No affection, love or romance
- Thread starter TRINITY05
- Start date
january noir
Sunny On a Cloudy Day
And the only way she could pull that off is if she had someone else to occupy her mind. I don't advocate cheating, but he's cheating her out of the love and affection she desires.
Either he's got his eye on someone else or he's just not that into the OP. I don't want to sound harsh but I've been in too many relationships to know that something ain't right with him.
HauteHippie
Well-Known Member
I really hear you; I was in the same position until I finally ended things at the beginning of our wedding planning. I was terrified/racked with guilt at the desire to just scratch things and start over with someone new. I cooked, cleaned and... kinda took care of him, I mean he had a demanding stressful job and he was working hard to support the two of us; I just wanted to reduce the load he might have felt. It was a partnership/friendship. I still love this man, he's truly special and I wish him all the happiness in the world.
However, I needed more significant other type of affection and romance. What he describes as the happiest times in his life were the loneliest of mine. I wanted to do couples counseling along with the premarital counseling we'd discussed (or read a self-help book together). I believe that if he hadn't declined, we would still be together. I also read, "I Married You, Not Your Family and Other Myths of Marriage" (or something like that) and "Men Shovel Snow"... Or maybe that was just a reoccurring theme of the book.
Reading the former together and talking about it on (or maybe a day or two before) an evening dedicated to making the other happy might be nice.
You two are already married. I get the feeling you've done more than your part and doing any more might seem exhausted, but don't get discouraged over what is "fair". Perhaps he'll spend the rest of his life evening the playing field.
january noir
Sunny On a Cloudy Day
Bummer. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes. I would call Ashley Madison or something. Do like the woman in the old days did. Get a boyfriend.
Hope it gets better for you darlin.'
~Sparklingflame~
New Member
He sounds kinda...clinical. Is that so?
(((OP)))
I can only imagine how you feel, I do believe a husband should affirm his wife daily, affirmations are so important to a woman.
Maybe you can write him a letter and let him know how you feel, maybe tell him why affection is important to you and how a lack of affection affects you. What about counseling? I believe you guys can work this out if you are both willing.
All the best
I can only imagine how you feel, I do believe a husband should affirm his wife daily, affirmations are so important to a woman.
Maybe you can write him a letter and let him know how you feel, maybe tell him why affection is important to you and how a lack of affection affects you. What about counseling? I believe you guys can work this out if you are both willing.
All the best
If he wasn't doing it before, then I think it is unfair of you to expect him to change. You married him the way he was. I know that is harsh but it is the truth. You CAN NOT change this man. If he is 41 he is the way he is. It is not going to get any better. When you hit your sexual stride in your mid to late 30's he will be kicking 60. If you can't get his juices flowing now he is going to be dry as the Sahara 15-20 years from now.
TayMac
Well-Known Member
I really don't have any advice but I agree you can't expect him to change his ways after all this time.
How did he woo you and how long did you date before marriage? Does he buy you little gifts or anything like that to let you know he is thinking of you?
I'm not saying you should divorce, cheat or anything drastic but the problem can't be solved if he is denying there is a problem. Best of luck.
How did he woo you and how long did you date before marriage? Does he buy you little gifts or anything like that to let you know he is thinking of you?
I'm not saying you should divorce, cheat or anything drastic but the problem can't be solved if he is denying there is a problem. Best of luck.
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Etherealsmile
Well-Known Member
If he was this way before you married him, then unfortunately he's not changing anytime soon.
I truly wish women would stop entering into marriages hoping that the man will change all of a sudden because he's married.
I'm sorry you're going through this OP. I wish you the best
I truly wish women would stop entering into marriages hoping that the man will change all of a sudden because he's married.
I'm sorry you're going through this OP. I wish you the best
TrueToHair
Well-Known Member
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Trini_Chutney
Peeing in my shower
Sounds like you are more best/good friends than husband and wife. You said he is supportive and you've known each other for 29 years, but are you in love with him? Do you feel he's in love with you?
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
Awwww.....OP I'm so sorry for what you're going through.
((((hug)))) I echo the same sentiments as other ladies on this board. There is something not quite right in this situation if he has all of a sudden changed his behavior/habits towards you. I'd want to know whether or not he's seeing someone else on the sly. 
Even if he isn't, the way he's treating you is not the way a wife should be treated. Maybe he needs counseling? Maybe he's going through something? Is he going through a particular difficult/stressful/trying time right about now? Is he depressed? Is he just "going through the motions"? Is he from a different culture? Does he show affection towards OTHER women/even members of his family? I'm just trying to figure out if he's simply this way with YOU, or if maybe he's just this way with everybody in general.
By the way, thanks so much for sharing with us the REAL ups and downs one can go through in marriage. I think so many times we single ladies on this board can get so wrapped up into the "idea" of being married and craving to be married or in a serious relationship so badly, that we end up forgetting that marriage is really hard work sometimes.
It's a blessing, but just like anything else...it also has it's cons as well. Thank you for a more well-rounded view.
silenttullip
Well-Known Member
I know from experience talking about it doesn't seem to help.
Maybe it's age or I guess some men just don't get romance
Maybe it's age or I guess some men just don't get romance
ThatJerseyGirl
Well-Known Member
I am dating this guy that doesnt express himself alot. We have been dating for 14mths now. He hasnt called me his girlfriend, he doesnt say he is my boyfriend, he doesnt say we are dating. Ugh, (in other situations) he is just one note, so predictable. He doesnt like to kiss, cuddle, or touch. Didnt mean to hi jack your thread. But I am wondering if this is normal, because I know that he is a quiet child-like type of person.
Huh? You givin away puddi and he ain't claimed you? Chile puleez....imma need u to start a thread so i can blaze up one of my newport one hunnits shuga. We in a recession....can't be giving away da puddi like its gub'ment cheese chile....
ThatJerseyGirl
Well-Known Member
But meanwhile back at da ranch...TRINITY05 - Interesting. I think that men take us for granted because they married us. Ok, that didnt even make sense to me, but its akmost as if he's going through the motions in this marriage...as if his heart isn't there.
Sometimes in marriages, we lose ourselves by placing more emphasis on our husbands, the kids, etc. And you are not asking for a lot. You just want to be LOVED.
I would suggest doing things for YOU outside of the house. Start taking trips with friends, shopping, hobby, somethimg that will get his attention to where he will miss you.
Get a life and meet new people and do some things for Trinity! When you do those things by yourself - without him - that'll grab his attention.
If it doesn't, then we gotta problem.
I forgot to tell you to pray on it. It may sound far fetched to you, but it works.
Sometimes in marriages, we lose ourselves by placing more emphasis on our husbands, the kids, etc. And you are not asking for a lot. You just want to be LOVED.
I would suggest doing things for YOU outside of the house. Start taking trips with friends, shopping, hobby, somethimg that will get his attention to where he will miss you.
Get a life and meet new people and do some things for Trinity! When you do those things by yourself - without him - that'll grab his attention.
If it doesn't, then we gotta problem.
I forgot to tell you to pray on it. It may sound far fetched to you, but it works.
lilsparkle825
New Member
How was he affectionate before you two married? How specifically has that changed over the years?
I am wondering if this is something you have been unhappy about for the past two decades and you are just now speaking out about it. My heart aches for you.
How long have you been telling him about this/talking with him about it? Unfortunately if you just began expressing your discontent recently, he may not take you seriously.
I am wondering if this is something you have been unhappy about for the past two decades and you are just now speaking out about it. My heart aches for you.
How long have you been telling him about this/talking with him about it? Unfortunately if you just began expressing your discontent recently, he may not take you seriously.
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