"No offense, but I like your real hair better!" Why are we so catty about hair? LONG

[alibi]

That's what this black corrections officer had the NERVE to say to me today in front of a table full of my colleagues! We were eating lunch in the caf at the courthouse, and she walked up to say hello, just as one of the girls I work with was commenting on how nice my hair looks (y'all know I'm rocking my sew in ). Anyways, instead of just keeping her mouth shut as everyone else at the table agreed how nice it looked, she had to try to put me out there by saying "No offense, but I really like your real hair better - it looks a lot more natural!" I was like WTF???? Did she really just say that ish to me out loud? In front of a table full of white people? I mean, I'm not ashamed that I have a weave or anything, but quite frankly, it's not anyone's business! Then I had to sit there for the rest of lunch and field questions from a table full of white men and women that don't know the first thing about a weave! You know they were asking to feel it and look at my scalp! I was so pissed!!!

But not to be outdone, you KNOW I had to come back with, in my sweetest tone, "Well actually, I don't like your hair at all, so I guess we're even." (My mama has always said that my tongue is too quick for my own good!) Anyways, why do black women have to be so catty about hair? White women will rock a head full of extensions with the roots showing, ala Britney Spears or Paris Hilton, and no one will say a word! Why did she feel the need to try to call me out about my hair? I mean, I have a head full of hair underneath this sew in, and even if I didn't, what business was it of hers to put it out on front street??? Now mind you, she has the nastiest, most matted head of dyed blond sister locks I've ever seen, she's a large woman, and is aging very badly. But I have NEVER commented on any of these things, nor would I! But I couldn't hold my tongue with the comeback, and she just looked at me, rolled her eyes, and walked off! The white folks were like, "Did you really just tell her you don't like her hair?" It's actually kinda funny in retrospect, but I'm hella mad she even carried the whole thing that way!!!

 

[webby]

Re: "No offense, but I like your real hair better!" Why are we so catty about hair?

That's just jealousy showing itself. Women are catty about hair, clothes, silly things, but you know what...I bet she WISHES her hair looks as good as yours.
There was no need for her to make her comment in front of people; that's so childish.

 

[Lindy]

Dang... I agree she should have kept her trap shut and her opinion to herself!! Idiot!! Anyway you fixed her good!! I'm sure she won't be commenting on your hair ever again!!!

 

[adrienne0914]

i ask myself this question all the time... why can't we be more supportive of each other??? that was REALLY foul of her to do, but i loved your response!! normally i'd say to just ignore it, but she had it coming.

 

[Tai]

Some people are just haters. She was already jealous of you and decided to try and call you out to make herself look better. Your weave is too cute and it looks like your hair. I love your comeback, Ayana.

Brush that hater off and rock your weave. She just wishes she could be like you.

 

[Tami]

She's a hater !! Case closed !! Don't even worry about it !!

 

[SilkyandSmooth]

Good comeback. She got what she deserved. She should have kept her big mouth shut. I can't stand catty females.

 

[BohemianChic]

Sorry for the experience, but I just loved your response! Sometimes ladies just don't want to give credit, where credit is due. Or better yet, they just don't know how to.

 

[sassygirl125]

I had to come back with, in my sweetest tone, "Well actually, I don't like your hair at all, so I guess we're even."

Oh nooooo!!!

 

[Solti]

Thats real catty...She got what she deserved.

Sorry you had to field questions, I know what thats like...In high school one boy had the nerve to ask if my extension hair was from dead people Anyway your not alone... But now you know you can't even be on a "Hi" "Bye" basis with that wench, cut her arse off cold...

 

[ms_kenesha]

I love the comback, you look great and she's bitter!

 

[ChocolateCutee]

Hi Ayana, I personally didn't see anything wrong with her comment. she was being honest. Was it because she said it in front of white folks? would you have been bothered if it were a bunch of black ppl. she was being honest so whats the beef. its her opinion right? I don't think she was hating (from reading your post)

 

[hOnii]

LOL @ your response! serves her right, what buisiness is it of hers to put you out like that? she probably just mad that nobody commented on her hair.

 

[model_chick717]

**singing** Oooo-oooo, shake dem haters off, shake dem haters off, shake dem haters off, ooo-ooo....

 

[AllMine]

I don't think she was jealous, she probably didn't realize that the people around you didn't know it wasn't your hair otherwise I'm quite sure she wouldn't have said what she said.

what was her reaction to your comeback?

 

[webby]

Re: "No offense, but I like your real hair better!" Why are we so catty about hair?

Hi Ayana, I personally didn't see anything wrong with her comment. she was being honest. Was it because she said it in front of white folks? would you have been bothered if it were a bunch of black ppl. she was being honest so whats the beef. its her opinion right? I don't think she was hating (from reading your post)

LOL...girl you are brave, cause you are probably going to be alone on this one.

 

[cutebajangirl]

It is not even the point of liking the natural hair better she is entitled to her opinions. To me there is no need to say it and especially following a compliment by someone else it is obvious she is trying to diss her. She is an underminer (from the 7 types of toxic friends). To me it is *hitty no matter who she said in front of.

 

[Lindy]

I think that the fact that she said "I like your REAL hair better" is what ticked Ayanna off... I mean, why'd she have to put the fact that it wasn't Ayanna's hair on blast like that??!! There are some things you just don't do, and that's one of 'em, IMO!!

That's like saying to someone in front of a bunch of people, "Hey, nice wig!!"

 

[deedabug]

Re: "No offense, but I like your real hair better!" Why are we so catty about hair?

But not to be outdone, you KNOW I had to come back with, in my sweetest tone, "Well actually, I don't like your hair at all, so I guess we're even."

oweee that was funny

 

[model_chick717]

Hi Ayana, I personally didn't see anything wrong with her comment. she was being honest. Was it because she said it in front of white folks? would you have been bothered if it were a bunch of black ppl. she was being honest so whats the beef. its her opinion right? I don't think she was hating (from reading your post)

Huh? Okay, come on now....

 

[alibi]

Thanks for the love ladies , I'm so glad I can come here and vent!

Hi Ayana, I personally didn't see anything wrong with her comment. she was being honest. Was it because she said it in front of white folks? would you have been bothered if it were a bunch of black ppl. she was being honest so whats the beef. its her opinion right? I don't think she was hating (from reading your post)

CC, I don't think I used the term "hating" in my post, but my thing is that calling me out like that in front of all those people was wrong, period. It wouldn't have mattered if they were white or black, I still would have been pissed, but it adds to it when you're dealing w/ white folks IMO b/c they don't know the first thing about black hair, and then they start asking all these dumb a$$ed questions! I felt that she was being catty b/c it clearly wasn't the setting to make that comment in, and furthermore, she really doesn't even know me well enough to make that comment! I mean, if it was one of my good girlfriends, I would respect her opinion, even if I don't agree. But I don't know this woman very well at all - we basically speak in a professional setting and that's it.

I don't think she was jealous, she probably didn't realize that the people around you didn't know it wasn't your hair otherwise I'm quite sure she wouldn't have said what she said.

what was her reaction to your comeback?

I'm not necessarily saying she was jealous, b/c I don't automatically call ppl jealous just b/c they make a snide comment, but it wasn't her place to say it, and the timing demonstrated that she was clearly making the statement to let everyone at the table know that they were complimenting hair that wasn't mine. She couldn't say much after my comeback, she just kind of looked shocked, turned, and walked away. I think she had it coming though.

 

[webby]

Re: "No offense, but I like your real hair better!" Why are we so catty about hair?

I'm not necessarily saying she was jealous,

Well allow me the honors...that woman was JEALOUS. There's no reason to embarrass someone like that, unless you are trying to bring them down a notch.

 

[LaNecia]

Hi Ayana, I personally didn't see anything wrong with her comment. she was being honest. Was it because she said it in front of white folks? would you have been bothered if it were a bunch of black ppl. she was being honest so whats the beef. its her opinion right? I don't think she was hating (from reading your post)

You're right, she has the right to her own opinion, I totally agree. HOWEVER, the forum in which it was expressed was beyond inappropriate. In that she's a black female, she knows by simple virtue of being in the 'sistahood' that there are some things you don't put on front street, HAIR is one of them.

You said she was being honest, maybe. Have you heard the old saying: Not everything you think needs to come out of your mouth...or the bible puts it this way: Only a fool speaks his whole mind....

 

[cutebajangirl]

Exactly Webby, she is a straight hater. She didnt expect you to say anything back, she wanted to crap on you and keep it moving. I think more people need to have these comebacks so snide people will learn they can't get away with it.

 

[model_chick717]

Re: "No offense, but I like your real hair better!" Why are we so catty about hair?

Well allow me the honors...that woman was JEALOUS. There's no reason to embarrass someone like that, unless you are trying to bring them down a notch.

That's exaaaaactly what she was trying to do...

 

[Mahalialee4]

What the lady did was uncalled for. There are some things that I classify as "ignorance" and "showing OUT! She was showing OUT! The fact that her comment led others to feel it would be okay to be up in your head and feeling it!...I do not think black women for obvious reasons like to be subjected to that kind of "inspection". particularly in front of white people. That was very ignorant for a sistah to do to a sistah...and yes, she knew better...she was just pulling rank!!! I have seen the game played to many times, and the very purpose is to "put someone in their place and to signify to others that it is okay to treat you lightly socially as a person of little value and significance". I come from a long line of black matriarchs and I know the "cues". From this point, those people will feel free to comment frequently and probingly. I hope that you are wise enough to not subject yourself to undue familiarity. (They say it breeds (contempt!). Bonjour

 

[Mahalialee4]

What the lady did was uncalled for. There are some things that I classify as "ignorance" and "showing OUT! She was showing OUT! The fact that her comment led others to feel it would be okay to be up in your head and feeling it!...I do not think black women for obvious reasons like to be subjected to that kind of "inspection". particularly in front of white people. That was very ignorant for a sistah to do to a sistah...and yes, she knew better...she was just pulling rank!!! I have seen the game played to many times, and the very purpose is to "put someone in their place and to signify to others that it is okay to treat you lightly socially as a person of little value and significance". I come from a long line of black matriarchs and I know the "cues". From this point, those people will feel free to comment frequently and probingly. I hope that you are wise enough to not subject yourself to undue familiarity. (They say it breeds (contempt!). Bonjour

 

[ChocolateCutee]

ayana, i must've read the "hating" from someone elses post.

Ok, i hear what your saying with regards to being called out like that and arround so many ppl. i thought the comment came from a person you knew. Maybe i don't see the problem because i wouldn't have been bothered with the comment. I'm the only black woman at my job and they're always enquiring about my hair.

But if you did sense a catty vibe from her then i can understand why you would be bothered about the comment.

I think everyones entitled to their own opion and maybe she was trying to compliment you but it came out wrong. i've done that before, felt embarrassed but i have done it.

 

[ChocolateCutee]

Huh? Okay, come on now....

huh? this is my opinion

 

[sunkissd]

That's what this black corrections officer had the NERVE to say to me today in front of a table full of my colleagues! We were eating lunch in the caf at the courthouse, and she walked up to say hello, just as one of the girls I work with was commenting on how nice my hair looks (y'all know I'm rocking my sew in ). Anyways, instead of just keeping her mouth shut as everyone else at the table agreed how nice it looked, she had to try to put me out there by saying "No offense, but I really like your real hair better - it looks a lot more natural!" I was like WTF???? Did she really just say that ish to me out loud? In front of a table full of white people? I mean, I'm not ashamed that I have a weave or anything, but quite frankly, it's not anyone's business! Then I had to sit there for the rest of lunch and field questions from a table full of white men and women that don't know the first thing about a weave! You know they were asking to feel it and look at my scalp! I was so pissed!!!

But not to be outdone, you KNOW I had to come back with, in my sweetest tone, "Well actually, I don't like your hair at all, so I guess we're even." (My mama has always said that my tongue is too quick for my own good!) Anyways, why do black women have to be so catty about hair? White women will rock a head full of extensions with the roots showing, ala Britney Spears or Paris Hilton, and no one will say a word! Why did she feel the need to try to call me out about my hair? I mean, I have a head full of hair underneath this sew in, and even if I didn't, what business was it of hers to put it out on front street??? Now mind you, she has the nastiest, most matted head of dyed blond sister locks I've ever seen, she's a large woman, and is aging very badly. But I have NEVER commented on any of these things, nor would I! But I couldn't hold my tongue with the comeback, and she just looked at me, rolled her eyes, and walked off! The white folks were like, "Did you really just tell her you don't like her hair?" It's actually kinda funny in retrospect, but I'm hella mad she even carried the whole thing that way!!!

Brush it off Ayana I have noticed that a lot of us, especially down here in SoFl, have a hard time giving a sister her props . I am in love with your new style, so much that I am thinking about getting a sew in myself.