personality CLICKED so well with mine from the VERY beginning. It really didn't matter. (keep in mind I'm talking about teenaged boys, not people who should have established careers). My exes were like the other half of me. Which is why I am really cool with them to this day. He, the boy in question, like I said is on the geeky end, so that on top of me not being attracted to him, is making it worse.

Now I know that seems like a lot of rants but this is the reason why I even care to be thinking about dating him
- We both have the same long term goals (he wants to become a surgeon and i want to also go into the healthcare field)
- We both have similar backgrounds, so I don't have to act like New New from the movie 'ATL'
- He is extremely sweet and kind
- Because he is not the 'hood' type, like the guys I am use to dating, he will have no problem respecting my wishes of staying celibate.

Baby, bye...take it from an me you will look back and wonder why you let that one get away. I agreed when I thought he repulsed you but from your description-you could have worked with that

 

[natural2008]

Baby, bye...take it from an me you will look back and wonder why you let that one get away. I agreed when I thought he repulsed you but from your description-you could have worked with that

I agree with you.

 

[yaddad123]

I think you should give the relationship a try. As the old slogan goes, "we all look the same in the dark" or "we all get wrinkles over time". With that said, you will definitely start to have feelings for the person when you start to get to know them better. Looks are not everything. I know it sounds corny, but it is the truth.

Also, don't play the man. Don't have him as a plan B until something better comes alone. Either you want to be with him or let him be with somebody else... There are definitely women out there that appreciate a caring man.

Stay posted!!

 

[preciouslove0x]

thank you everyone! i havent talked to him in awhile (i kind of ignored him) but will keep you all updated!